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 Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 12:21 am
Shiaaaat! I forgot to comment yesterday when I read it! >.< Well here it is now. And kirby brought me out of the shadows for this so I'll make it good. The first part of the first post I remember reading what you showed me in your notebook. But as for the second part with Everan being jealous of Helas and Kamile being jealous of Sokina that was a well played out script but, is this the start of the relationship with Sokina and Everan or what or is this just pre-jealousy or something? As for the second post here I think I remember reading that as well but still it seemed a bit different like different questions asked and different questions answered. Was this an addition onto the other part I'm remembering? But other than that this was very dramatic in detail.
TBH I thought it was surprising that Kamile thought that way about Everan being cruel and different. It is only natural for him to be like that as a chosen right? As for the third post its pretty much a definite that they are both jealous of each others new friend, and wanting to stay more close to each other rather. I also know you told me about Helas's story, but was it introduced earlier in on the story I might have missed it. >.> In the fourth post; as always I thought the discussion of different dimensions was totally cool as hell because its a topic I generally contemplate on. The conversation between Helas and Aridella was.....interesting o.O and moreso that it shows that almost everyone is jealous at some point and then one might wonder why exactly is everyone in the story jealous at this time....
For the most part I think I'm also super confused about the timeline of events in the entire story....but I think I can match it all up well enough over time as you write the book out.
But I can really see development in your writing now its becoming more detailed and sharpened to its form. One thing is for sure you are improving over time and improving fast. Nice Work!
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Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 8:27 am
>.< thanks!
As for the timeline, I explained in a mini post before all the others that these chapters, the ones I just put up, are at the very very very beginning of Ilanarda. Right after the prologue. THere's a chapter set in Ametris before them, but it isn't done, so you can't see it yet. And no, I haven't told about Helas yet, that won't be for awhile, and yes this IS the beginning of that whole EVeran-Sokina thing, though they're going to be friends for kind of a long time before anything really big happens. And it does kind of seem like everyone is jealous of everyone else, though that's really not how it is--Everan is more wary of Helas than jealous, and annoyed with him for being so chummy with Kamile, and Aridella is furious at the chosen, not jealous.
Anyway. Thanks for the comment >< Much appreciated.
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Posted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 12:32 am
Ok, finally back. The part I'm pretty sure was the next part was a very emotional part for both of them. You also are catching the type of thoughts that run through guys minds pretty well - they never seem to understand girls feelings at that age. So Kudos on that, but yeh he strangely seems a bit forceful in this chapter - probably what I would be saying if I had not read the future chapters. Thus I understand his reasoning. Yet both are not understanding to each others reasons behind their actions which brings the more melodrama out. Also found a small grammar mistake - "Had Everan not been extremely intelligence" to intellegent. In the second post tho under that Kamile made me wonder when she chose to listen and wait for Everan to give his explanation just so she could make amends with him not continuously be angry with him. I kinda liked that forgiving aspect. But as for another idea of the chapter it kinda gave the vibes of a science fiction with the idea of fake memories that were implanted of course I and you both know what it really is but it kinda gives the impression of that. I also thought Everan gave a pretty good explanation of ametris/sirtema dimension theory - very clever with the coin. uhhm is it just me or deja vu with the aridella and helas conversation....o.O idk tho
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Posted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 4:45 pm
About ******** time dude.
Thank you very much. And I dunno about the deja vu thing. I hadnt writtten that before. Something similar, yes. Perhaps. As for the rest, I don't really know exactly where you're referencing, but 's all cool. I heart the coin theorum. The next chapter is coming along nicely.
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