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 Posted: Sun Sep 16, 2007 10:09 pm
"I do not see the anger in her." Autsu murmured softly, as the girl's eyes met his own. "It is strange. The only other without anger was Ein. Perhaps she was sent as a child."
It was a theory, and it was something to say while he tried to find a way to respond to Kian's words. Which he had expected. But not. Because, of course, when you're setting yourself up to fall, it's very important to pretend you can't see what you're doing. Regardless of what the view might show you.
Regardless of the questions waiting for answers.
"I have not heard your singing voice, Anne." He said at last, and this then, was a step in a different direction. Away from the fire they'd been passing between them. He was not ready, not quite ready, to acknowledge it openly. But he might have to, soon, if he ever wanted to.
There might not be much time.
"Are you sure you will be so good at putting me to bed?"
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Posted: Sun Sep 16, 2007 10:17 pm
"Unless children on her planet wear see-through clothing with wide hips and breasts, she was not a child. Dee apeared innocent enough." Kians voice, as ever, was his light monotone, watching as the girl inspected and petted each fiber she could reach. Then, she simply rolled off of the couch.
Kian started, his eyes widening but no yelp came. No noise. Instead, the little girl shoved herself up and started petting the carpet. Or tile. Whichever they chose to put there, either way, it was fascinating.
On her homeworld, only the elite recieved such fabrics or stone. She was now one of the elite? In the ugly little body?
The older alien simply stared at his neice before sighing, shaking his head with a small grumble. "She never makes noise. Not ever. Not once. I think she may be a mute. Iamel has started calling her... Mm. Helen Keller?"
A shrug and then his eyes, all three oft them, moved back to Autsu. He paused, openly contemplating his friends statement, and the question. "I cannot judge my own voice. Parental forced me to sing once and he said it was agreeable. Too deep for his tastes?" A question at that and Kian shrugged, one eye flicking to the smal girl who was more then absorbed in the ground.
"I cannot be sure of anything anymore, my friend. Life is different, now. I am as well. At least I can try to put you into the bed and help you sleep. If I fail..." He faltered, shoulders rising in a rather human shrug. "If I fail, then at least I can say that I attempted. That, in my opinion, is worse then never trying at all. That is true failure."
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Posted: Sun Sep 16, 2007 10:26 pm
"My people do not develop either at any age. So perhaps it is possible." He too watched her fall from the couch, surprised by her silence. But the reference to a name meant nothing to him, so he simply filed it away, and continued to watch.
"There is a fabric store Sussare likes. Perhaps she would find such a place interesting." It wasn't merely idle chatter. His infant times, and much of the toddlerness that had followed had been very hard. Full of hurt and anger and loneliness. It would please him to see her happy. "It has much to touch."
They had come a safe distance from the fire, and now Autsu could think clearly, instead of taking masochistic delight in the teasing back and forth. There was a kindness in his friend's words, but an awareness too. So, he considered himself changed?
"There is much I would like to try, before--" He cut himself off quickly, realizing that he could not allow himself to finish that statement. He was not yet ready to speak of the possibilities allowed. "Before things change again. I too, think it is important to try."
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Posted: Sun Sep 16, 2007 10:38 pm
"No?" Kian smiled, briefly, as DDR kept toying with the ground. She couldn't walk, not yet, her muscles simply weren't ready - but she managed to pull herself on the floor. Mainly? On her stomach. She was wriggling like Kians snake, toes pushing at the ground until her fingers came in contact with another piece of furniture. A table.
It was wood.
That was interesting.
"I will take her, then, if I could find out where it is located." He shut up for a moment as Autsu spoke, merely watching as his odd little niece continued her exploration. At least things were not going into her mouth, as he had seen his smaller siblings do.
A quiet moment and Kian sighed, shifting foreward so he slid off the arm of the chair and his knees rested onto the cushions. They were soft and, as he leaned into the couch and rested his cheek on the top of it, he was comfortable. His tail was far enough from the arm to not be pressed uncomfortably so.
"Then do these things, Tsu. Things can change quickly. Why would you want to waste it? Just do these things and do not regret if they make you happy." He paused, snorting briefly in hidden amusement. "As long as that happiness is not brought on by... kicking pupppies or some such thing. That is cruel."
