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 Posted: Fri Oct 09, 2009 9:38 pm
Rio, Noelle, I know how you feel. Partly. I can't say exactly, because every situation is different. For me, it was my dad. When I was five, he cheated on my mom and by the time they got a divorce he had a new wedding planned in several months. While I didn't know what was going on at the time, I knew it wasn't something that I liked. I can remember coming home and seeing my mom crying, and then I'd cry, and then I'd have to go see my dad. And that's when I really started to lie. I kept saying that I loved him, and I didn't. He kept making my mom cry. And, because of him, she even cries now, thirteen years later. Not because she missed him, but because he barely payed child support, didn't pay for anything, we almost had to move out of our house, because he wouldn't help. I had a chance to go sing in the Sydney Opera House a couple of years ago, and he wouldn't help out, so I couldn't go. And, even though he tried to keep me happy, it wasn't very fun when his new wife treated me like s**t.
And in eighth grade, he did disown me. Informally at least. He took me home because I hadn't shoveled the driveway when it was below ten degrees, and I haven't seen him since. So, I sort of know how you feel.
Rio, we're always here for you. I know that we haven't really talked much, but I hope that you know that I'm always willing to listen. That goes for everybody, if you ever want to talk, send me a pm or something, and I'll talk as soon as I can.
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Posted: Fri Oct 09, 2009 9:50 pm
Aww, thanks guys D=.
And I hear ya, Noelle D=. It takes a lot of strength - maybe it's stubborness - to live through stuff like that. I'm happy that you have your sisters and father there for you. As bad as saying this makes me feel, knowing that there are others with you, suffering with you, can make all the difference.
You're on the ball about growing up, too D=. I was such an old kid O_o. I guess no one who goes through hardships, even if they're different from mine, is young. If you survive this long, you're ancient.
The funny thing about me is that I always tell people what I think (unless it's blatantly offending). I have this issue about expressing my thoughts on matters, the cause of which I guess I should explain, to save a lot of confusion. It's a long story, I'm too tired right now, but if I explain all my history, my morals and actions might make a lot more sense.
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Je suis a toi Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Oct 09, 2009 10:36 pm
@Kyle: Divorces are never fun, I'm really sorry @__@.
I know how you feel, I've lived through two . . . and a half . . . that tweaker mother married last disappeared and she can't get a full divorce . . . which I'm happy for in a way because it stops her from getting married again. Even if that makes just a small difference. That and I guess I kind of don't care any more. Which is a really weird feeling.
@ Rio: No need to explain, I get where you're coming from. Sometimes people do things and act in ways that they can't exactly explain--it's just a quirk of humankind.
And don't feel bad about that, I think it's natural. The best company for sorrow is one of its own kind. It's a relief to feel partnership in anything, even if it's not the best of things. Just knowing someone else is along for the ride helps you keep things together, and it helps you try to make things better for eachother. So feel better, Rio, we're all on your side. <3
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Posted: Sat Oct 10, 2009 10:59 am
Well...as much as I wish I could be there for you three like you are for each other...I can't. I don't know what those problems are like, so all I can say is a repetition of you, Noelle, saying "We're all on your side."
Whether I can understand the specifics or not, I understand that this is hard on you...And I want to do whatever I can to help you guys out. You guys are my friends, and I want to see you guys happy. So while I can't provide the companionship of similar situation, I will provide whatever other things I can as a friend.
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Posted: Sat Oct 10, 2009 2:01 pm
Rio, Noelle and Kyle... you two have gone through stuff that not a lot of older people have gone through. And I admire your courage for going on. People take a lot of things for granted so that when they meet someone who seems less fortunate, they might turn a blind eye or not know what to say. It makes it harder for them to try and care because it's not something they're familiar with. Or at least, that's what it seems like in my limited experience. >_O"
Was that just a random tangent? I mean.... now that I read back on it... it seems like it. But I guess it's in reference to "we're alone" ? I dunno .____." I'm so bad at this stuff. But no.... you guys aren't alone at all! I mean, I don't know how much it means but all of you have a kajillion friends dotted all over the world! Like if I got you three world maps and had to pinpoint your friends I'd stick one pin in England, a couple in Canada, a whole monkey in California, a good number in the Louisiana, some in the middle of America. So that when the time comes to hunt down these jerks... they won't be able to run anywhere cause your friends have surrounded the entire globe and is about to spit very hot fudge in their face! So even though we're not there physically to give you a huggle and a glomp and buy you ice cream covered cupcakes, know that we're (spiritually?) (mentally?) (uhmmm... one of the -lly's) there for you when you need to rant your problems and stuff and you're really not alone.
