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And really, that's what choice is about. I realize that not everyone wants to bike everywhere. So I don't go around persecuting those who drive cars.

But, believe it or not, but there are nuts out there (especially in Santa Cruz), who believe that cars should be abolished and that people should only use bikes and mass transportation everywhere.

Your life =/= everyone else's.

It's not hypocritical to not feel that everyone should live the same way you do.



But it *is* a baby to *you*. When we're talking irrational, we pick up something hot and instinctually fling it away from us. It doesn't matter if it lands on the floor and shatters into a million pieces or hits someone else; you can't think of the ramifications because your first instinct is to let go of the hot thing that is burning you.

Just because something is not the most logical decision does not make it any less valid. What's the difference between two women who keep a pregnancy? Their reasoning behind it. One might be planning children at a certain age, and the other might simply have fallen pregnant accidentally but cannot fathom having an abortion.

Others may truly be strong enough to feel that going through pregnancy and birth only to give up the baby to someone else is the better decision, and still others will feel that no one can provide the love and care for a baby other than themselves.

We all make choices, and just because one may seem "logically" better than the other, each choice is just as valid.



Well, it's a lot like what we see when we drive. When I make a stupid blunder on the road and cut someone off because I didn't see them, I think, "Oh, silly me, they'll understand because I didn't see them".

Of course, every time that someone cuts me off, I automatically assume that they're being malicious assholes.

So I'm sure that every time I make a mistake, that's how I'm viewed as well.

But I think that the most important thing is not how I'm viewed by others, but how good I feel about making decisions for myself. I could not sleep at night knowing I had made the wrong choice for myself, and I think that most women who are choicers understand that very well.

However, you do have people masquerading under the guise of "choice" who really just want to stop people from having babies EVER for a myriad of their own personal reasons. These people are just as bad as any Lifer, because they want to force women to do what THEY want to do just because they don't have the ability to stop projecting their personal lives onto EVERYONE ELSE.

For the record, though, I've always been kind of uncomfortable with the people who have argued that if a Lifer forced them to keep a baby that they'd abuse and hurt it.

I feel that just because something unfair happens to you does not mean that you should abuse others about it. Get back at the people who did it to you, but punishing a born child is incredibly hypocritical.



I'm 22. I'm married. I live in an apartment with my husband. I just got a job with the county and I'm going to be starting my "probation period" on Monday. I have good credit. I'm out of college. I'm good with kids.

Some people would say that I'm perfectly ready to have children, and others would say that I would be dooming them to a life of poverty and misery if I had them now.

However, *they* don't get to choose for me. *I* (and my husband) get the choice. If we have kids, we do it because we want to. And if we don't, that is also our right.

I know that it would probably be *smarter* to abort if I got pregnant right now because I would eventually like to live in a house with the ability to have pets and stuff like that. But at the same time, it would still be possible to have a baby even now.

I'm not sure what I would do, even though my logical mind says abortion is the best way to get the stuff I want.

But then again, I've never been much of a consumer. I prefer the experiences and beautiful moments of life than the idea of amassing objects with my money. To me, the most important things are those that I do with those I care about, not the stuff that falls in between.

And I think that has a LOT to do with what choice I would make regarding abortion.

i look at all the friends i know.....now, some have changed.

.....but some i know will always stay the same.

Chachamaru-kun, I also freak out and feel awful killing a bug. But I don't think having an abortion would make me crazy. I'd have to be sure it was what I wanted before I did anything. Then again, I'm never sure....

One of the things that's interesting for me (as a person who personally doesn't want to have an abortion) is being in a place where I would probably have to have an abortion if I became pregnant. Frankly, I'm mentally unstable. I'm on two medications, one of which is rated as causing fetal defects and the other of which is unknown either way. Even assuming I stayed on them both, the pregnancy itself might unbalance me enough that I would be a danger to myself. I could probably come off of the one that is known to cause defects and still function, although there is a good chance I would have to drop out of school until the pregnancy was over. The one that is unknown I can't come off for even a short period of time without losing it.

So, here I am. Personally opposed to abortion (outside of certain illogical circumstances) living with the knowledge that if I became pregnant, I might have to have one anyway. It's a very odd place to be in.

Spiral Out: I know exactly what you're talking about; they really are ignorant, because they always assume the choice is so bloody ******** easy.

I think I read a post by one pro-lifer who wouldn't judge someone if they had to make the choice, but was opposed to it himself.

I was amazed to see a post from a pro-lifer who didn't assume like all the others do.

Trying to win a war with them is fruitless; they're stuck in their opinions, and unwilling to yield or compromise.

wow, your post actually made me feel a little bit better. it's nice to know that someone shares my sentiments. 3nodding

see, i've got the same problem, but it's the exact opposite. meaning, i've aborted twice and i feel that if i get pregnant again that i HAVE to keep it. i know it's my choice, and that (legally) it doesn't make any difference whether i've been pregnant once before or ten times. it's not that i couldn't deal with it because i know i can. rather, it's the fact that quite a lot of people look down on women who have aborted even two or more times. now, don't get me wrong, i don't go off having unprotected sex just HOPING that i won't get preggers, i protect myself. i guess Trojan and Plan B just don't like me.

so, just wondering, does anyone have any insight here? srsly, i have to have the SHITTIEST luck of any 19 year old female on the planet.

I feel so good right now that everyone in this thread feels like I do when faced with an unexpected pregnancy.

Like I know it's the right decision to abort since I'm not financially, mentally, physically etc. able to carry to term but if faced with that choice I'd probably still freak out. When I first got my period I felt that my body had betrayed me and was spitting acid for weeks. I can only imagine what a full blown pregnancy would do for me.

I had a friend who had to abort a few years ago and she told me about it. Like afterwards how she felt she lost a part of herself and eventhough she felt that way she would have chosen the same thing again if she had to. But it killed her a little inside.

Have you made sure you're using the condoms correctly? A lot of people who use condoms were never taught how to properly use condoms (I know I've never been taught how to correctly use them), so they do things like don't squeeze the air out of the tip before use (the friction can lead to the condom breaking), use more than one condom at a time (once again, you get friction problems) and/or use oil based lubricants with latex condoms (oil breaks down the latex). Birth control can be surprisingly complicated to use. So, my first step would be to find someone--a doctor, planned parenthood, etc--to talk to about this. I'd bring everything you use: condoms, lubricant, all of it and see what the problem might be. Here is a place to start. Even if you are using the condoms completely effectively, those same people might have some good ideas on what good alternatives could be.