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 Posted: Fri Jan 09, 2009 12:39 pm
Journal Entry 1 - Ke'rehl's View of PregancyKe'rehl's POVEntered - 09 Jan 09It has happened.
Oh Souls of the Sky! It has happened!!
I never believe it possible, but it is, and we are! My sweetest Jiao'lan, my darling mate, my Ban'ku beauty! She is mot'ouji - I believe these people say 'pregnant'. I guess these Gaians have their own ways of expressing this time in a females' life, but to me, it will always be mot'ouji.
She looks so beautiful, even with her fearful glances and worried expressions. I understand. I know what she thinks. I know the thoughts she carries, for they are my own. What will happen? We knew the risks. We had to explain very carefully our predicament to the Agency. Ahh, the Agency. What an amazing people they are!
Jiao'lan is mot'ouji because of them!!! She is having my young! But... there are worries. The Agency told us so. Because we are different, yet the same, there is no telling whether it will be one way, or the other, and whether it will be... 'smooth'. Not sure by that what they mean, but I guess they mean 'not all ok'.
Ban'ku are shelled. Shan'ro are live.
Too much difference. Ban'ku not whole when born, still growning inside. Shan'ro full and whole, ready to be. What if strange cross were to happen? Shelled whole would be ok, just break free, but still growing live? Many dangers! Possible death, Agency hinted at. It upset me, but I was strong. Always strong for my Jiao'lan.
Aaah, Jiao'lan. So beautiful, so beautiful. Our young, inside. Beauty knows no bounds with her! I love her so dearly. Our escape was our best decision. Learning this common Gaian language was difficult, I still not grasped it fully, but still, enough to know what it is I wish to say. We Shan'ro said very little before, in our native tongues. Ban'ku, more vocal, more more speech in native tongue. Jiao'lan have such sweet voice. So unlike others... unique. I have no hinderance, just learning language. Shan'ro much more about actions, movements; feather puff, feather flatten, ear twitch, tail flick, feather rustle, display of chest, turn of back. Subtle.
Still... Mot'ouji!!! Me and Jiao'lan!! My sweetest Ban'ku beauty!!! The fears are overcome by the joy, but those fearful glances... I hope I can dispell her fears. We will be fine...
I promised her.
Signed,
Ke'rehl Shan'ro - Expectant Otofiu... Father!
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Posted: Fri Jan 09, 2009 4:31 pm
Journal Entry 2 - Jiao'lan's View of Pregnancy
Jiao'lan's POV
Entered - 09 Jan 09 Oh Gods and Goddesses of the worlds above, I am mot’ouji!
Pregnant, is how they say it in Gaia, I believe. Ke’rehl, my loving and doting mate, is always seeming so with it and put together. I feel horrible for being such a mess. It seems I am always falling apart either in a bout of sadness or anger.
It was hard learning the new language and life-style of this new land. I am slowly but surely learning the language a bit better than Ke’rehl but certain words still come difficult to me, as does the way they place words in order. Sentences.
But this is the very least of my worries. The Agency seems nervous with their large crocodile smiles and soft overly soothing words. I try to focus but I have problems listening and keeping my mind on the terror they speak most of the time. I try not to think about our haju’ri- our baby. If I focus on meself it is easier for me to remove meself from the terror such news brings. Do not get me wrong, I love my haju’ri, with all of my beating heart, but the more I think about it and it’s young, fragile, life the more dark my soul becomes.
The things the people at the Clinic had given me to help ready my body to nurture life had made me very sick. I could barely eat enough to keep myself well, so I took the potions they gave me to help get the vitamins and things I need to stay healthy. The word they use, it’s starts with an ‘m’, escapes me at the time.
But every day when Ke’rehl would come home from looking for work I would do my best to make meself presentable to him. One day, I felt worse than I ever had. It was a week’s end. Even looking at foods I loved made me sick. My head spun and I just wanted to sleep. So, Ke’rehl took me to the Clinic. The healers nurses merely smiled and laughed to themselves. Ke’rehl was not happy in the least with them until they ushered me to an exam room, took blood, and gave me some crackers and soda to eat.
That was when they told us the news. It was real and happening. We were going to bring new life into the world!
I have never felt such a mix of emotions. I was scared, happy, nervous, and over the moon at the same time. I had no idea what to think, say or do. So, I cried. I clung to Ke’rehl as if letting go would send me into some Gods forsaken hell-world and would not let go.
