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 Posted: Mon Jan 07, 2008 3:24 am
No. He shook his head, trying to deny what she was saying. It wasn't helping that she was guilty for abandoning him. He had never had a mother, and this was the reason. Just because he wasn't red? For the first time, he truly felt bitterness for this pride in which he resided and its traditions.
"If what could have been different?" He asked almost cautiously. Though he doubted she was lying, he was having trouble accepting it all, and with eveyr word she said, he felt himself closer to turning and running away. Far away from her, and the traditions and everything that had made him just what she was not.
As much as he prided himself on being strong - like Tanana, almost, but different somehow - he could imagine how he would face up to what she had just said, how he could accept it and then keep going as if nothing had changed. Because that just wasn't something he, or anyone else for that matter, could do. He was Azarax. He didn't run away, he didn't back down from anything. But this was different. It was his mother, truly appearing for the first time in his life, however short it was up to this point.
She was sorry. That he didn't doubt. Perhaps... No. The mere thought of the possibility of forgiving her for what, to him, felt like a bad judgement call, made him feel... anger. There was no other word to describe it, for it was a red-hot anger that he felt that he couldn't even begin to ignore. Because she loved the pride and a Goddess that she had never seen before in her life.
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Posted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 12:16 am
She hung her head in shame, a posture not often used by a proud Firekin. But for once in her life she deserved to look shamed. She could have atleast told him the truth, though it would have been harder for him knowing who he was and what he should be.
She could only think that this was another test sent to her from Finar-si. Another test to keep her faith from wavering. It was this thought that kept her from breaking down completely. She had to do what was right! She had to do what was expected of her as a follower of tradition. If he had been born under Makadari's reign this would have happened to him then. If she was going to uphold that then...then...
She remembered watching the face of the lioness, losing her child because of it's pelt. Remembered seeing the pain in her eyes, the tears unshead but there. As a child she could never understand how a cub could bring such an expression of pain on a Firekin's face.
Now she knew.
But what hurt worse was Azarax's own posture. He was angry and she knew deep down that her fleeting thought of reconiliation had been a futile attempt.
"If I had not been a Firekin...if you had been born with a red pelt...if I was prepared to leave my Goddess behind..." Which she was not. "I do not blame you for being angry." She whispered.
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Posted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 1:54 am
He hardly noticed how much pain and sadness she was obviously feeling past his own dominating feeling of rage. By now, his brain had finally understood the extent of what was happening, and it had reacted as it always did, to even the smallest things. Anger. It was his way of dealing with just about everything, and try as he might to be anything but that, it was how he had been destined to react to such situations since he had been born, and there was just nothing that could be done about it.
"But you're not." He said flatly, voicing out what they both already knew. "And none of that is going to happen."
It didn't matter so much to him that he had fallen from the rank he should have been born with, more the betrayal on the part of his mother that angered him. He felt like doing what he always did then, lashing out blindly, regardless of any injuries he might cause to himself or to the other.
But something stilled his paws. He felt every fiber in his body screaming to lunge and do what Azarax did best, but he didn't move. In that moment something seemed to consume him, fighting his body to move.
And then it was over and for a moment his eyes stopped burning. "You're right," He said slowly, as if it were an effort for his brain to even churn out words. "It's not safe out here."
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Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 12:26 am
Faith did not come without sacrifice and Ripuka had made a great sacrifice for hers. She wanted Azarax, but she also wanted Finar-si. She feared living without the Goddess watching over her, without her protection. She had kept her alive this long!
"No, you're right. What's done is done..." Her voice was bland, the emotion all but strained out of the words. She was trying to regain her composure, trying to return to normal before the approaching departure.
She watched her son standing before her, could almost feel the anger seething off of him. She expected him to attack her. What would she do if he did? She knew what she would do. She'd stand and take it, every injury he could inflict on her was deserved.
His words, then, took her completely by surprise. Her legs almost buckled beneath her except that they seemed frozen in place.
"Azarax..." Her voice was breaking again and she couldn't find the words to finish her sentence. Not the way she wanted to anyway. "I never meant for this to happen..." And then her legs remembered their movement and she stepped back shakily.
