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 Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 8:25 am
milina deo omg....get over yourselves...sorry to be mean but...just cause u don't plan on getting married till like 20 or 30 doesn't mean everyone has to, besides most parents won't consent anyway, so they won't be able to marry till they're 18, & if it realy wasn't meant to be they'll break up & go they're seperate ways...my fiance's parents were highschool sweet hearts untill his mom left because she couldn't live with her mom anymore. they spent 20yrs apart, had 7 kids between them (none together though), they finally found eachother again & are happily married...they're the perfect match, & i believe it doesn't matter what age u are when u find that special person, just because ppl like u don't agree, doesn't make it wrong...most of u will pass that special person by anyway & not even know it... Mod edit: The last part of this post has been deleted. My apologies if anyone read it and was offended. Yes, but what's the point of paying for a marriage if the people getting married are only going to break up because they "weren't meant to be"? How many married couples at 18, or younger, will have enough money to live on their own? What's the point of being married at 18 if you're both still going to live at home with your parents? What about going to school? How will young couples pay for that if a lot of their money/their parents' money is going towards a wedding? Will they still go back to school after they get married? What if they decide to have kids right away? Then what will happen to their lives regarding all of the above questions (school, work, finances, living situation, etc)? Regarding the story of your fiance's parents, that's a completely different story than being married right off the bat at 18, and both situations can't really be compared to each other. Marrying someone at 18 whom you've known for only a few years, if that, is very different from knowing someone for over 20 years, then meeting up again and marrying them. And we never really said it was wrong, we just didn't agree with it. I don't think it's "wrong" persay, just that people shouldn't do it. Which leads me to my question - for those people in the guild who are 18, 19, or younger, why get married (or engaged) so young? If you truly love the person you're getting married to, why not wait until you're like 20 or 21, have some money of your own, and have some of your schooling out of the way? Why the rush? Are you trying to "prove" something to society, like that you can in fact handle a young marriage at such a young age? (I'm meaning no offense, I'm just honestly curious. I see no point in being married at 18 or 19 if it can wait until the couple is like 21, 22 or older.)
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Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 8:47 am
milina deo omg....get over yourselves...sorry to be mean but...just cause u don't plan on getting married till like 20 or 30 doesn't mean everyone has to, besides most parents won't consent anyway, so they won't be able to marry till they're 18, & if it realy wasn't meant to be they'll break up & go they're seperate ways...my fiance's parents were highschool sweet hearts untill his mom left because she couldn't live with her mom anymore. they spent 20yrs apart, had 7 kids between them (none together though), they finally found eachother again & are happily married...they're the perfect match, & i believe it doesn't matter what age u are when u find that special person, just because ppl like u don't agree, doesn't make it wrong...most of u will pass that special person by anyway & not even know it... Mod edit: The last part of this post has been deleted. My apologies if anyone read it and was offended.
Anyway... Although it's true that many of the couples won't even be able to amrry till their 18, the subject is that little 14 and 15 year olds think they're ready for the commitment of marriage. I mean, 14 and 15 are two of the stupidest ages in my opinion- it's very rare that they're mature enough and just the idea that, at that age they can be sure they've found that 'special someone' is a little creepy. I mean... kids at that age... at my age... we still see the world differently then how it really is. We still see it through a teenager's eyes, not a potential wife or husbands eyes.
That's an adorable story, but things like that are one in a million. Okay, maybe not that rare, but still. Just because two high school sweethearts are in loe, it doesn't mean the majority of teens getting engaged have such happily ever afters. Yes, some split and go their ways. That's exactly it. Alot probly split before actually fessing up to the marriage promise. But how lame is that? When you're engaged to someone, it should be special. These premature-spouses just aren't thinking in many cases and, gosh, I know like I'm sounding soooo stubborn... but it is just one of the most irregular thoughts to me that all the 15 years olds or 14 year olds I've seen on gaia who claime to be engaged to 20+ year old men... you just don't know love at that age! I mean... you have to give yourself time to grow and see if your feelings stay the same when you become a woman. At least give yourself that much, becaue at 15, you aren't a woman yet- you're still just a girl.
And just because people like you agree doesn't make it right.
Gosh, I came off so pig-headed... but you didn't really give me much to try and reply to. You basically said just because I'm against it, it doesn't make it wrong... but just because you believe in it, it doesn't make it right. I mean, there's still all the obvious flaws of young engagement... you can't just over-look all of them...
