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 Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 2:44 am
Karma stood, watching from her bedroom window as Kendall and Arkie played (or attempted to, anyway) catch in the backyard.
"Go long for this one, Arkie!" Kendall called, winding up to pitch the Nerf football across the yard. The kelpie fa'e immediately barrelled across the yard, his eyes never leaving his older brother.
"C'mon throwitthrowitthrowit!!" the younger green-skinned boy commanded in a spastic mantra.
"Arkie, look out for the--"
**KLUNK**
Karma winced as she watched Arkanti run headlong into the fence separating their yard from the neighbor's. Anyone else would have been out of commission for at least a few minutes after taking a blow like that. Arkie, however, seemed none the worse for wear.
"Throwitthrowitthrowitthrowit!" he continued as though it had never happened.
The foxcoon smiled and stepped away from the window, leaving them to their game. It was nice that she didn't need to keep a constant eye on them anymore like she'd used to when they were younger. She was amazed that somehow she'd survived the sleepless nights, the seemingly-endless bouts of croup and sniffles, the emergency pediatrician visits, and the diaper changings.
It was funny, really. If someone had told her years ago that she would be, not just a mother but a mother of several, she would have laughed at them. But it had happened, planned or not, and everyone had survived it. They were growing up. Pretty soon there would be no kids left in the house and they'd all start to go their separate ways, and--
Her train of thought screeched to a sudden halt, realizing she'd not prepared quite that far in advance. Sure, it was easy to say that you were looking forward to your kids growing up and getting out of your house. Facing it, however, was quite another thing. Thinking back, she couldn't even recall what the house had been like before Raven and Kendall had arrived. Or Talon. Or even Arkanti. Trying to picture what the house would be like with none of them there made a shudder of loneliness pass through her.
It wasn't like they'd be going away forever...oh no. She'd still hear from them on Christmas and birthdays, but it certainly wouldn't be the same. What would happen this time next year, she wondered? Would Kendall have a family of his own, perhaps? Would Arkie be off in pursuit of bigger and better things than what she could offer him here? She already knew that Talon would be moving out at the first opportunity and taking his kids with him
The sudden influx of thought made her head spin as she sank to the edge of the bed in ponderous silence.
What am I going to do then? some floundering little voice within her wailed. This isn't fair! Of course not...growing up was never fair, especially not for the parents. Unconsciously, a hand came up to rest on her belly, exactly where she'd placed it uncountable times when she'd still been pregnant with Raven and Kendall.
God, they weren't kidding when they said Empty Nest Syndrome hit hard and relentlessly. Fighting a sudden bout of tears, she chewed her bottom lip. She had no earthly reason to cry, she told herself. Some people were unable to have children of their own by ANY means and would give their eye teeth to concieve naturally...even if it WAS while in a drunken stupor on the kitchen floor.
"Heeeey, pretty lady!" the foxcoon's ears perked at the sound of her husband's voice as he entered the room, but she didn't turn.
"Hi." she said flatly as Dave came to sit by her, giving her a cursory squeeze.
"What's the matter?"
"Hm?" she asked, still not looking up.
"You sound kind of...I dunno....wiped."
"Its nothing." she murmured, shaking her head. "I'll be fine."
"If you say so." he shrugged. "I was thinking about ordering a pizza for dinner. I just wanted to ask what you wanted on i--"
As though someone had flipped some inner switch, suddenly Karma, for no particular reason, dissolved into tears. Dave, startled, blinked before clumsily moving to comfort her.
"Whoa....whoa, hey, calm down. What's the matter??" he asked. "Arkie break the computer again?" When she didn't answer, he fidgeted. "Talon being a jerk? Want me to go remind him who's roof he lives under?"
She, unable to speak for the moment, shook her head and drew deep breaths, trying to get herself under control. Gah....hormones. They always took over at the most inconvenient times. "Its...not that." she managed to get out, sniffling loudly.
"Then what?" he asked, putting an arm around her shoulders. "I can't fix it if you don't talk to me."
Slowly, red eyes moved up miserably to meet his hazels.
"Dave..." she whimpered. ".....I want another baby.
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Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 3:01 am
Dear Diary,
Well, fancy seeing you again. Here I thought you'd been claimed by the dust kitties by now. I bet you're wondering why I've got you out on the desk again, and I promise its a perfectly good reason.