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Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 1:36 am
There was no point in him thinking that what she was saying to him was all rubbish. That there was no point in listening to it, because she was just trying to settle what had gone on between them to get rid of the guilt. Perhaps that was true, but that she meant every word she was saying was too obvious for him to even try to imagine otherwise.
But he still didn't want to listen. With every word that he heard, he came just a little closer to giving up his anger and just accept that she was sorry for abandoning him. And that was something that he couldn't possibly do right now, if ever. He knew she was guilty, but if they were to go back in time, back to the time when he had hardly known how to walk, he knew that she would do the same thing.
It was all for this thing they called tradition. He didn't believe it. Perhaps it was that he had not been raised a Firekin. He had never understood why the pride worshipped Finar-si. From what he had learned, the Goddess had never appeared in the lifetime, at least, of any of the currently living members of the pride. So what was it all for? What was it about this Goddess that led lions to rip apart their own families just to prove themselves loyal?
"Never meant for what to happen?" He came back out of his own thoughts with a small shake of his head. There was little warmth to his voice, though it was hardly surprising, under the circumstances. And then, a strange little thought snuck in amidst everything that was going on. He didn't think he had ever spoken so much in one go before.
Then he shook the thought of, and he noticed that she had taken a step back. This meeting of theirs, he could tell, was just about over. He mirrored her movement and took a small step back. Then he paused, and after a moment of thought, began back up more, his eyes watching Ripuka as he did. No, this time, he was walking away.
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Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 10:06 am
She couldn't say anything. What could she possibly say? She hadn't meant for it to happen. She hadn't meant to abandon him to slaves who were hardly worthy of raising a Firekin son. She hadn't meant for him to be born tan when he should have been red. She hadn't meant for a lot of things to happen but they still had, even when she had the power to change it.
"This is all I have left." She whispered. "If I kept you, they would throw me out. I can't go back out there." It wasn't fear out of returning to the roguelands, it was disgust, disgust at those who were not Firekin, getting bloated on water and antelope. "If I kept you, I would have lost everything..."
And she kept walking back, her voice so quiet she would have been surprised if he had heard. But he probably had. He was a sharp boy from what she could tell.
And as she continued to back up, the distance between them growing bigger and bigger, she found the words she had wanted to speak before but couldn't. And though he was probably out of ear shot she spoke them anyway, because they were true.
"I love you." And then she turned, flicking her fiery tail as she hastened back to her den. Back to her other little ones waiting for her.
(( ;o; arpee-age was so sad! Poor Azzie ;o; ))
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Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 2:26 am
Being as he was, his ears were sharper than most lions', and he picked up what she said easily, though she had spoken softly. Go back out there? He wondered what it was about life on the sand that was so much better than being out there. But perhaps it was something in her blood.
Still he walked back, just the same as she did and the distance between them stretched with both their backward motions.
He turned about the same time as she did, and, facing forward now, his stride lengthened as if he wished for nothing more than to get away from it all. He wanted to be away from everything and just think and attempt, once more, to piece everything together. As much as he had begun to understand what Ripuka had said, he was far from accepting it and moving on. It wasn't in his nature to do so.
For a moment, he paused, and closed his eyes. He expected the fiery red lioness's image to be plastered across the darkness behind closed lids as always, but for the first time in his life, she was not there. He shook his head slightly. What should have been all his questions answered instead open more questions he wanted to ask, more puzzlement, and more anger.
Then just as he began to walk again, the slightest of sounds ghosted toward him and his ears flickered back for a moment and again his stride paused. He could have sworn she had said I love you, but perhaps that was just the wind.
((Yeaaa. But that was so much fun! We should so have them meet again in the future xD
Hm, so I'm assuming this is the end of the RP. Maybe I'll ping Kae a PM and have him confront Mpaji about everything :O ))
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Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 10:03 am
(( t'was lots of fun! <3 but yes, we must have them meet in the future. I have top secret plots for Ripuka which I will share with you given the next opportunity.
But yes that RP would be interesting! *would definately read it* ))
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