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 Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2007 7:05 pm
"In some form or another, everything that is said and done holds a warped sense of truth," Azumoth's tone became wry as he shifted his weight and moved forward somewhat to close the gap. His ears swivelling, he became aware of the scuffling nearby and as though it caused him no concern, he dismissed it. No sooner had he come to a halt again when another louder sound caught his attention and amber eyes shifted from the mare to the direction it had come from.
A pause, a slight twitch of his muscles and yet it seemed to have ceased. Again he chose to dismiss it, he had his suspicions and was fairly certain he already knew what it was however that didn't mean he was any less cautious. He really disliked intruders, while Bella was unaware of this fact she fell into this category and in truth the spirits must have favoured her a great deal. Usually, the stallion would have put the fear of the gods into the intruder by now and chased them away from his lands but instead...she had gained his attention, held his interest and had drawn him into a conversation quite unlike any he had previously experienced.
It almost seemed like she wanted to know him.
Of course he just couldn't let that lie. As usual, he had to destroy every possible form it may have chosen to take as its shape. Mentally, physically - regardless of how genuine the attempts might have been he always had to destroy them. His mother had been the only one to persevere until at last all barriers had shattered and the desire to rid her from his presence had gone.
...That had been a bit of a painful experience to say the least, the first and the last time he would break down and weep. There was a reason he kept his family close for even a creature as grotesque as he needed his security blanket and his rather unusual family provided that.
Unfortunately, this didn't include the mare however pleasant she might have been and without taking account of the logical side of his brain he had opted once again to go with that defensive desire. He had to remind her, to inform her of the reality of the situation she found herself in and that was that.
He was a beast, no arguments.
"I am the nightmare of this forest. The Keeper of these Barren lands," He whispered coolly, his eyes narrowed as he flicked his gaze back to the mare who seemed to have begun doubting herself once more. As though he had been stabbed in the chest he flinched but that overwhelming urge to correct her, to 'educate' her was impossible to ignore. He needed to tell her what he was, make her see and understand.
Sure, his mother argued that there was nothing wrong with him but his childhood had caused emotional scarring to run deep. He was inferior, he had to make her see.
"Surely you have noticed that this side of the forest, the further up you drift is colder. Darker." A small smile drifted onto his lips, or more of a warped smirk and he slowly shook his head, "The trees cast warped and twisted shadows upon a thin undergrowth and each way you turn looks exactly the same," He arched a brow thoughtfully and then released a small sigh.
"There is so very little water, so very little to eat...and you ask me what nightmares lurk in these forests?" While a voice protested at the back of his mind he chose to ignore it. There were some things that had to be done, had to be understood and known - even when what he deemed as important was nothing more than stupid in the eyes of another.
"You are staring at the greatest one of them all, as its speaks." He finally got to the point, "Grotesque, bestial and many other words have been uttered. As I said, you are not the first and will never be the last to stare."
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Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2007 7:54 pm
A scuffling regained her attention. Considering her already semi-defensive reminder that she was quite a ways away from the comfort of the plain, the return of the rattling caused her to jump a bit. A soft snort, ears pricked foward and turning in all direction, her own concern about the woods returning once again.
Azumoth might have been the ruler of the land, but that didn't mean other animals or . . . spooks . . .of the woods would leave her alone. Shaking out her short hair, her golden ringlets jingling around her furry hoof, the female began to remind herself that all would be well. . .
She wasn't easy prey even if she wasn't a fighter. . . But that didn't mean she couldn't be on the defensive.
Glancing back to Azumoth, glad to be in the company of the stallion, the fates laughed as a changed warped the woods. The shy, soft-spoken, unique individual before her sudden transformed in to. . . . in to something else. A darkness seemed to reach up and overwhelm him, some wire tripped to change what had been (for Bella) pleasant.
Whatever had she done wrong?
The word monster echoed in her ears just as it rang so confidently out of Azumoth's voice. Barriers were thrown up and his entire demeanor transformed in to something made of steel and barbed wire. Though his voice never reached above a whisper, the force behind his words and his narrowed gaze caused the mare to involuntarily lean back.
Her golden eyes went wide as his words began to register, a plethora of emotions drifting from one expression to the next. Was she actually hearing this? Was she actually the cause of such a response? A nightmare, him!?
Given, he was frightful to look at and could indeed easily be mistaken as a living nightmare. "But . . ." she gasped, breathless as she tried to find some sort of logic and reason. "Surely that isn't true! There are physical differences, yes, and some may indeed cast an intimidating aura upon first glance but. . . but surely you are no nightmare!"
It came out almost a desperate hiss, an argument that she could not - would not - give in to. How could he say such a thing about himself? Was he truly so broken of mind?
Bella had been frightened upon entrance in to his lands, and now that his walls were up, was beginning to feel, yet again, unsure. But after stepping out from his shadowy hideaway, after he had held a civil and pleasant conversation with her the mare could hardly believe such an idea and such a thought! Azumoth had smiled at her jokes, he had reached out to try to help her find her way home. . .
That alone separated him from the beasts and demons and spooks of the woods!
Bella had lived all her life seeking out beauty within the world. She had fast learned that even the ugliest of environments, the ugliest of plants and animals could hold beauty within. It was all just a matter of perspective, really. . . .
