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"Mom still hasn't learnt how to cook," Jace informed Iggy casually; Beatrix would have immediately thrown a towel or other at her head had her eldest not in fact slipped up and called her mom, which was always a moment to privately rejoice in.

"I like cheese on toast," said her sister defensively, "and so do you."

"Well, it's just a really good thing that we both like cheese on toast."

"You must really be subtle," said Beatrix, amused, "if Evie hasn't noticed your bad habit. Leaning out of the bathroom window, then, Jack?"

"He totally takes the bus all the time," said Wisp happily, "and the train, and he has to walk everywhere, because Mom says he can't even handle a four-speed -- "

"Gone are the days when I was your beautiful chaffeur," drawled the blonde woman, setting a cup of tea down beside Jack. "There was an indent in the front seat of my car from you. It's the same with his father," Beatrix added, not without a little relish. "Akili can't drive for peanuts; and his grandfather either. God."

"I want a motorbike," said Jace, who obviously thought this a good addition to the conversation. "So does Rel. Evie, do you want to go on my motorbike when I get it?"

"They're your parents," Beatrix said, with deep satisfaction. "Then again, I'd do it in a heartbeat if it was just Becca -- I'll go with you to meet them, but only because your father and I swore in front of your Mum that we'd keep the topics to 'the weather'."

"I don't know," Wisp whispered back to Ignacio, quite pleased that he was asking her opinion. She tried to detach Adam's grasping paw from Ignacio's strings, offering her finger in vain instead. "Grandma Becca is super pretty, though."

"I'm holdin' you t' y'mum makin' you stop talkin' like you was the son of the dustman," said Beatrix, but she was laughing. "Like you didn't get a university education, you little berk."

The two girls had been exposed to enough Jack-induced Beatrix-actually-cracking-a-joke situations for it to not be a total jaw-dropping revelation any more, but it was still interesting; but Jace was distracted by Wisp stealing her friend, and Wisp giving Iggy a sort of slightly Wisp-y expression, with big blue eyes, as she let Adam gum her finger. "Like really pretty," she confirmed. "Like model pretty."

"Well, you can simper all over her like you do friggin' Missy Deakon," said her big sister, and ran one hand through her hair. "Hey, Iggy -- " and she said something in Spanish that Wisp didn't understand, a smooth barrage of it, which put her own horrible French to shame.

"It's okay, Adam Ant," Wisp said comfortingly, gratified, and she reached over to kiss his cheek as she smiled at Jack. It didn't matter if Jace and Iggy had conversations she didn't understand; Jack thought she looked after Adam well, and she loved Jack desperately. "You like your dad best anyway."

"Aw, you're no fun, Nacho," said his red-headed friend, but she said it good-naturedly, and when Bea also joined in with Jack to raise her eyebrow at her she made a pfft noise. "You're the only one who talks Spanish with me anyway."

"And his grammar is much better than yours." Beatrix stood up, pushing her hair away from her face resignedly. "Do you need anything before they come, Jack? At all?"

Jace snickered as well. "Seriously," she said. "He's totally weird that way."

"Well, he's a good dancer," Wisp defended him.

"Yeah, that just underlines the 'complete gaymo,' Tink." Beatrix's eldest daughter launched herself up from the couch. "Is Antony gonna be in the house when Grandpa Akili and Grandma Becca are there? Because that's hell of unfair, he'll get to see them more than me."

"He is nice," Wisp agreed happily with Evie, who she loved very much. "Jace just doesn't like him because she says he's her rival and that's why she goes into her room at night and studies maths for two hours every afternoon -- "

"Shut up," said Jace. Then to her uncle: "Well, that's a relief. I don't want Antony hogging my fake grandparents."

Beatrix threw a pen in Jack's direction; her aim was terrible, as well as with her being blind, so it bounced off his foot. "Really?" her eldest crowed. "Is that why M.B. says they fight all the time? Erotically. Hey, that makes sense. That's gross. That would've made Uncle Jack your stepson -- "

"Arse," said Bea, "and Jacoba, if you say 'erotically' ever again about Akili Dexter and myself, you are grounded forever. Anyway, he's just being terrible; the only woman his father has ever really loved is Rebecca Quentin, which is the reason why the world was blessed with your Uncle Jack in the first place. You'll see that."

Wisp's forehead was already scrunched in confusion. "What's 'erotically'? Uncle Jack, what's 'erotically'? Iggy?"