Once I was able to listen and think how I should the doctor came in and started talking to us of crosses between shelled and living birthed haju’ri. Not needing to say, of course, that such talk frightened me.
But enough of such scary talk!
Things have been very weird as of late. Despite what the nurses and had told me would happen. What little they could guarantee, I mean. All the telling in the world is not enough to handle it when it is actually happening! I had never been expecting such…swelling in my middle. But I suppose since that is sort of our haju’ri’s home until it is born, it would undoubtedly have to create room for it. But Ke’rehl is so much bigger than I am, so it has come on far faster than it normally does from what I am told.
No one really had telling me it would affect all of my body. Digestion has slowed down, stomach juices frequently burn my chest, I had knew that out child would be heavy but all of these other things just seem to make me miserable most of the time. People shoot me the evil eye whenever Ke’rehl and I go walking, hissing things under their breaths. It makes me feel nervous, as if they are judging us.
Apparently there are rules about how one should dress when getting ready to have a haju’ri? I do not really be knowing.
But, they can stare or dislike for all that I care. So long as I have Ke’rehl and we have our child, safe and sound, I think my world and life will be complete.
He promised everything would be well. Ke’rehl would never say such a thing unless he knew it was true, so I feel I owe it to him to be happy. But I am just so scared. I can only pray everything will be okay.
Signed,
Jiao’lan Ban’ku – Expectant Leifusa (Mother!)
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Posted: Mon Mar 02, 2009 9:44 am
Journal Entry 3 - Ke'rehl's View of ShoppingKe'rehl's POVEntered - 02 Mar 09Based on THIS trip to the Mall.
Souls and Sky!!
I seem to start many entries with such an exclaimation. I look back and see so! But, both well deserving times. Mot'ouji and now 'Shopping'. A difficult business, yes. First the searching for the item you want, then the buying the item you want, then counting the money for the item you want, then getting it home. Jiao'lan enjoyed the shopping I think, apart from the stares.
We get stared at a lot. I think we are new to people, different. We do not look like others. A bit like the Harpy, but there are very few. Very very few. We are u... unique! Special here. The comments and exclaimations are hard to deal with, but I think it will stop, eventually.
Anyway, shopping! Yes, apart from people, it was an enlightening experience. I enjoyed spending my free day with Jiao'lan. I took her to my work place, showed her what I did. She was impressed, I could tell. Lots of money counting, but the money-screen helps a lot. Tells me what I need, and I follow it. The Leader is very helpful too! Very helpful. More helpful then I can express!
Its called 'Trinket Love'. You should see it! Full of trinkets, jewellery, gems and ornaments. Jioa'lan likes ornaments. I can tell. Maybe I'll buy her that piece she looked at a lot. It was very pretty.
I shall write again Journal. I think we are starting to adjust, but it is hard. We will manage. We are Keikancho-Jin. We always manage.
Till we have haju'ri!! I can't wait to see its face. My young!
Signed,
Ke'rehl Shan'ro - Expectant Otofiu
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Posted: Wed Mar 04, 2009 5:52 pm
Journal Entry 4 - Jiao'lan's View of ShoppingJiao'lan's POVEntered - 04 Mar 09Based on THIS trip to the Mall.
Shopping. It is such a weird notion to me. Getting to the mall is enough of a challenging task, but the act of exchanging the paper slips and metal coins is enough to be making me head hurt.
Note to self: They are to being called 'bank notes'.
The mot'ouji shop was a very different experience. The lady who was worked there was nice. She was seeming very afraid to say or do the wrong thing. And at first how she had been coming straight up to us startled me, but again, she was very nice. Ke'rehl and me managed to find a few things that I could wear and that he would find pleasing to his eyes.
Between you and me, he said everything was pleasing and good, even though a few of them I was not sure about.
But he is liking me no matter what so I am guessing it is not a good question to be asking him. That is also part of why he is me mate. I also, without saying, feel the same way that he do.
Ke'rehl's work place is very exciting! Never have I seen such adornments and totems! Even though there was things to see everywhere in the jungle, it can never compare to the eye-catching things in- it was named 'Trinket Love', if I am remembering correctly.
I would not have been able to handle everything that needed doing on that trip to the mall without Ke'rehl and it was a joy to be out and about with him despite the many stares.
He is my rock.
He is my love.
He will be the Otofiu of my haju'ri.
