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 Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 7:32 am
Well.. maybe the stallion was happier when he was alone? He wasn't focusing on meeting others, especially when they would soon forget him. It would be worse if he allowed others to like him, while then watching him vanish off the earth. His father would kill him, and just the other day Dante had thought that his life was over. But apparently, Dante wasn't even worthy enough to kill in his father's eyes, so where he stood on the natural chain of creatures was skewed. All Dante DID know, was that his brother would soon decide as well, and that was the scariest memory of all. Dante didn't even know if they had already paired up with his father or something, and it was too sad to think about. His mind felt as though it was at its lowest low, since his brother had always been there for him. But now, Dante couldn't even save him one bit.
"You know, its harder to smile for some, like me for example." he then said, while pulling his heavy mind out of its thoughts. "It doesn't feel correct, so why put a shade of falseness around me? Trust me Amary, I appreciate your help, but I am afraid there is no reason to change myself at this point." Because.. he was already worthless anyways. "Some of us are meant to stay the way we are, and are meant to cope with things our own way."
After a moment, Dante realized the mare had nuzzled him. Nuzzle? His mother used to do that when he was a child, and he only blinked at her while shaking his head. "Why waste your time, Amary. Or rather, you shouldn't waste your time even understanding me, its not what you think at all." With lowered eyelids, he took a few steps away from her, since her kindness was too overwhelming. Amary reminded him of another childhood friend, always trying to give him good advice and make him feel better. "Just trust me, its better if you went your separate way. There is nothing remotely interesting here."
It would all be easier when he was dead.. or at least, that's all Dante had to believe in these days.
"I am sure there are better friends that you could find yourself, so please, don't become attached with me. Its for your sake." And it was better for Dante.....right?
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Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 11:29 am
Even if Amary was aware of the complex family turmoil Dante was facing in his mind, it's doubtful that she would have been able to reconcile or even understand that knowledge. Some people are blessed with never-ending positivity even in the face of adversity, and Amary was one such soul. As she had always reasoned, life wouldn't be life without bad things happening, but if you spent all your time worrying about them, you'd get even less enjoyment out of life than before.
Granted, his situation was unlike anything she could even have dreamed of, she whose worst family troubles stemmed from her older brothers snapping at her. Dante was from a different world, a world completely beyond her understanding.
But at the moment, she was aware of only the current situation, Dante's negativity, and logic that she felt made absolutely no sense. It was his choice on how he wanted to behave, of course, but she couldn't help but feel he was making excuses. Weird excuses.
That in mind, Amary straightened up a bit and looked over at the stallion, not following him for the moment but still trying to show him that she wasn't that easily brushed off. "Well, it's your face, Dante; if you like being solemn and alone, then you should do that, cause you're the one that lives with you all the time, not me. But now YOU'RE starting to do that, make assumptions about me. How do you know I don't find something interesting here, because I actually DO find something interesting here or I wouldn't be here talking to you."
Nodding her head solemnly at that, Amary took a step closer to Dante, the personification of mare-ily strength. Nevermind she was talking to a rather large and perhaps somewhat imposing stallion who seemed determined to brush her off. "And I think I know who'd be a good friend for me anyway, Dante; I'm NOT a filly." As anyone in their right mind that looked at her ought to know, thanks much! "But I can promise you one thing; if you're worried about me deciding we're meant to be best buddies and travel the world together and all that. I just saw a stallion that I thought I might enjoy spending a bit of time with, and so far I AM."
For some reason, Amary wanted to stamp her foot to punctuate that comment but managed to hold off; childish gestures had no place in the arguements of adults, in her opinion.
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Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 12:35 pm
"Well I appreciate that you enjoy my company, but all I was saying was that its not necessary. I am not trying to assume anything towards you, just trying to give you good advice." He was trying to stray her away, but that wasn't working. He was confused as to why.. "All I have done is waste your time. And I only mean that by mere fact, Amary."
