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 Posted: Sun May 10, 2009 9:52 am
 Territories and more!
Well I decided to write a little, to my journal, about what's been going on in my life. It's been slightly hectic! I finally got into a territory of my own. It was slightly difficult to get into but I'm glad to be in it. A warm, cosy place to sleep for the night. There are loads of other cats I can make friends with and I have lots of time to practice my weapon work during the day.
But the most interesting think that has happened to me of late has to be my encounter with a cat named Kieran. He was very charming and sweet to me. I really enjoyed his company and I must admit that I've never felt these feelings before. They're odd and quite uncomfortable I must admit. I'm not even sure what to call this feeling.
It doesn't seem to want to go away though. Every time I think of him my heart beats faster and I get tingly all over. I feel butterflies in my stomach and sometimes I almost feel sick. I really want to see him again but I'm not sure I can. He's too handsome. He can't like someone like me. But I guess my heart doesn't want to let it go. What is going on with me? I just don't understand.
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Posted: Mon May 11, 2009 2:59 pm
Bookstores and firsts!
Oh wow! I'm on a complete high right now! I went to the park yesterday to get some air because I simply couldn't get Kieran off my mind. They guess who I meet there? None other then the handsome cat himself! I was so nervous but I think I did a much better job taking to him this time because we went out on a sort of date! He gave me flowers and then took me to the market. I havn't been there since I was first abandoned! It was kind of scary but I was with Kieran so I controlled myself. Once we got into the market he took me to a bookstore! I swear I've never seen as many books in my life! We talked about books on the way over. I can believe that I've found another cat I can talk to books about! Hardly any cats I know read!
This bookstore was amazing though! Thousands and thousands of books stacked to the ceiling. Infact it was what I think heaven would be like! I know it sounds silly but it's one of the things I want in my heaven. Then as I was looking at books Kieran kissed me! It was so amazing! It was everything I've ever wanted in a first kiss!!
Then after that he asked me back to his place. We had something to drink and then we...you know! It was amazing and sweet and passionate and once again everything that I would have ever wanted. He's seriously the most amazing person I've ever met. I truely think that I'm in love with him. I know it seems fast but I can't help but feel that strongly about him! He's that amazing a person and I love him so much! I'm just so happy right now!
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Posted: Mon May 11, 2009 3:11 pm
Confusion and sickness
I don't understand what's going on. Every time I try to talk to Kieran he runs away or ignores me! Ever since that night he wont look me in the eye or talk to me. Did I do something wrong? I've tried to apologise to him but he just runs away! It's so unfair! I've tried to give him his space, afraid that he might just be a bit worried about being in a relationship. He doesn't even need to be in a relationship with me! But all he as to do is tell me! Atleast break my heart to my face instead of leaving me in angst as to weather or not you're going to forgive me!
On top of all this trouble I've been feeling sick when I get up in the mornings. I think I'm not totally used to the food we eat in the mansion or something. That's the only explination I can think of. I can usually eat most things but even the smell of certian foods is making me sick now. I may have the flu or something. I'd better start going to bed earlier or something. I never get sick.
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Posted: Mon May 11, 2009 3:36 pm
Fear and anger
It's been over a month and the b*****d still hasn't talked to me! How dare he! He just filled me up with so much love I thought my heart would burst and I'd be happy forever but then he just goes and ditches me! I mean seriously how dare he do that to me. I should have listened to the other cats around me when I heard he was bad news but instead he charmed me and I feel for it. Like every other female it would seem. How dare he play me for a fling! Not when it was so important to me! Not when it seemed like he was as into me as I was to him!
The worst thing about this is that my stupid brain still loves him and still wants him and I know that if he asked me to take him back tomorrow I would run into his arms and everything would be perfect again. But of course that's never going to happen. I mean how could it. He doesn't even care. He couldn't even be bothered to tell me that it was simply a one night stand with me. Atleast that way I would know!
I also seem to have put on a lot of weight lately. It just seems to keep piling on and not going away. At the start I thought it was from general moping about because of Kieran and his bastardly ways so I descided to increase my exercise routine to make sure that I was nice and fit to take care of the territory. But it's been atleast two weeks since then and the weight still hasn't gone away. I'm starting to get worried because it's all around my stomach and nowhere else. And it keeps getting larger and large. The weight has doubled since last week. I'm worried that it's what I think it is. How can I deal with this? I don't want him to ever know! He simply can't know! I can take care of myself! So I don't need him to feel obliged to take care of being because I'm having his kittens. But I shouldn't keep something like this from him. More importantly I can't keep something like this from him. I've already had to alter my dresses so my stomach is covered so he wont notice if he passes by but as soon as I have them he's going to get very suspicious. I wont be able to hide kitten from him. What am I going to do?!