Signed,
Jiao'lan Ban'ku - Expectant Leifusa
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Posted: Wed Mar 04, 2009 6:15 pm
Journal Entry 5 - Jiao'lan's View of Visiting the ZooJiao'lan's POVEntered - 04 Mar 09Based on THIS trip to the Zoo.
Where to start? Where to start? There is so much to be telling from this, this...yes it can being called an adventure!
So the trip on the bus to the zoo was something in itself. People were staring at me and the Bus Leader was very helpful with the machine that eats the bus card. Well, it did not eat it. It took it in and spat it back out.
The lady at the zoo who kept the gate was also very kind and patient with me as I trying to get the right kinds and numbers of money to pay to go inside.
Guess who I saw when I went in! Keeta and Joel! Oh, Joel has grown lots and he is so sweet and curious! His hat was forever driving him mad! Apparently Keeta was getting fed up with being without conversation during the days just as I had so we went through the zoo together. We talked about lots.
There were so many animals that I had never been knowing lived! I will not be talking about them here as there are too many, but maybe I can come back with some paper and a charcoal and draw them.
I am sorry that my last two entries are being so short. The 'treatments' the doctors are doing on me have been making me tired and not feel good. I hope to get them longer and full of much detail later. But for now it is being nap time before Ke'rehl gets home from his work place.
Signed,
Jiao'lan Ban'ku - Expectant Leifusa
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Posted: Wed Mar 04, 2009 6:20 pm
Journal Entry 6 - Fertility TreatmentsJiao'lan's POVEntered - 04 Mar 09
Ke’rehl and me has decided to take the Agency’s offer and try to force my body to accept a haju’ri. They are constantly scaring me with their concerns. But their concerns are mine. They do not have the attachment though so I do not be thinking it is hard for them. This one shamin Ke’rehl has reminding me they call them doctors here. Anyway, this doctor, the way he is looking at me makes me feel like I am part of a side-show. He is not as kind and soft as the others are being and it is often times making me wonder how such a person decided to go into this calling but I suppose it is not for me to be judging.
He is doing us a grand service.
Still, he is giving me bad feelings.
They are forever poking and prodding me. All they had done to Ke’rehl was one blood test and another sample. I am guessing the problem, then is mine. They are telling him everything ‘is in order’ for him. I am guessing that is meaning I am at fault.
My fault.
The things they are giving me are making me sick and I am always tired. The doctors have been saying that this will pass. It is not bad, and I am always finding ways to make my food stay down and am forever sleeping when I can.
Ke’rehl is always being so amazing for me! He brings me salty crackers and juices when I am waking up to help settle my stomach before I get up. He is looking at me differently now. It is a look of admiration and deep, deep love. This look is something I am liking very much. It is making me feel strong, like I can make this work.
Every now and again I am thinking about my Otofiu and my Leifusa. Especially my Leifusa. We would always talk about the day I found my love and started a family of my own. We would forever talk of names, and all the fun we would have together. My Otofiu would be teasing me about him never being old enough to be having my own little ones around. Whenever I am thinking about my little haju’ri I often times am thinking of my own family. Never will I be seeing them again. Never will my Leifusa get to throw a party for me and have our family come and playing those silly little games like guessing me size with a bit of vine. I was always telling her that I would not allow such games but now I am wanting them! I am wanting my family.
I know that Ke’rehl is being my family and we are making our own but I am missing them oh so badly! I do not want to be upsetting him so if he catches me crying I always telling him I am worrying about our haju’ri. I am never lieing to him. When I am crying about my family, part of it is for our little one not having his Elder Otofiu or Elder Leifusa to being around him or her and to spoil them.
I am feeling very selfish for wanting them when they would hate Ke’rehl. I am worrying, now, that they would be hating me too.
Signed,
Jiao'lan Ban'ku - Expectant Leifusa
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Posted: Wed Mar 04, 2009 6:22 pm
Journal Entry 7 - Week Two of PregnancyJiao'lan's POVEntered - 04 Mar 09
I AM MOT’OUJI! Oh Gods and Goddesses of the ground and skies! We found out that our beloved haju’ri has been inside of me for two weeks. How I could not have been knowing, they said was normal. While I am being so very happy I am feeling very sick and- not me. Some foods I had been loving do not seem to like me anymore. If I am standing too quickly my head spins terribly and once I even passed out. This was not fun, and left Ke’rehl quite afraid for us.