A well, it was clear that not everyone saw things the way he did. How exhausting, he really didn't feel like arguing about something so obvious. And honestly, how could it be possible for Amary to be THAT interested. At this point, maybe their conversation had drifted into a pity zone or something.
Amary's next words only proved to him how terrible he was with communicating with others. "Well, that's not what I meant at all.." with a lazy head bob, he glanced at her emotionally. "Like I said, I appreciate your kind words. I appreciate them so much that I.. feel bad for the way I am. I don't really know how to make myself make sense, so its probably better if I just remain quiet for awhile." But.. that would be useless, wouldn't it?
"I didn't mean to get you so defensive over an issue as silly as me." With that, he lifted his head up to gaze at the sky, while shrugging his hair out of his eyes. "I am, and am ready to die soon, so the reason I am asking you not to get attached, is because its a waste of time." He kept his eyes straight, since he didn't want to wait for her reaction. He didn't want to know how she would feel, truthfully. "I have fully accepted it, and I hope you can as well. That is why I brought this whole attachment thing up, since its not worth it for you." And with a light grin, he brought his fake smile back to Amary, and felt better for finally concluding how it was.
"We all have our problems, and I don't like talking about mine to others. But I hope now that clears all of my terrible words up, I certainly didn't want to confuse you before, and now."
Life is silly, and a waste of time. That was a normal plague that flowed through his mind constantly.
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Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 12:50 pm
"Well, thank you for your good advice then, Dante, but I'm sure you'll understand if I just think it's silly." Rather like this whole sitatution had gotten to be, Amary was starting to realize. Why on earth was she arguing about world views, anyway? To say nothing of how serious she was being, that was absolutely no fun at ALL!
That in mind, Amary shook her head vigorously, a strange action to watch, but one that always helped her when she needed to fix her priorities. That done, she looked back up at the stallion, her mane a bit wild and ruffled but her expression bright yet again. "Uselessness and wasted time are all in the eye of the beholder, Dante; so far, you've at least been an experience out of the ordinary."
He was certainly a serious fellow, but he seemed to have his moment of humor. Granted, there was something a little macabre about joking of death, but if thinking he was about to die allowed him to carry on, why should she try to argue?
So she merely nodded, giving the stallion a shrug of her shoulders to indicate that she was going to leave that point. "Well, your warning is duly noted, Dante, and I promise that I won't get attached to the point of self-harm when the moment comes when you actually DO die. THough I have to ask." Cocking her head to one side, she looked over at the stallion with a curious expression. "If you're going to die soon, then shouldn't you be living it up a bit more? Spending time with your friends, eating your favotire foods, doing your favorite things, being intimate with your favorite mares, all that sort of thing?"
After all, if SHE was about to die and knew it, that's what she'd be doing. Roughly.
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Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 3:20 pm
...What?
His ears had only listened to one part of Amary's speech, and with widened eyes, he felt his body gasp in a front. No no, he was only psyching himself out.. there was nothing he needed to do.. or was there?!
"Well, that wouldn't make sense." he then added, almost defensively. "Because I don't enjoy a lot of things, so it would be a waste of time to become attached to anything." Yes yes, that was right. That was what made him follow through with the most terrible of days, and all he needed was to ignore anything appealing. Why start now when it was already terrible enough!
But still.. what on earth could the mare possibly MEAN? "If living is already painful enough, why would I want to do it more?" With child like eyes, he looked at Amary, and felt shameful in every way. He knew he was plenty useless, but now it seemed he had reached a whole new level of nothingness. He couldn't even ANSWER himself, his confidence was as transparent as his hair color.
"You can laugh if you want, I would be laughing at me too." And with a light groan, he shuffled at the ground and felt a rush of emotions once again. "As if I wasn't embarrassing enough.."
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Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 3:51 pm
Curious and curiouser. The more than Dante talked, the more Amary found herself wondering just what sort of life this stallion led to make him so very negative. After all, why would you make yourself unhappy if by only thinking you could be happy? Nope, he must have had some problems, otherwise he wouldn't be so gloomy.