The world had been made to inflict such beauty. It came in many different forms, many different shapes, and quite often was NOT found through the physical alone. "You were kind to me," she whispered, still horrified by the change in event, "and that separates you entirely from something like . . . . like that!"
She couldn't even spit out such negative adjectives! She refused to give him the satisfaction of having him hear those words leave her lips and tickle his ears.
Her convictions were right, regardless of what he thought. But oh how it hurt to know that Azumoth felt that way! Oh how it hurt the sensitive mare to hear.
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Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 5:11 am
She still didn't see! Why did they never see?
He let out a small grunt of fury as the mare protested against his words and hardened his gaze. Steeling himself for the continuing protests he fought hard to ignore them, he couldn't let another tease him in that way. Sure, they all had good intentions but when he found something deep inside him in relation to them, that was most certainly not returned. They all spouted their protests, declared there was nothing wrong with him but that held no ground when it came to how they reacted.
They were physically repulsed!
"Why do you claim everything to be a farce!" He snarled at last, obviously referring to the mare's previous enquiry towards greater dangers in the forest. It seemed in her innocence, no...her naivety that she had been trained to block out truths that horrified her. At present he couldn't see that this seemed to parallel his own fears and his own defences but perhaps in time he would. He had plenty of years to kill, in his solitude he would consider it and mull it over only to realise his own stupidity when the deed had been done and he had frightened the individual into avoiding him entirely.
It was a vicious cycle.
"Look at me! Do not be so blind and naive as to assume that such ridiculous lessons apply. You stare at a creature who doesn't even have a heart!" His tone began to rise, eyes widening as the words slipped from his mouth. He had never once had a chance to shout at anyone before, they never let him...The moment his demeanour darkened they left him and that only served to confirm his already warped opinions.
"Your elders spout what they consider ideal but the real world, what exists within it is nothing like that!" Drawing himself to his full height again, the orb in his chest literally exploded with light, illuminating his peculiar farm which now appeared to be even more imposing. From the wound in his chest to the flexing spikes of his wings - apparently he knew exactly how to make himself look less approachable.
"You declare physical appearances to be no nightmare," He chuckled bitterly and shook his head, his expression was that of a sceptic as he drew closer and lowered his head just a little so that his muzzle was mere inches from her. The hot breaths brushing against her nose with each word he uttered in more hushed tones.
"A beauty like you would not understand how it feels to be teased and tortured, mulled into a false sense of security before having their emotions completely crushed," She had never known true pain, soquili were never cruel enough to harm someone so delicate as her...it had always been soquili like him who had been strung along. False whispers and promises, just because that one creature was curious to know what lay beneath the barriers...beyond the scars.
"They are never returned, in the end...nightmares like I remain alone exactly as they are born to be," He glanced at the shadows, the small smile still lining his lips as he dew away from the mare and glanced towards them. The twisted shadows mimicked his own warped shadow - here, he fit in...
"So, Miss Bella - do not spout idealistic views towards me when in time you will do exactly the same as the last one," He wouldn't allow it, he would make her see. Even now he could see the doubt in her eyes, that desire to flee and all he had to do was keep nudging until she bolted. Then he would play his role as was intended and pursue her - but it would be a calculated pursuit for as he did with all of them...he would show them the way out. He would show them the way home.
Of course they would never realise that, they would declare it a happy coincidence but sacrifices had to be made. He received no thanks but in exchange they never came back, just as he 'liked' it.
"Realise there are better in the world," Now he didn't even seem to be looking towards her as he continued to admire the shadows. Said shadows had began to flicker as the canopies shifted above head but this made no different in relation to how they looked.
Then, his eyes did shift back to her, that pretty and innocent face that seemed appalled by his behaviour. Again, the voice in the back of his mind raged and beat furiously at the impenetrable wall...that pain rose in his chest and he chose to ignore it.
"You will forget." He stated in a whisper, no hint of sadness lining his words.
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Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 9:27 am
So he did believe that he was but a nightmare, a twisted physical deformity upon the earth. He was as lost and broken a soul, shadowed within the dark as the woods he chose to live in. It hurt her to think that what had been a kind - if imposing - soul had to fall in to such shadows. . .
No, the nightmares in this woods weren't Azumoth himself but the negativity that surrounded him.
Perhaps his earlier attitude had been a mistake, a lie and yet. . . that couldn't be so! His arguments weren't against her but against himself. It was almost as if he were pleading that she agree with him, attempting to infuse her with the pain that others had caused him.
Foals weren't always kind and gentle. She had met her share of younglings that were less than kind - they could find flaw in any soquili no matter how beautiful they were! Bella herself had often been teased because of her slowness - she wasn't a fast runner, but then her body type and shape weren't as light boned or petite as her peers.
It wasn't ANYTHING close to the torment Azumoth must have felt but . . . but it hadn't felt very good. It seemed that enough mockery and pain had caused the stallion to believe and feed off every word. . . .
For shame.
As his tone began to rise Bella prepared herself for the worst. She refused to budge despite his approach though her head held high despite her inwardly uncertainty. He was losing his temper and fast but Bella REFUSED to give in to his words! It wasn't right . . .
"Not everyone out there is like those you speak of! Not everyone plays with emotions and teases. . . There is sincerity within the world, it's just a matter of finding it!" The way he held himself, wings spread and his face mere inches from hers caused the girl to want to back off. . .