Us.
I am no longer a ‘me’. It seems a dream that there is new life beginning inside of me. My tiredness and sick feeling stomach have gotten many times worse now. If I am not a sleeping, I am getting sick or in the loo. It is a wonder I can keep enough fluids inside with as much as I seem to be loosing.
It is an odd thing to be feeling both hungry and sick to your stomach. These…yes they are called pills. These pills they always are having me take are HUGE! The nurses had been telling me I was not allowed to chew them. It has been taking me a long time to get used to just swallowing them whole.
I am forever worrying that I will do something wrong. Despite that the whole time I am carrying our haju’ri it will be dangerous, we were told that the first three months are to being the most dangerous.
I carry many fears within my heart. I fear for telling Ke’rehl would only cause him to worry more. What if something I were to doing would kill him or her?
I am so, so, so, SO scared. Again, I am also mot’ouji.
Signed,
Jiao'lan Ban'ku - Expectant Leifusa
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Posted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 4:19 pm
Journal Entry 8 - Ke'rehl's View of Pregnancy at Two Weeks OnKe'rehl's POVEntered - 10 Mar 09Who ever said I was forgettful?
Did you Journal? Perhaps it was myself, or Jiao'lan. Its been a while, I know, but I have been experiencing some great things lately! I see, from reading back in this Journal, that Jiao'lan has already written her thoughts on our being two weeks mot'ouji... I should say pregnant. I am getting better at the language, I suppose I should try to stop using. I wish not to confuse the... baby... by using two languages. If it ever asks, I promise to teach it the ways of our old life, but here, I want it to fit in, and not have the problems we did when coming here. I don't know what Jiao'lan will think of that... I hope she agrees.
Anyway, yes! I am pleased my English is improved. I talk to customers daily now. Yes, Journal. My work-leader... I believe the term is Boss, or Employer, not leader... my boss wants me to work more days. She says it will help me get my family set for the big day. I think she means the day of haju'ra... birth. The doctors are worried, but I am not! We are pregnant, and my mate is look so stunning.
She doesn't think so, but I see her glow. She is definitely pregnant, and the tests prove it. I see it before the doctors. She glows from the inside, and she is beautiful. I know she catches me seeing her; staring at her beautifulness. She reds her cheeks... blushes. But I know she is also sad. I hear her crying, and I know it is for her... mother and father. Back on the island, she had all family. Mother, father, siblings, elder father and mother, mother-siblings, father-siblings, then all of their babies. I had only my father. Just him and me, and then, we didn't really converse that much, not like Ban'ku. He taught me, and that was it. Then I was alone. I shared my meat with the others of the Tribe, hunted with them, but always alone, we Shan'ro. We mate, but not stay with that mate. The female is just claimed as ours, then they go on with their lives as females of the Tribe, just with the marks of one mated. Ban'ku not so, always together.
Loud. Loud. Loud.
That was Ban'ku way. Not Shan'ro. Sounds nice though... I wonder sometimes, whether I should go to the Island, find her parents. Tell them what is occuring. I think I shall offer it for Jiao'lan. Maybe if her parents know, and she knows their feelings, she can let them go easier... Maybe. I think they will not like her any more. Disgraced. I have poisoned her with my Shan'ro haju'ri, but I am not ashamed. She is my mate, and desicion was hers to come with me. I happy she agreed, and so is she, I know.
Pregnant. It prompts much thought, Journal. I sometimes get lost in my head, with all these thoughts. Round round round round... Confusing. But happiness is all. Happiness is in all, and is all. Jiao'lan is greatly sick, but I help. I make her the juice of her family. I enjoy the process. Keeps me occupied, and helps her up of the morning. And the crackers. She makes the nicest crackers. Some sweet, some salty. She eats the salty ones, says it 'settle the tummy'. I guess its all to do with the inner fluids. I like the sweet ones... I should get her to make more, when up again. I nearly eat all!! Too tasty!! Money is a little issue now. I buy her nice things, and I am grasping it easier and easier. We are keeping lots of money back, though. My... boss! My boss told me about it. It called Saving. I am keeping it safe. Lots stored for time of birth!
