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 Posted: Sun Jan 27, 2008 7:53 pm
{part 1}
Darrel Hodgeman was not the sort of person that would walk by a person in need as though they didn't exist. It just wasn't in him to do it. So, after what should have been a five minute jaunt to the corner store to buy milk and matches, Darry found himself lugging bag after bag of groceries up two flights of rickety stairs for a woman with hands so gnarled by arthritis they were no better than stumps.
"You remind me of my grandson," she told Darry in a wheezy, asthmatic sort of voice, patting his cheek with a club-hand. "Such a good boy. Come into the kitchen, I have cookies."
Darry, who had nearly fallen down the stairs three times on the laborious trip, nodded.
"Cool. Thanks."
"Such a nice boy..."
An hour later, with a plastic bag full of cookies (and no milk, sadly enough), Darry was well on his way home again. As much as he had liked helping that old chick out - hell, she might've had bad hands but the lady made a damn fine cookie - he really rather hoped that would be his last Good Deed of the day.
"Wroooa."
"....the flyin' hell was that."
"Wrooooooaa."
It sounded like a congested cat trying to gargle. Darry's eyebrows slowly climbed upwards and were lost under his wild hair, and he shifted his aviator glasses down his hooked nose.
"Uh....hello?"
The mouth of the alley was dank and smelled faintly of old urine and wet garbage. Darry wrinkled his nose slightly and ventured in, ignoring the tinkling crackles of broken glass underfoot. He listened for the sick-cat sound patiently, following it deeper into the alley. It opened up into a refreshingly pleasanter street, slightly well-to-do with trees planted in special spaces on the sidewalk and even a couple flower boxes.
One flowerbox, specifically, was gargling at him.
"Hmmn," Darry mused, pushing his glasses up into his hair and pushing aside pansies and ivy.
An angry-faced little creature wrapped in a blanket stared up at him, and opened its wet toothless mouth wide.
"WROOOOOOOAAAA!"
"JEEZ."
Darry stumbled back, looking around all over. Crap in a hat. He'd heard about this sort of thing; children showing up out of no where, without parents or family, that needed to be taken care of.
"s**t. C'mon, man, that ain't fair."
A kid? A baby, no less? A fairly angry baby too - she was flailing and thrashing around like a lunatic. Her sick-cat call dissolved into bitter tears and Darry felt a pang of guilt.
"Hey...hey now, hush..." he said gently, picking the baby out of the flower box. "Don't worry, I got you..."
The infant was not placated, and to Darry's great surprise two speckled gray wings, stronger then they had any right to be, whipped out of the blanket and beat a furious tattoo about her shoulders and Darry's hands. She squalled and turned darker gray, tears streaking her face in infantile rage.
"Oh boy," Darry said, mouth pushing slightly to one side. "Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later. C'mon, kid. You're comin' with me."
He sighed, cradling the raging baby carefully as he readjusted his sunglasses.
"Never thought I'd be really responsible for somethin'," he drawled, walking off towards home. "Shoulda known it'd catch up to me sooner or later..."
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Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 6:18 am
{part 2}
"A baby."
"Mmhmm."
"You...found a baby. In a flowerbox."
"Yessir, I surely did."
Roman LaFontaine, Darry's best friend since tenth grade, eyed the fitfully sleeping child swaddled in blankets warily.
"You sure she isn't gonna mutate into some sorta flesh-eating alien and suck your heart out through your mouth?" he asked. Darry, who hadn't given that possibility much thought, shrugged.
"If she does, you're giving me a pretty funeral."
Roman snorted and returned his attention to his crossword puzzle. The trio were sitting on the comfortably worn front porch of a disturbingly mint-green duplex, not doing much of anything at all. But then, when it came to Roman and Darry, doing nothing was by far what they did best.
"You named her yet?" Roman asked, puzzling over a five letter word for 'malarkey'. "The hell kinda word is malarkey, anyway..."
Darry polished his sunglasses on his shirttail and looked at the infant curiously. Her tiny antennae twitched and her wings shifted moodily beneath her.
"Doesn't look like much of anything aside from Angry," he said eventually. Roman laughed.
"Just stick with 'Hey You', that'll work," he said. Darry grinned and smoothed the baby's hair out of her face with surprising delicacy. The infant made a noise like an angry kitten.
"Can't keep calling her Baby and Honey, anyway..."
"What about your ma's name?"
Darry brightened at the idea and noddde.
"Yeah. Katya fits. 'sides, my family'd flip out if I gave her anything other'n a Jewish name."
"Katya ain't Jewish though, it's Russian, ain't it?"
Darry grinned.
"Yep. Katya works great."
Roman looked surprised for a second, then laughed.
"Alright, alright, it's your kid anyway."
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Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 1:58 pm
{part 3}
"Hon, please shush. People are gonna think I beat you."
As if out of pure spite, Katya's despondent shrieking only grew louder. Darry winced. Her wings had beaten against her shoulders so hard they were blossomed with bruises, and he'd since learned better than try to comfort her during one of her infantile shitfits. So, Darry was walking along down the sidewalk towards the park, hoping he'd meet Roman or maybe, and he felt a little guilty thinking it, the State Adoption Service Secret Agents who would take Katya away into a home where there were...y'know, responsible people.
"How was I supposed to know you didn't like pizza, Katty," he said to the baby at random. "It's all I eat."
Katya shrieked in response.