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Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 8:47 am
My mom got married when she was 18 to my dad who was almost 27. My parents are still happily married mrgreen I was born 9 months after their were married sweatdrop so chances are I wasn't planned, but I don't think my parents regret having me at least. That makes her only 19 when I was born. Well they even had a second kid so they must have not cared too much. She wanted to become an account, but it costed too much to raise kids, so my mom never got to finish school. Now she works at the Humane Society and my dad has been working at a grocery store since he was 16 sweatdrop I don't think me being born had much if any change on his future, but my mom could be making alot more money otherwise, but she likes her job since she loves animals.
One reason they probally wanted to get married so early was the fact that my Grandma was really strict, for example my mom wasn't allowed to go over to her friends house which is across the street unless she got a ride, even though she was allowed to walk down a block and get some KFC or cigs for my grandma. She didn't like my dad at the time either, and my grandparents on my dads side didn't like my mom. So when my Grandma(moms side) was at work, my dad and moms cousin helped her move out and into my dads appartment of the time.
So I guess the point of this long and pointless story is......umm whatever.......nvm then.........I just felt like typing that out in responce to Nikolata's post about getting married at 18.
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Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 8:51 am
J0EL My mom got married when she was 18 to my dad who was almost 27. My parents are still happily married mrgreen I was born 9 months after their were married sweatdrop so chances are I wasn't planned, but I don't think my parents regret having me at least. That makes her only 19 when I was born. Well they even had a second kid so they must have not cared too much. She wanted to become an account, but it costed too much to raise kids, so my mom never got to finish school. Now she works at the Humane Society and my dad has been working at a grocery store since he was 16 sweatdrop I don't think me being born had much if any change on his future, but my mom could be making alot more money otherwise, but she likes her job since she loves animals. One reason they probally wanted to get married so early was the fact that my Grandma was really strict, for example my mom wasn't allowed to go over to her friends house which is across the street unless she got a ride, even though she was allowed to walk down a block and get some KFC or cigs for my grandma. She didn't like my dad at the time either, and my grandparents on my dads side didn't like my mom. So when my Grandma(moms side) was at work, my dad and moms cousin helped her move out and into my dads appartment of the time. So I guess the point of this long and pointless story is......umm whatever.......nvm then.........I just felt like typing that out in responce to Nikolata's post about getting married at 18. It's fine, and I'm happy your parents are happily married. mrgreen As milina said about her fiance's parents, I know that some people can make it work. But if you look at the overall picture, in reality, how many young couples can make that work? And in your case, your dad wasn't a teenager. When I say I'm against it, I'm referring to a couple in which both people are still teenagers. I'm not trying to be totally anti-teen marriage, I'm just saying that not a lot of people can pull it off. However, to people like your parents who made it work, then all the best to them. 3nodding
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Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 7:20 pm
Ok, well i have to comment here because this is an issue that involves me. domokun
Seeing as how Im considered by most standards to be young (17) and by some people i would be considered incapable of being able to define actually being in love with someone, just because im so young. However there are always exceptions to the majority. I am engaged, and have been for a little over a year. I dont, however, plan on getting married for another 4-5 years at least. Unlike most people my age, I consider myself mature enough to know a real and loving relationship when I see it or I'm involved in it.
Just because you are engaged to someone does'nt mean you have to get married right away. I always thought that was silly. I wish there was'nt so much value put on being married nowadays. If you love someone, and you want to be with them for the rest of your life, bravo, but it does'nt mean you have to get married to validate your love for them for yourself or anyone else for that matter.
Now I'll actually tell you how i feel towards the actual point of this thread. As far as 14 and 15 year-olds being engaged, I don't agree with it at all. I may be mature, but I know I was'nt ready for a relationship like the one I have now. So I know I was'nt ready for being engaged and married, and I dont think anyone under 18 should be married. I forgot who said it exactly, but someone said that a lot of the 14 and 15 year olds who say they're engaged, to them its more of a comfort thing (might not have been the exact way, correct me if im wrong sweatdrop ). To some people, marraige or engagement is even something to brag about, or a status symbol. To me, I could really care less. Im not in a hurry to be married, and if i decide to later on down the line, OK, but if i dont, OK there too.