Haha... man... ._.'' That was so ... bad? Did half of that even make sense? D: I love you guys! I wish I could bake you guys cookies and (play grandma) hang out and stuff. >////<"
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Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2009 2:30 am
...Reading this...All of this, has done something I haven't done in almost a year and a half:
I cried.
And I know that I've only been here a few months, but if you need to talk to me about anything, I'll gladly lend an ear or two.
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Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2009 1:08 pm
I have never went through with divorces between with my parents. But I do know what it is like to live with a parent who disregards everything for themselves and doesn't listen. My mom was like that when I lived with her during the two years after my dad died. She was so depressed, she just sat in her room, making me do everything housewise. Plus other things.
Which I understand she was depressed cause of the loss of my dad. But she wouldn't do anything around the house. She would even cook in her room via electic frypans and such. During my last year of living with her, my senior year of high school I couldn't take it half the time. I was doing school, taking care of the cleaning and my sister who was only 8 and was doing fairly little to help as well. On top of the chores and schoolwork, I had my own job. Then during the late evenings, which ran from anywhere from 1-4am or even longer, I helped her run a paper route which she got the money for... I hated it.
After I moved out of my mom's after graduation, things only got worse. With my mom not doing much of anything. Leaving my sister to take care of herself most of the time. And not to mention having Beca help her continue her paper route.
After several months of this someone did call child services on my mom and my sister went to live with one of our brothers. It seemed to give my mom a good kick in the butt she needed. She quit the paper route, got an actual job and in the end my sister was sent back to live with mom. We were all proud of mom for actually doing something, and coming out of depression.
Now it has been almost 2 years since all of that was resolved, (during one year of that I was living at my mom's) during that time it seemed things were going to be just fine for those two.
But during the last 2 months since I have moved out of that place once more, things have seemed to gone down hill again. This time even worse. And I didn't know it until a week ago when we went over to see her...
She is back to sitting daily in her room. Always claiming to be sick. Not doing anything and poor Beca is left to fend for herself at home. My mom just doesn't take care of herself anymore. And it scares me to death. It doesn't help that he blood sugars are deathly high ether. I remember during the time I lived with her when I was in high school, it was way up into the 500s and if anyone knows anything about that stuff, they would know that is death. Now it is doing that again.
I am scared if she doesn't do something soon one of two things are going to happen.
1. CPS will come again and take Beca away for good. And this time she isn't going to stay with family, she will live with a stranger, and we may never get her back.
2. She might die. If she doesn't get off her butt and take care of herself it might. Don't get me wrong, dispite all the s**t she has put me through since dad died, I still love my mother. And that is the last thing I want to happen. I have already lost one parent. I don't want to loose the other yet. Not only that what about Beca who is still under her care. If she won't take care herself for herself, me or my brothers, do it for my little sister!
I don't know what to do to help my mom and I am just scared so badly these last several days....
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Posted: Wed Oct 21, 2009 9:26 pm
Oh, that's so poopie. D:
Those situations are so rough. It's one of the most helpless situations you can be in. You can tell them so many times that what they're doing is dangerous and that they could die, but they don't change because they have to be the ones to save themselves. And it hurts to a ridiculous extent that they don't listen, and even more that you can't help them or change them.
All I can really tell you to do is to tell your mom, as often as you can, to stop living the way she is and pull her life back together. Tell her what will happen if she doesn't and tell her all the time. She needs to be scared back into action, or irritated to the point that she'll do it just to get you off her back.
I know what it's like to have a little sister in danger. It flat out sucks. All you can do is have hope for her and your mother and try to spend as much time with your sister as possible. She's little and probably doesn't know how to deal emotionally with how she's living. She needs a positive in her life that can keep her on track and maybe even influence your mother.
I haven't been doing well lately myself. Well, lately being the past couple of months. It seems like it's all beginning to reach a peak, a brink, and it's all teetering right now.