But no. Then he would think she was repulsed by him which she wasn't! "You're unique in appearance but that doesn't make you ugly or grotesque! You're uniquely designed, designed to be a. . . a warrior sort." He had claws and teeth and wings - he could easily be a hunter or protector! Unless, of course, he wanted to go the other way and become a killer. . .
"Just because you have fierce additions doesn't make you a nightmare! I don't care what others said, they were fools! It isn't your horns and claws that make you unapproachable - its your hate for yourself that keeps others away!"
He must have done a darn good job running soqili off his lands. She expected she would be next, pushed away just like the others or run off his lands. Part of her trembled and was prepared for . . . for something but Bella would NOT let him scare her too, even if she wanted to be! Stubborness was in control and her anxiety could be dealt with later.
With the light radiating about the woods Bella stood strong and stubborn. It angered her to know how little confidence he had in himself. It upset her to know that his life was so . . . barren within the woods. That others feared him and treated him like a monster when he had been nothing but polite!
Bella had known that dark sides existed in the world. . .
And yet. . . she didn't like this side of life at all! If he could see his darkness so clearly why couldn't he see his light?
"Don't be so quick to judge," she snorted, pawing at the ground as he finished his words. She may have gotten herself turned around but that didn't mean she would forget the face of her friends. And Azumoth was hardly a figure to be easily ignored or forgotten.
((I read your teepee that when he gets angry he tends to lose all logic and potentially attack - I understand she could get in trouble if things continue to escalate but know that that's OK. :3 I'm rather enjoying this RP - I just apologize she's naive and has a stubborn streak of goodness in her. ^^; ))
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Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 3:09 pm
[[xD He's not angry yet (he's just being his childish/exasperated self), she's safe enough. I just find it refreshing to be able to play out this side of his personality...most just do as they're told and run. 8D]]
"You are female!" The stallion roared as if this tiny factor tipped the scales completely. It was almost as though he regarded her gender with a bitterness that couldn't be rivalled by the males. He had his reasons, the largest being that he was only attracted to females and knew exactly how they responded to what he was - or rather he remembered it. All those promises, those idealistic views...he had fallen for them every time as a colt and now he had chosen to harden himself.
He wouldn't do it again. Never.
This wasn't necessarily a good thing, given that this mare was probably genuine in her words but that didn't make him any less stubborn. He was old, had lived in these woods for many years and to be expected to change in the blink of an eye was not something he was capable of. Her words had come eight years too late, asking him to change and to accept such words would take months or possibly years.
Only his mother had that sort of patience.
"That very fact is enough - you are born with it in your blood!" He shrieked, his eyes widened desperately and he paced back and forth in an agitated manner. How could she not see? The others had, in seconds they had agreed and he had pursued them out of his forest. In certain cases he had forced them to beg for mercy as he ensured that he gave them a constant reminder of what he was...but she wouldn't, she kept pushing him.
Spouting her lies!
"Your kind, they cannot help themselves!" His voice continued to rise, more so out of desperation. He wasn't breathless but the urgency of his words caused them to be voiced at a rather rapid rate, "You start off with such wonderful intentions and then mere days later you declare your mistakes - you always do, you believe you can help. When you realise what that entails you run..." He chuckled lightly, shook his head and turned his amber eyes towards the swaying canopy - every so often he could see the faint glow of stars. Quaint.
"You always run," his voice softened as he seemed to regain some self control. Apparently if he avoided looking at the petite female he could calm himself. Nevertheless, while she may have been teased by foals he had received it from adults and children alike - that she could never know or understand.
"You always try to make it as painless as possible but each time it takes another little piece away. Everything disappears - I would sooner be alone than be teased in what can only be the cruellest of forms." A bitter smile climbed to his lips though as she referred to him as a warrior. The words echoed hollow in his ears for they were the exact words his herd had used - he was their weapon and nothing more.
Brutal honesty sometimes made the greatest impact though.
The darker side of him had already decided that he was intrigued by what her response might be. Let her flinch - she would see.
"Ten years is a long time to wait for sincerity, Miss Bella." He stated coolly.
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Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 4:29 pm
She was . . .she was female!?! What did her gender have to do with any of this? Why was the fact that she was born a she suddenly condone her to such a fate? Why did her gender drive the poor male in to such an upset state? Why, why, why!?
Why did others have to be so cruel, she thought bitterly. It was closed minded mares and stallions that had transformed Azumoth in to the 'monster' he thought of himself today. . . It were fools whose words had broken and transformed another in to something untouchable, someone so far down in the darkness that light didn't shine.
"Then I am even more sorry for my gender and the fools that have cursed my name!" Bella breathed, breathless and exasperated. Dropping her head, her amber eyes closed for a moment as a flare of anger tainted her horror at his negative views. Damn the idiots of the world for their loose tongues and holier-than-thou attitudes whom served none but themselves. Would he have felt any better had she agreed with him? Well. . . it didn't matter, oh no. She refused to look upon him as a freak.
It appeared that others had thought the same as she. . . But anyone could see that reaching out to the stallion would be no easy task. He was stubborn and set in his ways - he seemed too afraid to be hurt yet again to allow any in.
Well. . . fine. So it would take time and work - a lot of time and work - but wouldn't it be worth it? Bella couldn't just stand there and let him think so low of her gender. Not every soquili was kind, for sure, but just because others had failed didn't mean that everyone would! It physically hurt the mare to know what lay deep within the exotic stallion. . .
