The Potato: 9-13-06 The Final Issue?

[Lar Gand]

The Potato

The hard way is the only way


Lar Gand, Publisher
Bernard Dillon, Editor-In-Chief
Roger Cooper, Staff Writer
George Sloane, Staff Writer

Emma Frost and Amanda Waller Battle For The Title of White Queen
Emma Frost has been the White Queen for years, but that time might be over. There's another White Queen, and she may be even more devious than Frost. Amanda Waller, former head of the Suicide Squad, fomer Secretary of Metahuman Affairs in Lex Luthor's administration, is now the White Queen of Checkmate. The two women were previously unaquainted with each other, but after meeting at an exhibit at the Louve last month, they took an immediate dislike of each other. Since then, Frost has been investigated by the US Justice Department on allegations of insider trading, and Waller has been suffering from lost sleep and and headaches. Things may become explosive soon, as an insider at Checkmate has stated that the Suicide Squad is being put back together. Thier first target may be the Hellfire Club.

Steel Gets Punked
John Henry Irons has been experiencing problems as of late. According to neighbors, Irons and his niece Natasha have been arguing and their relationship has eroded significantly. Irons has developed powers that he suspects are a "gift" of Lex Luthor. Things came to a head when Natasha disappeared and Irons discovered she was in the custody of Luthor. Irons stormed the premiere of Luthor's new Justice League. This lead to a battle between Steel and his niece, who had gained powers of her own and taken the name Lumina. Steel was soundly beaten by Lumina in a public manner and was last seen falling into Metropolis Harbor.

The Great White In Charge In Gotham
Batman's return to Gotham City has not been without challlenges. The biggest and perhaps most insurmountable is his new chief headache, Warren White. Also known as the Great White Shark, White is a former investment broker who made millions selling junk bonds. Pleading insanity when he was caught and put on trial, he went to Arkham Asylum. Arkham was too much for poor, ordinary White, who had faked his insanity and been punished for it. Through a series of harrowing events, White was transformed in the greatly disfigured criminal he is today. He started small, with a simple fencing and smuggling operation he ran from Arkham. He grew ever hungry, just as his namesake, and wanted more. He rose to power in Gotham, and ran the Penguin out of town. He became Gotham's crimelord while still in Arkham, but he had to deal with Harvey Dent, Gotham's protector while Batman was gone. The Great White framed Dent for several murders, which Batman began investigating when he and Robin returned. The stress of the frame-up and Batman's return broke Dent's psyche, and he became Two-Face once more. Batman was unable to capture Dent, but he did discover who had framed him, and visited the Great White in Arkham. Batman has now given a warning to anyone that wants to operate in Gotham: beware of the Shark.

Potato Recovers from Failure
As our faithful readers know, the Potato suffered a technical failure during an Extras column in the last edition. Well, we have recovered from the error and have returned to our usual, somewhat functional selves. There was no major damage or loss, though the cause is uncertain. Some among the staff believe that the Potato was "hacked," though there is no as of yet official answer from the staff.

Sex In A Can...
...Or in this case, a bucket. Metamorpho, the Element Man and Inque Clay have been having a highly charged, purely sexual affair that has rattled even the most stoic of members of Kapow! The couple's openess and eagerness to engage in intercourse anywhere and everywhere, with or without an audience has almost caused more than one accident. The fact that the two are also shapeshifters has only added to the horror, as they have done acts not meant for human eyes (or anyone else's eyes). Will they finally stop and be more considerate of others? More than likely, but in the meantime, we will have to cover our eyes, plug our ears, and wear rubber boots when Rex and Inque are around.

Is Clint Barton Daredevil?
Possibly. Since there is eveidence that Barton was ressurected after House of M, he hasn't been seen. However, the Daredevil who has been appearing in Hell's Kitchen after Matthew Murdock's incarceration has many of the same skills as the former Hawkeye. Daredevil can't reached for comment, and it is doubtful he would truthfully reveal his identity.