The past two to three months in a nutshell: Angel, my younger sister, had gone back to living with her dad. How, I can't remember even though it wasn't that long ago. It seems like years or something. Her dad hasn't been around long . . . it's maybe been two thirds of a year since he's popped up again. He's stuck around thus far, so there's some hope. He got half custody of Angel and she started going to school closer us. And started getting into trouble, and running away from home, and all the crap. So we got her transfered to my school so we could be closer to her and have a tighter leash on her. We wanted to get her back on track so she wouldn't be screwed for the rest of her life. Then her dad was out of a job because his company was making cuts and he had to move out of his apartment, find a new job, and get a new place to live. In the mean time she's been staying with us.
It's been hell.
My weeks have been riddled with worry over her running away nearly every weekend, anger at how she lies to us all the time, and frustration at my inability to do anything. She's been my little sister for fourteen years and I don't know her. I feel uncomfortable, like a stranger in my own home or anywhere else I'm with her. I have to get to know her all over again. But I don't want to. Because I. Don't. Like her. Which makes me feel all the more worse. She's a snake, sliding low along the ground, rubbing her belly in the dirt. The dislike I have for her is shameful to me, but I don't feel any other way, and it's slowly swallowing me whole.
I thought I would be okay with this. I thought I would be happy to know that she's safe, and in a stable environment, and that she could be my little sister again, and I could love her like she deserves, save her from what my mother calls her. But I can't because she's not who I thought she was, and she's most certainly not the little sister I knew half a year ago. She's a younger version of my mother and twice as ignorant. I often find myself wishing things were back to normal and I didn't have to deal with this; that she didn't have to be here and I could have a normal, happy senior year like everyone else around me. The guilt I feel for this is tremendous. It's paramount compared to the rest of the stress I have to deal with.
Yesterday night Angel went on a "run" . . . for an hour. We knew she was bullshitting us. I had smelled ciggarette smoke on her earlier and told my stepmom. We went through her bag and found a pack of ciggarettes. We had just taken a new pack from her the day before and told her to quit smoking, made her promise. She did. Look where that ended up.
We finished looking through her bag. Found lighters, matches, condoms, and a bottle FILLED with little white pills that were unmarked and were clearly home made. My parents and older sister talked to her. I was left out of the conversation for whatever reason (I love how I'm being left out of EVERYTHING right now, no matter WHERE I go. I guess I'm just not important enough?). They all snuck off without me to talk to her in private. They never told me what she said the pills were. I think they're hiding something from me.
Did I mention that Angel is fourteen?
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Je suis a toi Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Oct 22, 2009 1:55 am
Dawn, I'm sorry about your mom. I do hope that things get better for you and your sister. It seems wrong to have to have your sister grow up in an environment where she can't be a normal child moreover deprived of a parental figure. I agree with Noelle, you have to just tell her that people are depending on her. She has a daughter which isn't living the best of lifestyles and it could really be solved if she just spend a couple of minutes or hours a day with her. Just a little gesture each day could make such a difference, I know. To go from thinking that no one cares about you to even getting a glimmer of interaction does a lot, or at least to me it did.
--
Noelle, don't ever think you're not great enough or important enough. You're so young and yet so mature and you seem to manage so much within the guild despite everything.
I'm sorry for all the things that have been going on. I know that might not mean much but I don't know what else to offer you. I hate being left out of the loop of things, especially when it's so blatantly obvious that they're not planning you a surprise birthday party or something like that. You expend so much of yourself to help Angel and what you get in return is this secrecy. I know how much that can hurt.
I think maybe you should ask them? And if they kind of brush it off... I dunno how others would deal with it. But I think for me... I'd explode. Because last thing I want if something about my own family hidden from me.
And don't feel guilty for feeling that way Noelle about how your life was before. Senior year is a year to enjoy yourself and there's nothing wrong with wanting that life. It's such a human thought and I think just the mere thought that you feel guilty about it is enough to show that you're a kind hearted-soul who deserves much better.
I'm sorry for the rambling.. but I just started typing and ... yeah. >_<"
----
And I think it's my first time writing in here about my problems. I feel kind of odd about it because it's weird in my culture/nature to share stuff, I guess? But I tell my friends and they kind of laugh and yet I feel so scared about it.
I've been having dreams... I guess nightmares? About my family and my friends where things just happen. I don't want to say them aloud because I feel like it would bring the events around? D: I know stupid... but I can't help it. And i know it totally sounds like a cheap horror movie but I always wake up so scared and I stay so paranoid for weeks on end. I'm always calling my parents to make sure they're alright and everything, to make sure nothing is happening. And I feel so foolish and I'm 19... going on 20 and these things are scaring me. I hate horror movies and I tend to steer away from all of them. (Even Scary Movie... which is meant to be funny) But it just sends me on edge... everything sets me on edge. I want to be confident that everything is okay.
