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..........Critique is Now..
..............Open

Thanks Snoof and the Essences are something that I am still trying to work it out..

Kale: I will consider looking into those thanks. Haha, about the outshining I know, I can't let my OC outshine my Raevan. ^o^

Soul: Hmm, its interesting and it really isn't Amber for the soul its the thing inside the Core of Amber is what it is called, but I will check into it.

Overall! Thanks so much, the critique really helps iron out some of my details I was either A) looking over or B) leaving out. Thanks!

Thanks Fwee!

Hmm ya the Hefty Pollen is an idea I am trying to collaborate to give more of that magical pollen, I am just trying to figure out how.

Hm, I can see where you are coming from with the Soul and I will in due time. My main obstacle is coming up with an interesting way to present the soul instead of outright having it there, which may be the best thing to do.

Once I get the Fel in order I plan on moving on to the Raevan description, which honestly I have no clue how to describe just yet. Thanks!

UPDATE

It took time but I have COMPLETELY redone the thread, added pretty graphics and colors. Please check it out, a lot of the information HAS changed, including the OC, Soul, and Fel Essence.

Thank you Shushida for all your help~

Intoxicating Stargazer is a nifty seeming essence. Basically a person can become drunk just by smelling it? Fascinating!

Your Bottled Scent at first sight doesn't look to be an essence since scents are already bottled i.e. perfume. Yet, looking at it again I can see promise as I believe you are trying to convey the idea that the scent never fades in strength and such. But I dunno about the whole concept of making the vial empty since the Divine Song was drawn like that. So maybe change the name of the essence and give it some sort of form even if just a vaporous one.

Your soul I like very much. A cryogenicly preserved dinosaur is such a cool idea!

Greetings and salutations. A revamp, is it?

I'll skip the fancy stuff and get right down to it, shall I?

Essences



Nothing really wrong with it but I noticed that you agreed with Ravi's point of making it a nondescript flower but changed it from a Stargazer to an Orchid. And Orchid is another type of flower, not a synonym for flower.



Again, nothing outright wrong that I'm seeing [besides what's already known] but I'm a little concerned about this pattern. There's only two Essences and both of them are about scents. Now, I understand having a theme going but, honestly, it's pretty bland. One Essence being like that is fine but your entire [current] repertoire being filled with it is exceedingly boring.

If you had to go the smell route, maybe you could make the Bottled Scent something foul like Swamp Gas or something. At least then there would be variety but as it stands, it just seems like a strong smell pattern that doesn't differ between the two except for the form; the end is exactly the same.

That said, it makes me a bit concerned for the Raevan's powers. Have you thought about those yet? What could a scent actually do, both Passive and Actively? Granted, there's no real reason to find out about powers until later but it would still be a good idea to begin brainstorming, even if nothing's concrete. I can't see a scent, however interesting, doing very much for the Raevan itself.

Now, onto the Soul



"The true extinction of dinosaurs is unknown but I am presuming that one could have been trapped in ice long ago, dead or alive, and if caught in ice while alive most organisms are believed to enter a Cryogenic state, or deep sleep." Most specifically concerns me.

The exact date of extinction and even the exact reason of it may not be known, but it is known as as clear a fact as we can manage that the dinosaurs were dead before the Ice Age. What does this mean? There's no reason, at all, for a dinosaur to be frozen. A fossil can be worked with, that is, encased in rock, but your original idea about it being in cryogenic stasis within the ice has a lot of faults without dinosaurs being gone before the Ice Age.

1) Dinosaurs are reptiles. Reptiles are cold blooded. Without external warmth, they get very lethargic, sick, and can die without sustaining a good, hot temperature. This, alone, negates the entire possibility [minute as it is] that a dinosaur would be able to survive for billions of years encased in ice.

2) While cryogenic stasis has been toyed with by humanity, there are NO RECORDS of it actually happening in nature.

3) Necessities; food, liquid, oxygen. Cryogenic hibernation slows the body's processes like digestion, breath, etc without terminating the body. However, there is no way it would have enough food or anything in its stomach to last billions of years. Even if it did manage to get encased in ice, still living, its nourishment would eventually run out and it would die of starvation and dehydration. Bears splurge on food for most of the Autumn and even that huge amount only lasts them the three months of Winter.

Moving on, the Raevan



Don't really see a problem here, though it is greatly lacking in detail. There's only the personality for the flower and not the scent but they're both so similar I guess it isn't even worth mentioning.

Owner



I'm going to be blunt.

Very, very, very blunt.

This man is a walking contradiction, as well as a hypocrite, and his job choice is impossible unless he was a certified genius.

I noticed you up'd his age a bit from what Ravi told you but people can only retain so much knowledge. If he went and had schooling for both of these jobs [science and history are two VERY different things, though they can be used in tandem] he would likely only get the base facts from it all. As the saying goes, the average person only uses 10% of their brain power. I'm sure he's quite smart, but he can't be that smart.

Job Opinion: Pick one or the other; you can't have your cake and eat it, too.

His age is bugging me; you list him as in his thirties yet he's still "middle aged". Thirties isn't that old. The length humans can live is a lot longer now, though there was a time when thirties was considered middle aged or even old. Not anymore. Fifties is middle aged. If anything, he'd probably be going through a mid-life crisis at this point. See what I did there? Middle aged? Mid-life crises? That's the onset time.

Besides that, mentioning that he looks to be in his "late twenties, early thirties" is completely superfluous since thirty-four is early thirties.

Age Opinion: Make him older. If you won't make him older, give him a more average job.

Dr. Reese's personality is what bothers me the most. This is where the biggest contradictions occur. Observe:

"Reese is a happy man...he is really nonchalant and quite unemotional." This is another example of you wanting your cake and to eat it, too. He can only be one or the other, most of the time. Everyone has ups and downs, and your character is no different. Maybe he's just really apathetic and professional a great deal of the time? It would make a lot more sense, considering his occupation(s) and all. If you wanted to stress that he wasn't emoing it out behind the scenes, you could just say that he's rather content with his life. It says the exact same thing without contradicting his outward usually seen emotions.

Another: "He always offers a giving hand when he sees fit". I didn't even need to remove anything there, it is what it is. If he always gave a helping hand then he damn well wouldn't be picking and choosing, which is what "when he sees fit" denotes. Once again, one or the other.

His Dislikes really throw me off, by the way. I know Ravi touched on that already but what exactly constitutes an "overly happy individual"? A flowerhead? One who can see no wrong in anything? If that's the case, I'd suggest changing it to "optimists" or something because either the wording is just confusing or Dr. Reese is an exceptional hypocrite.

Personality Opinion: Pick and choose or do it over.

I would recommend figuring out his history, if you haven't already. It's not listed so I haven't the slightest idea. I generally find that working out histories first helps exponentially in character development. Usually helps weed out the contradictions.

Also, not a crit, but I saw you post his profile in the Non-Owners Thread and you're only supposed to have one post per person, not one post for character. I'm pretty sure the other one isn't deleted.

Snoof: Thank you for the advice, I really appreciate it. It helps a lot~

I will work with Reese, I plan on writing a detailed history tomorrow.

The soul, I do get what you are saying, it will simply be a fossil, history makes it that way.

Thank you, all of you.