No one should ever have had to live such a broken life.
Just as it took day by day, word by word, tease by tease to mold Azuomth in to the creature he was today, so his defenses would have to be won over and removed, one by one, brick by brick. There were mountains in her way but . . . .
but Bella was too good of heart and too naive to let the work intimidate her. If she could do nothing more in her life than maybe, just maybe, she could earn another's trust or friendship. . .
And such a friendship wasn't handed out only to those who so readily accepted it.
Let Azumoth make his blasted assumptions. Let him believe that she was but a fool destined to hurt him so. . . Well, Bella refused to give in to the title. It wasn't because it would be a challenge or a project that made her want to reach out to the shadowed male - it was because it was the only thing she could offer him in hope to heal.
He had shown her kindness despite the sudden shift in attitude. That was enough for Bella.
As he bitterly spat out his words the mare pricked her ears forward in response. Ten years. . . ? Ten years of what - of proving that she was genuine? Of proving that she wasn't afraid, that there was more to him than he believed? That there was more than a heartless demon that made friends with the shadows of the woods. . . Ten years?
"Than consider this meeting day one of such a count down. Ten years is nothing in the scheme of friendships. . . Offend me all you wish by dubbing me a failure already - we'll see who is more right in due time."
And that, as far as Bella was concerned, was that. The girl felt no ounce of regret of this meeting and the fear she'd felt earlier was burned away by stubborn anger of her own.
She'd made up her mind and there was no going back on her word.
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Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 5:19 pm
Oh holy mother of god!
Friends again? Why was it always 'friends'? He didn't need any more friends, they were thrust upon him and drawn to him like wasps to honey. He didn't want them and yet they still came regardless of how often he swatted them away. They were a nuisance, all idealists who spoke utter nonsense and proved themselves to be no more than soquili on a quest to make their mark in the world - to prove themselves worthy of some god forsaken individual they wished to court.
Tame a beast, find a legendary flower - child's play to them. Or at least it was until they actually met the beast and discovered that finding such a flower was a more difficult task than they imagined. While the darkness was thick on the surface, they had no idea just how thick it was where that flower lay. For that reason and that reason alone, Azumoth had sought to protect it and as of yet only one stallion had proven his worth.
In a lapse of intelligent thought, Azumoth had given way to compassion. The stallion had shown fear but at the same time he had come to prove his love. Said stallion had no intention of interfering with Azumoth's life and so Azumoth had shown him to the cloister that would reveal the flower. Ah yes, even a beast could be sentimental on occasions but it had never happened again.
Nevertheless, she had misunderstood his statement and in doing so she had twisted his words to her advantage. He had made reference to years in terms of how old he was and how many years he had endured this life - she had chosen to take it as a challenge! Why were they always so infuriating? It was always the mares that were more idealistic than the stallions!
Why couldn't she see?
Slumping his shoulders, he mulled over her words for a few moments and closed his eyes. Snubbing the light in his chest as though it were nothing more than a delicate flame, it was then and only then that he shook his head. He was tired, his outbursts always made him weary and this mare was far more of an idealist than the others - apparently very strong in her beliefs though he knew she would be the same.
He would grow to revere her and she would break his heart. It wouldn't be her fault of course, she would be herself and he would crave that beautiful soul, he'd want to make it his. It was his lack of social upbringing and a secure home that had led him to have an almost childish view of the relationships between soquili - to him they were black and white, while to normal soquili they were much more complex.
He had tried so hard to understand but he couldn't, in that he was naive.
"I need no more friends," He stated flatly, folding his wings tighter against his sides in a supportive hug. His eyes remained closed if only so he didn't have to see her face, "I need no more kind words, I have those and embrace them according to their worth. My mother knows this and so too do those who have the honour of residing in my lands." He paused, releasing a shaky breath through parted lips. Evidently when he was tired, he didn't have quite so much control in relation to how he expressed himself.
"I have understanding and companionship, I am honour bound to guard these lands and do not need the influence of an Outsider to cloud my thoughts." Opening his eyes slowly, the stallion kept his gaze level on the mare. In some perverted way he was rather impressed by her stubbornness but one day it would be the end of her. Not everyone had as much control as he did.
"You do not realise it, but you all make false promises. You believe you can keep them...but you can't."
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Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 9:25 pm
Bella watched as the darkness before her seemed to bury himself within his armor and cloak. His head dropped, his thick locks of mane falling forward as another moment of silence passed between them.
Perhaps she had been foolish to argue, her mind questioned. No. The answer was there and she knew in her heart she was right. He was blinded by the hurt of others, his thoughts were twisted and skewed. . He was an enigma, a mystery cloaked in shadow. But Bella didn't wish to open him up and see what made him tick. . . She didn't wish to poke and pry in to his affairs, to preach to him daily about 'seeing the light'. . .
No, he'd have to discover his own light and within his own time.
But that didn't mean she would look on him as a freak or abandon him to the shadowed woods. He was no beast and monster - Bella didn't associate with those sorts!
Giving herself a shake, flipping her short mane back from her eyes, she pawed at the ground with a golden hoof. "I never said you had to consider me as a friend - but you have no right to dictate what I think of and refer you." She stated mildly, not at all put off by his arguments though exhausted in her own right by the . . . disagreement.