I know it seems very foolish in comparison to everyone else who is going through so much hardship. I just felt like I had to get it off my mind before the thoughts just ate me whole. ._." I've been praying and it calms my mind which I'm so thankful for. I don't want to sit here and preach religion but I think that it's been helping me get pass some crazy stuff and I feel bad always just praying when I'm in need, it makes me feel very selfish. >/////<" I seriously think that sometimes this imagination of mine is a double-edged sword because all these images are just so vivid and I can't stop them for progressing. Yeah.... ._."
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Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 11:17 am
Oh, Noelle...I'm sorry to hear about all that happening to you, but like Lavy said, never think you're not important enough. You're too awesome to think like that. I'd offer more advice but...I'm not sure what else to offer...*huggles you*
Lavy, I don't think that's foolish. Not in the least. I mean, worrying when there's no worry isn't the 'best', but that you love and care enough about your friends and family that you worry about them like that is very touching in my opinion. Besides, I do the same things on occasion. Had a dream my friend got killed by a giant trap log(don't ask) and I woke up and had to check to see if she was okay and still breathing. So I understand...but again, I'm kinda flummoxed for advice neutral
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AldrickZearse Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 8:25 pm
NOELLE! You are not unimportant!!! First of all, CUT YOURSELF A BREAK. You are juggling a ridiculous amount of strife right now and I think you're handling it wonderfully. You may not think so, but it's true. Even despite all of this, YOU have remained an incredibly good and wonderful person. You haven't turned to consumption to fix your problems, and you've still be working hard at the things you like.
It's okay to feel angry with your situation. It's okay to wish for better things. It's even okay to wish that you could have a good senior year. Your guilt just shows how much of a good conscience you have. It shows you care, which is GOOD. You should never lose that.
It's difficult trying to help someone who fights so hard against you. Sometimes you can get through to them, and sometimes you can't. I feel like a large part has to be of THEIR doing, so until Angel really wants help, and is willing to accept it, all you can really do is be there...
Please remember that uh... you rule? You care about people, you're kind, you have a good sense of right and wrong, you're determined, patient, really smart, talented... you're pretty much amazing, and I really admire you a lot. Seriously. So just hold on to hope, and try and trust the big guy upstairs, eh? He usually knows what he's doing, even if it makes us go, "WTF!!"
-----
Lavy, I had the same problems my freshman and (moreso) sophomore years of college, especially about my mom. I called her so much... I even went home more often so I could see her.
Know what helped? Besides calling your loved ones often (which is definitely a good idea regardless), spray lavender scented....... ha, ironic.... er, sorry... spray lavender scented spray on your bed pillow a few minutes before you go to sleep. It's a naturally soothing scent, but the queer side effect was that I couldn't remember ANY dreams at all. Weird. o_o Still, it worked...
Also, I don't know what your rooming situation is, but I found out a big factor of my nightmares was actually the fact that I was sleeping on the top bunk. I guess since I was constantly a little paranoid about falling off, it carried over into sleep and caused nightmares. When I talked to my roommate and we switched our arrangement around so I could have the bottom bunk, I slept like a baby.
It's not a laughing matter if it's worrying you. O_o I would SMACK THOSE FRIENDS!! D<
----
Dawn, tell your Mom your fears, if you haven't already. Tell her you're afraid she's going to die, and that you love her and you don't want that to happen. It sounds like your dad's death really took a hard blow to her. She probably feels like she's unlovable and or worthless, maybe even blames herself, and those feelings are very hard to get rid of once you lock onto them too tightly... If you can find a way to get through to her that she's not unloved, it could help... Even just trying to get her to talk about it could help... Maybe she can't face it...
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Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 7:06 pm
Thanks guys. That makes me feel a lot better. Now I'm just so tired . . .
Yeah, don't let those jerks laugh at you Lav. Your concern is understandable, especially if you're a home body and have an attatchment to comfort zones. Like Rae said, just try and relax, and never feel foolish about calling your family. They'll appreciate your care and will like that you check in anyways. ^^
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Je suis a toi Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Dec 05, 2009 4:18 pm
Greetings Everyone! You know me as Enji-chou but my name is Kyla Estelle McNeilly!