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Posted: Mon May 11, 2009 3:51 pm
Lyrics and sadness
All I know is that you're so nice,
You're the nicest thing I've seen.
I wish that we could give it a go,
See if we could be something.
I wish I was your favorite girl,
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world.
I wish my smile was your favorite kind of smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style.
I wish you couldn't figure me out,
But you always wanted know what I was about.
I wish you'd hold my hand when I was upset,
I wish you'd never forget the look on my face when we first met.
I wish you had a favorite beauty spot that you loved secretly,
'Cos it was on a hidden bit that nobody else could see.
Basically, I wish that you loved me,
I wish that you needed me,
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars, actually I meant three.
I wish that without me your heart would break,
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake.
I wish that without me you couldn't eat,
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep.
Look all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen.
And I wish that we could see if we could be something.
Yea I wish that we could see if we could be something.
I feel like this at the moment. I wish I could ask him for a chance. The weight just keeps increasing. It only means one thing. What am I going to do?
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Posted: Mon May 11, 2009 4:02 pm
Valiant sighed as she pulled out a pen and paper from a drawer in the mansion.
"To Persy;
I told you I would write you this letter regarding the things going on with Kieran. First of all, he does in fact love you, he is simply terrified of that. Throughout Kieran's life everyone that said they love him, claimed they would always be there have abandoned him, but not without adding another cut to his heart. Even now he is still affected by this, only because he views me as a little sister do I know all that I do. In order for you to completely understand the means of his actions I must tell you a story.
Kieran was once very much in love, dare I say even more so then you are now with him. He was young then, and very nieve, she was two years older then him. Their romance was that of Romeo and Juliet both their masters hated each other with an undying passion. Kieran decided they should wait until marrage to have sex. So when Kieran proposed she hastily agreed. Well... that was until Aidan walked back into Kieran's life. His Rose decided Kieran was too timid manner to be her husband, and attempted to seduce Aidan. She succeeded. Lust overclouded the love that once filled her heart as she thought of Kieran, and one night when she was going to wait for Aidan, the twins master was outside, and offered her milk. Rose must have thought it was a peace treaty, because she drank. The next day and many after neither Kieran or Aidan saw or heard from Rose. Then one night when Kieran was wandering the yard like the ghost he had become, he stumbled upon her laying in the flowerbed, dead.
He left his master after that, and soon after Aidan fallowed.
This is why Kieran hides from you. After hearing him speak of you, I know he loves you as much as he once loved Rose. Would it not scare you?
consider it.
Love, Valiant."
Valiant stood and walked from her area of the mansion to where Percy stayed. She was not home, so she slipped the letter under her pillow and left a single red poppy Keiran had been wanting to give her.
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Posted: Tue May 12, 2009 8:22 am
Understanding and compasion
I read Vals note. Infact I taped it to my journal. I sort of just don't know what to do know. I feel I understand him a bit better now. I mean after all his fiance was murdered by his owner. That has to screw up a cat atleast a little bit. It's one of the worst stories of someones past I've ever heard. It's cruel to him. But at the same time I still can't help but be so angry at him. I can understand if he's afraid of commitment incase something like that happens to him again but I know that I would never do that to him. I love him to much! It's just so unfair because he wont even give me a chance it would seem. That's what annoys me so much. I just want to be given a chance is all. Because I know I can mend his broken heart. All I need is a chance. It will be complicated and difficult because we're still learning about each other and there will be kittens aswell but it will be worth it in the end. I'm sure.
But I'm so scared. What if he doesn't want me at all? What if he completely abandons me? I don't think in this state I'd be able to take that sort of heartbreak. But at the same time all I can do is ask. My heart is already broken so at the same time I can't really lose. But I'm so afraid. I just don't think I can take the heartbreak again! I can take care of the kitten on my own. It wouldn't be bad. Val and Schmee said that they would help me. But the problem is keeping the kittens from Kieran then. I know he likes kittens so he'll want to be in their lives. But then he may feel that he needs to be with me too. I just don't want that.