I just dropped the B-bomb on Dave today. Yeah. Baby. What bothers me the most is I don't even know what the hell business I have wanting another kid so pardon me if I use this space to try and figure it out for myself. Maybe seeing it all in black and white will help.
Ever since I ended up pregnant with Raven and Kendall, I feel like I've been in a very literal Parent Trap. I mean, hell, let's see...first we had the twins, then Talon came along (I know he's not a kid, but he may as well be one with as much as I babysit him), then Arkie manifested, then Talon and Yeande managed to spawn Zhane, then Phaerna got adopted....you see, no matter where I turned, I was being accosted with babies and children.
It was getting to the point for awhile that every time I'd hear a baby cry, whether it was one of mine or not, I wanted to run screaming. I was literally counting down the days till they would all be old enough to start schlepping off to daycare.
I don't know why it took this long to hit me, but it suddenly occurred to me today that my kids are growing up. They're doing exactly what I'd been hoping they'd do for months on end and my reaction to possibly having my house to myself in the near future is...to break down sobbing, apparantly?
Dave's giving me a wide berth tonight. I think he's afraid of what I might be implying by saying I want another child....especially when you take into account that he and I both know he can't give me one. Its a pipe dream. I know it is. And I sure as hell am not going to rattle our trust in each other by havinga repeat performance of what happened with me and Youko the night the twins were concieved.
I think maybe just settling on the fact that its impossible might help things at this point. I mean, why pine for what you can't have? I may as well be sitting here crying because I can't own the moon.
Every parent has to come to terms with the fact that their babies are going to leave the nest...even me. I'm not a special exception and I knew that day would come just as well as anyone else did. That still doesn't mean that I like to face it, though.
Feh...so much for this making me feel better, I think its just upset me all over again. Maybe sleep wouldn't be a bad idea at this point. Things always look better in the morning, and maybe Dave will be talking to me again by then.
--Karma
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Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 7:23 pm
Karma longed for when she was younger and getting the mail was actually exciting. Gone were the days of getting toys and decoder rings from mail-away rebates hosted by her favorite cereals, now she was always faced with the normal depression.
"Power bill....car insurance bill....internet bill...." she muttered, flipping through the envelopes. "Coupons...I may already be a winner? Right..." Tossing the Publisher's Clearing House envelope onto the tabletop, she found herself left holding one envelope. Unlike the others, someone had actually taken the time to hand-write the address and return address which meant that it likely wasn't from someone wanting money.
That meant...
"Obi!!" she squealed aloud, tearing open the envelope. Having been struck with nostalgia a few weeks back, Karma had decided to try keeping a penpal again and had found Obi Jacobs on an internet message board. She was a young college student, a couple of years shy of Karma's age, attending Gambino University and training to be a nurse.
The two of them, surprisingly, had a lot in common despite their different walks of life. Just as Karma had many questions about what it would have been like to pursue a degree, she had many questions about raising a family.
Unfolding the letter, she read eagerly.
------------------------------------------------
Dear Karma,
Sorry to hear things are difficult right now. I wouldn't worry about it, though. I asked my psychology professor today (don't worry I didn't name names!!) if what you were going through was normal and she said its a very common sort of thing for parents to have happen.
Have you guys tried looking into a fertility clinic of some sort? I know there are at least two in your area. Here are their names and numbers if you need them:
Gaian Maternity & Fertility Clinic
1-800-555-2116
Farland Clinic
1-323-555-9741
I hope that helps. I don't know much about either of them since I've never had to use them before. If they don't have what you're looking for, I hope they can at least point you at someone who does. Sorry to cut this short but its exam week and if I didn't sit down to write you now it would have been at least another few days before I could try to respond.
Take care of yourself and God Bless,
~Obi~
--------------------------------------------------
Well, obviously she'd heard of the GMFC as they'd been her primary medical source for Raven and Kendall and were now serving as the same for little Zhane. Unfortunately, due to popular demand and the sheer number of Gaians on their waiting list to concieve, approaching them for help did not look, at all, likely.
But she had never heard of the Farland Clinic before... They must have been new to Gaia. Biting her lip, her eyes scanned the phone number several times before she edged away from the table to pluck the phone from its cradle and dial.