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Posted: Mon Sep 17, 2007 8:23 pm
Autsu was perched on the back of a couch, while his best (only) friend knelt on the cushions, and there was probably something that was supposed to happen. Something introspective and wise and self aware, because it was about time he grasped at least one of those concepts. But all he knew was that every path he considered seemed to end poorly. There was no right answer here.
Do what made him happy. What if he didn't know what that was anymore? And what if his happiness was equivalent to kicking puppies, worse, kicking people he loved?
He swung his feet absently, as if he might kick something, just to release some of the tenseness.
"Perhaps, when I am sure of what that is, I will try. For now, I am still trying to figure out what I am supposed to want."
That, at least, was well put. He'd given up on knowing what he did want. He was ready for someone else to tell him. Narin had already put his cards on the table. Now, if everyone else would do the same, he could know who's bet for him was best.
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Posted: Mon Sep 17, 2007 8:36 pm
Kian, from his perch on the cushions, simply watched Autsu contemplate. He sounded almost sad, rather lost in his words. Figuring out what made you happy, what you wanted, was something Kian himself was struggling with. Things like that weren't decided in a day, if at all.
His tail swung to the side, off the couch, and Kian pushed himself further onto his knees. Broad hands rose up to rest on Autsus knees and Kians back stretched out, rising up a bit more and using his friends legs as a lever.
"This," The dark alien said rather seriously, "is not done out of anger, Autsu."
It wasn't. In fact, as Kian pushed himself up further to press a rather firm kiss to his friends lips, it was anything but angry. There was curiousity and determination and... Autsu. There was definately quite a bit of Autsu and he smelled like his friend and Kian, himself, was rather hoping he didn't get punched in the stomach.
Violence was always a very plausable reaction to having your best friend suddenly kiss you. At least he tried.
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Posted: Mon Sep 17, 2007 8:53 pm
It was not their first kiss. It was, in fact, not even their second kiss. And as far as the total number of kisses that Autsu had recieved, it did not break into the top one hundred. But it was a kiss, a kiss from his friend. His friend who was not supposed to be kissing him. Specifically from Anne, who last they'd spoken, had not seemed to fully understand the significance of such an action.
His hands fluttered helplessly against the air, and then, as if they, the hands of a soldier, could not be left so out of action, they reached, and his fingers were tangled into Kian's hair, as he tried, desperately, to hold onto this, the mindless sensual feeling of it, before the 'whys' and 'what ifs' caught up with them.
It was erotic, even like this, so unplanned and unscripted. Autsu felt himself quake with it, a shiver that ran down his spine and woke each of his nerve endings as it passed.
It had been a very long time since he'd felt this way.
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Posted: Mon Sep 17, 2007 9:03 pm
Poor Autsu. Poor, poor Autsu. Kian was too caught up in the actual moment of it all to try and contemplate what this all meant. This was his third kiss, in both lives, and the first one with the intent and planning on his part. He knew what his intent was, with this kiss. It was to make those fingers slide into his hair, to pull him closer. It was to make Autsu shudder. Kian wanted reactions, a confirmation of...Well. he wasn't sure what of.
But there it was. Aknowledge ment that he wasn't the only one who could be affected by the other.
Fingers slid up, inching up higher on Autsus thighs until it was nearly improper before they slid off, digging his nails into the couch arm instead. The fabric broke under the pressure of his webbed claws and Kian leaned closer, his head slanting to the side.
There were no fireworks, no instant explosion in his body at this kiss. It was a low burning, making him acutely aware of the others fingers on his scalp, the others frame shivering against his own and it made him want to return the gesture, made him want to push further, harder. Kian wasn't quite sure how.
Instead, his lips parted for the briefest of gasps, taking in the other before kissing him again, harder and unbeknownst to him, that tail rose up to wrap around the others lower leg, squeezing tightly.
Very nice.
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Posted: Mon Sep 17, 2007 10:23 pm
There were fingers sliding up his thighs and... a tail wrapping around his leg... and lips... and Autsu couldn't help it. He moaned against Kian's lips, one of his hands slipping from that mass of dark hair to trace down the other's spine, wanting very much to explore, to find more, to make more of this.
And there was a part of him, a very awake, very real part of him, that was screaming STOP but he was not yet ready to do it, could not physically make himself do it, because most of his body was simply a chain of wants and all those wants were focused now, on Kian, on this perfect needed being.