I do worry, though. The doctors say she is fine, and all is normal, but she fell, non-waking. Unconscious the doctors said. Said it was a side effect of forcing her body to accept a baby it did not think was natural. Not natural. We are not natural, but this baby is needed. It will bring new life to our lives here, and will cement our reasons for this life. I growl at the doctors and nurses often. They do not understand my worries... Our worries. This baby is our world, and if I have to scare them to make them understand that this baby MUST be, then I will. They will take me seriously. I not to be joked with. I may be small to them, but I will not be joked. They now seem to realise this, and do not brush my worries away. They listen, for they are starting to realise the dangers, I fear. Perhaps too late?
I believe the baby is live-born... Like the Shan'ro. Not shelled, like Ban'ku. I think that is why they are worry. Jiao'lan is tiny. I am big compared to her. Tall and broad. A baby like my size could kill her, the doctor told me. I never tell Jiao'lan, but I hope she will be ok, when the time of birth comes. I don't want to loose her to get our baby. It would be wrong... No... Wrong is not the right word... It would be an injustice. So much work to loose the one I love. I could not have that happen.
The doctors told me of a proceedure... Should baby not able to come natural, they can send Jiao'lan to sleep and remove baby from her tummy by cutting open her body. I not fully understand, but they said that somehow she would survive, and baby too. I think this will be the case. She is getting big, and I don't think she is ready for it yet. Ban'ku always so small...
My fears worsen, Journal, but so do my resolve. I will have my mate and my baby. GMFC will make it happen for me, I know it.
Wish luck to us, Journal.
Signed,
Expectant Father, Ke'rehl Shan'ro
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Posted: Wed Mar 11, 2009 10:24 pm
Journal Entry 9- Week Eight of PregnancyJiao'lan's POVEntered - 12 Mar 09Oh I am not feeling myself! So many annoying feelings. No hurt, just…make it hard to relax or sleep. It never seeming to fail! As soon as I have got comfy in bed I have to be getting up. I promise you my bladder is the size of a kiwi! The bed are big and roomy. It feel like soft feathers. Different from vine and cloth hammocks I grown up in. So I am hoping that my movements are not waking Ke’rehl.
He is doing so much for us!
His…he is helping me with my English, his boss is forever keeping him busy with working, but is letting him provide for us and our, I told myself I would try not to use the words I had been knowing and use the new ones instead, our baby.
I am feeling I am not doing enough to help out…
Ke’rehl is telling me I am ‘being silly’ and I am doing more than my share. I guess he have a point. I can not work but I cook, clean, and make sure, as best I can, that when he are home he can enjoy heself.
When I am going out I am dressing in clothes now. But, I am seeing something strange. When I catch sight of myself in the big looking glass, from the side, my tummy is not flat anymore. Only little pooch. Like after you eat a big meal.
The nurses laugh, but they are laughing in a nice way to me. They say, ‘Oh well you are little and little women have the same size babies, yes babies, that everyone else are having.’ So I am guessing they know what they are talking about.
I am coming in every week to check up on the haju’ri…I mean baby. They stick a blunted plastic stick to my tummy with some goop…it is cold. It looks like…well to be blunt, clear snot. But we hear a ‘woosh woosh-ing’ sound that they are saying is the baby’s heart beat. Soon we will get to see our baby with a different machine that has a screen like the television! I am SO excited for this! I can not wait until he or she is big enough!
I will not be writing if something does not be happening, so I may have some space between my writings. It is also depending on how I am feeling.
Thirty-two weeks until we see our child!
Signed,
Jiao'lan Ban'ku -Expectant Mother
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Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 11:45 am
Journal Entry 10- Week Eleven of PregnancyJiao'lan's POVEntered - 06 April 09It was the most strange thing! I woked up and as I sat up to get out of bed me stomach did not flop, or churn. In fact, I feeling better than ever! It was like those magic light switches flicked on and I am not feeling sick.
But it is a double sided coin, I am feeling. I look...fat. It is not looking like I am expecting a baby...just that I am being a pig. Everything is looking different. As if that were not being bad enough, my stomach is slowing down.
So, I am snacking on vegetables all day try and, ahem...helping things along. It is so embarrassing! I hope Ke'rehl is not reading these entries. But, I am knowing he knows. Life is full of double-standards. Males...how do I put this? Well, let me just say, never mind I will not. It is not to being talked about. It is like drinking too much soda, and eating beans.
IT. ARE. NOT. FUNNY!
But on to better talkings.