It wasn't going to be easy - far from it! But Bella had her entire life to try. . . .
"And also," she pointed out gently, "please make note that I never once promised anything." But just because it wasn't an official vow didn't mean her words would fail so easy. "If you are so confident in your assumptions, Azumoth, than you have nothing to fear. I'm not asking for your trust, I'm not asking for your anything. Just know that I'm. . . here."
And that was that.
She had never wanted the argument to get so heated or wild. She had never wanted to upset the quiet stallion, the broken soul of the forest. Falling quiet, eyes lowering to the ground, Bella still refused to run scared or retreat. . . . And she refused to forget her words.
If he knew everything that entered the woods and all the secrets it possessed than he would know when she returned. She could visit without having to see him face to face, disrupt his shadowy existence or disturb his peace. And that was what she intended to do, fearful of the woods or not.
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Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 3:52 am
"You do not have to voice a promise to make one," Azumoth corrected, sounding quite the school teacher as he regained his composure and pulled himself to his full height again. It didn't take him long to regain his strength, the very reminder that the moment she left he could rest was enough to give him the little jolt of energy he required. Yes he was tired, but years had practice had honed his skills and he was going to abuse it to within an inch of its life if he had to.
He would not look weak, those brief moment aside anyway.
"You are unaware of it but you already have made a promise, an oath...whichever way you choose to perceive it you have said something that you cannot commit to," He had a point in his mind. She would get bored when she wasn't received by anyone and should she come at the wrong date - that thought alone caused him to stiffen and for his eyes to dilate. His teeth gritted as he recalled with loathing that his birthday hadn't been long ago...he still wasn't aware of whether or not that unicorn was dead, when he had returned her form was gone but that could have meant anything.
He was a monster but he wasn't going to allow this one to end up in the same state. Bella was different, she had come into his home and while she was stubborn she would see. It was a necessary evil of course, she believed there was good in him and he had a suspicion she would continually intrude on his territory unless he did something drastic.
No, he wasn't going to physically harm her.
...But he would tell the truth.
She wanted to know what was inside him, what 'light' he possessed and yet he had none to see. The 'light' he had resided in his chest, there was nothing figurative about it - it was there and that was that. His expression clouded for a few moments as he observed the mare. It was a shame that it had to be done, every single one of them needed to be educated but never had it come to this point. He had never had to confess to anyone before, but she just couldn't see...it was his only option.
"You are not and will never be here again," Azumoth pointed out in the same cool tone as before, his gaze level on her small form. "That which you have experienced today will never happen again - take that as you will, an order, demand or request but know that I speak from experience." Already the images of his assault on the unfortunate mare flashed into his mind...she had made one wrong turn and had ended up in such a state. He'd only had the gall himself to come back home after his tiny mother had located and pleaded with him.
"If you opt to disregard my advice, you will not come out of this forest alive the next time you are foolish enough to enter." He stated, shifting the weight from his right hind hoof to his left. It hadn't been intended as a threat but the lowland soquili always seemed to take it as such and there was nothing this stallion could do about that now was there? Instead, he simply took a few moments to look down at his only chest and very carefully nipped at the gaping wound on his right side.
A warrior his a**, he didn't have that kind of honour and didn't deserve that title!
"That is my promise."
Another pause and he drew his gaze away from the wound in his chest, grimacing mildly as the attention he had provided it with made it throb. He truly hated when such things happened, it was beyond annoying but as with all things he would endure - at least it had stopped bleeding some time ago.
"Therefore Miss Bella, I now present you with a choice..." Flicking his amber eyes back to the mare he placed the dark smirk onto his lips and shook his head, "You take my offer of assistance and I lead you to the exit of my forest, I ensure your safety for the duration and you never return. Or, you may wander aimlessly in these lands until you die of hunger and thirst."
"...It is your decision alone."
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Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:49 pm
Boy oh boy was he ever difficult. Bella wondered how their casual conversation had suddenly transformed in to something so dark! She listened to the stallion and thought about her spoken words. . . .
So she hadn't literally promised but she had given him her word. Azumoth was correct in the sense that she had given her oath but it upset her that he assumed, yet again, that it was words she we would allegedly fail to commit to. That bothered her. Bella didn't want to fail in what she'd spoken and she most certainly didn't want to prove Azumoth right!
What was so wrong with him that made this so difficult? Even this entire conversation was taxing but Bella still refused to give in. It just didn't make any sense!
"Why does it have to be this way?" She finally blurted out, stamping her hoof in annoyance at the situation. She wanted to revisit the woods. . . perhaps not roam in to his territory, she would respect his privacy, but that didn't mean she wouldn't wander within the paths that had originally drawn her in. "It seems that you're turning this in to a self-fulfilling prophecy! Despite my desire to return or visit you claim I will not and make orders and demands that I cannot!"
It just wasn't fair! Yes, she knew life was far from fair but for some reason this entire situation seemed ridiculous! Ears pinned back to her head, finding herself at crossroads within her soul, the mare was turned around completely. "Why is it so wrong for me to speak to you and visit you? Why is it that I'll die if I take such a chance to prove my sincerity? I don't want to have to leave and say 'well, I met this stallion named Azumoth once. . .' I don't want to have to sit back and wonder and question about whether you're doing well. . . . I want to be blessed and know! So why cannot this be so?"