"The worst they can say is no." she assured herself, listening to the purring ring of the line against her ear as she waited for someone to pick up.
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Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 11:54 pm
Dear Diary,
I may be being presumptious here, but I think I may have a lead on someone who can help me. I gave the Farland Clinic a call today to see what they were all about and was given the basic run-down of who they were and what they did. Farland, it seems, is not so much a doctor as she is a miracle worker. People who have reached the end of their line of hope come to her and through her knowledge of genetics and magic, she assists them in the conception of a child.
My immediate reaction was to feel guilty as I told her my story. A young couple wanting to have the baby they never could is certainly a much different case than a mother who is no spring chicken anymore having a premature case of empty-nest syndrome. I kept expecting to be interrupted and told that I wasn't the sort of person they were there to help, but it never happened.
She gave me directions to the clinic and asked me to come in tomorrow for a more in-person discussion about the procedure and discussion of payment. I haven't told Dave yet because I'm not sure if this is going anywhere and I'd hate to get him all worked up, good or bad, about it.
I guess we'll see...
--Karma
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Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 2:11 am
It had certainly seemed a lot easier of a process than she'd thought it was going to be. No needles, no sedation, no drawing of blood....
The Farland Clinic was a small establishment tucked away from the bustle of the rest of Gaia. It was so unassuming, in fact, that it had taken driving past it twice to actually locate it. Once there, she had been taken aside into one of the back offices for a chat wherein the process had been explained.
The child, they had said, would biologically be hers. It could be Dave's as well if he would care to donate some of his DNA. But the thing that made their center unique was, that in order to ensure that the pregnancy was successful, they had found that binding the parental cells with the DNA of an animal serving as the "glue" was the means that held the highest success rate.
"It can, and often is, any animal." they had said. "Dogs, cats, deer, insects, sometimes even dragons. It depends entirely on what samples our lab can refine for use and some are much rarer than others."
"But what would that mean for the child?" she had asked.
"Nothing severe. The only side effect, if one can call it a side effect at all, is that your child will bear a slight resemblance to whatever animal DNA is used. Let's say, for example, you were to choose a giraffe as your bonding agent. Your baby would come out looking like both you and your husband, but it could also have spots or horns or a long neck. It would be like three parties created this baby instead of only two, does that make sense?"
It had made perfect sense. And while it was odd, she found herself intrigued by it. Upon asking if they had any photographs of the children produced via this method, they had provided only one of a strawberry-blonde monowinged girl. They had explained that she was Farland's daughter, Faun, and had been the first to be produced by this new method using the DNA of an axis deer.
The rest, due to patient confidentiality, could not be shared but, she was told, the mothers occasionally visited the clinic and Karma would likely meet at least a couple of them eventually should she choose to become a patient.
In the end, Karma had thanked the woman for her time and decided that this really wasn't a decision to be made without Dave. And so, she and the Farland Clinic had parted ways after an information packet had been handed over that was said to contain the answers to anything else she might like to know.
That had all happened only an hour ago and it felt like ages as Karma sat at the kitchen table, a can of Pepsi clasped between her hands and flicking her gaze up to the microwave clock every so often to see if time was magically passing any faster. Dave was due home from work in a half hour and HE was going to be the one that would need convincing. She was not about to just spring this on him...not after he had been good enough to tolerate the twins' pregnancy way back when.
She'd had to bodily restrain herself from calling him on his cel too....this wasn't something you talked about on the phone, this was something she wanted to do in person.
Sighing heavily, her forehead thudded to the tabletop. This was going to be the longest twenty-eight minutes of her life.
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Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 3:26 am
"So....in other words, this is sort of like....having a threesome baby."
"Yes...I mean, no!" Karma said shaking her head. "It would be OUR baby, but it would just have some help from an animal influence. Hell, you and I are both animals already technically, why should it matter?"
"So its a threesome...but the third guy couldn't make it so he just sent an apology note and a test tube of his--"
"Dave..." she sighed.
"I'm just trying to understand." he assured her, putting up his hands.
"Its not like that...the animal DNA is JUST DNA and its just to bind both of our material together so the pregnancy takes."
"But it would still look like the animal?" he pressed.
"N---a little." she relented.