White Widow
Move over, Natasha. There's a new spy coming up. Beautiful, blonde, dangerously skilled, and even a former princess. But take heart: It isn't Yelena, at least. No, it is instead the princess known as Cinderella, or just Ella for short. She has done covert work for Fabletown for quite some time now, and is proving herself among the top spies in the world. We here at the Potato only ask that if you two girls must fight over rankings, you take it to the Cyberdome. And oil up. And take pictures. Loooooooooots of pictures.


Got questions, comments, suggestions? PM our publisher or email us at potato_staff@witty.com.  

[Lar Gand]

The Potato

A god walking mortal earth trails blood


Lar Gand, Publisher
Bernard Dillon, Editor-In-Chief
Roger Cooper, Staff Writer
George Sloane, Staff Writer

The Gaian Comic Book and/or Super-Hero Guilds Tour
Gaia is a big place. A vey big place. There are dozens of guilds that share commom elements with Kapow! This week, we wanted to take a look at some of these guilds.

The DC and Marvel Guild
Run by: jealousghost, Dead Man Wade, M_For_Malice, Chiririlith
Purpose: The DC & Marvel Universe RP guild is the first and best place on gaia where your favorite comic book characters work together, play together, and fight together!
Our take: A very hardcore RP guild centered around the Big Two. They expect all members be active, and the crew has what some would call a skewed viewpoint on a lot of things.
The positives: Very focused.
The negatives: Don't fall into a depressive funk, have an extended emergency, or go on vacation without notice if you're a member, or the crew will whip out the Banhammer. Bitterness oozes out of the forums.

The Marvel Comics Guild
Run by: x Concussion x, Crustyrailgun, XellousPendragon
Purpose: A guild for Marvel comics and Marvel Movie fans.
Our take: It is what is says it is. Sort of boring.
The positives: Nothing really offensive.
The negatives: Not all that great.

The Super-Hero and Comics Guild
Run by: Neon Glow, crystalsmuse, 'Chloe Sullivan'
Purpose: this is a guild for all you comic lovers or superhero lovers. Here you can talk about the comic books movies, or DC, Marvel, and Dark Horse comics. Such as X-Men, Spider-Man, Justice League, Teen Titans, Sin City, Hellboy, Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, etc.
Or just you comic strips like Garfield and Calvin and Hobbes
Our take: It's just like the Comics Discussion Forum, just with less intelligent posters.
The positives: They'll let anyone in.
The negatives: Mysterytrip actually has a thread called "Which super heroine has the best rack?".

The DC Comics Guild
Run by: King Chrono, Sweet Bella, Lady_Threnody, Spirit of Heaven
Purpose: This is the place to come and talk about DC Comics their characters, movies, programs, games & cartoons.
Our take: A happy, shiny, upbeat place mostly. Has an ecletic membership.
The positives: Active moderators and an nice atmosphere.
The negatives: With all these memebers, e-blood's got to get spilled sooner or later.

The League of Extraordinary Comic Book Fans
Run by: Celaeno, Obsidianwolf, CosmicBeing
Purpose: This guild is specifically for regulars in the Comic Discussion forum.
Our take: A private forum for the clique of Comics Discussion oldbies. Even if you're literate and have a ton of knowledge and insight, you're not getting in if enough of them don't like you.
The positives: The League contains some of the most intelligent comic fans on Gaia. (Celaeno is a definate positive - Caps)
The negatives: Egalitarian they are not. (The Deadpool cussing at me for oggling Celaeno from the top of their fence wasn't cool either - Caps)

Comic Lover's Paradise
Run by: Dragon Born, Vincent of Chaos, Slightly Imperfect, uryu ishida, Inu Ki, kng bowser
Purpose: Comics are the most inetreresting things on this planet to read, pictures, action and words all rap into one, Need I say more. This guild is all about the comics and thier fans. Rp as you favorite charater, have discussions about you favs and dislikies about the comics/mangas temselves, and much much more.
Our take: A guild that's mostly about manga, with little discussion of Western comics. Members are expected to post at least once a week.
The positives: Comics from all over can be discussed here.
The negatives: Somewhat strict and non-spellers to boot. They recruit from the Chatterbox.