I don't know what to do. I think my heart is broken beyond repair.
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Posted: Fri May 22, 2009 3:57 pm
Happiness and Joy
Wow so much can change in one day. I wanted to be so angry with him. I wanted to hate him. But I couldn't. I love him. I love him so much. But it's okay now. Now he's mine.
Mir helped me so much. She talked to me and gave me the courage to actually talk to him. She came with me to the forest and even tackled him so he wouldn't run away. And then we talked and I couldn't help it! I wanted to dislike him or atleast not forgive him straight away. But I couldn't! I could see it in his face and in his eyes just how sorry he was. After a very tearful reunion and telling of our true selves we came to an understanding. He really loves me. I still can't believe it. It just doesn't seem possible but everything I ever wanted came true in one sentence.
Then Kieran ruined the magical moment ever so slightly by fainting. He noticed my stomach and just fainted right there and then. It was kind of useful in a way. It meant I didn't have to tell him. He told me that he loved me and that he'd stay with me forever. He even seemed excited about the prospect of having kittens, after the intial shock wore off. I'm so happy!
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Posted: Fri May 22, 2009 4:10 pm
Excitement and Nervousness
Wow! Kieran descided to move into the mansion with me. He doesn't have a territory of his own so it was ideal for him to move in with me instead. I'm really nervous about it. I mean what if it ends up that we can't stand living together? I'm trying not to think about these things though. I mean we're moving in together! We're actually going to be a fully fledged family! This is more than I've ever wanted! And it's all being given to me! It's just so hard to believe.
Unfortinatly due to lots of difficulties between the two of us it seems he wont be able to move in for a little while yet. I'm just hoping the kittens don't descide to come early. If they do Kieran and I might not get time to get used to each other without kittens aswell. It all depends. I'm flexable though. As long as we all get to be a family at somepoint that's what counts right? More importantly though I want him to be with me when they arrive. I don't want to be alone! I'm terrified that I will be. I'm sure the Schmee and Val will help me if I am left alone...but I'd prefare for Kieran to be there by my side. We'll see when the time comes closer. I wouldn't say it'll be much longer though. It seems like I'm getting huger and huger by the day.
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Posted: Fri May 22, 2009 5:53 pm
Closeness and Smiles
Kieran moved in last night. It was odd to sleep while lying in his arms. I hadn't even noticed how tired I've been lately until he held me in his arms after we moved all his stuff in. I just feel straight asleep in his arms. It was so relaxing and safe and warm and I feel asleep instantly. I felt a little bad. After all that was our first night together and then I ended up falling asleep almost straight away but it didn't seem that Kieran really minded all that much.
The most important thing was that the kittens havn't arrived yet. It's good because Kieran and I get to spent some time to get used to each other before they come into our lives. I can't help but feel it's only a matter of days at this point. I feel like I'm about it pop. I'm so massive at this point. I'm so nervous but also really excited. I don't even know how many of them there are going to be. By the size of my though I'd say it's going to be quite a few though. I feel so huge right now! But this is only for a little while longer. I can't wait. I'm really going to have a propper family. It hardly seems plausable!
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Posted: Fri May 22, 2009 6:06 pm
Arrivals and Family
I'm offically a Mama cat now! I mean other than being Dracals adopted mother. I am now the proud mother of 5 kittens as of 1 days ago. I'm still almost unable to comprehend it. There are 3 boys and 2 girls. They're the most beautiful kittens in the entire world. Unfortinatly the youngest girl, Nyx, isn't doing very well. She almost died when she was born and she seems to have breathing trouble and a weak heart. She's an albino so she also can't be out in the sun much but she survived. All of them survived to be the most beautiful kittens. Nyx is very weak though. I constantly worry about her. She needs so much care. It's hard to give all of the kittens my full attention when I'm constantly afraid she's going to die at any moment. She's currently curled up beside my, breathing quietly. I don't like letting her out of my sight for a minute. But I'm going to have to leave her alone soon. I mean I can't take her with me everywhere I go and I can only survive on the food I brought with me for so long.
Kieran stayed with me the entire time while the kittens were being born, holding my hand the entire time. I was so happy. It made the experience much easier for me. And he got to see his kittens as soon as they arrived into the world. All together I still can't believe it. I'm a mother. I have a family. I'm so happy!
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