"I dunno if I like that, is the thing." Dave said, scratching under his chin. "I mean, what if they use wasp DNA or something? I don't want to feel compelled to squash our kid with a newspaper every time I see him."
"You can choose the DNA they use if they have it available. Here." she said, rummaging through her stack of papers and producing a printout with a list of animal species on it. "That's what they have to-date."
Dave accepted it from her, straightened his glasses and skimmed it over.
"Irish setter, red fox, mountain goat, bengal tiger....dung beetle...?" he looked at her oddly.
"They DID say practically anything..." she shrugged.
"Do you think they have weiner dogs?" he asked hopefully.
"Probably, but before you can even ask, no."
"What about one of those probiscus monkeys?"
"You know, this isn't a novelty here, this is our BABY we're talking about..."
"Oh c'mon." he goaded. "You mean you wouldn't be proud to wheel one of those around in a stroller wearing a little gator hat and holding a balloon while you try to find the nearest changing station at the zoo?"
"Look, if you're not going to take this seriously, we can just--"
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry." he said, the amused grin slipping off of his face.
"I just...I know its selfish, but I've always wondered what it would be like to have a baby that was -ours-, Dave."
"Kendall and Raven aren't ours?"
"Of course they are. That's not what I meant. But you know as well as I that Youko was their biological father and nothing's going to change that."
"I know. I don't care." he shrugged. "I got over my problem with that a long time ago."
"But aren't you ever curious?" she pried.
"You mean do I ever look at Kendall and wonder what he might have looked like if, instead of dirty foul foxdemon blood in his veins, he had wholesome and pure sexy skunk essense?" he inquired, somehow managing to keep a straight face.
Karma's frown faltered, twitched and then, in spite of herself, she snickered. "There is nothing wholesome OR pure OR sexy about your 'essense'." she informed him, getting herself back under control. "C'mon, I'm trying to be serious, here."
"Okay. Well, I'll give you my serious take on it. I've been thinking about it off and on ever since you mentioned wanting another baby because I knew you'd be looking for a way to make it happen. And then you'd sit me down just like this and ask me what I thought about it while you tried everything in your power to get me to say yes."
"a**..." she said, rolling her eyes.
"The a** speaks the truth." he smirked and then continued. "So after resigning myself to the idea that we were probably going to have another baby, thank you very much for including me this time by the way..." he dodged backwards just in time to avoid a swat. "...I've decided that, yes. I'm fine with it, okay?"
"Really...?" she asked, hope glimmering in her eyes. She was half-expecting him to say he was only kidding...sometimes her husband chose very bad timing for a joke, after all.
"Really." he nodded. "But..."
Uh oh, here it came. The catch. Karma's ears folded back slightly as she waited for it.
"...I want you to promise me that this is it. After this, no more babies."
"No mo--"
"I mean its getting just a little redundant, that's all...every time I think we can finally put that crib up in the attic for good, someone is pregnant or someone manifested or someone was handed to you by a good friend...Karma, we need to just reach a point where we decide we're done, you know?"
"I know..." she nodded in agreement. Things HAD been getting a little crazy lately. First Arkie, then Zhane, then Phaerna all in quick succession.
"So that's my condition." he told her, waiting for her reply. "One more baby and that's it, okay?"
"....okay." she agreed, nodding.
"Okay then. Do what you have to do and then let me know when you need me for...uhm....whatever it is they need from me for this."
"Probably just hair...or something that has your DNA in it."
"Well, whatever it is, they can have it." he paused. "Except for my assmeats. NOBODY can have my assmeats."
"WHAT assmeats?" she kibbitzed. "Your legs end and your back begins, there's no a** to speak of."
"Hey now..." Dave said, rising from his seat. "That's no way to talk to the father of your....CHILD!" he said, lunging at her and tickling her sides mercilessly. Karma shrieked and scrambled away from the table, laughing and swatting as she tried to keep the onslaught at bay.
Nobody else batted an eye, nobody came to see what the commotion was about, it was just another typical evening in THIS household...
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Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 3:58 am
Dear Diary,
So...that was easier than I thought it was going to be. I have to wonder, honestly, why it is that every time I think he's going to be fine with something, he freaks out and then every time I'm positive he's going to freak out, he acts like I merely commented on the weather. It aggravates the hell out of me and I think he knows it.
Gah!