Barry had no intentions of getting rid of his child, but he had brought zher to the park anyway. Quinn had gotten no real social interaction in living in the middle of nowhere, so the family had made a little trip to the nearest playground. It hadn't hit Barry at the time they left that Quinn was too small for most things. Because of this, he sat on a bench behind the little-kids swing set, pushing the silent child and her little doll slightly. Kas was in the currently empty sand box, digging furiously for treasures and other such things. So far, he had uncovered a gold coin and a button. This was not satisfactory.
"D'you want to go to the playground? Kids like that, right?"
Katya made an angry burbling sound and beat her wings, worsening her bruises and giving Darry new ones.
"Agh! Okay, okay. Alright. Playground," Darry said, his usually calm tone cracking under the pressure. He hurried into the midst of the playground and looked around. Plenty of metal death traps, but nothing really suitable for a child who couldn't even hold her head up on her own.
"...alright, we'll just...go on the bench. Yeah?"
"WROAAAAAA!"
"Jeez..."
Wishing he'd thought of a pacifier - or duct tape - Darry sat on the edge of a bench and held Katya carefully, in case she flailed so hard she ran the risk of breaking bones.
Barry looked to this new man a moment, ears folding back, and smiled. Ah, another man who felt the pan of a hideously loud child.
"Good afternoon."
Kas, however, saw this stranger as a possible problem. His treasures sat in his mouth and he spit them into Barry's lap before plopping down and glaring angrily at the man.
Darry, whose ears felt close to bleeding, interpreted the new guy's greeting mostly through lip-reading.
"Hey," he said, taking care to cover Katya's head with the blanket she was wrapped in. The sound was muffled, a little, but not by much. He noticed the freaky-looking dogthing, and tilted his head slightly to one side. Huh. So dogs came with horns now? Cool.
"I think your dog wants to rip my throat out," he added. "S'okay. Animals don't like me. I think it's the hair."
"Ah..." Barry reasoned, "He really doesn't seem to like much of anyone." Hm. This man hadn't stared yet That was a step forward!
"Th'name's Barry," he nodded, accent marring even his name to sound a bit bizarre.
"Buh," Quinn said, turning zher wobbly head to look at the new people.
Kas just sat there, head tilting to one side. Was that a good noise or a bad noise?
Darry grinned and shook Barry's hand.
"I'm Darry, but please call me Darrel since rhyming names is just plain silly when you think about it," he said glibly. Katya gave a monumental shriek in his lap as the blanket was shifted off her face.
"And this is Katya Josie. Say hello, Katty."
"Rrrrrrngh."
"Katty doesn't have people skills yet."
"Alright, Darrel," Barry smiled, his ears returning upright. Quinn gave a sudden yelp and reached for him, so he obligingly took her from the swing and began to wrap her in her...blanket...
He held the yellow thing up, looking between it and Katya's blanket. Oh my...
Kas, sensing something was up, walked over and shoved his nose into the new baby's blanket. Hm...certainly didn't smell the same.
"Baby?"
Barry nodded.
"Ah...would you mind if I asked where you...acquired Katya?"
Katya gave a furious squall at Kas's invasion of her privacy, and beat her wings ferociously to fend the creature off. How dare he!
"Katty, leave him alone," Darry scolded, moving Katya away so Kas wouldn't get the snot beaten out of him by those accursed wings. "Acquired? I didn' buy her offa the street, if that's what you mean. Some a*****e left her in a flower box. Couldn't just leave her there, she would've died."
Katya, for all Darry's obvious concern for her wellbeing, did not seem in the least bit grateful, and proved her point by grabbing hold of an errant dreadlock and pulling. Hard.
"Ghhhnk."
A slow smile spread over Barry's face.
"That's...quite the same as how I got Quinny," he nodded, displaying the blanket. Kas gave a derisive snort and jumped up between the men in a protective stance.
Slowly prying the dreadlock out of Katya's hand, Darry made a displeased noise.
"So...some sick freak is leaving kids out alone in some kinda Easter egg hunt?" he said, slow anger building in his voice. "That's sick. I oughta - ow, Katty, I need that to see - I ougta find 'im and punch his teeth down his throat."
Did that mean he'd have to give Katya back? Had she been stolen from some sort of...angry gray winged mother who was looking for her?
"Well...I got a letter..." Barry said, shifting through his bag. He'd started carrying it around with him where ever he went, lest he be possessed with the notion of finding this Chaco person.
"Gluh," Quinn said suddenly. Kas flinched slightly. Damnable babies.
A letter? Huh. All Darry had gotten was puked on about an hour or so after he'd found Katty.
"Huh. Guess they didn't want a return address with this 'un," he said, shifting Katya in his arms. She'd gone mysteriously quiet, glaring daggers in the direction that the 'gluh' had come from. What had that noise been?
Kas turned, staring at the grey baby. He didn't like this one. Not at all.
"Well...here," Barry said, offering the note over, "I mean, it must be the same person."
"Hmn," Darry said after reading the letter through twice. "Well, at least he's cordial about it. I s'pose I don't have an excuse to hit him now."
Katya glared at Kas fiercely, her moon-round face scrunching up like a bad prune. Had that thing made the 'gluh'? Probably. It was ugly enough.
"Krshhht!" Katya said, spraying spit. What was the Ugly looking at, anyway?! Did it have a problem with her or something? "GNAAAGH!"
"Hmn," Darry said after reading the letter through twice. "Well, at least he's cordial about it. I s'pose I don't have an excuse to hit him now."