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Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 9:58 am
I have to agree that 14-15 year olds saying they are engaged now (I was 15 a few weeks ago and sadly thought that sweatdrop but now I don't)But I know a few people, most are my friends are my age, and they like to say they are planning their honeymoon with their boyfriends and in a sense are 'married' but its so sad to see what happens after a few weeks or a few months. The worst part about it to me is that some of the people in my classes which are 16 with the maturity of a 5 year old say they are married or engaged, whichever I hear first, is really sad because then they don't even think about passing school therefore falling out and not receiving their high school diploma giving them horrible jobs. not to mention the girls that are 12-18 at my school getting pregnant and marrying the ones who got them pregnant and leaving their parents that are mad at them and give consent that they can marry to those guys and live horrible lives from now on, but most stay at home and let their parents stay mad at them for making the stupid choices they made.
The 14-15 year olds that are saying this are most likely scared that the guy they like is going to leave them for another girl after awhile, which may happen because most guys at that age are scared of commitment. I kind of know from experience. When I was dating my ex we made a promise to get engaged when we found out he was moving to Canada and then a month later we broke up because I figured I was ready for that kind of step and I didn't want to have a commitment, but my ex did. Now I have a bf who respects my wishes and understands that, even though its through the internet. We both would like to get stable jobs to pay for our lifestyle that we want and then we'd talk about it, but not til then. I mean sure, I'd like to marry my bf when I get older, but I don't want to be engaged right now. I'd like to wait a few year and get settled, but engagment is too far ahead in the future to me.
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Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 11:27 am
Kuro_Kitsune_Bard Ok, well i have to comment here because this is an issue that involves me. domokun Seeing as how Im considered by most standards to be young (17) and by some people i would be considered incapable of being able to define actually being in love with someone, just because im so young. However there are always exceptions to the majority. I am engaged, and have been for a little over a year. I dont, however, plan on getting married for another 4-5 years at least. Unlike most people my age, I consider myself mature enough to know a real and loving relationship when I see it or I'm involved in it. Just because you are engaged to someone does'nt mean you have to get married right away. I always thought that was silly. I wish there was'nt so much value put on being married nowadays. If you love someone, and you want to be with them for the rest of your life, bravo, but it does'nt mean you have to get married to validate your love for them for yourself or anyone else for that matter. Now I'll actually tell you how i feel towards the actual point of this thread. As far as 14 and 15 year-olds being engaged, I don't agree with it at all. I may be mature, but I know I was'nt ready for a relationship like the one I have now. So I know I was'nt ready for being engaged and married, and I dont think anyone under 18 should be married. I forgot who said it exactly, but someone said that a lot of the 14 and 15 year olds who say they're engaged, to them its more of a comfort thing (might not have been the exact way, correct me if im wrong sweatdrop ). To some people, marraige or engagement is even something to brag about, or a status symbol. To me, I could really care less. Im not in a hurry to be married, and if i decide to later on down the line, OK, but if i dont, OK there too.
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Posted: Sun Aug 28, 2005 10:09 am
Chalda Kuro_Kitsune_Bard Ok, well i have to comment here because this is an issue that involves me. domokun Seeing as how Im considered by most standards to be young (17) and by some people i would be considered incapable of being able to define actually being in love with someone, just because im so young. However there are always exceptions to the majority. I am engaged, and have been for a little over a year. I dont, however, plan on getting married for another 4-5 years at least. Unlike most people my age, I consider myself mature enough to know a real and loving relationship when I see it or I'm involved in it. Just because you are engaged to someone does'nt mean you have to get married right away. I always thought that was silly. I wish there was'nt so much value put on being married nowadays. If you love someone, and you want to be with them for the rest of your life, bravo, but it does'nt mean you have to get married to validate your love for them for yourself or anyone else for that matter. Now I'll actually tell you how i feel towards the actual point of this thread. As far as 14 and 15 year-olds being engaged, I don't agree with it at all. I may be mature, but I know I was'nt ready for a relationship like the one I have now. So I know I was'nt ready for being engaged and married, and I dont think anyone under 18 should be married. I forgot who said it exactly, but someone said that a lot of the 14 and 15 year olds who say they're engaged, to them its more of a comfort thing (might not have been the exact way, correct me if im wrong sweatdrop ). To some people, marraige or engagement is even something to brag about, or a status symbol. To me, I could really care less. Im not in a hurry to be married, and if i decide to later on down the line, OK, but if i dont, OK there too. I posted that question up above too... I'm just as confused as you are Chalda. neutral
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Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 10:51 am
As others have said I think the whole thing for 14/15 year olds saying they are engaged is partly bragging and partly comfort. I doubt most of them know what it really means.