Well, I guess this means its time to start making some plans. First and foremostly, he and I still need to decide what third-party DNA we'd like, then we need to discuss names (again), and then I guess it wouldn't be a bad idea to break the news to the rest of the household.
Kendall seemed to be pretty eager to have a little brother and groomed Arkie to fill the vacancy easily enough...I wonder if he's grown out of that or if he'd still be supportive of a new baby. I'm already pretty sure Talon's not going to like it and Arkie likely won't care one way or the other, so it sounds like we're set.
Feels weird actually getting to PLAN all of this for once instead of this being a matter of "Uh oh, somebody's pregnant! Quick everybody run around like chickens with their heads cut off!"
But that likely won't be a problem anymore....Dave made me promise no more babies. I'm pressed to say that I agree with him...but then, there's not much that can be done about the ones that randomly appear, right...?
--Karma
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Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 5:02 am
Well, this was it....two hours before her appointment with Farland and Karma was nothing short of a nervous wreck as she sat on the living room couch, hands clasped together and knees bouncing spastically.
"Almost ready?" Dave called from the kitchen.
"Yeah." she called back. "I've BEEN ready since this morning, I just don't want to get there too early."
"Fair enough. Got everything?"
"I think so..." she said, scanning the couch cushion to her left. The two forms that had been included with the information packet had been meticulously filled out, including hers and Dave's medical information, their first choice of DNA along with their second and third if the first happened to be taken, and various other necessary evils that made up a typical clinical form.
Beneath the forms, two pastel-colored envelopes, both sealed with a large golden G sat. In exchange for donating much-coveted "earth money" to the Gaia City Council, they sent out literally thousands of the damned things every month to express their thanks. Usually, it wasn't anything cheap either and a minor mystery as to how they could keep up with the costs of manufacturing such things.
On friendly sky-blue paper, the final sheet in the packet had discussed payment options.
As we are a small establishment, we cannot accomodate too many appointments at once. Our founder and resident scientist, however, are known to barter their services on occasion for certain things...
Beneath it had been included a small list of items currently being sought. As it happened, Karma had two of the items in question which had been serving no real purpose tucked away in their envelopes in her filing cabinet.
Double-checking to make sure she hadn't grabbed the wrong ones in her haste to get ready, the foxcoon took one of the letters up and slid her claw gently beneath the lip of it, breaking the seal. Almost immediately, the envelope dissolved and vanished in a shimmer of golden light, leaving behind a folded sheet of paper and a pair of large golden bangles, each crowned with a tiny angelic wing and a delicate chain, that clattered merrily to the couch beside her.
Dear Citizen #115525,
Thank you for your continued support of our community. As a show of our gratitude, please accept this gift on behalf of all of us here on the Gaian City Council.
This month's item, Winged Anklets are a charming accessory to any angelic wardrobe. We sincerely hope that we can continue to count on your generous contributions in the future.
Sincerely,
The Gaian City Council
the letter boasted in obnoxious golden looping script. Ah well, at least it had been the right letter. Setting the anklets on top of the forms, she continued to wait. It felt so strange, knowing that the next time she sat here, if all went well, she would be pregnant.
"Hey Dave?"
"Yeah?"
"I think I'm ready to go." she told him.
"Really? You've still got two hours left."
"I know, but if I keep sitting in here, I'm going to start climbing the walls. At least if we're out driving, we're doing something."
"Well, I'm not going to drive you around for two hours...why don't we go find someplace to get an early lunch and kill some time?"
"YOU can get lunch...remember? I'm not supposed to eat six hours before the procedure and for at least two hours afterward."
"Or what, you'll turn into a gremlin?" he quipped.
"Har har har." she grumbled, rolling her eyes as she gathered everything off of the couch into the crook of her arm. "C'mon, let's go."
"All right, let me get my coat." her husband sighed. "I'm almost afraid to see what you're going to be like pregnant again when you're this antsy now."
"Just wait till the labor." she grinned, a bit too toothily.
"I'll give you a little hand mirror so you can direct all of your "This is all your fault"s and "YOU did this to me!"s at the right person, how's that?"
"Dave...?"
"This is the part where you tell me to shut up and go start the car, right?"
"Right." she nodded. "So go."