He did need this, didn't he? Regardless of right, regardless of what he might or might not deserve, he needed this.
His hands clenched reflexively, and his wings had somehow pulled tightly against his back, as if they too were straining to get closer.
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Posted: Mon Sep 17, 2007 10:36 pm
The clawed alien muffled the moan with his lips, pressing tighter against him, closer until he could feel the heat radiating off the winged boy. His own fingers flexed in reflex of the touch to his spine and those fingers, so delicate looking and nimble, stroked down a bit of skin that had never been touched before expect to cause pain.
His own voice was that of a pleased whimper, breath hitching just minutely before the boy pulled back. The dark gray skin was flushed under the hue, lips parted as he attempted, lamely, to catch his breath. That, definately, was better then that stupid book. It had been the touch, however, that simple, desired touch that had brought the boy out of his haze.
Kian had never been touched before. That was too new, too different, and all he could do was hover there, hands still on the arm of the couch as all three eyes stared at his best friend. There were still Autsus fingers, clutching in his hair and while he wanted to... to.. He wasn't sure he wanted to do but he wanted.
There was desire. He knew that much. Desire and the want to be torn apart by something he couldn't quite place. "I." Kians voice was rough and he swallowed in an attempt to soothe it, to push aside the things swelling in his mind like a wave.
"There is much I would like to try before things change again." His words parroted, verbatim, the sentence Autsu had spoken before. There was a different tone to it, though, something less hesitant. Kian was confident, in nearly everything he did. Here, at least, he had to pretend. "I blame Lissel. She gave things names, Autsu. I wish to be.."
There was a stuggle, now. He didn't know the words for it - not in the Gaian tongue nor his former language. There were no words. "I wish to be. Touching is just.. I am only touched to be hurt. It is too new."
Simple. Lame. He wasn't pushing him away and, hopefully, would not be pushed away. Too hard, anyway. Autsu wouldn't - couldn't - accept. But, as he had said before, at least he tried.
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Posted: Tue Sep 18, 2007 10:14 am
Wait... whu... huh? Autsu blinked at Kian blankly, as his mind tried to surface from the haze of desire and once again gain control of the situation. His hands dropped numbly to his sides, and he tried to focus, but Kian's words made little sense at the moment. Lissel? What?
And then the fact of what happened hit him, lightning from the heavens. What the hell did he think he was doing? Did Kian think he was doing? What had either of them... his hands clenched into fists as passion was replaced by realization and it hit him that he should not be doing these things. And Kian... well Kian had a right to more than this. But still...
He had not kissed Kian. Kian had kissed him.
"I--"
Well, this was awkward.
"Maybe--"
He was an idiot, god he was an idiot.
"Anne... I... desire you." Oh, brilliant start, just brilliant. "But I can not... it is not... things will change again. I have nothing to promise you."
Was there a nice way to say, 'I'll always love someone else more.'?
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Posted: Tue Sep 18, 2007 12:10 pm
There was no nice way, really. It wasn't as if Kian was trying to disillusion himself. He knew why Autsu had been sent to Gaia, he had heard the way his voice and demeanor changed whenever the subject had brought up and how he kept that drawing under his bed, along with the other rememberances from his previous life.
"I was not asking for a promise, Autsu. I was explaining myself, not trying to... To extract anything from you." Except, of course, when he was. Kians words were said rather simply, as if he had expected as much. And he had, in a way. He had expected anger or a denial of anything else he had stated to the alien previously. Violence, prehaps. But Kian always expected violence. It was his way. "You want me but you do not want me. I don't say much but I observe things. I have watched you. And I..."
Once again, he struggled with words. There had never been any reason to talk like this in his previous life, or this life, until now. There were never any words to describe what he was thinking or feeling. Hell, he wasn't even sure what he was feeling.
"Thing will change. I simply... Had to know. What would happen. How I would react. If you would react. If you would care." There. A different start. Kian shrugged as his tail moved away from Autsu, his frame soon following. "I apologize, Tsu. I had no right. There is a reason I don't act on my emotions, much." A bland smile at that and Kian was back onto his side of the couch. He was quiet once more and his fingers stilled on his knees, now pulled up to his chest.