She was practically pleading with the shadowed stranger. It seemed to her and her ignorance that a broken soul such as he may very well benefit from a spot of kindness here and there. She wouldn't push herself on his life - even though in retrospect that was exactly what she was doing now - but the fact that he already doubted and assumed her sincerity. . . . the fact that this desire for kindness had a fatal touch!
No. Bella couldn't just accept such a future.
"Then if I return rest assured I shall prepare myself for such a deadly fate. If that's all that can be done than so be it. At least you'll know I came and at least you'll know I tried. When I come it will be because I want to, because I chose to. . . And I will not be afraid."
And that would be that. Bella didn't fear death, though she wasn't exactly suicidal. It wasn't that she didn't believe such a fate would happen, but that goodness sometimes needed to be sacrificed. Goodness was her blessing on this earth, and though death wasn't particularly a good shade for the girl, she was bright enough to know that everyone had an ending.
Tail swishing behind her, amber eyes dropped off Azumoth and glanced around the darkened woods. She doubted she'd ever be able to find herself back to such a twisted place. . . It was amazing she got herself here to begin with!
Pawing at the ground, mulling, a thought struck the mare. "If I cannot visit you, than might I assume there's no reason or way for you to visit me?" Even if he never left the woods but perhaps found himself closer to the borders. . . .
Would that be just as dangerous and untrue?
She doubted Azumoth was the visiting kind. But it was worth a shot. At this point anything was.
Why was she arguing over this so bad? He was still practically a stranger - there were no ties that bind. But why did she have to fight so hard for him? Why was it important to prove that he was far from the beast he believed himself to be?
The thought was fleeting - she could mull about it later after she returned. . . Goodness knew she'd have a lot to think about and digest.
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Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 5:25 pm
Ooooh, the stream of swear words that could flow out of his mouth right now would have made daisies sprout out of his ears. Such was the extremity of his thoughts as the mare argued with him again. Now he was beginning to understand how his mother moulted clumps when it was summer - it wasn't through heat, it was from the bloody stress of arguing with someone who just didn't see!
Ironic, as he didn't see her point of view and that he stressed her out more than the others in the forest!
BLOODY WOMEN!
That was about the only comprehensible thought as he stared at the mare in astonishment. She was still pushing him, still thrusting herself towards him in that naive way. She kept giving him the benefit of the doubt and yet she had scarcely even known him a second - how could she be trusting to one that looked like him. He could tear her apart limb from limb, in fact a part of him was somewhat tempted just to make her be quiet...she was playing mind games.
His head was beginning to hurt. A lot.
"It has to be this way because of what I am, who I am!" He snapped at last, shaking his head as she flattened her ears against her head. She was getting exceptionally defensive now, almost desperate in her attempts to make him see her point of view. It was true that he craved to see things as she did, longed to feel that acceptance that she felt...but he couldn't and wouldn't - ever.
"Whether you like it or not I will fall for you, I always do and within days what little is left of me is ripped to shreds!" His voice wasn't rising, instead it just held a bitter tone. Such words brought back unpleasant memories and only encouraged him - he needed to get her out, right now.
"It will not happen again!" It had been years ago since the last one, following her little escapade he had lifted yet another shield until he lay behind an impenetrable fortress. He was comfortable there too, it had everything he needed - it was quiet, comforting and safe. It gave him everything that they couldn't and he didn't have to answer to it at all...
It just accepted him for who he was, it was his bubble...his own little world.
And yet she still pushed.
He started abruptly as she requested that he visited her instead. Now that was definitely asking too much of the stallion. He struggled to even visit his adoptive daughter in the lowlands and she loved him unconditionally. The prospect of having hundreds look at him and cringe did not sit well with him - no, the only time he ever left the safety of his forest was to retrieve something...he only ever did that at night when he could barely be seen.
"I do not approach the Lowlands, it is a matter of principle." He stated flatly.
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Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 8:43 pm
Bella listened to the stallion, tilting her head as he admitted a source of the problem. A few more pieces of the puzzle came together, a few more objects could be perceived within the his mysterious darkness. So. . . it wasn't just mares abandoning him to his whims and fancies - it was that they broke his heart in the process!
Oh dear. . . Things suddenly became a little more complicated, but Bella refused to budge from her stance.
If she was ignorant about the world than she was even more ignorant in the ways of the heart and love. Oh, she had a lot of love to give - that much was present - but to truly love. . .? Bella had never thought about such matters of the heart, at least nothing so seriously.
In fact, the golden mare deluded herself in to not believing such a thing to be so. She was too wild, too free. . . . Who would want to capture a heart such as hers anyway? Bella was hardly conceited to think such thoughts. . . . And it was only recently, with growth and age that she even BEGAN to ponder the intricate delicacies of the heart.
Falling quiet, mulling over his objections, it still didn't make sense of add up. "But why should that stop us from meeting or visiting. . .? You may not fall for me, for as difficult as I am," she added almost in jest, hesitantly questioning such deep affairs.
Was the heart that fragile? Oh, she didn't wnat to further hurt Azumoth! "But shouldn't you at least give a girl a chance? What if. . . What if you just haven't met the right mare? If you can fall so hard for ladies than why is it impossible for them to fall for you?"
Bella had witnessed other soquili delve in and out of relationships; sometimes they were friends that transformed in to something more, sometimes they were strangers brought together by fate. Sometimes they lasted, sometimes they didn't. . . .
