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 Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 11:48 pm
That page is beautiful. I am more than proud to think I contributed in some slight way. Hearing about your dream and your dad gave me goosebumps that are still there. But one thing is missing. At least in my opinion. I think you need to add the conclusion from Joanne about why. It may help to let it out just one more time. If I am wrong, please don't hesitate to tell me.
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Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 9:50 am
Purkle But one thing is missing. At least in my opinion. I think you need to add the conclusion from Joanne about why. It may help to let it out just one more time. If I am wrong, please don't hesitate to tell me. I was also waiting to hear a 'doctor's reason' as to why the baby didn't make it, because I know for all these years, your son blamed himself, or rather let Joanne put the blame on him, and he believed it. *hugs to you* What a hard thing to carry around for so long! For all of you!
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Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 10:16 am
WickedUmmagine Purkle But one thing is missing. At least in my opinion. I think you need to add the conclusion from Joanne about why. It may help to let it out just one more time. If I am wrong, please don't hesitate to tell me. I was also waiting to hear a 'doctor's reason' as to why the baby didn't make it, because I know for all these years, your son blamed himself, or rather let Joanne put the blame on him, and he believed it. *hugs to you* What a hard thing to carry around for so long! For all of you! Yes, I am planning on adding that to it, it is very much a work in progress. Trying to think of the right place to put it, probably in the section before her picture where I mention that I hope Rebeccah's story helped even one person
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Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 10:18 am
simlizzy Yes, I am planning on adding that to it, it is very much a work in progress. Trying to think of the right place to put it, probably in the section before her picture where I mention that I hope Rebeccah's story helped even one person One thing I am kind of hoping, is to talk to Joanne soon and finding out the name of that condition she told me about. The day she told me, I was a little shocked needless to say, and did not write anything down for future reference
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Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 2:07 pm
That is understandable... **huggles**
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Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 10:53 am
neonibbles That is understandable... **huggles** I would call her myself, but am totally unsure which numbers are still good for her anymore, especially since her subsequent marriage... then again I do not particularly want the 3rd degree if the subject of DJ knowing anything comes up rolleyes I feel like this can of worms may never sort itself out... and I did nothing to brring it on, that is the hardest part. When I do something that results in needing handling, I know who to hold accountable...
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Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 12:33 pm
I was thinking about this after I got out of the shower a bit ago and put on a maroon colored shirt.. it reminded me of a favorite sweatshirt that I wore in college, and I had a specific name for the color. Mulberry.. I remember now, that's what I called it. I miss that sweatshirt.. I think I left it at an ex-boyfriend's house, and after we broke up, who knows what he did with it.
It got me thinking about loss. Why is it that loss hits us so hard sometimes? Whether we miss things we used to have, people we used to know, times we used to live, places we used to be, jobs we used to have.. why is it so hard to accept that fact that nothing is permanent, things are always changing, and why isn't it enough to hold onto a memory, since everything, even now, will become a memory?
Is there a way to prevent the impact of loss? Cherishing something more while we have it? Would that really make us miss it less once it's gone, or more? And don't we tend not to think about something until it's gone? It's hard for me to remember to appreciate a favorite piece of clothing I have now, but boy if I lost it, I would miss it!
Just want to discuss thoughts on this.
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Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 3:38 pm
Well, I find it ironic this one came back to the top today, when I am *mourning* the loss of my main computer... aka this homebound person's life line rolleyes and then again, all through sorting out and trying to figure out what was absolutely irreplacable on there... I realize when my mom passed away, all the things she considered invaluable on HER computer were just taken by my brother and put by someplace *safe* meaning we might never see them again crying
AND... this is something I like to do perioically...
I will stop in a room... or a closet or what not... and start looking at every item with a specific (prior) time in mind, such as: '10 years ago when I was pregnant with my youngest son' and then, with a time selected I picture everything I did not have at THAT time missing from the room, and the room suddenly would *become* much emptier, but then again, I remind myself, I was happy at that time and without the stuff I eliminated, because I did not even know it yet.
Cannot explain why, but that little game kind of gives me a sense of nothing is permamnent, and I am gonna be as happy as I allow myself to be anyway. Hope that made sense, cause it really connected with your post, at least in my mind...
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Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 3:48 pm
MysticfawN I was thinking about this after I got out of the shower a bit ago and put on a maroon colored shirt.. it reminded me of a favorite sweatshirt that I wore in college, and I had a specific name for the color. Mulberry.. I remember now, that's what I called it. I miss that sweatshirt.. I think I left it at an ex-boyfriend's house, and after we broke up, who knows what he did with it.
It got me thinking about loss. Why is it that loss hits us so hard sometimes? Whether we miss things we used to have, people we used to know, times we used to live, places we used to be, jobs we used to have.. why is it so hard to accept that fact that nothing is permanent, things are always changing, and why isn't it enough to hold onto a memory, since everything, even now, will become a memory?
Is there a way to prevent the impact of loss? Cherishing something more while we have it? Would that really make us miss it less once it's gone, or more? And don't we tend not to think about something until it's gone? It's hard for me to remember to appreciate a favorite piece of clothing I have now, but boy if I lost it, I would miss it!