Katya glared at Kas fiercely, her moon-round face scrunching up like a bad prune. Had that thing made the 'gluh'? Probably. It was ugly enough.
"Krshhht!" Katya said, spraying spit. What was the Ugly looking at, anyway?! Did it have a problem with her or something? "GNAAAGH!"
Kas lifted his lips and gave a deep, rumbling growl.
"HEY! NO!" Barry yelped, pushing the Jivvin to the ground. That just made him more angry.
"BUH!" Quinn said, eyes filling with tears. Loud noises! Kas suddenly ceased his growling and shoved his nose into Quinn's blanket, snorfling about and licking.
"I sorry."
Darry, who had not started, shouted or shown any reaction aside from a slightly raised eyebrow, shifted Katya in his arms again. The girl fluttered and grumbled angrily. Stupid Ugly! Stupid creature Ugly liked, getting all the attention!
"Hkkt!" she said, glaring. Oooh, she hated them!
"Katya," Darry sighed. "I woulda just let that dog rip my throat out insteada you. Can't you be at least subnormal."
"Tch!"
Quinn sniffled and clung to Barry's chest. Zhe did not like loud, unless it was coming from zher!
"Baaaaa..."
Barry gave a little sigh, putting a hand to his temple. This kid...zhe was going to drive him insane.
"I should probably get going, before someone loses a limb."
"Understandable concern," Darry said, nodding. Katya gave a low, moody grumble and beat her wings once or twice, smacking against her bruised shoulders. "Sorry she got your dog all riled up. See ya when I see ya, I s'pose."
And so Darry got up, shushing Katya patiently as she let loose yet another angry squall. She glared at Kas over Darry's shoulder, wings beating threateningly as he walked away.
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Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 6:16 am
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Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2008 8:56 am
{part 5}
In which Darry calls his aunt
"You WHAT?"
"I said, 'Got a kid now, Aunt Lori'."
"I know what you said, Darrel dear, I'm just trying to process it."
"I didn't knock anyone up, if that's what you're thinkin'."
"Oh, Darrel, language."
"Sorry Auntie."
"S'okay. So, what'd you name it?"
"Katya."
"That's....nice, dear."
There is a muffled sound, like laughter being choked down.
"Don't like it?"
"It's just not a Jewish name, dear. I thought you would want to raise her up properly."
"Aunt Lori..."
"I know, I know. Lori isn't the most Jewish name either. I suppose I can let it slide."
"Heh."
"So, dear. I haven't heard from you in a long time."
"I know."
"Still studying abroad?"
There is another muffled sound this time, but it is sigh.
"...no. No, I'm...living in the city again."
"Oh, dear, that's wonderful! Maybe we could come visit!"
"We? Is Dad home?"
"Hm? Oh, no dear, he's out on the road again."
"Oh. What, on a tour, or-"
"No, no, nothing like that. The band's on...oh, what'd he call it...ah. 'Creative hiatus'."
"They broke up."
"Probably."
There is a sigh, unmuffled this time.
"Have you heard from Ma at all?"
"No, dear. I'm sorry."
"Mm. Nah, it's okay. Just checkin'."
There is crying from the next room, and screaming.
"Goodness! Is that Katya?"
"Yep. Better go'n check on her. I'll call later, Auntie."
"Alright, dear. I lo-"
There is a hurried click, and the dull drone of a dial tone.
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Posted: Fri Feb 15, 2008 6:41 am
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Posted: Fri Feb 15, 2008 6:46 am
{part 7}
"Hey, Darry?"
"What?"
"Y'got an egg."
Darry looked up, puzzled.
"Hm?"
Roman pointed. Yep. Egg. Just...sitting there. It was pretty, as eggs went, if of an unusual coloring. They didn't usually come in black with blue swirls.
"Well, that's peculiar."
Darry shunted Katya into Roman's arms and picked the egg up out from the grass beside the porch steps. It was heavier than he expected it to be.
"S'pretty," he said, running his fingers carefully over the glossy smooth surface. Roman gave a snort of laughter that made Darry glance at him curiously.
"What?"
"This," Roman said, holding Katya up. She burbled moodily. "You see what findin' her's done to ya?"
"Yeah. I learned I can go two days without sleep before I start thinking I'm an overgrown breed of hummingbird."
Roman paused.
"What, really?"
"Nah."
Shaking his head, Roman bumped Katya absently on her knee. The girl unexpectedly smiled - though it might've been just gas.
"By finding her, you've pretty much invited the universe and everything in it to start dumping every wayward animal and child it can scrounge up into your lap."
Darry looked at the egg.
"It's just an egg."
"It'll hatch, Dare. And then where will you be?"
"Without an egg."
Roman sighed, shaking his head. Katya burped unhelpfully.
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Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2008 6:21 am
{part 8}
Darry had wandered off to some unknown destination one afternoon, so Roman was stuck with babysitting duty.
In his opinion, he wasn't that bad at it.
"C'mon, Katya," he said patiently, wrapping her up in a towel. "You know I don't know how to change diapers. 'Sides, towels are more absorbent, yanno?"
Katya graced Roman with a barely-tolerant expression, blowing spit bubbles.
"Yeah, yeah, go'n give me flack about it. At least I gave you a bath before I stuck you in the towel," Roman said, looking at the sink. He shuddered slightly. "Gonna need to get some sulfuric acid scrub to clean that out, though. I hope Darry wasn't fond a'those dishes."
