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High-functioning Hellraiser
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 Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 1:35 pm
Jazz sat and listened as Niraj spoke and apologized. He flinched slightly as that night was brought up. Not the best night ever, but not on his list as the worst night ever since he did have nights that just topped the list as worst night for many many reasons.
"Well," Jazz fumbled and sighed as he tried to find the right words to say. "Just, don't apologize to me Niraj. Yeah, I was sort of affected by your choice to get high and I was suprised when I found out about...that, but maybe you should say sorry to yourself."
"Listen," Jazz leaned back as he nervously ran his hand through his wet hair. "I'm not mad at you. I don't hate you or anything. I'm just a bit suprised and worried. You know I love you. I accept you for who you are. Past, present and welcome the future and all the mushy stuff. So, I'll accept the choices you make, even if I'm not too happy with them."
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Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2008 12:04 pm
Niraj bit his lip again, he needed to stop that habit. He had a chip on one of his teeth from gnawing on his lip peircings whenever he had them in. It was a small chip, not even noticable unless you touched it. He listened to Jazz carefully, thinking, wondering how he could apologize to himself, it wasn't easy. He'd tried it before but it never worked, he'd never felt better and never felt the feeling you got when someone said sorry after they did something wrong. It was impossible, he'd have to tell himself to apologize in order to apologize to himself, then it'd make it an unsincere apology.
Though he brightened up a little when he heard that Jazz wasn't mad, he couldn't help but feel uncomfortable, this was all sounding very familiar, reminding him of unstable relationships with unstable people. Once they found out Niraj could do and had done something stupid, they'd do something stupid right back. But right now, Jazz seemed better than everyone else, Jazz didn't seem stupid like the rest.
He smiled a little, "I know...I know you love me and all that..." He said, "I don't want to worry anyone...I mean...most people have enough to worry about...they shouldn't worry about me."
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High-functioning Hellraiser
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Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2008 12:38 pm
Jazz sat upright once more. He looked down at his fidgeting hands, which just told him he wasn't as calm as he would like to think he was. He never liked conversations like these for one reason, fear. He knew, like any conversation, conversations like these can take an unsteady turn, and if that turn is made he might lose someone else.
"But if they don't worry about you then that would mean they don't really care, right? " He looked up from his hands to Niraj with a questioning look in his eyes. "Is that what you want Niraj? For everyone to stop caring?"
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Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2008 1:35 pm
Niraj shook his head, "No...I just...I don't know." He frowned, looking at Jazz and looking at his hands. He wanted people to care, but he didn't want to be a bother to anyone. He looked torwards the river again, looking for the answers there like he had ealier, but when it yeilded nothing, he looked back to Jazz, staring into his eyes, finding it easier to look in them than the average person. He sighed, biting his lip, "I don't want to bother anyone, I guess..." He said, figuring that was just as bad of an explanation as his first one. He couldn't find the proper words. Eventually, they came to him, though, he hoped Jazz would understand.
"I don't want anyone thinking I'm weird because I'm a freak, and, ignoring me because I'm such an idiot sometimes, because I've tried to kill myself before." He murmered things softly, "Most people think that whatever I've done will rub off on whatever I touch, even my parents. They kicked me out 'cause they didn't want me ******** up their kids, turning them into girly little cutter faggots who have nothing better to do than going around and getting drunk and ******** whatever falls into their lap."
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High-functioning Hellraiser
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Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2008 4:28 pm
Jazz frowned as he listened to his love's words. He couldn't say he really understood it all, but he tried to as he listened. Jazz didn't know what to say to all of that, so he tried to express with actions. He grabbed Niraj and brought him in to a hug. He held Niraj tightly, yet soft and lovingly.
"Don't listen to them Niraj," he whispered. "Don't let them get to you. They may judge you, but they don't know what a great person you really are."
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Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2008 5:36 pm
Niraj blinked, letting out a little squeak of surprise as he was hugged. He sighed, wrapping his arms around Jazz and letting himself melt into him, feeling safe and loved. He snuggled Jazz, holding himself to Jazz as well as allowing himself being held. He didn't mind that Jazz was wet, it didn't matter. He felt better now, for him, sometimes physical expression was better than verbal. He looked up at Jazz and blinked, blushing a little. "Really...?" He smiled, genuinely this time, "Thanks..." He said, before snuggling Jazz again.
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High-functioning Hellraiser
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Posted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 5:20 am
Jazz lightly laid his head on top of Niraj's as he was snuggled in to. True the purple haired male was freezing his a** off due to his current state of wetness and lack of certain clothing items. True there was a chance he could get sick, again, but right now he didn't really care. Jazz let go of Niraj and held the smiling boys face in his hands. He lightly brushed his lips against Niraj's before going back to hugging him. "Really, I really mean it. I wouldn't lie to you."
Or would he? He knew very well he has already spat out a few lies here and there. Nothing big though, at least in his mind they weren't big. Simple things, like how he is feeling or doing to things relating to his past ot shadow them, but in his head he had to lie to shield himself. It was his own little emotional defense. Sort of like how at this moment he is comforting Niraj, but also comforting himself in a way. Trying to get himself to forget his own problems and mask them.
[I am starting to hear a British voice when I RP Jazz. ;-;
He's NOT British Dang it! -head bang-]
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Posted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 6:59 pm
Niraj sighed, satisfied as he nuzzled Jazz's neck. He looked into his eyes when his face was held, trying to hold in relieved giggles, though, when he was kissed, all of them melted away, including himself. He melted into Jazz as they hugged, his arms sneaking up and wrapping themselves around his love. He nuzzled him, thinking of how relieved he was, how he felt so cured and so light and floaty. Though he stopped as he realised that, Jazz didn't sound in that good of a mood when they first talked. He pushed himself away, "Wull...wh-what about you? Are you okay?"
[xD Don't worry, sometimes Niraj has a German accent. Blarg, kind of a crap reply...]
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High-functioning Hellraiser
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Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 4:23 pm
"Hm?" Jazz's eyes widened a bit at the question. He gave a nervous smiles as his hands fidgeted a bit. "Oh, I'm fine. My mind is just running through some things so I'm just sort of...bleh and all...but I'll be back to normal, so.." He shrugged his shoulders as he lowered his visor and let his eyes wonder away from Niraj.
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Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 9:46 pm
Niraj looked at him, concerned, and he scooted closer, kissing his cheek. "Alright then..." He murmered, nuzzling Jazz's cheek before looking into the water. "I love you, Jazz." He fidgeted, "I really love you...more than ever."
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High-functioning Hellraiser
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 2:33 pm
Jazz felt a pang in his hearts as he let those simple three words sink in. He turned back to Niraj and stared in to his eyes for a few moments. "Niraj, when you say you love me do you really mean it?"
Jazz just had to know for sure if this loe was true. He didn't want his past to pop up again and repeat after so long, and he didn't want to continue lying to cover it up. If he couldn't come right out and say what was wrong he might as well find a way to kill it.
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Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 9:43 pm
Niraj didn't hesitate, he was telling the truth, "Yeah, I really mean it." He said, looking back into Jazz's eyes, "I mean, you're different then all of the other people I've loved, you know. You're...I don't know...loving you seems better than loving anyone else." He blushed, fidgeting a little, "When I think of not being with you, I get all uncomfortable and sad, it'll leave me depressed and stuff. But when I realize that I'm with you and how much I love you I feel all better again. And when I see you...it's like, I don't know...nothing else matters, I don't care about anything else but you and I." He gazed into the stars before flopping onto his back, "Yes, Jazz, I love you. I really truly love you."
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