Ke'rehl and me was on the sofa watching the telly, our alone time, and I had feeling the strangest thing! It was a fluttering sort of feeling. It scared me at first, and I am thinking I scared Ke'rehl. I jumped. It was there one time and gone just as fast. It happened again, and I started guessing it was our baby. The next time it are happening I grabbed his hand and put it where I feeling it move. He could not. Apparently the moving is not strong enough.
But, my first three months are almost to being over!
I am not sick and are feeling better.
Signed,
Jiao'lan Ban'ku -Expectant Mother
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Posted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 11:59 am
Journal Entry 11 - Ke'rehl's POV of Pregnancy at 11 Weeks On...Ke'rehl's POVEntered - 07 April 09Things seem to be happening so fast.
We are 11 weeks into mot'ouji pregnancy. The baby and Jiao'lan are well, and all is as should be. The doctors are a little scary when we see them, and we often times have to remind... no... teach them. We are rather different to the usual creature these doctors meet with, and they are not always sure the exact way we should be caring for ourselves.
There was one time, funny in hindsight, but not so at time. The doctor asked Jiao'lan whether she was eating well, what sorts of things she eating, whether I was looking after her. She agreed with smiles. He asked what she eating. She say the usual; raw meat, fruit, vegetables. Doctor turn very strange shade of white, and I look at him with confusion as he sputtered and told her off. I was stunned. We are Keikancho-Jin, not humans, though for some part we may resemble such creatures. She start to panic, so I step in. I growl at Doctor, tell him to think. We are omnivores, I say. In forests and tundras, we no cook our meats, but eat it from the bones! I shows him my fangs, and he swallows, like I threatening him, but he agrees and retracts said arguments.
I think we are doing well here. I have job that pays well, and we are getting on well with all things... Gaian. I pay bills and such, relax in the evening with Jiao'lan, and on weekends that I am freed of my work, we go out shopping for things that we may need in the house, and also for food. I miss hunting in the tundras, but this new way of getting meat and herbs is good. Much easier... Though sometimes I wish for a little snow and ice. Sometimes I go sit by the freezer, just for some chill. I like the fridge parts of the shopping markets. Very cold.
Jiao'lan keeps on she not do enough for our new family, but I say she silly. She is carrying the new family. I am working, as I believe is the male duty here, as it was in the Tribes. She is keeping home. She does it well, too. I tell her every evening, when I come in, how nice the little house we have looks, how wonderful dinner smells. My meals are not often cooked. In the tundra, we Shan'ro grew used to eating our blubber and meats froze, and Jiao'lan does well with the differences in our eating. I have adapted to some of her meals, but I do not ask of her to try my frozen meals. I think it not good in her condition. May harm baby. I hope baby will like some though... It will be half Shan'ro!! Frozen fish is much delicious, as is the dried meat of deer. Jiao'lan eats a lot of fruit, which I've tried, but it hurts my guzzard, burning like fire. I am told this is called 'heart burn', but it is not my heart that burns, I say, but my throat. My companion at work explains it is the acid in the fruit which does it. I worry what this does to the baby, but I must remember, it is also half Ban'ku, and should be ok with it.
Anyway, baby is doing ok, Doctor say. The machine that makes us listen to its heart beat is fun, and it makes me believe there really is something happening now! We are told that soon, pictures can be shown us of baby. I am excited for this. We will be able to see if baby is in shell or free. Should open up big answers for future!
Excited! So very excited!
Ke'rehl Shan'ro - Expectant father!
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Posted: Thu May 14, 2009 1:15 pm
Journal Entry 12 - Week Twelve of PregnancyJiao'lan's POVEntered - 14 May 09
I are now in what they call my ‘second trimester’. ‘Tri’ mean ‘three’ so we is well on our way. It is being the weirdest thing ever, I think. I am so, so, so, so big! I look like I eated a watermelon whole! Just…down it went. I have been having to not eat the tangy fruits and sticking to the sweet ones. When the house does not need caring for and I am feeling well I study the English words for the meanings of the ones I know. I am loving oranges, tangerines, grape fruits, and other such but, again, they make my chest and throat burn like they are always doing for Ke’rehl. So, I am sticking to sweets like mangos, papayas, melons, and fruits that I am not used to!
These tiny berry looking things…the big black ones with seeds are very sweet. They are being called ‘grapes’, I think? There are also apples, pears, peaches- oh the peaches! They are so good tasting! There are strawberries, black berries! Oh! I could go on forever!