Setting Katya in her playpen, Roman threw himself onto the couch and took up his crossword puzzle again.
"Y'know," he said to Katya, trying to figure out a five letter word for flesh-eating bacteria. "I might've been worried that you were some kind of freaky alien bent on sucking out Darry's brain, but you're okay. Terrifying moodswings aside, of course."
Katya gurgled at the dubious compliment, crawling around in her playpen. She was tolerant of Tall Thing's friend, as long as he didn't try anything funny like show any sort of affection or attempt to feed her. Escaping from the pen without a second thought through the hole she had torn into the mesh netting some time earlier, Katya ventured through the living room and crawled towards the main focus of her interest - the egg.
It was pretty.
It was shiny.
And clearly, it was meant to be hers.
Darry had put it on the kitchen table the day he'd found it, trying to decide if it was worth letting hatch or trying to make an omelette out of it. When he'd realized he had no idea how to make an omelette, he'd left the egg alone.
There it was. Just sitting there.
Katya sighed and gurgled, wings beating a half-hearted tattoo about her shoulders. If only she wasn't so blasted tiny!
She stared at it with longing for a while, then turned around and made to go back to her playpen before Tall Thing's friend noticed her great escape. And suddenly the egg crackled.
Katya's head swung around and she stared at the egg. Had it just made a noise at her? How DARE that insolent thing!
It peeped.
Katya balked, and crawled awkwardly back towards the table. Peep?
"Grrlk," she said, clearly. The egg peeped again, and there came the soft crackling of breaking shell. Katya watched in horror as the egg started to break. Her EGG. Her beautiful, shiny, meant-for-her-and-her-alone EGG. It was ruined.
And then a foot forced its way through the ******** shot off the couch, certain Katya was suffering from a loud bout of crib death. Katya remained shrieking on the kitchen floor, and the egg crackled and broke ********, s**t, goddamn sumbitch I told Darry not to bring that thing in the house-" Roman hissed, bolting into the kitchen and scooping Katya out of harm's way. The egg smashed apart as its occupant fought for its freedom, and its former prisoner flopped onto the table, soaked with albumen and exhausted.
"It's....a dog. A mutant dog."
"PUUUUU."
"Poo?"
"PUUU! PUUUPUU! GNAAAGH!"
Katya writhed and reached for the newly-hatched creature, shrieking. It was hers. Her egg. Her mutant dog.
"Katya..."
"PUUUUUUU!"
"CHRIST. FINE. But if it eats you, NOT my fault."
The hatchling, eyes still closed, had taken a few half-crawling, half-wobbling steps and fallen onto the kitchen floor. Roman put Katya down a safe distance away from the thing, and she crawled up to it fearlessly. She grabbed one of its long ears and pulled.
The hatchling opened its eyes, staring at Katya in surprise.
Katya peeped.
The hatchling peeped in return, and nuzzled against her. Roman, picking up eggshell and wiping the albumen off the table with his shirttail, watched, and shrugged. Hey, he'd warned Darry. Take one in, and the universe takes it as an open door for everyone else...
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Posted: Fri Feb 29, 2008 6:29 pm
{part 9}
Katya: Toddler Quest
Hey little pepper girl, it's time for you to grow! After all, you don't want to be a baby forever, right? You're going to need a few things in order to reach your next stage, however: Two shirts, three bell peppers of any persuasion, a brush, and two musical instruments. You can choose any instruments you like, we're not picky!
"It's time we got you something better to wear."
Katya looked up from her picture book, her customary angry expression more cross than usual. Was Tall Thing daring to interrupt her special Dr. Seuss time?
Darry pushed his sunglasses up into his hair, chewing thoughtfully on his matchstick.
"And we need something to channel all that excess anger into. 'Cause, and I'm sayin' it 'cause I love ya, hon, you're really ********' scary."
Katya grumbled deep in her throat and returned to her book. ....hee hee, silly Yertle. Stacking all those silly turtles.
"Alright, up we go."
"GAAAAAAAAGH!"
"Your puppy can come too."
"RAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
"And I'm forcing Uncle Roman to come too, won't that be nice?"
"REEEEEEEEEE!"
Darry whistled through his teeth. The 'puppy' ambled along out of the kitchen on clumsy feet, rabbit-ears pricked.
"Out-out?" she barked. Darry paused, looking down at the creature.
"Did you just talk?"
"No," the creature barked. Darry's head tilted to one side, then he shrugged.
"Alright then."
--
The trip down to the mall had been relatively painless. Katya had only screamed five times, vomited once, and burst into tears three times for no apparent reason. Darry was pleased with her progress - usually she'd broken down into raging hysterics twenty minutes after leaving the house. Despite this good fortune, Roman was not happy.
"I'm not happy, Darry."
"You're just mad because she threw up on you."
"No, not even that. There's a talking rabbit-badger-unicorn dog following me. And she keeps asking for 'uppies'."
Darry and Roman both looked down. The dog-creature, currently being harrassed by Katya and having one ear twisted in an undoubtedly painful way, looked up.
"Uppie," it barked.
"See? It just did it again."
"Huh. That's peculiar."
"I know. It really is."
Shunting Katya into Roman's unwilling arms, Darry picked up the dog-creature and wandered into the nearest store. Roman, holding Katya at arms-length in case she decided to projectile vomit again, followed after.