The honey touched mare had never understood what made things happen, what made two soquili enjoy exclusive company to one another. . . . but. . if it were to happen to her than so be it. Until then, she wouldn't think of it and allow fate to run its course.
In her ignorance, Bella understood relationships about as clearly as Azumoth!
Tail swishing, two pale tipped ears relaxed as she began to calm. "So if you can't come to me, and you won't let me visit you, than how do we resolve this. . .?" Something told her that there was no breaking Azumoth. He wouldn't see her eye to eye, and there was a good chance he'd be taking her to the edge of the woods and that would be that.
Oh, but the temptation to wander the woods (if not go so deep or so far) and just let him know she was there would be too much! Even if she did go from his sight this night, Bella vowed to find a way to return. . .
He was no monster and he would not keep her back.
Logic whispered that if she pushed he could break, he could snap, and she could very well be ripped to shreds. But until that moment of turning she had no reason not to trust him.
It was her biggest weakness, trust. . . . It would be her downfall someday.
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Posted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 4:31 am
"I already gave you that answer," Azumoth replied smoothly. Through her words and her reaction to much of what had occurred she had proven just how young she was. She had no idea what it was like to bleed, to be in absolute agony as the one you thought you loved declared that she couldn't. It wasn't that these mares couldn't love him, they just wouldn't...He could understand their logic too, no one would want children that looked like him.
"Looks are one of the most valuable things we have in this world. No intelligent mare would let her children become as foul as me." He continued in reference to a mare 'falling' for him. Now, if he didn't have any manners the stallion would have tipped his head back and roared with laughter. He had fallen plenty of times but not one of those mares had, they just wanted to be nice. Sure, they kept a hold of him for the sake of kudos (they had tamed the beast after all) but once they found a handsome stallion with his feather wings or mighty horn... Azumoth was no longer what concerned them.
Hmph. He had more self respect than to allow that to happen again. Granted he would probably miss out on opportunities, perhaps even blind himself to what might have been 'The One' but he doubted it. This way suited him just fine.
"The right mare does not exist for me," He restated slowly, just so that he was certain she would pick it up this time. Really, in the last few minutes all he had done was repeat himself. It really did point out just how much of an age difference the pair possessed - he was Ancient in comparison to this mare!
"Do not push the concept as you push your false hope." There was no arguing, the stallion shifted his weight onto all four hooves and began to walk towards the trees behind her. Clearing his throat, he coaxed the sphere in his chest to emit a somewhat brighter glow in order to play the role of the lantern. Immediately, it became easier to see what lay ahead as opposed to relying purely on luck.
"Nor should you try to understand how I think and feel," He added after a few moments of consideration. If she kept this up he probably would fall for the pretty little creature and he knew that better than any one else (except his mother). Hell, he knew her intentions were good but ultimately they would only cause problems for the pair of them - he would want her, she wouldn't return, he'd get hurt and hide away again. Personally he would prefer to remain a hermit who didn't weep about his own misfortune every single waking moment.
...He preferred long walks and mild jests with his companions instead.
"The lowlands are this way." Shifting his amber eyes back towards the mare pointily it was clear from that point onwards that he considered the discussion over. She had been right in her assumptions; he was going to take her home and it was unlikely that she would find his territory with ease again.
That being said...although the stallion wouldn't admit it, he would still keep an eye out for safety sake.
Bloody mare, that was one more thing to add to his list of things to do!
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Posted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 5:30 pm
Bella sighed, bottling up what remained fuel for her inner fire and tucking it away for later. He was a stubborn one, and he most certainly didn't seemed to understand where she came from! Yes, there were 'what if's' in every relationship, be it friendship or something that blossomed in to more, but she truly didn't wish to part ways so quickly.
They had only just met. . . .
It was her naiveté and her innocence that worked for her as well as against her. Though her hope for Azumoth only seemed to grate on his nerves, Bella wasn't like 'all the other mares'. As he explained what it was she was destined to do, the golden touched mare couldn't see WHY she would do such a thing! Then again, she wasn't one to give her heart out so freely and didn't even know exactly how to go about the . . . the game of love.
"But if you don't let me know you then how can you be so sure I won't fall for you? You may have a spoiled self-image but your looks are FAR from ugly! Just because you have a unique appearance doesn't make it grotesque. . . "
She shook out her mane, slowly, begrudgingly following behind Azumoth. She was about as ready to return ras she was to end the conversation, but it appeared that she would be granted no other route. But just because Azumoth didn't speak didn't mean Bella couldn't chatter on about her opinions on the matter.
"Have you ever truly looked at yourself? You startled me earlier, that much I will admit, but by that point I had myself jumping at sight of my shadow!" She almost smiled at the thought of her, turned around and thoroughly lost within the woods. "But then you came. . . and you made me joke and you made me laugh and you did remind me of my hooves," her voice was lightened to jest as she spoke, hoping that he could forget about their disagreement and remember their earlier sentiments.
"But though we've just met I don't see grotesque horns on your head, oh no! I find them rather dazzling myself." It was true, there was something rather handsome about the horns upon his head. Oh, it was a deadly force to be reckoned with, for sure! But he had any unicorn beat in the horn department. Why settle with one when there were at least two black spirals topped upon his head, as well as the plethora of red that jutted out from behind.
It was different, but it was more alluring than ugly.