I feel obsessed with foods. It is weird. But enough of the food talk. I. ARE. HUGE! I am not liking it one bit. The baby is moving more and sometime it feels like she are standing on my bladder!
So, Ke’rehl and I were out one day. It was fairly warm and the sun was shining. A very nice day, I think. This woman walked up to us and started talking, asking about our baby, and she rubbed her hand on me. I do not be knowing if this is customary but I do NOT like it! I fidgeted a bit but did not want to be rude. The baby kicked. Hard. And this seemed to make the lady happy. It hurted a bit and I think she saw the look on my face and moved her hand away. She kept talking for a while. She was trying to be nice, and was, I suppose.
But it happened almost all of the day! It is like my tummy is a kitten or something cute to be petted! I am sad to admit toward the end of the day, I was yelling at someone for doing it. I could not help myself! I just snapped at them saying that they are not to being touching me. I do not even knowing these people!
Going out of doors is a chore. I. AM. NOT. A. KITTEN. OR. PUPPY! Hands OFF, PLEASE, YES, THANKS YOU!
Signed,
Jiao'lan Ban'ku - Expectant Leifusa
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Posted: Thu May 14, 2009 1:17 pm
Post Reserved for First Appointment RP
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Posted: Thu May 14, 2009 1:22 pm
Journal Entry 14 - Week Thirty-One of PregnancyJiao'lan's POVEntered - 14 May 09Remember what I had been writing about nineteen weeks ago? It has not gotten any better, except for the petting. My ankles swell. My feet hurt and my back wants to kill me. I am sure of this.
At my visit to the clinic I got the picture of our baby! The doctor with the wand took her time with getting the right picture…something about keeping the gender a secret as we had asked.
We felt it only right to be surprised!
My baby! My beautiful baby! But I am scared now. Very scared. The baby is healthy so I am feeling selfish and stupid for being so scared. The baby is very big. It had horns like Ke’rehl but has a very, very thick sack around it. She explained it to be kind of like the outside of a jellyfish, in feeling. But very thick, enough to keep the horns from giving me too many problems.
She did tests. Something called ‘Beta-Strep’ which can hurt the baby. It was not there so that are good. Then she asked about how we wanted to birth the baby. I did not know what she was meaning. But, we decided I did not want to be cut open unless the baby would die so she agreed to let me try the ‘natural’ way. Was there any other way? I suppose.
Then she spoke of pain and pain relief options. She told me I could not get any. They would not be knowing how I would react, my body react to them. So they offered me a suite at a birthing place. How that is any different, I do not know. They would have a doctor there, and not a ‘midwife’, so all of this information is being too much. They said the baby was growing well. My tummy measured thirty-one inches, which is where it should be I guess. But it is making it hard for me to walk. My back is hurting a lot now.
Ke’rehl can feel the baby moving now and you can even see it just by looking sometimes. It is uncomfortable. But it is not as bad as the Bran- I can never remember the whole name. The pains. They call them ‘contractions’. These are not the actual birth. ‘Labour’ I think, it is. But they hurt! They are in my back and move around to the front of my tummy. Usually if I change how I am sitting, standing or laying they go away.
I am getting scared. I know I should not be, but I am.
Am I going to be a bad Leifusa?
Signed,
Jiao'lan Ban'ku - Expectant Leifusa
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Posted: Thu May 14, 2009 1:25 pm
Journal Entry 15 - Week Thirty-Four of PregnancyJiao'lan's POVEntered - 14 May 09It are not being long between my writings now. A lot are happening. I never had been thinking I could get bigger but, I keep getting bigger, and bigger. I sometimes wonder if I am going to explode! The doctors laugh and tell me everyone is thinking that at this point. I do not be knowing.
The baby- they call it ‘dropping’. It dropped. That sounds scary, like it would hit his head. But, it just rested lower in my tummy. I can breathe better, but I constantly feel as if I am going to wet myself.
The not-real ‘labour’ is keeping happening. I do not like it. I do not want it. I am just wanting my baby!
Walking and getting up and around is a chore. I do as little that needs doing. I hurt, I am tired, and I am HUGE. My Leifusa and others in my tribe seeming to have an easier time of this. None of them ever had grown as big. The doctors tell me this is why I am miserable.
My emotions are all over. I am very cranky and feel bad about it.
I hope Ke’rehl is not being upset at me.
Signed,
Jiao'lan Ban'ku - Expectant Leifusa
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