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 Posted: Sun Nov 09, 2008 8:09 pm
Good eye! I wasn't sure if anyone would notice the dates I tagged on.
I would look again though, James Talbot was executed on April 24th and Braeden died three weeks later on May 15th.
On the other hand, Braeden is writing in his journal, in first person, about his own death in May. You'll just have to wait and find out wink
(And I've got to stop giving hints, or I'm jsut going to burst and give the whole thing away... sweatdrop )
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Posted: Sun Nov 09, 2008 8:39 pm
Oh wait, I see. Wren died in may of 2095.
He captured the Gen. in `59. Large difference.
Unless that is a typo and it was only supposed to be a three week difference. As in both being `59.
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Posted: Sun Nov 09, 2008 9:25 pm
Oops! Big typo there! Sorry, I shouldn't put dates and then make them wrong... redface let me clarrify
April 24th 29 AA (2095 AD) Gen. James Talbot Arrested and Executed.
May 15th 29 AA (2095 AD) Braeden Wren murdered by anti-Blackmore insurgents.
There. Events so far - it is supposed to be a three week gap - sorry about the mix up.
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Posted: Sun Nov 09, 2008 9:36 pm
Alright! I have a question for anyone reading -
A friend of mine commented that Braeden Wren's name is "ringy" enough, and doesn't sound as good as it could - I'm curious, does anyone here have any comments, or suggestions for Braeden's name? Even if you think its fine the way it is, let me know.
Thanks.
*Scurries off to a dark corner to write Part 3*
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Posted: Mon Nov 10, 2008 12:50 pm
Ah ha! It all makes sense now. xp
ANd his name seems perfect to me. I don't believe all names have to have the perfect ring to them, mine doesn't... Kinda makes it all a little more plausible.
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Posted: Mon Nov 10, 2008 1:02 pm
Alright, thanks.
I was also thinking Darian Wren as well...I'm not sure though...maybe I should just leave it alone...?
Braeden it shall stay until such time as any great number people express dislike, or I come up with something I like a lot better.
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Posted: Sun Nov 23, 2008 9:24 pm
42.
I like Braeden much better, personally. I like the style in which you write. It reminds me of some sort of New-Age Dracula. I can't wait to read more!
If there are any errors, I wouldn't notice them on the first read-through. I'll go over it again later and see what goodies I can spot. I think it was great--update soon? 3nodding
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Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2008 4:21 am
I'd say that Braedan's a better name...not quite sure why, it just sounds better. It's probably the slight assonance with Wren. Y'know, kinda like a half rhyme...except half assonance... *stops babbling*
Incidentally, thanks for making the dates clearer - I was reading back through and got confused by that.
The writing is great - can't wait for part three!
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Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2008 4:01 pm
Thanks for all the feedback blaugh It's awesome to see someone else's name in the "last poster" column razz
Braeden Wren it shall stay then - again thanks for the feedback. And yes I see what you're saying Char. 3nodding
Eventually I think I may start just using the After Apocalypse dates (29AA at the moment) cause its an easier number to keep straight.
I can definitely see where'd you get the New-age Dracula thing from - I'm a vamp nut so they tend to feature in some way in most everything I write - if not so overtly all the time.
Part Three will be up shortly - the writing itself is almost done, but I'm waiting for my work schedule and my sister's school to mesh one evening so I can get her help taking some photos for to go up with it - what I mean will come clearer later. ninja
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Posted: Wed Nov 26, 2008 9:03 am
Hurry up! I'm getting impatient. whee
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Posted: Thu Nov 27, 2008 2:33 pm
Wow. This is really good, I really like your style of writing. It reads quickly enough not to get boring, but still manages to be very descriptive. Kinda reminds me of the book World War Z.
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Posted: Fri Nov 28, 2008 12:31 am
Heh, I love that book...Ya I can see how it would remind you of it - but its a great book, so I appreciate the comparison - Thanks for the comment - Part 3 up tomorrow!
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Posted: Sat Nov 29, 2008 9:32 pm
PART III IS UP!!
If you're reading this, you already know, but I wanted a fresh post to go up so people see it on the board.
Also
-- EDIT --
At the end of Part I Braeden is now forced to his knees before being killed, to accomadate for Tiny captor + Downward angled blow = confused
BTW the C5 and 6 vertebrae are the fifth and sixth down from the skull - you can feel them on your neck, although the first you can't really feel so much, 'cause its almost part of the skull and allows it to turn (Cool huh??)
Shutting Up.
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Posted: Sat Nov 29, 2008 10:34 pm
Very nice, the play script worked well in this scene. I did notice slight grammar mistakes, but when I tried to find them again my eyes were like.. wtf are you doing -spazzes- so I think I will wait till morn to correct those, or at least point them out to ya.
And C1 is the Atlas, C2 is the Axis which is actually the vertebrae that controls the head's side to side movement. Just for the record. whee
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Posted: Sun Nov 30, 2008 12:20 am
But isn't it the C1 that is attached to the skull, that sits and rotates in the C2? (Making us both right, since they're both involved... sweatdrop )
Anyway - doesn't matter.
Any grammatical finds would be great - when I was proofreading I was mostly distracted by getting the bloody italics to sits still and stay where they're freaking supposed to! Ahem...Formatting was...arduous.
Glad you enjoyed it - the script idea was mostly inspired by you anyway. So I'm particularly glad you approve.
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