"No pets," the goth girl behind the counter said, boredly blowing bubbles with her gum. Darry smiled benignly.
"She's not my pet, she's my kid. She's got mutantocaninitis. Very tragic."
"Oh," the girl said, giving Darry a wanton once-over. "Well, then. My sympathies."
"Yeah. Only got a few months to live. Say hi to the nice lady."
"Hi-hi," the creature said. The girl's eyebrows raised, and she made no further remarks.
"And you thought having a mutant dog was a bad thing," Darry said to Roman, grinning in triumph. Roman just rolled his eyes and made no reply.
"Arighty, Katya. Time for non-snot and vomit stained clothes."
"Bnrrrghle."
"That's the spirit."
Seeing as how they'd wandered into a Hot Topic knock-off with scene kid clothing stocked to the ceiling, clothes-finding was an adventure. Darry mused over the infant-sized lolita dresses and something that looked disturbingly like a gimp mask before choosing two shirts. He showed them to the dog-creature, Roman and Katya for approval. The creature yipped, Roman snorted, and Katya vomited on the floor.
Clearly she approved.
Leaving the cursing goth girl to clean up the mess - after hastily paying for the clothing, of course - the unlike quartet made their way to the toy store.
"See, I figure, she's gonna have major rage issues in the near future," Darry said philosophically to Roman. "And she'll need a creative outlet."
"Like hockey," Roman mused. "I could see her stomping on someone's face with an ice skate."
"So could I. Which is why we'll be going for the more artistic approach."
They had wandered into the toy and beginner's instruments aisle. Darry pointed to a large box with a picture of a happy boy banging away at a minute drum set and nodded.
"Stereotypical and completely effective. Grab it, my good man."
"You grab it. I'm holding the puke machine and the talking rabbit-badger."
"Case in point."
Darry grabbed the drumset box and staggered patiently beneath its weight.
"And just in case she demolishes the drum set," Roman interjected, taking a recorder off the rack. "Retarded cousin of the flute. Always a favorite."
"Good thinking," Darry said.
Katya belched moodily.
---
After stealing a shopping cart to carry all of their goods - when really, only the drum set had to be transported, but not having to maintain contact with Katya was good since she was still prone to barfing - the foursome made their way home.
Roman's stomach grumbled dolefully.
"Hungry?"
"I had a pixie stick for breakfast, I'm fine."
"Kiddie-cocaine isn't breakfast, Roman."
"Neither is tuna and peanut butter, Darrel."
"Case in point. Again."
There was a small green-grocer's store on the way home, and it seemed the perfect place to stop for a quick lunch. Leaving the cart outside with the dog-creature to guard it, the three went inside.
"What would you like, Katya?"
"Peppah."
"You had peppers for breakfast, Katty. Pick something else."
"Peh. Pah."
"Alright."
Roman snorted.
"Pushover."
Darry shrugged, shoving handfuls of peppers of all kinds into the plastic baggies provided.
"Jalapeño, habañero, chili, bell..."
"Beh!"
"Hm?"
"BEH! BEEEEH!"
Darry took three brilliantly yellow bell peppers out of the bag and gave them to Katya.
"Here."
Katya didn't start chomping away at them, but instead drooled lovingly on them. Peppers. Oh, sweet mama. Peppers. Gifts from the Tall Thing that she could actually stand. Ooooh yeah.
"...is she stoned or something?" Roman asked dryly.
"As two that have great experience in such matters," Darry said airily, "I believe peppers in Katya's case are like chewable morphine."
"Delicious, delicious morphine."
After successfully depleting the store's pepper supply, the foursome were on their way home again and reached it without further event. Sitting out on the front porch, looking pleased with themselves, Darry and Roman played chicken for a while, daring the other to eat habañeros until their faces turned fiery red and tears streaked down their cheeks.
"Can't-breathe-" Roman rasped.
"Say...uncle," Darry panted.
"Never-you-wuss-"
Katya and the dog-creature sat beside them placidly. Katya was gumming a chili pepper, her three special Golden Gifts from the Tall Thing at her side like vegetable teddy bears, and the dog....well, she was just there. Looking happy for some reason.
Hours later, after both men had conceded that a pepper-eating contest had been a really freaking stupid idea, they sat drinking glass after glass of ice water and being general layabouts. It was Roman who started idly playing with Katya. Darry, noting the odd behavior, smiled a little and said nothing.
"Jeez, Katya, ********' birds-nest you got going on here," Roman murmured to the infant, taking the little brush he usually kept in his back pocket out and comping through her cornsilk-fine hair. Katya submitted to the grooming with a noncommittal grunt.
"Gay man carrying primping tools. Why am I not surprised," Darry said wryly.
"Shut your mouth before I shut it for you, you heterosexual freak," Roman said, gently teasing out a knot. "Don't you ever comb her hair?"
"It gets knotted easy, it's too fine."
"Or you just want her to have dreadlocks like you, you freak."
"Hey, like father like daughter, right?"
"Yeah, yeah..."
By the time Roman had finished Katya was drowsing. He smiled, looking rather surprised at himself, and handed the brush over to Darry.
"Keep it, she'll have a rat's-nest on her head all the time otherwise."
"You're too kind."
"Shove it."
"Love ya too, Roman."
"Don't make me hit you."
