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Trivii

PostPosted: Wed Nov 10, 2004 8:22 pm


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"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do." - Eleanor Roosevelt
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The hand writing is sharp and angular, in an efficient way, running together yet staying clear and feminine.

I've kept a lot of journals, but this is the first one that I ever thought might be read by another person.

You know how you read those famous war era journals like 'The Diary of Anne Frank' and hear about the journals of pioneers or colonists changing the way we think about history. Our teachers and parents tell us to write things down for posterity, so that future genrations can learn from our lives.

Well since we are technically in the first days of the Masquerade Colony, I thought that keeping this diary would be all the more important.

None of us who came to Masquerade knew what we should expect, but we all wanted a chance to start over, or in some cases a chance for that new, unforeseen adventure. We all hail from different backgrounds, and can offer different skills to colony life. Originally we set out to tame the planet, and carve our home from the wilds. Though I don't think any of us were prepared for the impact that the planet would have on us.

Particularly the Masque children, who have had their own unique impact on the daily life of the colony. Especially, I suspect, on those of us who are lucky enough to be gifted with the joy of becomig a Guardian.

Which brings me to the reason that I finally picked up my pen and started to record the comings and goings of Masquerade: my first journal in almost five years.

I was surprised with the opportunity to become the Guardian of this beautiful Masque girl, and she tugged at my heartstings from the get go. She's so sweet and uncertain, that I was reminded of how much keeping a journal helped draw me out of my own shell, and here we are.

I'm sort of committing this journal to the monologues of Saniya, my ward. I'm still getting use to that... having a ward. She made me so happy with that one question, "Are you my Guardian?" That all I want to do is see her gain the happy confidence of someone who knows that they're loved. I still can't believe that she chose me.
PostPosted: Mon Nov 15, 2004 5:07 pm


"Courage is like love, it must have hope for nourishment." - Napoleon Bonaparte
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The hand writing is carefully sketched, and hesitant, as the letters flow together in a childish elegence.

Trivii asked me to try and write here once a week or so, even if its not technically a journal entry. She says that I can write anything I want, and I won't get in trouble. So if I don't have anything to write I can write poetry, or anything. I'm not really that interested, but I really want her, that is Trivii, to stay happy.

I was really worried when I thought that she didn't want to be my guardian. Now that I know she does, I'm going to do everything I can to keep her from regretting that choice.

Trivii


Trivii

PostPosted: Sat Nov 27, 2004 11:08 pm


"It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else" - Erma Bombeck
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I've been having these daydreams lately, when I'm alone in my room, or sometimes when I'm outside by myself and my mind wanders. This is what I remember from when they started....

Daydream - The Raiders
It was one of those days, the kind with that weight baring down on you. The sky was clear, and everything was going well. However when she awoke she had known that something was going to happen, the calm before the storm or the peace before a battle, were how her father would describe it. The maiden Saniya had woven jewel toned ribbons and died feathers into her long seafoam hair, for the spring festival that would start that evening and continue for the entire week. She was wearing her favorite summer dress, even though it wasn't quite warm enough for it, a gentle blue with a flowing navy scarf knotted at her waist.

The entire town was out, throwing decorations on anything that was immobile and something's that weren't, it was splendid. Then it was as though the clouds rolled in, she could hear something like thunder, then there was a ail of arrows, no running from it, and she felt the slicing tug, it was cold, then ached. Saniya found a safe hiding place behind a rain barrel, and as the pain sank in she gradually grew numb, and cold losing consciousness, as the world faded to black, then white, she knew no more.

******


The maidens eyes snapped open and a scream was torn from her throat, as the arrow was shoved all the way through her shoulder, and her eyes locked on him.

She knew him by reputation alone, they said that he was the one who stood by and watched her brother die, a coward and traitor. But Saniya had also heard the words mercenary and turncoat, tossed around like hero had been when she was a child, not hat she rememberd much. He had been a friend once. But why was he helping her?

He removed the arrow and cleaned the wound, "Don't be afraid love, but I'm sorry it doesn't look like you have a home anymore."