Heroes of the Gaiaverse
Run by: Lord Fitz, Sapphina, Blood_Wing, M_For_Malice
Purpose: Welcome to Gaia's official all original super hero/villain role-playing guild! Here we have established the "Gaiaverse", a super natural universe of super heroes, villains, aliens and everything in-between.
Our take: Another role-playing guild for original characters. They claim to be original, but there not one picture the guild uses that of it's members' characters. There must not be a single artist among them, unfortunately.
The positives: Not strict on posting, and most the members seem to be friendly.
The negatives: NekoTalim. Nekotalim_II. Tyrone_Biggums. Need we say more?



Unorganized X-men
Throughout X-history (not to be confused with American History X), a few things have remained constant. KittyPryde is a virgin who just happens to have sex. Jean Grey is a glorified emo kid who just gets Wolverine to do the cutting. Cyclops and Logan have a thing for each other.

But most visibly, the team re-arranges itself. Every few months to a year, they all swap places. However, instead of Blue and Gold this time, we get Weird and Weirder. After the departure of Gambit and Psylocke, Sabretooth and Mystique have joined the crew on a team with Rogue, Iceman, and Cannonball. Storm's team now acts in her absence (as she's enjoying her impending honeymoon in Africa) with Nightcrawler, Marvel Girl, and Darwin, just to name a few.

Interstingly, Cyclops' team has not changed rosters at all. It seems that he can't stay away from his trophy bride and true love (note: not the same person), and the others are just sort of stuck with them.

After all, you can't have team issues and anxiety unless you constantly re-arrange your cast, now can you?

Batman Adopts Robin
Not a hoax, not an imaginary story. Bruce Wayne has filed papers to make Timothy Drake his son. "It needed to be done," said Wayne to reporters. "Tim's future needed to be protected, and the laws prohibit me from making him my ward, as I did with d**k Grayson." Drake told the press, "I don't know if he'll be the best dad in the world, but he'll be good enough."

[Insert X-Men/Sex-Men Gag Here]
Sex. A hot topic in Kapow!, and one that comes up quite often. From the illicit and documented exploits (thus negating any chance of libel and/or slander, GG nubs) of several Green Lanterns to never-ending flirting between Remy LeBeau and anything, it's something we here see all the time.

But never in this level of detail.

It seems several pictures have been released of various Kapow!ians in compromising positions. First came Kitty and Jaeger, perennial fan-favourite couple, caught with their intimacy on camera. As if this was not enough, however, soon pictures of superhero and Outsider Metamorpho and his Future-Girlfriend, the super-villain known as Inque, surfaced thanks to the Devil himself. 'Morpho and Inque have been a steamy--in more than one sense--couple and quite a conversation starter as of late, so the content of the picture comes as no surprise. The question remains, however: Who will be the next caught with their pants down?

Losing Lex Luthor
Alexander Luthor had lost it all. Bought out by the LexCorp Board of Directors, the citizens of his home city of Metropolis turned on him after he was aquitted of all criminal charges again. After being kidnapped by a doppleganger and losing the US Presidency, and the events of the last few months, no one thought he could go lower.

Luthor proved everyone wrong when attacked Metropolis and Superman openly weeks after his aquittal, causing widespread destruction in the Delaware city. How he acquired a Kryptonian dreadnaught is unknown, though some speculate it may have had to do with the Toyman's help. Luthor's plan to "punish" Metropolis for abandoning him and killing Superman failed, as the Man of Steel defeated the newly born supervillain. To add to his humiliation, Luthor, noted for practicing the martial arts in his spare time, was beaten in hand-to-hand combat by an unpowered Superman. Luthor was arrested and put in the Stryker's Island Prison, only to escape less than a day later. His whereabouts are unknown to the authorities.


Got questions, comments, suggestions? PM our publisher or email us at potato_staff@witty.com.