"Well, that's a major bummer, Dante; I can see why you'd be much less fond of life if you didn't have anything to keep you happy. But if it'd make you happy right now and you're going to be dying soon anyway, then how would it hurt you to like it now?"
She didn't like seeing him so upset, especially when he started castigating herself, and with quick steps she brought herself back over to his side, nosing at his muzzle to get him to lift it higher, more proudly. "And I'm not gonna laugh; I don't think it's funny at all that you don't have things you're fond of, because that sounds like a very sad and boring existance. Like, I LOVE apples, for example."
It was a bit of a tangent, she knew, but maybe it was just that they had different definitions of what 'important things' were? "So, eating apples makes me really happy, because I love how they taste. I'll EAT grass, but I'd rather have an apple. Don't you have anything like that, anything you prefer over something else even a tiny bit?"
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Posted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 9:26 am
He didn't know how to answer her questions, and that saddened him. He also couldn't think of anything that made him happy, so did that make him as cold and terrible as he thought? Did a heart even exist in his body? His father seemed to assume that no item COULD exist in he or his brother.
But... there was one thing he truly loved. It always made him happy when he thought about it, and even now he was swelling in a smile. "I really like my mom, and aunt, and sister.." with a light sigh, he imagined the three of them around him in a circle of warmth. "Unfortunately its not much, but there is at least one thing I love. I don't really know why, but they always make me happy since they are so pure and kind." It felt embarrassing saying such to Amary, and he realized that after he spoke.
"I.. have never tried an apple.." with lowered ears, he also noticed how pathetic THAT sounded. "Goodness.. I must live under a rock or something." And he had been told that before by his family! "Since you enjoy apples so much, I suppose I will have to give that a shot sometime. And who knows, maybe it will be life-changing for my senses." Feeling more at ease now, he grinned and gave Amary a genuine smile.
"Thank you, by the way. Your advice has not only been amazing, but your encouragement is making me feel good." And good WAS nice!
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Posted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 10:50 am
Aha! So there WAS a c***k in Dante's armor of apathy, good to know! But beyond the expected exhuberance at discovering that yes, Dante wasn't in fact a robot, there was another bit of pleasure whirling around in Amary's mind: he had a fondness for family. Nevermind that he didn't mention his father; it could be that his father had died when he was a baby, or traveled around, or maybe even was mean and so Dante just didn't like him. But he DID like his mom and sister and aunt a lot, which meant that, in spite of his doom and gloom statements and predictions, he was a good guy.
Not that she'd doubted that, of course; some people just SEEMED nice, you know?
"Well, see? Then you should try to spend time with them because you like them best; besides that, I'm pretty sure that they must like YOU lots too, Dante, and WOULD like to see more of you if you're still expecting to die soon." If her own brother were to die without seeing HER again, she didn't know what she'd do; but then, the two of them spent at least one day in seven together as it was, so she was at least able to know he still cared and show him that she did...and that was good. But enough of that.
At Dante's comment about dwelling under a rock, Amary giggled, visualizing the stallion shrunk down to the size of a crab and scuttling under a rock. "I don't think that you have to be THAT worried, Dante; it might just be that you've never been in the right place at the right time. Apples grow on trees, you know, in certain places; they hang from the branches ALLLLLL bright red and rosy, and they look SOOOOO tasty..."
Breaking off, Amary licked her lips at the very thought of a nice, plump apple. It had been too long since she'd had one, and she would so love yo find another tree that HADN'T been picked bare.
Dante's gratitude snapped her back out of her apple-induced reverie after a few moments, though, and she returned his smile with a big one of her own. "Hey, you don't have to thank me, Dante! If your smile you're smiling now means that you're really, truly, actually feeling happy, then that makes me happy too! I stand by my earlier statement, a smile makes the world smile with you. Even if that's a very tiny world that, at the moment, is only made up of you and me."