She blinked her aquamarine eyes still in a daze, "What are you doing here?"

He laughed, "you take an arrow in the shoulder, and the fist thing you ask an old family friend, is what am I doing here?"

Pulling away she met his gaze, which was serious behind all the bluff, just like always. "Dominic, your dodging the question."

He sighed, "we're at war, what I'm doing here isn't important, but now that you're an orphan, I'm taking you somewhere safe until it blows over."

"Why not just leave me the way you did Ken?"

Dominic froze, "I didn't leave your brother, he was my friend, and his death was none of my doing or responsibility." Wrapping her shoulder in gauze, he lifted her up and started away from the only home she had ever known, cradling her like the child he remembered.

Saniya began to get teary, but didn't fight leaving, it was for the best that she not stay there, even if Dominic was a turncoat, he had been a hero once and she was safer with him, than on her own.

The first time my mind wandered away, I was playing with the mirrored medalion that Chaeval and Shiva gave me, and I was interupted when Trivii called me for dinner. And my first thought was that I wished I could be that forward normally... it would be nice... But even the thought has me blushing.
PostPosted: Sun Nov 28, 2004 4:58 pm


"The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next." - Mingnon McLaughlin
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The other masques and Guardians decided to throw a Halloween party, and I took the time to do some reading. Apparently Halloween is a popular tradition from another world that celebrates the turning of the seasons by sending out children dressed as demons and mythological creatures to scare the real demons away.

Why would children dressed as demons frighten real demons?

I was reluctant to express an interest in the costumed festivities until I learned that the telling of stories was a popular past time for that particular night. I went looking for appropriate tales and found a tradition story to be told on Halloween about telling stories on Halloween. The story was scary and detailed, and I just have to share it with the other maques... If the oppertunity presents itself. The story is called "The legend of Sleep Hollow" by a gentleman named Washington Irving.

I've decided to attend the party dressed as an Enchantress, or magical seductress, I thought it sounded like a great idea. But I don't know what Trivii is going dressed as, I've seen her looking at her closet with a puzzled expression lately..

Even though I know that no-one will notice me... I do enjoy being around other people, and who knows, I might make a friend... It would be so nice to be able to talk with somebody. Even if I am prone to fits of shyness and embarassment, I'll try to be more social at the party, even if I spend the entire night red in the cheeks...

Trivii


Trivii

PostPosted: Sun Nov 28, 2004 6:04 pm


"Everyone has talent. What is rare is the courage to follow that talent to dark place where it leads." - Erica Jong
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Notebook - The Prism

I don't know how it happened,
I was looking at the water,
and then I felt the shock,
It was cold and fast,
The world ended with Its embrace.

I don't even remember how it felt
when I lost the air on my face
The world was dark around me,
the light shone from above me.

Suddenly my senses all were sharpened
I had become the intruder,
Witnesses stood seeming only to mock
It was the calm and contrast
The coolness of the lake and the way my heart raced.

I was starting not to care
It was fading, I was no-where.
By myself, or hugged by friends.
Why did my life have to end?

As I sank lower I saw them,
like a rainbow between me and heaven,
The water had become a prism
between me and the air,
Or was it between me and no-where?


I don't know where it came from but I was just idly writing earlier this morning, and I guess I was thinking about the history of Halloween, or the stories Trivii told me about the time she drowned and was brought back. But I think the poem works well with the season, even if it is a tad morbid.
PostPosted: Sun Nov 28, 2004 6:05 pm


"To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart." - Donald Laird
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I'm glad to see that Sani's been keeping up with the journal, though some of her thoughts seem a little dark, its good for her to write them down. Along with a few of mine, we'll manage our budding family yet.

There hasn't been much going on in the colony, and I'm really trying to write down something important but I just.... well I'm really confused, I've never been a mom before, and something tells me that raising a Masque isn't going to be as easy as raising another Cat-kin....

She's just too well behaved, she reminds me of that saying 'Still waters run deep' and it scares me, even hough I'm not afraid of her.