"YESSS MAASTAAHHH..." he hissed, slumping out the door dragging one foot in a grotesque parody of Igor. Karma sighed as she watched him go, wondering if another being in the world possessing her husband's genes really WAS such a hot idea after all.
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Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 5:47 am
"So how was it?" Dave asked, setting his magazine down as Karma walked gingerly out of the patients-only area of Farland Clinic.
"For a minute there, I thought I'd been abducted by aliens wanting to do a full cavity search." she said, arching her back to straighten it. She'd understood it would be an intrusive process, what with them needing to implant something into her womb and all, but with all of the prodding and poking and staring they had done, they could have at least bought her dinner first...
"Did it work, though?" he pried.
"We won't know for a couple of days." she shrugged, sighing as Dave placed an arm around her shoulders. "They said they got all of the DNA they needed from the both of us and that the leafhopper DNA melded with it fine, so things SHOULD have gone off without a hitch..."
"How are we supposed to tell?"
"Elementary, my dear Watson." she said, producing an unused home pregnancy applicator from the pocket of her kimono. "They said that if everything took all right, it should come up positive within forty-eight hours."
"Easy enough, I guess. And if not?"
"Then we make another appointment and try one more time next month, and if that doesn't take then either, I guess we're SOL."
"Mrs. Kitsune...?" an unfamiliar but friendly voice buffaloed into the conversation, making her turn her head toward it, ears perking. The receptionist smiled gently at her from behind her desk. "If you'd like to fill out the dismissal paperwork, I'll take your payment for Dr. Farland now..."
"Oh...! Right...!!" She said, forgetting for just a moment that this was something she was supposed to be paying for. "What'd you do with the stuff? Gimme!" she asked, turning to Dave.
"Right here." he told her, handing her the anklets and the remaining envelope from where they'd been sitting on the chair beside him as she scuttled up to the desk with them.
"And you've been pregnant before, so I trust you know what the symptoms are like?" the receptionist inquired.
"Right." Karma nodded absently, already working on the form. God, they had a lot of paperwork here...
"If you experience anything abnormal like severe pain, bleeding, that sort of thing, you'll want to get to an emergency room as soon as possible, don't wait and try to contact us."
"Yep." She'd gotten this same song-and-dance before when she'd been pregnant with Raven and Kendall and had even given it herself when Yeande had been knocked up.
"And you have Dr. Farland's personal number in case you need to get in touch in a hurry?"
"Got it."
"Well, then, sounds like you're all set." the receptionist nodded. "Unless I can help you with anything else?"
"Just one thing..." Karma said, finally looking up from her form as the other woman's brows raised a bit inquiringly. "Can you -please- find me a pen that isn't dying...?" she asked, dropping the dead BIC to the countertop in frustration.
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Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 6:06 am
This is maddening, this waiting. I shouldn't have to be paranoid every time I go to the bathroom that everything is going to come unravelling out or something...I guess its just that I've never done anything like this before so I'm not sure how secure it is.
I barely slept at all last night because every time I turned over, I'd jolt awake and be paranoid I'd upset something I shouldn't have. Dave says I shouldn't worry so much, and, honestly, I'm trying not to. This is one of those things you just can't help but worry about, though. I got off pretty easy with the twins because I didn't KNOW I was pregnant until they were good and settled already.
This is different, though.
I'm glad we picked such a hardy animal to contribute its DNA to the child because, if it was something with no will to live like a panda or a discus, I'd be all the more worried.
Yeah that's another thing, you know what animal we ended up deciding on from the list? A leafhopper. Our first choices, logically, had been skunk or raccoon DNA, but neither were listed. Dave tried to talk me into a kangaroo, but I was stuck on the leafhopper. They were my favorite bugs when I was little...I remember spending HOURS in dad's garden grabbing those things off of the rose bushes and putting them in jars. I still like them to this day because of how utterly ballsy they are.
"Hey predators! I know I'm tiny and bite-sized, and that my prime diet is a dark green plant, but I'm gonna be BRIGHT HONKIN' RED, BLUE, AND YELLOW! HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW??"
......c'mon, the kid's going to be a mix of foxcoon, skunk, and insect, he needs all of the guts he can get in this world or else he'll end up being the little nerdy kid that gets sent home with his underwear yanked over his head every day.