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Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 7:42 am
{part 10}
Well, Katya, it's time for you to go out in the world and learn a thing or too. Normally we'd send you off to a toy store or something, but you're a special kid. So we'll send you somewhere a little different. Darry, your guardian, has won two tickets to an esteemed poetry and artistic demonstration at a local club. You need to attend this event with him, and decide which event you liked the best.
"I dun wanna."
"Tough crap, kiddo, we're already here."
"I. DUN. WANNA."
Darry, sensing an incoming tantrum, patiently let go of Katya's hand and let her collapse into a screaming ball of rage on the sidewalk. As she writhed and wailed and kicked an unlucky stray cat, he searched his pockets for the tickets.
"S'cool, really. I never win stuff."
"I HATECHOO I HATECHOO A LOT-"
"Afterwards, you wanna get dinner at th' diner? I hear they have cow tonight."
"REEEEEEEEEEE-"
"Actually....nah, I'll make spaghetti. I'm in a noodle mood tonight. Ready to go in?"
Katya paused, snivelling, and looked up at Darry.
"...'kay."
"Attagirl."
Giving the tickets to the bemused teenager at the door, Katya and Darry took a seat near the stage and split up the bowl of mixed nuts they'd been given.
"D'you want the pistachios or the walnuts?"
"I hate passashios."
" 'kay, you're havin' walnuts."
"I hate wannuts."
"Here."
Katya grudgingly ate the walnuts, glaring up at the stage. Her antennae twitched moodily at the burst of static as a microphone was set up.
"Wha' we doin' here," she snapped at Darry. He shrugged, munching on an almond.
"They said it was one'a those artsy-type deals. Y'know, like...poetry and performance art. Stuff like that."
"I hate pootree."
"You like Dr. Seuss."
Katya flushed an impressive shade of gray and glowered, but said nothing. A gangly young man dressed all in black with wild hair stepped onto the stage, and the room went respectfully silent.
"Good evening, my fellows, my peers," he said in a faux-Dylan drawl. "Tonight, we gather some of our fair city's finest talent to showcase the creativity of the mind, the essence of art of the soul."
There was a smattering of polite applause. Darry and Katya exchanged sidelong looks.
"Our first performance tonight is a poetry reading, by Mister B."
"Missuh Bee?" Katya said, looking confused.
"Must be his stage name," Darry said. "Hush, there he is."
Mr. B was, if anything, a carbon copy of the announcer, with the exception that he wore dark glasses and sucked on a handrolled clove cigarette. Darry tried very hard to be polite and not laugh.
"Sonic Boom x9000+," Mr. B said, pausing for dramatic effect. The room went silent, all eyes fixed on his face.
"Yes! BISON!
You must headbite Cammy harder!
For everything...is lies.
You were SUPPOSED to DIE,
But you just got slimed by Arnold...the pig.
So you will...steal more.
And eat this roast rump Bison!
...THIS...IS....DELICIOUS."
There was a moment of stunned silence. Darry and Katya exchanged longer looks, utterly confused.
And then the room broke out into cheering and clapping. Mr. B took a short bow, taking another drag on his clove cigarette.
"...what the crap was that even s'posed to be?" Darry said. Katya stole a few of his pistachios and crunched them.
"S'upid," she said sagely.
The night dragged on. After a few more inexplicable poems, the performance art segment started. There was something involving chickens and yodeling in high octaves, doing a waltz with a pilfered store mannequin bedecked in a wedding gown, and then...
"I give you," the faux-Dylan drawler said, pushing his hair out of his face and revealing close-set gerbil-like eyes. "I give you....Samantha."
The cheers that had resounded in the room for Mr. B were magnified as a slight young woman with spiky brown hair flounced onto the stage in a poofy pink prom dress, carrying a mallet and a carton of eggs.
"You see me," she said to the room, pointing with her mallet. "You see me."
"Yes," Katya said. There were a few chuckles in the room and Samantha looked down at her.
"You, little...moth-child," she intoned. "Come up here and let them see you."
Katya looked at Darry, who shrugged and nodded. She slipped off her chair and toddled up onto the stage, wings beating a tattoo about her shoulders. She looked out at the room and wiped her nose on her sleeve.
"You see me. You see the moth-child. You see us, the embodiment of femininity, the lifegivers and valiant slaves of our masculinity-driven world," Samantha said, handing the mallet to Katya to hold. "You see the egg, a tiny universe unto itself. DO YOU SEE?"
"...yes?" Katya said again. Why on earth did Poofy Princess Woman keep asking the same question when Katya had already answered it? Stupid grown-ups.
"Moth-child! Take the hammer in your hand and break the world of the albumen oppression!"
"...wha'?"
"SMASH THE WORLD!"
"Ooooh god," Darry said, resisting the urge to clap a hand to his forehead.
Katya looked surprised, then grinned at the hapless eggs on the floor of the stage.
" 'kay," she said, and brought the mallet down. The eggs crunched and splatted with glorious mess, and she laughed hysterically as she pounded the things into a fine slime on the worn wooden boards of the stage.
When she was done, Samantha hoisted her up for the room to see, quivering.
"DO. YOU. SEE."
The room exploded into applause. Katya, coated head to toe in egg, beamed at Darry.
Darry sighed.
Afterwards, after people had gone to shake Samantha's hand and marvel at Katya's impressive inner rage, Darry and the girl set off for home.
"Did ya see, Daddy? Did ya see what I did?" Katya bubbled, skipping. Darry sighed again.
"I saw."
"Imma arfist. Sammamma say so. Imma goo' arfist."