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Posted: Sun Oct 07, 2007 8:10 am
There she went again, being overly positive and kind. Dante could only listen with slight chuckle, since Amary seemed to be the master of positivity. "They are aware of what is going on, though I try to keep them separated from some of the drama my brother and I deal with. There is no reason to involve the females I love into anything dangerous, so I avoid them for their best interest you see." With a light nod, he knew truthfully that it was the smartest thing to do. "I am happier knowing they are safe of course."
And of course, the same question kept drifting into his mind. Why hadn't he seen or had an apple before? "Are there any apples around this area?" With a flushed cheek, he shrugged his shoulders at her and pretended to remain composed. "You have tempted me with how delicious they are, that I just have to try one." And with that, he let his eyes scope over the trees, wondering where the hell he would find something THAT red. It was ok he figured, to show Amary how badly he now wanted one. There was no reason to hide anything at this point!
"Doesn't your face get tired from smiling that much?" He then added, since he was embarrassed by her hospitality. His face was relaxed and kind, so he was happy to give her a light joke to take in. "I guess it would be a shame to see someone like you sad, and I hope for your sake you never have to deal with such a thing."
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Posted: Sun Oct 07, 2007 12:19 pm
"You're a bit of a sexist, aren't you, Dante?" Still, Amary was giggling as she said so, and it was obvious that she was teasing as she commented on Dante's statement about his mother and sister. In some ways, keeping the mares seperate was rather discriminatory...but then, if they knew what was going on and couldn't do anything anyway, it was better for them to not get hurt, right? Right. "On the other hand, I think that you could also call that noble." Or chivalrous, or whatever; taking the fall and keeping the mares safe. She liked that!
Though she also liked the idea of him doing something different and good, like finding an apple. Upon hearing his words and realizing his interest, Amary's smile brightened even more. "Of course there are apples around here, or at least apple trees; I don't know if they have any fruit on them anymore, but at least we can go and see. That would be a fun adventure, don't you think?"
Without waiting for so much as a nod, Amary suddenly slipped around the stallion so that she was standing beside him rather than facing him, and once properly situated close at his side she gave his shoulder a nudge to indicate it would be a good time to start walking. "And I know you're being silly, cause frowning is harder than smiling as far as actual muscle use goes, but that's very nice of you to say anyway. I don't want to be sad if I can help it, either, and I don't want to see anyone else sad, either. It's depressing by association, you know?"
Sighing, Amary leaned sideways in a gesture of mock anguish, raising her outside wing to pass dramatically over her eyes as she leaned her body almost completely up against Dante's side. He had a nice side, very sturdy and not at all boney; she had to say that stallions with pokey bones were unpleasant. But after a moment she was straightened up again, giggling at her own silliness. "But we should look for apples, don't you think?"
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Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 7:45 pm
"I'm not really sure how it should be defined but, I can tell you I am doing it for their best interest." With a solemn nod, Dante frowned knowing how strange he sounded most of the time. It didn't look as though it bothered Amary that much, since she usually just let his weird comments pass through the conversation. So yeah, in that sense, things were still going well!
He could only nod at her next statement, and he followed her movements and tried to focus on the area around them for anything red. It never occurred to him how bright the red on his hair must have shown, since it was strangely vibrant against the greens and browns around them. "Red can't be that hard to find... right?!" Or.. would this prove to be quite a challenge?
At her small nudge, the stallion brought his mind back on what Amary had said, since he was strangely flustered on focusing on the color red. "Well, either way I am glad you just, do what makes you happy, and yourself." Since he had always been taught that that was the most important thing to life! Well, besides happiness itself.
"Ah yes, back to apple searching.. you said they grow on specific trees? Its a pity that we are surrounded by.." he was about to count, but then he stopped himself. "..quite a LARGE amount of trees, don't you think?" Drooping his ears in a playful manner, he wondered if his silly idea was actually worth it afterall! "At least there is one expert here, since I have no idea what I am doing."