I find this ridiculus as most of these relationships will fall apart sooner or later. I have only known of one that was successful. A girl in my Phsyc class last year had been married for over a year. However she was different and both she and her boy-friend had a maturity level that I have not seen in more than a handful of teens. They had also known each other since about the age of 2. Niether had been planning on marrying that young but as she said. "Sometimes life doesn't follow the plans you think it should."
In response to Chalda's question about why NOT waiting to be engaged if you aren't going to be married for several years. Well, it does allow the relationship to move to another level of commitment and once again might be a source of comfort and sanity. Perhaps it is easier to talk about the future and future plans when it has been slightly more solidified that this person is indeed your future? I don't know as while I am young I am not engaged and probably won't be for some time.
Some couples do like to give a year or two of engagment time just to get finances worked out and all of the prep work that moving into married life involves. So if they are panning to be married at 20-21 or so being engaged at 18 would not be unreasonable.
That is all my speculation for the moment.
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Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 11:24 am
I do agree with that, being engaged at 18 if you're going to be married in a couple of years... I guess. I still stand by Chalda in that it's not really necessary, in my opinion, because it seems a little rushed, but meh.
What I don't understand is being engaged at 17 or 18, and getting married before you're like, 20. Why so soon? If you love each other, why not just wait the couple of extra years until both people involved are more financially and independently secure? I just mean I don't see the point in being married if both people involved are going to continue to live at home, or not have a place of their own.
Although being engaged is nothing permanent. You said that perhaps being engaged allows "easier to talk about the future and future plans when it has been slightly more solidified that this person is indeed your future". To which I would like to point out that engagements are not permanent, as are relationships, and both can fall apart despite how committed both people think they are. Yes it generals shows that this is the person you're going to spend your future with, but s**t can happen, people can change, and once-solid plans can fall apart.
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Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 1:19 pm
I fully realize that things can happen and relationships can fall apart. My cousin was engaged and he and his fiancee fell apart and they'd previously been together for 7 years.
Nor is engagement the only time when you would talk about the future. My BF and I have had a few "hypothetical" (and that's all they really should be at this time) talks about the future so it is quite possible to have them with out being engaged or even positive that you are going to marry one another.
I was just trying to figure out what would prompt engagments at a younger age. Or why people might feel that moving forward to engagement but not the wedding would be the choice to make.
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Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 10:08 pm
Verene I was just trying to figure out what would prompt engagments at a younger age. Or why people might feel that moving forward to engagement but not the wedding would be the choice to make. It's fine, I agree with that too, and am trying to figure it out as well. 3nodding I'm sorry if I came off as a b***h, I didn't mean to. ninja
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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 11:45 am
I think that if you are realy mature and have found real love and not just these silly adolescent cruches, then go for it.
If you are willing...
To give up you'r own life for someone..
And live with them..
And if you are realy in love then I see nothing wrong with it...
Age is just a number...
BUT I don't like seeing all these teens having sex left and right and getting pregnant...
Call me what you will but I think sex is s'possed to be something special between two people that REALY love eachother when the time is right...
But when you'r too young to even see the oposite sex's body then I think that's a little creepy....
But hey that's just me..
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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 1:31 pm
So these engaged fourteen year olds aren't from cultures that do the early arranged marriage thing? They're just typical, say, American teens who are engaged?
That seems a little crazy. I mean, sure at 14 I felt so in love with the guy I was dating, but it turned out he was kind of a jerk and immature, and as I grew up it was obvious he wasn't the one. These kids sound like they're making decisions a little too quickly. I mean, I've been dating my boyfriend for a year now and I know he isn't going to propose to me for at least another year and a half, possibly two, because we want to be certain of our commitment to each other. So engagement at 14? That seems a bit bizarre.
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 2:03 pm
I can understand where you're coming from. When I was a freshman in HS, one of my best friends got "engaged" to this guy (who was 2 1/2 yrs older than her) when they'd only been going out for like 2 months, and had broken up and gotten back together like 7 times within those 2 months. Needless to say, they broke up around the end of their 3rd month. I'm still friends with him, and he's 20 now, and in jail... and he's planning on getting married to his 16 yr old gf when he gets out. stare
But I myself am about to turn 18, and I'm engaged to a 25-year-old. We've been together for almost two years and have been living together for one of those years. And we're not planning on actually getting married until I'm about 20 or so, to make sure that we're sure and also to save up the money for a nice wedding.
And about the parents consenting... my mom actually gave me permission when I was 16 to marry him, not that we were going to be that dumb... but I guess my mom was xd
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