Trivii


Trivii

PostPosted: Sun Nov 28, 2004 6:06 pm


"Man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?" - Robert Browning
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I don't really have anything important to write, but its been a little while so I decided to check back in. I met this girl, another Masque, at the Halloween party, she seems really nice, her name is Zahar and we're going to trade dresses... well really I'm going to let her wear Trivii's gold and copper enchantress style dress, while I try on her Princess Bride gown... it looks a lot like Buttercups I'm told but I haven't seen the movie yet...

But I'm sitting in a corner at the party writing in my journal instead of being social.... I need to try harder if I want to make and keep any friends, so I'll get back with writing later.
PostPosted: Sun Nov 28, 2004 6:07 pm


"To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
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I really felt like the belle of the ball for a little while at the party, talking to Nika, and Etsu. Sharing a conversation with Kenshi. I've met so many other people and it looks like Etsu might become a very good friend. I invited her to join Zahar and I when we swap dresses, but things have been happening so fast, I guess that all depends on what happens next.

The boy who took the initiative about the party, Galilee, he became a teenager along with Nika. Zahar seems to really like him, and got really upset when he grew up, so I don't really know if she and I are going to be having tea of if it'll be postponed. I'm starting to get a little confused by it all. There's so much that I don't understand.

I'm watching some of the other Masques become teens and I don't know what to think, I want to go to my room and give it some serious thought, but I think if I think about it too much something will bother me...

I wish I didn't feel so helpless about it all.

Trivii


Trivii

PostPosted: Sun Nov 28, 2004 6:08 pm


"Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it." - Mark Twain
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For the first time I met a masque that left me feeling uncertain, I don't know if I like him, his name is Kasai and as much as I tried to shake off this feeling it persisted.

I'm sorry, Kasai is the fire Masque, and our element conflict might be the reason why I don't know what to think. Though I seem to be getting confused more often lately, maybe fire and water aren't supposed to mix, but I'm willing to give it a chance. If I can just get over the feeling of my throat closing when he's arround.

I have to be strong about this, because this is one subject where intimidation will do more than work against me, if I let my discomfort overwhelm my sensibilities then I'll just be all the weaker against it. No, I have to try to work around this, even if that means puting myself closer to him than I'm comfortable being at the moment.
PostPosted: Sun Dec 12, 2004 8:08 pm


"Courage, sacrifice, determination, commitment, toughness, heart, talent, guts. That's what little girls are made of; the hell with sugar and spice." - Unknown
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After I walked away from the fire mask I spent some time by the lake, learning to Fish with Zahar and Galilee, I felt guilty taking the little grub so far out of his element, drowning him, it must have felt like an eternal chill. Though I could feel the tension between the other masques, and it didn't take long for me to determine that they wanted to be left alone. I was releived when Trivii asked me to join her back in town. That doesn't begin to describe the exhileration I felt less than an hour after re-joining my chosen.

I arrived back in town, and Kasai and I met formally, things were rather strained for a few minutes, then he mention giving me a tour, and showing me the pond that Cern started.. I got excited, all it needed was water.

It was a real achievment for me, I got a head ache, and was kinda ill, but I called the water out of the ground and into the pond, it was a first for me, and not having to walk that far to find water... I was really happy.

I just concentrated on the spring that had to be underground feeding the lake, and visualize it coming up... I could hear it. And it bubbled up. We ran to tell our guardians right away.

Trivii


Trivii

PostPosted: Sat Jan 29, 2005 8:05 am


"What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?" - Vincent Van Gogh
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Sani Filling the pond was just amaizing I'm so proud of her learning to use one of her elemental attributes. Though as she and Kasai were leading Cinder and I over to the pond, Kasai and Cinder had a bit of a fight, and Kasai grew up. A teenager, as masculine as I imagine Saniya is and will be feminine.