"You bet. So. I'm guessing you liked the performance art bit, huh?"
"We ha' eggses at home? I wanna smash more. I'm a eggie-arfist."
"...you bet, Katty. We'll smash eggs tomorrow."
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Posted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 7:58 pm
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Posted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 9:32 am
{part 12}
Knock knock.
"DADDYYYYYY DOOOOOOOOR."
"You're a big girl. You can open it, Kat."
Katya huffed and threw her crayons down, stalking to the door. Honestly, was she expected to do everything around here?
"WHAT." was the polite greeting she gave as she opened the door a crack, glaring daggers.
"Hey. Is Darry home?"
"Yeah."
"Can I come in?"
"No."
Katya slammed the door and returned to her coloring book. Serafine gave her a gently reproving look that was ignored, and scooted off to find Darry.
"Man at th' door," she said. Darry, who had been napping in between sleeping on his bed, got up with a yawn and glanced at the clock.
"Huh. S'weird, I never get visitors."
Wandering downstairs and stepping over Katya, he opened the door.
And stared.
"....Dad?"
A man with a grungy beard, sleepy eyes and an easygoing sort of smile took a drag on his cigarette and waved.
"Hiya, Darrel!"
"Uh."
"Can we come in? I gotta take a leak and the bathroom on the bus stinks like hell. Zed had bad crabs last night."
Darry blinked.
"Bus?"
Darry's father nodded, taking another drag.
"Yeah. We're tourin'. I heard you're here, so I wanted t'visit. Can I come in?"
Darry blinked again, then rubbed his eyes hard and squinted at his father.
"Dad, it's been six years."
Darry's father looked surprised.
"Has it? I'm sorry. I thought I called."
"Dad. Six. Years."
"I got busy. Y'still got your momma, though."
"She's been gone seven."
The man looked genuinely surprised.
"Well, don't that beat all. Where've you been stayin', then?"
"With Aunt Lori."
The man nodded.
"Good, good."
They lapsed into silence that only Darry realized was uncomfortable. His father finished his cigarette and ground the remains under his heel, then pulled a joint out of his pocket and lit it.
"DAD."
Darry came outside and slammed the door behind him before Katya could see, taking the joint out of his father's hand. The man blinked.
"Oh. Did you want it? I got more in th' bus. Zed grows good stuff."
"I'm a recovering drug addict."
Darry's sharp tone made his father look up in surprise, then he smiled and clapped his indignant son on the shoulder.
"That's great! Never give in to the demons, Dare. But if you're not gonna smoke that..."
Darry gave an angry grunt and smashed the joint under his sneaker, glaring at his father over his sunglasses.
"Why the ******** are you and your band here. With your tour bus," he snapped. "Binyamin, it's been six years. How the hell'd you even find me?"
Binyamin blinked slowly. It was painfully clear he was...not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
"You're my kid, Dare," he said, surprised. "Why wouldn't I wanna see you?"
He looked hurt. So much so, that Darry relented with a sigh and opened the door. Katya and Serafine stood expectantly in the living room, curious.
"Alright. Alright. You're gonna visit, fine."
"Great! It'll just be for a week or so-"
"WHAT."
"Yeah. Our show got canceled, so we're just waitin' for our agent to call back with the new dates. So I wanted to visit and crash here. 'kay?"
"But-but-"
Binyamin laughed and clapped his son on the shoulder again, going inside. Katya bared her teeth in a growl.
"NO."
Binyamin looked down at her, fascinated, then picked her up. Katya gave an furious shriek and writhed in his hands.
"NONONONONONONONONOOOOOOO-"
"Cute," Binyamin said, smiling. "She yours?"
Darry sighed, trying to will away the incoming headache.
"Yeah. Long story."
"That's cool. Hey, tell me later. I gotta piss and crash, I'm ********' tired. Good to see ya again, Dare, I missed you."
Binyamin shunted Katya into Darry's arms and went upstairs. There was a crashing sound, the tinkling of breaking glass, a toilet flushing multiple times, and eventually a door slamming shut.
"He's in my bedroom," Darry said blankly, sinking onto the couch. Katya gave him a look, crawling out of his arms. Serafine jumped onto the couch beside them and all three looked up reflexively at the ceiling as there was another crashing sound.
"A week," Darry sighed. "A week..."
There was another knock at the door. Darry got up and answered it reluctantly, swallowing a groan.
"Zed, I assume?" he said.
A bulky bald man with a dragon tattoo on his neck nodded and pushed his way in, followed by three other people. All had luggage.
"Where's the can? I had bad crab legs last night."
Darry groaned, and held his head in his hands. Katya sighed and returned to her coloring book, shaking her head in disapproval.
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Posted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 7:08 pm
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Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 12:58 pm
{part 14}
"So. I think we should talk."
Binyamin looked up from his magazine, taking a drag on his cigarette. Darry was standing in front of the TV, arms crossed and expression dour.
"Okay," his father said genially, tapping his ashes into an empty beer can. "Shoot! But we kinda gotta make it quick, Dare, th' wrestling match is on in twenty."
Darry sighed, then walked behind the TV set and unplugged it.
"There will be no wrestling tonight," he said. Binyamin blanched.
"But it's the title match!"
"DAD. FOCUS."
Darry's tone was so direct Binyamin shut up. Hmm. His son was usually so mellow. Whatever could be wrong?
"I want you and your friends out of my house."
Binyamin blinked.