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Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 7:56 pm
Pleased to have gotten a suitable reaction, Amary allowed herself to dance forward, her energy unwilling to be bound into a slow meandering pace at the stallion's side for the duration of the hunt. Granted, she had no idea how long they'd be hunting, but already the mare was spinning castles of an epic adventure. Or something.
"Well, that depends on how much red there is around, I'd say. I mean, I think that I would stand out really well to an observer, but then there's nothing else like me around. You'd have to be looking at me, though, and if someone's not looking, well..."
Shrugging helplessly, Amary danced back to the stallion's side, nestling against him with a giggle at his teasing words. "And I'm hardly an expert. I don't even know if there even ARE any more apples this late in the year, but looking is half the fun, don'cha think?" And even if he didn't think that, she did. But she hoped he'd let himself have fun, it was better for him than being broody.
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Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 8:11 pm
It hadn't occurred to Dante why the mare kept doing little physical reactions. Whether it was nuzzling, or coming close to his side, the stallion felt conflicted in what she was doing. It already was awkward enough for him to see a mare touching him as if it were normal, since to him it wasn't! Maybe he really was strange, but Dante didn't grow up around physical things like that. He was always very reserved and to himself, and he wondered if this is what his mother meant when she taught them about 'flirting'.
"Well," he then pondered, with a shifty voice, "I agree, looking certainly is fun." Of course, FINDING apples would be better. "But I have to say, this is the longest I have ever spent with someone new. Most people either stalk me, or run away. Sometimes I wonder how other's think, but I have always understood how shallow personalities can be." With a snort, he then brought his eyes on the female while calmly eying her. "But I could tell right away that you weren't like that, which I am thankful for!"
But alas, it was stupid to rant. He then turned his eyes back on the scene in front of them, and continued to search for any apple trees.
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Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 8:26 pm
Oblivious to the thoughts that her behavior was provoking in the stallion, Amary continued on as she was, nestling against the stallion's hide one moment and skipping ahead or off to the side to peek through the trees the next. It was like a game to her, but one where the actual game didn't matter...though she really would have rather been able to SHARE an apple with Dante. She just so thought he'd enjoy one, because how could he not? How could anyone not like an apple?
Though she had to say that even NOT finding an apple was fun, light as her mood had become. He was such an interesting and novel companion, this was one of the most enjoyable meetings she'd ever had!
So it was very nice of him to compliment her in turn. "Well, it's their loss to judge you, Dante, because you might be a bit serious, but you're a really fun guy to talk to. And to look at, if you don't mind me actually venturing into shallow territory." As she spoke, she allowed her eyes to once again rake over the stallion's body, a brazen look that briefly allowed her interest to shine forth before it was reduced once again to an innocently cheeky grin. "But their loss is my gain; I'm glad you're having fun, because I am too!"
With that, she danced ahead again, peeking through the hedgerows. "Still no red, do you see any?"
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Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 8:49 pm
Sadly, the stallion was having a hard time finding any apples in the many meshes of trees. He did notice though, that the sun was beginning to set on the quieting horizon, and it was after a moment that he realized how late the day was becoming.
Nighttime was a different time for Dante, and he usually hid himself for the sake of safety..
"I hate to even say it, but.." he felt sad, since he didn't want to leave the bubbly mare. "I am afraid I have to leave." There he went again, being all mysterious and odd. "But do you think I can search for apples with you again? I think we will have to find a different area, anyhow." With a light chuckle, he shook his mane out and hoped that the female would be up for the challenge again. Did this mean he actually had a friend?
This certainly was news to him, and he was giddy in the sense of excitement. "I will have to look for you again, but at least your coloring will be familiar to my eyes." From now on, he would have to watch the skies for the sight of Amary. "Well, is that ok?" Or did that make him sort of creepy..
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