Just want to discuss thoughts on this. Personally I don't tend to find that I miss things. Whether its places or items I don't mind if they aren't there. Again with people, I don't really miss them when they aren't around. There is one person I do miss every now and again when I am really down, but that's because we shouldn't have been parted when we were. As for friends, I'm a bit of a loner really. I like to be by myself and self reliant/self-sufficient. I hate having to rely on anyone else for anything. So its nice when people are around, and its nice when they aren't. Plus, when you are separated from someone or something, I always think that it was destined to happen that way. And some day we will probably meet again if we are supposed to. I personally don't believe in heaven and in a Christian god, but I do have my own set of personal beliefs made up of various bits from different places, and its these that help me along, and give me an 'interesting' perspective on life. smile
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Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 3:51 pm
Yes, that kind of does make sense. Fawn wants me to contribute here, but I'm just so overwhelmed when I think about Rebeccah. I can't look at her very long it just hurts so much. I just can't believe if my Ella... It's so so so much harder when it's a baby or a small child. I can't imagine surviving after losing my dad when he dies someday, but definitely losing my daughter would be so much worse. I tell myself it's because of all that she would miss out on. But really, mostly, it's all that I would miss out on. All the times I would regret losing my temper. All the times I would wonder why I ever didn't give her every little thing she wanted right away if she was going to be gone soon, teaching her about real life wouldn't really have been important.
Fawn, I don't know which is better. I didn't cry as hard for my own miscarriages as I do for anyone I've known longer, like my cat, Dado whom I still miss. There wasn't a specific personality to miss, just an unknown wonder. Yet, Ella, who I know and love so well... It's funny, when she's sleeping (yesterday, Guy and I were talking about it while she slept) or when I am away and thinking of her, I think of only the wonderful times and I wonder why I don't play and laugh with her all day long. How can I sometimes prefer to play neopets? But then when she is awake, there are often lots of whining, and tantrums oh uh bye!
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Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 4:57 pm
Haha Jenni, that's a cute avi art siggie you have!
Yes, lizzy, what you said makes perfect sense. I need to try it.. taking myself mentally back to a time, and comparing what I had then and now. I think sometimes to myself (in fact, did this just last night!) about how I would do if I lost EVERYTHING that was possible to have lost. My family, my friends, my house, my possessions, everything. Poof! What would I do? How would I feel? If I were feeling strong inside, I could pick myself up and a find a way to get by and keep living. But then there are those times.. when even when everything is GOOD, my ability to handle things is not, and then I can't even handle small mishaps.
Surely those old ladies you see who are 104 years old, they've lost everybody they ever loved, and the whole world has changed around them, yet they keep going. Maybe she finds new people to lean on and who love her and whom she can count on, and that's how you survive.
And like lass, I do have spiritual beliefs that we will all meet up again, and have even lived many lives together already and will do so again, and that after death, we can even recreate any time/place/thing we miss or have nostalgia for. Although it's not the same as the original thing, it's a more vivid way to relive a memory, if we wish. And I feel that no matter when or how someone is taken from us, that it had its own purpose for whatever reason(s), and that I won't have the "what-if" regrets of opportunities a young person missed, because I believe they chose to have that short life, and it's ok, they'll come back again. So far my beliefs that death is not final has helped me when I lost pets, but I'm not sure how I would handle it if a person close to me died, because I haven't experienced that yet. Certainly I wouldn't do well if Jason died because I rely on him so much in my daily life, and not having him here would definitely force my whole daily routine and place in the world to change.
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Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 7:06 pm
i have been avoiding this for some time cause this is a sensitive subject for me......i sometimes believe that i have experienced death far more then someone else my age....when i was with my ex...within the 9 years that i was with him i watched his family go...i think that there were 5 if i am remembering right....that didnt include the people i knew....
i believe that the hardest deaths for me was my ex who died on halloween 01, shawn who died 2 months later and stephanie who passed away on march 2, 2003....these were the people i had spent 9+years of my life knowing....the worst of the 3 was stephanie...knowing her the longest..she was my BF here in the real world....i still am not over these..in fact when march, oct, or dec rolls around..unconsiously i tend to withdraw from everyone....
now these people were close to me..very close...like close family...so if someone liek my dad or mom...or even kidlets were to go...i honestly dont know what would happen...i dont even want to think of it...you can honestly never prepare yourself for it...
please fogive me if might have rambled on at any point...told you it was a sensitive subject... cry
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Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 7:08 pm
morphingbutterfly i have been avoiding this for some time cause this is a sensitive subject for me......i sometimes believe that i have experienced death far more then someone else my age....when i was with my ex...within the 9 years that i was with him i watched his family go...i think that there were 5 if i am remembering right....that didnt include the people i knew.... i believe that the hardest deaths for me was my ex who died on halloween 01, shawn who died 2 months later and stephanie who passed away on march 2, 2003....these were the people i had spent 9+years of my life knowing....the worst of the 3 was stephanie...knowing her the longest..she was my BF here in the real world....i still am not over these..in fact when march, oct, or dec rolls around..unconsiously i tend to withdraw from everyone.... now these people were close to me..very close...like close family...so if someone liek my dad or mom...or even kidlets were to go...i honestly dont know what would happen...i dont even want to think of it...you can honestly never prepare yourself for it... please fogive me if might have rambled on at any point...told you it was a sensitive subject... cry ::Walks up to Butterfly and envelops her in a big Squishie Hug:: You didn't ramble. smile
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Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 7:38 pm
Hugglesquishies butterfly. No rambling at all. I agree with you. I don't think there is any way to prepare for this type of thing to happen. It will hurt no matter what I believe.
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Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 9:42 pm
On the subject of losing people close to you...
I thought one of the greatest losses I have ever encountered in my life was my grand daughter, and that part is truly great, but something I never realized until it happened was the profound sense of loss when my mom passed away... my dad and I were probably *closer* but what I mean about my mom passing away (it happened 8 years after my dad did), was that somewhere down the line, I came to realize that there is now just this generation... my mom had 20+ years of extra memories and extra stories, and without her, a great portion of that is now lost to our family forever. for instance, my brother is almost 9 years younger than me, and there are many many many things I remember from before he was even born... rolleyes
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