"But-"
"No buts. Glad to see you and know you're alive, but you've outstayed your welcome. It's been a week and a half. Go away."
Standing up, spilling the multitude of crumbs that had collected on his shirt, Binyamin gave Darry a weak shove.
"Darry, buddy, c'mon! You wouldn't kick your own old man out, would you?"
He tried to grin, but Darry's face was set like stone. Binyamin gulped, and took an awkward suck on his dying cigarette.
"We've been good guests," he protested. Darry scowled.
"You're growing pot plants on the window sill," he said. Binyamin flushed.
"Well, you gotta let 'em get light from somewhere," he said, trying to be reasonable. Darry's scowl deepened.
"No wonder Ma took off," he said under his breath. Binyamin flinched, looking upset.
"Can't we talk about this?" he asked. Darry shook his head.
"I wanted to talk last week. Y'know, seein' as you've been gone six years. The most response I got was on Thursday when you challenged me to a burping contest."
"But you won that," Binyamin protested. Darry cleared his throat, looking the other way.
"You got until five to move your crap outta my house," he said stubbornly. Katya came thumping down the stairs a moment later, screeching.
"WHERE'S SERAFINE," she shrieked, punching the nearest available leg - which happened to be Darry's. He winced, hopping on one leg and looking expectantly at Binyamin. Katya screamed and carried on in a rage, tears streaking down her face.
"The dog?" Binyamin said, clearing his throat awkwardly. "Um...did you check outside?"
"I WANT SERA WHERE'S SERA GIMME MY SERA-"
"Daaaad..."
"Yes?"
"Where's the dog?"
Binyamin cleared his throat again.
"I might've bet her in cards last night against Jedd."
"You mean Zed?"
"No, no. Zed's parta the band. Jedd's in the crew."
Darry seized Binyamin by the collar, looking extremely put-off.
"You mean to tell me," he said, struggling to keep his voice even, "that when you ran outta cigarettes and money to bet, you bartered my daughter's dog?"
"...that's the general idea, yeah," Binyamin said, wincing again.
Darry sighed.
"Alright. You're out of my house. Now."
"But-"
"NOW."
---
Two hours later, when all the physical remnants of Darry's father and his bandmates had been cleaned out of the house - though the smell was certain to linger for days - Darry sat on the cracked cement steps of the front porch and chewed dolefully on a matchstick. Katya, clinging to the rescued Serafine, sat on the sidewalk and abused the dandelion population, popping the bright yellow heads into her mouth like candies.
"Busy week, I see."
Roman traipsed out of the other unit of the duplex, sitting down beside Darry. He sniffed, then made a face.
"You smell like bongwater."
Darry sighed.
"Yeah. Zed spilled it on me. 'Accidentally'."
"Jeez."
"Mngh."
The pair sat in silence for a while, watching Katya wrestle with Serafine.
"Where'd he even come from, anyway?"
"Dunno. Didn't get that much conversation out of him."
Roman snorted.
"He as clever as I remember him?"
"Oh, moreso. He's a ********' genius."
Hearing the unaccustomed sourness in Darry's voice, Roman gave him a curious look. Darry returned it dully.
"As much of a self-absorbed idiot as he always was," he said bitterly. "He didn't even ask how I was doing without him."
Roman winced, unsure of what to say. Darry stood a minute later and went back inside without a word. Roman sighed, and shook his head at Katya when she made as though to follow.
"Whass wrong with him?" she asked Roman rudely. He just shook his head again.
"Nothing that he'll want to share anytime soon."
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Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 10:38 pm
{part 15}
Darry was sitting on the front steps with his guitar when his father arrived, looking hung over, rumpled and very much the same as he had when he'd been kicked out the week before. Darry didn't look up, letting his fingers wander over the guitar strings.
"Hey, Darry."
"Afternoon."
There was a space of time that was silent and awkward.
"Still mad, huh?"
"Yup."
"Can I sit?"
"Yup."
Darry budged over to make room, idly plucking at the guitar strings. Binyamin cleared his throat uncomfortably.
"I know I kinda messed up, comin' over like I did."
"You invaded my house."
"Sorry, kiddo."
Binyamin smiled, expecting Darry to return it. When all he got was stony indifference, he sighed and lit a cigarette.
"So."
"So."
"You don't like me much, d'you son?"
"I don't know you. I love you on principle since you're my dad," Darry said reasonably. "But I don't know you."
"Ouch."
"You're the one who asked."
The pair sat in silence for a bit, and Darry strummed the guitar strings meditatively.
"Who taught you to play?" Binyamin asked.
"I did," Darry said with a shrug. "Learned to play stuff by ear. Took a couple years."
Binyamin nodded.
"You gonna teach Katie?"
"Katya."
"Right, right. Sorry."
Darry glared at his father.
"That's Mom's name. How can you possibly forget?"
Binyamin studied a crack in the sidewalk, biting at the filter of his cigarette.
"I'm not too sharp, Darry," he said finally. "Sometimes it shows."
Feeling a little shamed, Darry stared down at the same crack, thinking. His fingers tapped restlessly on the neck of his guitar.
"So."
"Mm?"
"Tell me about the last six years."
Binyamin blinked.
"You really wanna know?"
Darry nodded.
"Sure. Tell me."
Leaning back and pillowing his head under his arms, Binyamin took a drag on his cigarette and grinned.
"Well, it started when I was a roadie for this local band..."
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