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 Posted: Mon Oct 01, 2007 5:43 pm
"Share the weight?" Isi asked warily. He didn't like the thought of the idea. It was a new concept for him and he found it hard to digest. If he shared the weight wouldn't it become bigger? Like a disease that would spread from person to person, to Isi, he thought it would be better to simply quarantine it within himself, boundaries that he could fight to control. If he let it out, he feared it would spread and inflict everyone like some sort of plague.
Then, chuckling to himself quietly, Isi attempted to joke around, "You mean like hold it in one hand and then the other?" But the joke came out stale and tired, as if it were the last runner in some race as it stumbled across a finish line he hadn't exercised to meet.
Deep within him, a seed of guilt was planted in the depths of his being.
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Posted: Mon Oct 01, 2007 9:28 pm
"Isikoro, you know what I meant," Aphismet rebuked lightly. He sighed. "Alright, I have to go run. I'll think about it all while I'm out there, and when I come back we'll have a big breakfast and then go sleep it off, okay?" He smiled and ruffled the boy's hair.
Honestly, he wanted to press the issue with sharing burdens, but Isi obviously had some kind of problem with that. Why would the younger one feel that he needed to keep everything to himself all the time? Aphismet certainly didn't want to force Isi to change, but he worried for his brother's health. Aphi was supposed to be the elder, the one who would bear all these worries. He hadn't been doing a very good job, and so Isi had to be the stronger one sometimes.
The older Delaran got up, making sure to steady Isi on his feet as much as possible before standing. He then twirled his brother so that he was sitting in Aphi's chair, and Aph walked to the door. He turned to the other and sighed, guilt eating away at his edges.
Aph's face set in a resolute mask. "Don't worry, Isi." He smiled. "I'll be stronger. I'll not need to lean on you anymore, so that you can lean on me instead. I'm sorry I made you feel... responsible for me in the past. I'm a douchebag sometimes. I'll be stronger now, I promise."
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Posted: Mon Oct 01, 2007 10:32 pm
Isi let himself be moved up and around like a doll, which was a rare thing since he usually got mad at anyone who tried to touch him and help him move. It was a strange bouleversement. Ever since that winter night, he couldn't bring himself to feel the usual cold hate he gave to others towards Aphi when the young man offered him help. He still didn't know what provoked him to let down his defenses when Aphi was around, but it didn't bother him. He liked it that way.
He shifted himself in the chair so that he was comfortable and he slipped this crutches off of his arms. Carefully, he laid the metal against the wood and balanced it so that they wouldn't slide off and clatter to the ground with a sonorous sound. "Sure, sure. I'll be waiting," Isi replied as he moved. His voice was meant to be joyfully sarcastic, but it was, once again, twisted and dulled by an extreme tiredness.
Then Isi looked up and locked his gray gaze into the eyes of his brother, "You've already gotten so much stronger, Aphi. You just can't see it. And responsibility? That's what brothers do. They're responsible for each other."
He froze that moment in time and took a picture of it to store away in the files of his memory. It was of a golden outlined silhouette of his brother, white-haired and strong against the dull light of the doorway. The foggy choked light poured into the darkness of the home and illuminated the particles of mist and water in the air. A pride and jealousy swelled up in Isi's chest as he watched his brother, standing tall on two legs that supported him. He had done so much, been through so much... Isi secretly wished that he could be like that one day...A Hero. But...Isi knew in his own bitter view of the world, that there were some things that heroes just couldn't do.
"But Aphi..." Isi said, giving the young man a tired smile that belied his age in terms of experience, "...Sometimes, you can't change what's already written in stone."
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Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 2:50 pm
Aphismet heard Isi's final words, but he didn't answer. He couldn't think of anything to say to that. Whatever he would say would be hypocritical of him, since he also believed that his past was looming, ever-present, written in stone. Instead he just smiled, and said the next best thing, something he'd read in a book once.
"The past might be written in stone, Isi, but we can wear away the toughest rock with a river of tears. Someday, when you're ready, you should just let it all out, and then you'll find that stony past isn't so important anymore. It's not easy to do, I know... I'm not ready to do it either. But someday, we'll both be better. Alright?"
Aph stepped out into the yard to begin his run, yelling behind himself: "I'll be back soon, Isi!"
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Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 10:28 pm
Isi was surprised at the statement that slipped from Aphismet's mouth. He hadn't expected a reply, much less than a reply that was so eloquently sharpened with truth that it hurt Isi to hear it. But, in his heart, he knew the statement to be true. It wasn't pleasing to think of how many tears would make a river, but it tears could change fate, then Isi was all for it. His was a fate that he had come to accept, but constantly denied at the same time.
I wish I could let it all out, Isi thought sadly as he watched the halo ringed figure of his brother bounce and melt into the mist like a will-o-wisp. The weight of sleep pulled insistently at his eyelids and he slowly closed them until they burned with satisfaction. After he closed his eyes, Isi let himself slump over the table and he laid his head down against the soft cool wood. ...But I just can't. Not now...You need to be stronger, stronger than you've ever been or hoped to be. Not now...You can't understand.
Isi's hand slipped off the table, as limp as dead weight. His consciousness had once again slipped into disturbed nightmares, filled with ashen faces, burning floors, and shattering legs. But this time, his brother was not a demented monster from the depths of limbo...
...but a white-haired guardian angel.
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