As some fo your guys know on this guild I’m a recent graduate from BCIT, Richmond Christian Secondary, and blooming independent artist.
My skills vary from computer graphics, cartooning, Anime, Landscapes, Realism portraits; in digital, watercolour, and oil acrylic mediums. I’ve received awards for my work, and have taken part in conventions as a guest artist, hosting an exhibit of my work yearly for the past 3- 4 years.
I’m going to be honest- I just foudn out today that my family has fallen on hard times, seems like a traidtion every years- but the way my parents are dispariing.. I think it's going to be serious.
The only skill I have to offer to make things right is the gift I have in art. So I offer my services on all scopes of my expertise to anyone who will have me. I do not ask for ridiculous amounts for my work, we’re all being affected by this financial crisis- pay me only what you know is fair for the level of quality you’ll receive in return.
Tis season to give as they say, and I love what I do, and I give all my heart into anything I shall make for you. I would consider it a privilege to work for my keep and make my family have a wonderful Christmas this year.
I my rates are usually 50$ for an original oil painting, custom made to the clients request. But everything and ANYTHING is up for Negotiations.
Anything extra will simply cover expenses for bigger canvas and more paint if I run out!
I can be reached at this number
604 448 1600
And at this e-mail (though the reply will be slow- since I use the library)
starispirit@yahoo.com & hotmail.com
again, I never thought it would come to this, I guess it's my pride.
but I never saw my mom and dad look so scared before. I'm trying to find a real job but the resession has really cut them up short. This is all I have to fall back on.
Perhaps it would be selfish if the money was all going to me- but it's not. Whatever I earn form this, will be sent to my folks to fix whatever is making them weep behind closed doors.
I'll mail whatever I make back to you if you're long distance!
I also have a paypale acount for online financial deals.
Anyways..thankyou for taking the time to read this. I appreciate it regardless, and I enclose all my wishes to you and your family this season no matter what happens.
thank you very much and Merry Christmas!
sincerely
Enji
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Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 10:19 am
Sorry guys, ill make this quick. Semi-Rant.
Okay okay okay, where to begin.
Synopisis: I'm trapped in a love triangle, a friend of mine Peach, likes/loves this guy Tom, I also like Tom but i've restrained my feelings for him for her sake. And I thought untill she got over his feelings for him, i wouldn't say anything.
Yesterday I was on the bus with my mum and we were talking about it, My mum said some pretty spiteful stuff about Peach & said 'shes playing a game' blah blah blah. Now, my mums African, and half deaf so you could imagine her voice is pretty loud. it was only till half way into the convosation that I recognised the woman infront of us. She looked like spitting image of Tom's 22 year old sister. This is when i began to freak...
"Ho s**t? is that her? Is it? I cant see her full face from the side.
Her hair is long and dark, just like toms sister, Her nose is long, like toms sister... shes got a similar figure too her too."
Holy s**t.
About Toms sister/Amy: She's good friends with Peach.
But my name was called alot in the convosation.
I dont know her, she dosnt know me, but it dosnt take a scientist too see my name pop up on Tom's facebook. Margaret + Tom + Peach = BTICH! >:C
I'm thinking it's just my Paranoia but there's always that possibility.
The likelyness that It could've been Amy is as likely as her reading this convosation. But..The thoughts are in there and i can't help but freak out.
Is this coisandence? am I making a big deal out of nothing?
I NEED SOME RATIONAL INPUT PELASE! I'm going crazy with worry T___T
I'm desperate for help friends sad
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Je suis a toi Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 10:47 am
Oh shoot, love triangle indeed; o.o
Firstly, take a step back and take a deep breath. Don't stress yourself out, this can be figured out. No need to worry yourself sensless, okay?
I think you are a wonderful friend for holding back so your friend can be into a guy. I know it's unfortunate and it hurts, but for friendship some sacrifices have to be made. Is this a worthy sacrifice?-- that's something you have to evaluate on your own.
As for the bus conversation, if you think the likeliness of that woman actually being Tom's sister is slim, then go with that and save yourself the anxiety. But if you're positive that it was, then relax a little and know that it can be fixed. If it was her and someone aproaches you about what they heard you should just explain to them that you were having trouble and seeking your mother's council, but you didn't expect her to say such undesireable things. If trouble comes along, just tell the truth, things will be okay.
Try not to worry so much, everything will come out alright in the end. ^^ *huggles*
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