But now I'm getting ahead of myself. I still don't know if this pregnancy even took or not. And I hate waiting. The only thing I hate slightly more than waiting is this gaddamn free AOL disc that came in the mail today.
Maybe I can use it to make a new-age mobile for the baby.
--Karma
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Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 3:21 pm
Karma sat up gingerly in bed and groaned. The inside of her mouth was dry and sour, her head throbbed, and her stomach was a heavy greasy ball of lead within her. Ugh...she felt terrible. To make it worse, she didn't know WHY....she hadn't had anything alcoholic in forever and she didn't THINK anybody else had brought home a bug for her to catch. She didn't have long to ponder this point, however, before the back of her throat and her belly contracted all at once, a cold sweat trickling down her brow.
Hoshit...
Shambling out of bed as quickly as she could, Karma half-ran, half-stumbled toward the bathroom, just in time to double over and expell everything she'd eaten in the last twelve hours. As she crouched there, feverish and miserable, she began to wrack her brain for what could have made her sick. Was it dinner last night? Probably not or she wouldn't have been the only one tossing her cookies. Maybe it was some weird side effect of the--
Suddenly it clicked into place. She could recall exactly the last time she'd been sick like this and that was when she'd been pregnant with Raven and Kendall. Eyes widening, one hand settled over her belly and rested there as though trying to feel the flutters of life within that were still too tiny to be detected.
Was it really that easy?
Hoisting herself up to sit on the edge of the tub, she lapsed into thought. There was really no reason to jump to conclusions this quickly...it could have been anything. Maybe even her body starting to reject the implanted zygote.
Don't get excited just yet... she told herself. Not yet...take the pregnancy test tomorrow and then we'll see what's what.
More waiting. Ugh.
But it was better to be safe than sorry, she supposed.
Checking to make sure no one was watching, she gently rubbed the flat of her belly and smiled faintly. Just because she couldn't tell anyone just yet didn't mean she couldn't privately draw her own conclusions.
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Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 3:49 pm
Dear Diary,
Nine more hours. Just nine more hours and I can take the stupid pregnancy test and all of this fretting can be over with. I should be in bed right now, but I can't sleep. I kept waking Dave up with all of my tossing and turning, so I got up to write instead. How can HE sleep? I'm going buggy here and he's acting like its no big thing.
Eight hours and fifty-eight minutes now. If you read about someone in the paper tomorrow who stole every timepiece in her neighborhood and burned them all in a huge ceremonial bonfire, then that's just me. God, how do people do this? How do some people try for YEARS at doing this? You must just stop caring after awhile or something, or get used to the idea of failure.
I can hear somebody up and shuffling around in the kitchen. Its probably Talon. I think he's got work this morning. I wonder how he'd react if he came in here and saw me like this. I wonder how he'd react if he knew WHY I was like this. He'd probably run for the hills. Ha!
Eight hours and fifty-five minutes...dammit clock, are you TRYING to torture me?? You may as well just replace those little arrowheads at the end of your hands with REAL hands that are flipping me off because that's sure what it feels like right now.
I wonder if there's anything on the TV right now that isn't infomercials or Scooby Doo reruns...probably not.
Maybe I should go make some cocoa for myself or something and go sit in the living room. At this point I'm pretty sure that going to sleep isn't an option.
Eight hours and fifty-three minutes. ******** you, clock.
--Karma
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Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 4:25 pm
"Come on....come on..." Karma whispered, vibrating impatiently as she watched the applicator in her hand. 'Early Response', my a**... she thought angrily. Granted, one would think that if she'd already waited for days, then 60 more seconds shouldn't be a big deal....however if one were to actually say that to her, one would find themselves punched in the mouth.
She was jarred rudely out of her rapt trance by someone pounding on the bathroom door.
"HEY! Who's in there??" Arkie's voice demanded on the other side.
"Me. I'll be out in a minute." she told her adopted fa'e son.
"Ma-aaa! I gotta go!!" he complained.
"You can hold it for a minute." she informed him, her eyes turning back to the pregnancy test as she watched the window begin to darken.
"Can I use the bushes?" he asked.
"NO, you cannot use the bushes." she replied firmly. Sixty seconds to herself in the bathroom...that's ALL she wanted and she couldn't even have that in this house.
"How about the kitchen sink?"