The gray youth was sorry, indeed. He had prehaps ruined the only friendship he had in this life - in either lives - because he had to be stupid. Lissel was wrong. It had not been worth it, trying to find out. Ignorance was bliss sometimes.
"I apologize." He repeated, more to himself then to Autsu.
DDR, from half way across the room, merely watched the two with amused bright green eyes, her head cocked to the side. They were so... Silly. She could read body language.
Both of them were so ******** up and both not understanding what the other was saying, despite there being words. Silly boys.
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Posted: Tue Sep 18, 2007 1:37 pm
"Shut up, ally." It came out with out intention, a harsh attempt to stop the flow of self incrimination coming from his friends mouth. He didn't want to hear any of it, not from Kian. He was too good to feel that way, had no reason to feel that way. He was not good at these things, so perhaps he had not chosen the best words yet. So be it. He would be rough and blunt, and try, despite himself, to make his point.
"Do not apologize, and do not make a villain of yourself." Oh yes, this would work. He would yell at Kian, and that would make things all better. Idiot.
"I want you. You. If I wanted anyone else, I would have them by now." Well, that came off a little arrogant, didn't it? But there was truth there. He would have had an easier time, pursuing someone that wasn't a friend. Narin would not have cared, not about mere desire. It was... the rest that made it complicated.
"But I am not free, Anne." His fingers found the black ring he now wore on his right hand, and twisted it anxiously. "You deserve one who is... who can... one who will think of only you."
How had he let this happen? One would think, he would have learned from the whole exile thing, that he wasn't worthy of relationship. That his desires were always wrong in some way. And here he was, having just gotten a taste of something he had been trying so hard not to pursue, and his friend was unhappy. Because of him. Because of the way he wanted.
"I serve him first, Ally. It is how I am made. I can... care... very much for you, but it not enough to break that."
And that, he realized, was that. Narin would come, if he did as he said he would, and Autsu would go. Because it was all he could do.
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Posted: Tue Sep 18, 2007 1:51 pm
"I was not making a villian of myself." His temper flared automatically at his friends accusation, legs falling and he allowed himself a glare at Autsus direction. "I was making a statement and trying to explain myself. It is not as if I do this every day, you know."
That's right Kian. Get snappish. That would help it all if they fought. Maybe punching each other would get out some frustation. But, no. The last time that had happened, Autsu had kissed him then as well. That is what started all of this, what had made it all click. Stupid Autsu. He should've kept his lips to himself.
Despite the fact that Kian had pushed him to it of course.
"Think only of me?" Que confusion there. Kian halted the angry words on his tongue at that sentance, scowling a little as he tried to figure them out. Think only of him. Why did that matter? To his knowledge, jealousy didn't exist. Anger replaced it. Some would call that jealousy. "What does that have to do with anything? It is not as if you were picturing him while I was kissing you so why would I care? It is different."
For the first time outside of battle, Kian used his tail. It lashed and wrapped around that right hand, pulling tightly at Autsus limb. "Do not be stupid, Autsu. Do you know anyone else who would put up with me, let alone understand anything? You are the only friend I have every had, I desire you and I do not care if it is not just me. I am also very stubborn, friend, despite not being very intelligant in these things." Kian fell silent for a long moment at Autsus words. "I am not enough. That is the way you were made. Even if you go back someday, if you can, at least..."
He shook his head, frustrated at his own lack of eloquence. "I want to be selfish, my friend. Even if you leave and forget all about me, I want to be selfish or at least try to be. If you wish me to stop, say no."
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Posted: Tue Sep 18, 2007 4:33 pm
And Autsu... did not say no. How could he, when things were laid so bare. And he wanted his chance too, he did. Maybe he would be left waiting. Maybe Narin would not forgive him, after the way he had acted. He did not know what would happen. Could not know. But he knew he wanted Kian, knew he cared for him.
Wasn't that supposed to mean something? Well, far be it from him to know the answer of that.
"We can... if you are willing..." He shook his head. God, listen to him stutter like I child. "I do wish to try this. But I... I am not good at these things, Kian. If I was, I would not be here. It will be... awkward, sometimes."
Yeah, like right now.
He looked at the tail wrapped tightly around his wrist, one hand possessed by two different forces. And oh, how they'd hate each other if they ever met.
He was insane.
"As it is now. I do not know what happens next."
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