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The grip on his hand loosened and Daren instantly pulled away and curled into a ball. an arm went up over his head to protect it while he tucked his face into his knees, using his legs to protect his stomach as well. there was a voice drifting in, but in his sleepy haze, he didn't know who is was. it took a long time for Daren to relax. nearly twenty minutes had passed with his entire body tense and waiting before he finally woke up enough to remember he wasn't in prison anymore. by then his limbs were shaking with the strain, he slowly lowered his arm and looked up, seeing Tim and not the men from his block. "Tim?" he asked softly before pushing himself up. he rubbed his face with a hand and groaned, "sorry. dream, i guess."

Daren sighed and couldn't help but think himself weak. maybe it was the taunts from the past month having ingrained themselves into his mind, but Daren knew he was weak and pathetic. wouldn't even defend himself, what a p***y. so much for the big strong cop Tim had fallen in love with, where was he now? scoffing at the shell of a man that sat on his bed, refusing to admit that he and Daren were the same person. "thanks," he accepted the tea and took a sip, "really, Tim, it's really kind of you. sorry for all of that, it couldn't have been fun for you." he took another drink before putting the tea down and hugging Tim, "i'll get better. i-i know i'm pretty bad right now. i know i'm not the man i used to be, but i'll do everything i can to become than man again, just-just stick with me a little longer, ok?"

'beefcake' a word only used to describe men that were hot and muscular. did that mean he wasn't attractive anymore? was Tim being a good boyfriend and staying with him even though he had become someone else? was he just going to be another Andrew? Tim fell in love with someone nice who changed into an ugly monster? but Daren wouldn't hurt Tim. no-he was too weak for that. he was too pathetic, how could he hurt anyone? let alone protect him. Th Daren from before laughed at him, mocked him for his promises to protect Tim. how could he do that when he was a piece of s**t like this? "thank you." he smiled and pulled away, "i'll be back to myself soon. then ic an be your beefcake again."

Daren ran a hand up his arm, subconciously rubbing the skin Tim admired so much. "yeah-" he said softly, laughing a little, "guess i am. thanks, mom." he dropped his head and hugged himself, taking a moment before he took a deep breath and let go. "i'll always be your beefcake. for as long as you will have me." he moved to lay beside Tim and rested against the headboard as well. "hey-what's today? i lost track of the days while inside. did i miss christmas?" Christmas brought to mind family and his thoughts drifted to Anne and the kids. how could he face them? did they know he'd been in prison? but how could they not? would they hate him now? he couldn't go back there. they didn't need that sort of reputation, of having a killer come to their bakery, because that is what he was portrayed as. the guards made sure he saw the headlines. once again their was speculation about him and his past. many said he should be locked up for good with everything that happened. from hero to zero, that was his life. maybe he should just lock himself in the apartment and never come out again. it was possible. he could have his groceries delivered and just stay there forever. maybe he should. it would be better if he did. the world would be better without him. "hungry?" he asked, wanting to take his mind off that train of thought.

Daren shook his head, "no, i'm not hungry. just wanted to know if you were." he closed his eyes, he hadn't missed christmas. at least he could spend that holiday with Tim, like he'd promised. "hmm?" decorations? "don't have any. never saw a need. we can get-" but that would mean going out. he didn't want to, he couldn't. no. No! he wasn't going to. but he promised Tim. damn. "get some tomorrow if you want." he forced himself to say. he promised and he wasn't going to break that promise, no matter how much he wanted to. "so let's get back to sleep so we can have energy for shopping." he could fake it. he could make it work. this was for Tim.

Daren nodded and lay down as well. for the first time since he'd known Tim, Daren curled up against his side rather than Tim against his. he closed his eyes and sighed, needing that comfort as much as he hated himself for it. "let me know if you need me to move," he said softly before closing his eyes and drifting back to sleep, exhausted from the night terror.

Daren's eyes opened as he gasped for breath. he jerked away from the unseen attacker, scrambling back until he fell of the side of the bed. the jolt brought him to his senses, his breath shaky as he looked around the room. safe. he was safe. he was home and so was Tim. they were safe. he wiped the sweat from his eyes and pushed himself up, deciding he needed to wash off first, before he saw Tim. it was just a quick rinse, long enough to get the sweat off and for him to pull himself together. he dressed in sweats that he was swimming in and went to the kitchen, smiling when he saw Tim cooking, "can i help?"