"Arkanti, I said I'll be done in a minute, now stop it." There was a pause and then the sound of retreating footsteps as she sighed and looked down just in time to watch a pink plus sign beginning to fade into view. She felt her chest tighten as a smile unfurled across her mouth. It was happening....it was really happening...!
Her joy was shortlived as the pounding on the bathroom door repeated.
"ARKIE DAMMIT, I said I'd be out in a minute!!"
"Your 'son', and I use the term loosely, just hosed down the potted fern in the living room." Talon growled through the door at her, and then, before she had a chance to react "And I am NOT cleaning it up."
".....I'll handle it, Talon." she sighed, tucking the positive applicator into her pocket and moving to unlock the door. Leave it to reality to destroy her moment of happiness and make her second guess whether another kid was a good idea or not...
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Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 5:56 pm
Dear Diary,
As I write this, I am looking at a glaring pink plus sign. Its one that women all over the world have come to fear and men have come to dread having thrust in their face, but to me it marks the end of my worries.
I am officially pregnant. And this time I WANT to be.
I still haven't told the rest of the household because I'm far too excited right now. I called Dave at work and told him, though...all he had to say was "See? I told you it would be fine." I can't even get angry with him for being a smartass, that's how jazzed I am.
God this brings back memories....only this time, with 90% less drama and without a split-household arrangement. I'm actually looking forward to it this time. I want to grab Dave at the nearest opportunity and drag him out to look for baby stuff, that's how excited I am.
I hope the rest of the household takes it well. I think maybe I'll talk to them about it after dinner tonight. Failing that, tomorrow sometime.
--Karma
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Posted: Sat Oct 08, 2005 1:35 am
"Hey Ken?"
"Mm." her son grunted, not turning away from his game of Starcraft.
"Would you put it up for a second? I need to talk to you."
"Ma, we're in the middle of a zerg rush here, can it wait?"
"Kendall...." Karma said warningly, producing an exasperated sigh from her son as he typed something in to his online companions and then twisted away from the monitor to look at her. "Oh stop it, this is important."
"If its about my car insurance, I already paid it." he told her.
"Good deal. That isn't what this is about, though." she said, crossing the room and sitting on the edge of his bed. "Ken? Remember when you were younger and you kept talking about wanting a little brother or sister?"
"Sure." he shrugged. "Then Arkie showed up and he kind of personified the 'careful what you wish for' saying."
"Well, what if I told you I was going to have a baby?" Karma goaded. Kendall quirked a brow at her, and then his eyes widened.
"No way..." he said. "Did you and Youko get drunk AGAIN??"
"Uhm...no." she said, shaking her head and flushing. God dammit, why had they thought it would be funny to tell he and Raven about the circumstances of their conception again...? "No, this one was planned."
"Really? So you're--"
"Yep." she smiled. "Your dad and I went to the clinic and everything's finalized."
"Awesome!" Kendall grinned. "How come you didn't say anything??"
"Well, you're the first one I've told, actually. I still need to break it to your sister and to Arkie and Talon."
"Arkie won't mind." Kendall assured her with a wave of his hand. "He doesn't mind much of anything as long as it doesn't mean dinner's late."
"Don't I know it..." she sighed. "Talon might be a problem, though. I anticipate an explosion."
"So?" Kendall shrugged. "Not like he's part of this family anyway..." He paused. "So....so its actually like yours and dad's kid this time?"
"Yeah...but it'll have some randomness tossed in. See, in order to make it work, we needed an animal's DNA so your dad and I decided on a leafhopper. I'm not quite sure yet how that's going to effect the kid, but he or she will look different..."
"Mom, Arkie materialized on the bedroom floor. THAT was different. I think I'm pretty immune by now."
"I just wanted to let you know." she nodded. "So you're okay with everything, then?"
"Sure, why wouldn't I be?" he shrugged. "Its not like I'm not used to having babies in the house by now. I think having a little brother or sister would be badass unless they turn out like Raven."
"Be nice." Karma warned.
"The world's only big enough for -one- self-righteous airhead who thinks she's god's gift to Wicca just cuz she works in a new age store." he muttered, turning back to his computer. Karma opened her mouth to argue and, instead, decided to let him go back to his game. She'd said what needed to be said and he was okay with it. That's all she'd come here for.
One down, two to go.
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