She's acting somewhat subdued concidering her accomplishment, I'm going to have to try to talk to her.
PostPosted: Sat Jan 29, 2005 8:24 am


"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost. That is where they should be. Now put the foundation under them." - Henry David Thoreau
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I don't really understand whats going on, I was starting to think that maybe I had been wrong in my intitial aversion to Kasai, then when we ventured to share it with our respective Chosen, it became something else. It became less ours, less mine, more his, about him.

And then he grew up, like some sort of reward for his venomous behavior, I'm torn, puzzled and really starting to doubt that I belong here. I love the people, being with the other Masque's, having my Guardian, but I think I need to take a step back and really examine things.

There are so many questions that I can't voice even in order to have them answered. I'm not even sure that I want them to be answered.

Why can't I remeber anything?
What could have been so terrible that I was cursed with this terrible ignorance?
Who was I?
What do I look like under the mask?
Why is it that I'm not growing up?

Why, Why, Why?

Trivii


Trivii

PostPosted: Thu Feb 17, 2005 3:46 am


"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage." - Lao Tso
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I've been putting this off because I'm starting to fear how the story ends, Trivii says that the daydreams are a good sign of creativity. There's more, but I just haven't had the time to right it all, I think I left off at a good place.

Daydream - The Raiders: Part II
It was her third day aboard ship, and she didn't know how much longer her stay would be, not that she really wanted to ask anyone. Gazing down on the tumultuous wake of the warship the maidens grief stricken mind couldn't bring itself to level on any sort of defined path, and it was that internal chaos that chafed most. Not the secrecy of the crewman, the silence of her new guardian, or the monotony of life at sea.

A presence that had once soothed her, could do nothing to comfort her pain ravished mind. The ocean once so beautiful and poetic, had turned inky and muddled, the wind tore into her tangled sea foam locks and the festive ribbons whipped at her face. A warm cloak was suddenly lowered about her shoulders and she stiffened in surprise, turning into the wind to view the sympathetic party. Him.

Giving a tight nod, concealing her shiver, she gave him her back, attempting to ignore his presence at the rail beside her. Hating him for the comfort. Hating the ship for not killing all of them. Hating the weather for not being hostile. Hating herself for being helpless. Just hating, and being miserable for her efforts.

"Well Saniya, we're about halfway to our destination, aren't you in the least bit curious about your new residence?"

Dominic's voice was warm and gentle, and she hated him for his sympathy. "I had assumed that you were going to keep me." Her voice was quiet and musical, graceful in its own way, even given her bitterness.

He smiled gently, looking down at the ships wake. "Oh, I do. But I can't keep you with me, while I'm at sea. I couldn't dream of raising a pretty young lady at sea, surrounded by men. I'd end up killing myself to keep them away from you in a few years."

She suppressed the urge to round on him in surprise, reining in her emotions, she posed the gentle question, "Then what do you plan on doing with me?"

Straightening away, he started back towards his post at the helm, "I plan on giving a Convent a sizable sum, to have them care after you and see to your education."

*****

The sun was setting, she would be locked in the First mates quarters soon, but Saniya didn't care. Her hands were deftly untying the tattered feathers and blood soaked ribbons from her hair, dropping them into the ships wake, and watching the disappear like so much refuse. One after the other, each one carrying a memory, her parents, her brother, her friends, and the tears started to fall. Trying to hold them back they came faster in defiance, until she was curled up on the deck sobbing her grief.

Writing that down really helped to take my mind off a lot of really petty things. I'm going to try and be more reasonable about this conflict with Kasai.
PostPosted: Thu Mar 03, 2005 10:46 pm


"There is nothing that fear and hope does not permit men to do." - Marquis De Vauvenargues
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Its the strangest thing, ever since I called that under ground spring into the pond I've been able to feel something... the only way I can describe it is like music... but I can't really hear it... Its a sensation, like the call I normally feel towards the lake.

I don't know how to describe it, I need to think on it, Maybe the best way to describe this feeling, is like music in my blood. A desire or need to be closer.. Maybe I should try to set up an aquarium or something near my bed so I can get a full nights sleep. And try to stop thinking about it.

Trivii


Trivii

PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 2005 1:58 am


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