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This is a writer's guild where all can gather for feedback and advice on all mediums of writing. Plus it's a great place for conversation. 

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Serenity Reed
Crew

PostPosted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 1:58 pm


Thanks! *sits and thinks of a name...* This is so hard...!
PostPosted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 2:48 pm


the name isn't particularly important, really. name it when you're done. or when one strikes you.

KirbyVictorious


Serenity Reed
Crew

PostPosted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 3:34 pm


*keeps thinking*
PostPosted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 6:29 pm


Serenity Reed
Tactics? You mean like Kantarou? *goes wide eyed* HOLY CRAP! he does! rofl

....Thank you, but I don't think Bippity Boppity Boo! is quite appropriate... XD


YES! That's his name! Annoying boy with supernatural powers and lives by himself... *nods* sweatdrop Yeah, to flippant huh?

Chrysanthemum Moon


Serenity Reed
Crew

PostPosted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 6:55 pm


Nah, I see the connection.
PostPosted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 4:51 pm


Okay, here's the next part... still chapter one.


Quote:
The tall hedges were well cultivated, as was the yard and shrubbery. Well-organized flowers created beds of color amongst the greenery, and the bright white of the mansion was accented with red paneling and a dark roof. The mansion’s style was an older one, of what era I was unsure, and quite beautiful with its large door and huge glass windows. The boy led me inside, eagerly staring at me.

“I’m sure you’ll stop getting lost eventually,” he said.

My jaw dropped. This place was a mess! The little foyer was cluttered, with shoes and jackets strewn over the wooden floor. Dirt scuffs marred the surface.

Where have your parents been?” I gasped. Surely they would not stand for this! They would not have let their child trash such a beautiful place so readily, would they?

“I told you,” he whined, “Mom and Dad are gone!”

“Tell me your name,” I demanded.

“Sage,” he said.

“Sage,” I repeated, thinking it wasn’t as strange as ‘Elke’. “I’ll call them. Where are they at?”

“They aren’t here,” he said. “They aren’t on this world.”

I frowned at him. “Please, be serious. Tell me where they are. Where they’ve gone.”

“They’re not here,” he said, frowning stubbornly in the way little boys did.

I sighed. “Fine.” I wanted to turn around and let his parents deal with it when they returned, but for some reason my heart was pounding. I couldn’t just leave him all alone in here! It didn’t look like anyone else was around. I glanced around, noting the multiple doors and the curving stairwell that led to the second floor. Hanging from the domed ceiling was a huge chandelier, the beauty of which was taken away by the clutter.

“Here, the kitchen is this way!” he said, suddenly cheerful again. He led me down a stuffy hallway, just as cluttered as the foyer, though with books and boxes rather than shoes and jackets. There were so many doors and branching halls that I couldn’t keep track of where we were, and as I followed him I began to wonder if I was becoming too lost to find my way out.

If something happened, I was screwed.

The kitchen was at the back of the house, on the first floor, and the first thing I saw were the dishes. It was as if we had stepped into a dirty dish factory! Soiled dishes were everywhere: stacked in the sink, on the table, on the counters. And the smell hit me next. I nearly gagged. A feeling of dread descended in my stomach, a mix from the thought of cleaning it all and the thought that someone had let this happen.

“Well, you get to it, then,” he said. “I’m starving!”

I whirled around, rushing to the door just as he swept out. As I looked out, I gasped, not seeing him anywhere. He had disappeared! He must’ve been able to run like a track star! “I--” I gritted my teeth and yelled after him. “I’ll need a week just to wash the dishes!”

Serenity Reed
Crew


KirbyVictorious

PostPosted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 5:57 pm


Not so many excitement marks outside of the dialogue, it feels very weird.

But this story is brilliant. PLeaaaaaaaaaase continue 3nodding
PostPosted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 8:24 pm


Well, it's kind of like she's the one 'writing' it. So I don't think the exclamations are too weird at all. Hmmm....

Serenity Reed
Crew


charbookwyrm

PostPosted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 10:11 am


I like this - your characters are wicked. I love that you've got a boy wizard who's a petulant brat child at times - for some reason most people write them as being mini saints.

Titles...the one that immediately leapt to mind was 'The Child Sage', or something along those lines - word play and paradox...I dunno. My other thought was 'Elke and Sage', but that rather blindingly obvious. Sounds like the titles of about a gazillion other novels I've read - not sure whether that's good or bad, mind.

I'm possibly not the best person to think about this - my working title for the second sequel to Earthfire is so godawful I'm not even going to tell you!
PostPosted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 1:12 pm


Ah, thank you. ^^ I'm reminded of Negi from Negima when I read that. He was kind of a saint... Of course that was a harem show, so... Uh... rofl

Yes, The first is exactly what i've been thinking, but it just doesn't seem right to me.

I even thought a few times of calling it "Sage and Rosemary" or "Sage and Strychnine" which TOTALLY just gave me an idea for part of the story!!!!!!! Agatha Christie, I love yoU!

4laugh Earthfire! Yay! Are Fen and Sarri married yet?

Serenity Reed
Crew


charbookwyrm

PostPosted: Thu Aug 28, 2008 9:49 am


"Sage and Rosemary" seriously reminds me of this programme called "Rosemary and Thyme" (you probably don't have it in the US), and that's definately not a good thing!
Agatha Christie...now that signals some intriguing plot development!
Um, no, they're not married yet. Hate to say it, but you're gonna be waiting a looooooong time.
PostPosted: Sun Sep 07, 2008 7:35 pm


Wait, I'm gonna have to wait? That means it happens, right? blaugh

And now I seriously want strychnine to be in the title.

Serenity Reed
Crew


lakita_phoenix

PostPosted: Mon Sep 08, 2008 6:42 pm


How about something like "the magic within the heart"?
Because, doesn't life change for the better or worse when one life meets another, and so it changes the views of a person when they are touched by the heart or personality of the other? Then you have the heavy heart of Elke, with all the drama and the new event of magic. It kind of suits it... But, then again, I'm not the writer of this. sweatdrop
PostPosted: Mon Sep 08, 2008 7:37 pm


Hm, sorry. I think that's too shojo. Too girly. Far too romantic, which is not the basis of the story. But thanks anyway. *gives a cookie* I want it to be more of a light-hearted title, you know? To offset the dire situation Elke finds herself in.

Serenity Reed
Crew


lakita_phoenix

PostPosted: Fri Sep 12, 2008 4:36 pm


YES!
*nibbles on cookie*
Give me like ten minutes I'll think of something.
*thinking*
(ten minutes later)
*nibbling on cookie...still*
"Halls of wonder"?
since a mansion has a bunch load of halls, and with magic you always have to wonder what might happen when you step into them.
*last bite*
And you are NOT annoying!...That's my job! n_n
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