|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 8:16 am
Im Blonde Myself; But I Happen To Think There Funny xD
Oneday, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, fifteen miles, and finally nineteen miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back
Questingg Tickets Me’ Loveys.
1K/15K (:
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 12:35 am
Heh, I have a yo mama joke....even thought I usually don't like them much.
Yo mama so fat that when she fell in love, she broke it.
And:
There was a man that lost one arm, so he had only one left. he was devastated so he was about to jump off a building and commit suicide. But a man sees him and says, "Sir why are you going to kill yourself?"
"I can't live with only one arm, so I'm going to kill myself."
"Look down there. That man has NO arms, and he's all happy and dancing around."
"YOu're right. He does look happy.. I won't kill myself."
The two men go down and talk to the dancing man. They ask:
"Sir, why are you all happy and dancing? You have no arms!"
the no armed man gets angry and yells:
"I"M NOT ALL HAPPY AND DANCIN' b***h! I'M TRYNA SCRATCH MY BACK!!"
>> I know it
s not that funny, but if you say it in an animated voice it can be hilarious. Depends how you say it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 6:10 pm
jokes? hmm.............Okay, this one's kinda offensive but....yea.
Your mama's so ugly she makes blind children cry.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 7:37 am
Okay, so I read this joke in a paper today and I thought why not put it here, since it wasn't as horrible as all the others...
A kangaroo is jumping around Australia and every once in a while it stops for a moment. Every time the kangaroo stops, a small penguin puts its head out of the pouch and vomits.
At the same time a small kangaroo is sitting among penguins at the South Pole, sneezing.
"Why the hell did I ever want to become a exchange student?" it mutters bitterly.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 7:41 am
hikari_angel02 There was a man that lost one arm, so he had only one left. he was devastated so he was about to jump off a building and commit suicide. But a man sees him and says, "Sir why are you going to kill yourself?" "I can't live with only one arm, so I'm going to kill myself." "Look down there. That man has NO arms, and he's all happy and dancing around." "YOu're right. He does look happy.. I won't kill myself." The two men go down and talk to the dancing man. They ask: "Sir, why are you all happy and dancing? You have no arms!" the no armed man gets angry and yells: "I"M NOT ALL HAPPY AND DANCIN' b***h! I'M TRYNA SCRATCH MY BACK!!" >> I know it s not that funny, but if you say it in an animated voice it can be hilarious. Depends how you say it. To me that was funny. I actually laughed out loud. But it may also be because I feel extremely tired at the moment. xd
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 2:25 pm
falling_star02 An old man and his wife were on their 45th anniversary and then a fairy came and told them how proud she was of their long-going happy relationship, so she decided to give them 1 wish each. The wife was delighted, and wished, "I wish I could travel all over the world with my darling husband!" And just then tickets to a cruise ship appeared in her hand. Then it was the husband's turn. He said to his wife, "I'm sorry honey, I've had fun with you when we were young but it just doesn't work for me anymore. I wish I had a wife that was 40 years younger than me." The fairy and the wife were both incredibly disappointed, And poof, the man was 95 years old.
Moral of the story? Men who are lazy b*****ds should always remember that fairies are female. FUNNY AS HELL! biggrin
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 2:34 pm
Ok I have a few jokes.... 3 to be exact
1) This is a cruel joke... but it's so cruel that it's good.
There once was a 7 year old blind boy.... and once, his mother walked into his room and said "Son... today is 'make a wish' day... anything you wish for hard enough will come true."
So the boy wished and wished and wished .... he only wanted to be able to see..... so he prayed with all his might and power... until he got hungry and tired.... so he went down to his mother and said "Mum... I wished really hard... but nothing is happening yet sad "
His mother said "Don't give up son! 'Make a wish' day is real... your wish WILL come true... keep hoping" .... so he did... but after an entire day... the boy finally gave up...
With tears in his eyes he said "Mum... nothing happened... I give up.... I wished and wished... but I'm still blind"
and his mother answered "I know son.................................... April fool's"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 2:43 pm
2) This one is the "emptiest" joke I ever heard... but it's funny cause it's so pointless...
There was once a couple... and they were driving home together.... all of a sudden the wife said "Oh George.... we forgot the Oranges!"
Yeah, pointless... but it made me laugh when it was told to me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
3) This one is translated from Maltese
So there were 3 guys on a jet plane... One was American... one was Japanese.... and one was Maltese....
They were talking about how many advancements in technology were developing in their respective countries... and each boasted about their country's achievements.
The American said "look... this is our latest development in technology"
And he pressed his wrist watch and it transformed into a holographic computer that he could type on in mid air.
The Japanese said "haha!! That's nothing... look at this!"
And he pulled off his thumb... revealing an antenna underneath.... he pressed his palm... and a mobile device popped up.... with tv, radio and computer technology"
Upon seeing all this... The Maltese guy got s**t scared.... he felt hot and sweaty and decided to go to the bathroom until he could think of something to show the others.... he thought and thought.... but it only made him get diarrhea.
When he was done... he went back out... and the Japanese guy noticed a trail of toilet paper stuck to the Maltese guy's shoe... and asked "what's that?"
The Maltese guy promptly said "Oh look... someone sent me a FAX!"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 12:24 pm
18luck, I love your joke about the blind boy wishing to see. biggrin It's hilarious!!! xd heart
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 10:10 am
XXxXDxXX 18luck, I love your joke about the blind boy wishing to see. biggrin It's hilarious!!! xd heart Thanks^^ I know it's a cruel joke... but it's a good one razz
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 5:59 am
18luck 3) This one is translated from Maltese So there were 3 guys on a jet plane... One was American... one was Japanese.... and one was Maltese.... They were talking about how many advancements in technology were developing in their respective countries... and each boasted about their country's achievements. The American said "look... this is our latest development in technology" And he pressed his wrist watch and it transformed into a holographic computer that he could type on in mid air. The Japanese said "haha!! That's nothing... look at this!" And he pulled off his thumb... revealing an antenna underneath.... he pressed his palm... and a mobile device popped up.... with tv, radio and computer technology" Upon seeing all this... The Maltese guy got s**t scared.... he felt hot and sweaty and decided to go to the bathroom until he could think of something to show the others.... he thought and thought.... but it only made him get diarrhea. When he was done... he went back out... and the Japanese guy noticed a trail of toilet paper stuck to the Maltese guy's shoe... and asked "what's that?" The Maltese guy promptly said "Oh look... someone sent me a FAX!"
I'm not good at jokes. I knew a lot of good jokes when younger but I've forgotten them all.... But I found this. It's funny. I think.
There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."
When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."
After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.
Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 6:41 am
lol good one. biggrin
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.
She opened it, then slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 1:24 pm
I kinda like that joke. (I like blonde jokes, I admit. xd )
Hm... I don't really have anything good but I read this in some stupid Finnish magazine and thought it might be suitable for this thread.
A bald, brown haired man is driving a blue roofed convertible and then he shoots a Cyclop between the eyes.
Yeah, I know........ >.> But I didn't have anything better.. sweatdrop
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 3:44 pm
ahhh that reminds me of an old saying that my dad taught me.
It goes like this:
One fine day, in the middle of the night,
Two dead men got up to fight.
Back to back, they faced each other,
Got out their swords and shot each other.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 4:33 am
18luck
One fine day, in the middle of the night,
Two dead men got up to fight.
Back to back, they faced each other,
Got out their swords and shot each other.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