"And your hair is to die for, pardon the expression," she apologized meekly, ducking her head as soon as she said it. If she could have flushed she would have. "Any stallion or mare would be envious of such braids. They put my own curls to shame!" As if to prove her point, the honey touched girl gave herself a small shake, glancing over her shoulder as her pale locks did nothing but shiver from the motion.
Plain and blah, that's what she was. She had nothing unique about her, nothing stunningly attractive.
She was heavier than most, slower than most, and about the only thing she could do was jingle on occasion thanks to her bracelets that hugged her hoof. To compare herself to Azumoth she was homely!
"I know, I know," she paused in her complimentary, heaving a small sigh, "You'll probably say I know not what I speak of, or that it is all untrue, or you may even think I'm saying this as lip service. . . But it's not. Beauty shall always be in the eye of the beholder, and nothing you can say can change that.
"Just because others thus far have said nothing or used you as a tool or a conquest, doesn't mean that everyone will. Your differences make you alluring, NOT grotesque. Just as I can't change the way you see yourself, good luck getting me to change my beliefs."
Quite a pair they were, darkness and light arguing for or against such things. It was a seemingly endless battle and Bella hated war. The girl preferred to cuddle and nuzzle instead of lash out with words, but sometimes there was no other choice. Sometimes the walls were to great and the locks too intricate. . . Sometimes it just took too much time.
More time than she had with Azumoth, at any rate. Which was a shame.
Falling quiet, Bella mulled over her words and shrugged. What else could she say? The black armor laden 'beast' within the woods was handsome. If a smidgen on the emo side. . . . But from what she'd gathered of his age and his experiences, there were very good -if very sad- reasons the scars weighed down his soul.
Sticking close to Azumoth, just because now that they were on the move the woods outside his light seemed that much more threatening, Bella inwardly sighed. So much for doing right and good. . . .
The mare didn't want to fail on her oaths, to turn on her words, and yet Azumoth's 'command' to never return made it VERY difficult to not fail when she could never see him again. Arggggh. . . how frustrating! Unless she blindly ignored his commands, he had mentioned she'd be killed. . . .
. . . dag nabbit!
Whatever was a poor girl to do?
Heart heavy as they walked silently within the woods, Bella closed her eyes. "I am sorry for. . . not so easily seeing your side and picking to do battle. I don't want to hurt you. . .That has never and would never be my intention..."
Damned if she did and damned if she didn't. . . Life really wasn't fair.
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Posted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 7:17 pm
...They never shut up did they? It was something he had noticed...Every single female or every single race never shut their mouth! Usually he found the observation to be terribly amusing, especially when his mother launched into a rather irrational rant about something that he deemed unimportant. The way she puffed out her cheeks, placed her paws on her hips - hell, if she could walk on two legs she would have paced his Grove!
Ah, now that was what he really craved, to be curled up in his sanctum again but as usual something always cropped up to make him extend his patrol just a little. Really, if he had any sense (and the appropriate limbs) he would have stuck up numerous 'Keep Out' signs to save him the trouble. He raised a brow at this thought, while it was a logical idea the words 'Do not' always seemed to be considered an invite to everyone.
Nevertheless, as she continued to chatter he did listen to her in a half-hearted way. Flitting in and out to catch her words, he chose only to grunt in response on occasions. Truly, his eyes were focused on what did and didn't lay ahead - he knew his forest well but that still didn't mean there were any fewer predators in it...especially scavengers. However, as she mentioned his braids he flicked his gaze back for a flitting moment and arched a brow.
No one envied his braids!
"My mother will be delighted to hear," He spoke at last, more so to remain polite in polite standings. "I will be certain to inform her of your appreciation," they were after all, his mother's doing. She spent hours on end tending to his braids - unbinding and rebinding them each day to ensure his hair was in good order. He couldn't complain, it kept her quiet and he got to sleep for a much longer period of time!
That being said as she once again continued to talk he couldn't help but release a sigh and raise his eyes heavenwards. It would be over soon, he would lead her out and he would never have to respond to her words again. He could have some peace and quiet for the time being, with those that accepted and understood the way things were meant to be - no more idealistic nonsense.
He opted not to argue.
Although, had he heard her own thoughts about her appearance he would have spent the next forty eight hours (at the least) lecturing and informing her on how wrong she was. While she probably wouldn't appreciate it, he would probably refuse to let her leave until she knew exactly how pretty she was! As...warped as that might be given his own 'issues', so to speak.
Lifting his cloven hoof briefly, he kicked at the rock in from of him rather unceremoniously and proceeded down a rather beaten trail. Hidden from view by undergrowth, it wasn't completely visible until an individual was up close...No wonder everyone got lost, everything in this forest seemed to be hidden - much like it's guardian.
"I am sorry..."
Bringing him down to earth like a ton of bricks the stallion turned his head towards the mare and came towards an abrupt halt. She'd done it again! Why did they always use those words?!
"Of course it is not your intention, it just happens!" He replied sharply, "Now stop apologising." He muttered, beginning to walk once again as he navigated his way down the beaten track. Apparently she really wasn't that far away from her home at all as the stars could already be seen through the thinning canopies above head.
"When we reach the edge of the forest you will find yourselves on the slopes," Stating the obvious but he was certain to continue, "From there head down...You will find the shoreline. I am reasonably certain you can find your way home from there."
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