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 Posted: Mon Sep 19, 2011 6:11 pm
Southern_cross_nemesis In years past, it was her and I celebrating it. We didn't do anything big, just go out get clothes or shoes or whatever I needed that I couldn't pay for myself and afterwards we would go out to eat. Just spent the day together. This year, all but a few of my friends and family online, didn't even remember. And I was left alone. I watched a movie, and that is all I could do. Maybe next year you could call some friends or your Dad over for some pizza and movies? I'm sorry you were alone for your birthday. I really am. It stings. What would you have wanted to do instead if you don't mind me asking (besides the obvious)?
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Posted: Mon Sep 19, 2011 7:10 pm
rmcdra Maybe next year you could call some friends or your Dad over for some pizza and movies? I'm sorry you were alone for your birthday. I really am. It stings. What would you have wanted to do instead if you don't mind me asking (besides the obvious)? I don't know, to be honest. I normally just follow what other people want to do, and just give my two cents. Just being part of a group is normally enough for me. I don't have very many friends, I know in real life, anymore. Lies, I have told, secrets that I have held and foolish acts, like skipping work, seen to it that they no longer want to know me. The one I do(yes, I do mean one), lives too far away and has no means of getting to me.
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Posted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 6:39 am
Southern_cross_nemesis rmcdra Maybe next year you could call some friends or your Dad over for some pizza and movies? I'm sorry you were alone for your birthday. I really am. It stings. What would you have wanted to do instead if you don't mind me asking (besides the obvious)? I don't know, to be honest. I normally just follow what other people want to do, and just give my two cents. Just being part of a group is normally enough for me. I don't have very many friends, I know in real life, anymore. Lies, I have told, secrets that I have held and foolish acts, like skipping work, seen to it that they no longer want to know me. The one I do(yes, I do mean one), lives too far away and has no means of getting to me. If you're looking to make friends, this website has some good advice. Church is also another place to make friends too. It takes practice making and discerning friends.
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Posted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 1:21 pm
WOOT WOOT! (for the Airforce thing xd )
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Posted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 1:25 pm
Eltanin Sadachbia WOOT WOOT! (for the Airforce thing xd )
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Posted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 10:11 pm
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Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2011 10:42 am
I think that my insecurities and incredible fear of shame have been surfacing since I still have mommy issues that I still haven't worked past. I've worked past my sexual fears instilled by her (I mean how she told me that because I was liking girls and having wet dreams, meant I was going to stop loving my mom and leave her).
If I'm not doing great or at top performance, or doing something amazing, I hide. I hide when I screw up something or fail at something. I fear shame because I fear rejection. I've identified why I've made this association and why it's become such a phobia so far so I should be able to confront it. My mom was crazy. Other people are not my mom. I do not need to win love from others like I had to do with my mom. Because I've had to ask for help and work at a crappy job does not make me less of a person. I should not hate myself because I am doing my best.
Again thank you guys for your support and openness. It has been very helpful.
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Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2011 8:09 pm
*blinks* um... your welcome, I am sorry for what you gone though with your mom. I would like to think, that she loved you but wanted you to do your best in all things and become independent or had a hard time of showing it. If you want to talk we will listen.... if they will not I will.
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Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 6:33 am
Southern_cross_nemesis *blinks* um... your welcome, I am sorry for what you gone though with your mom. I would like to think, that she loved you but wanted you to do your best in all things and become independent or had a hard time of showing it. If you want to talk we will listen.... if they will not I will. I know she was doing what she thought was best given her condition. I've long forgiven her. She was very sick and on so many different types of medicine (before drug interaction was a concern), it was a miracle she could even function well as she did. There's just programming that she left in me that I know is not good that I need to work out that's all.
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Posted: Thu Oct 06, 2011 8:01 am
The rain is falling hard. It's getting colder, I'm getting drenched, and the storm is trying to knock me down. I hope I can keep the strength to continue dancing and the courage and confidence to tell the storm "Be Still".
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Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 9:12 am
Start my job next week (or so I hear). I have an odd mixture of excitement, joy, fear, and sadness.
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Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 9:22 am
rmcdra Start my job next week (or so I hear). I have an odd mixture of excitement, joy, fear, and sadness. That's an interesting combination. Really do hope it works out good for you though. smile
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Posted: Wed Oct 12, 2011 10:01 am
It's so weird sometimes. It feels like when I'm very depressed and feel very low about myself is when I'm able to empower and help others. When I'm feeling my greatest and on top of the world, I stumble and often make problems worse. Now if only I could find a nice middle ground somewhere that would be awesome.
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Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2011 7:05 am
There was an article on the "Bronies phenomenon" on the front page of the Wall St. Journal yesterday. I guess they needed some sort of filler for Friday.
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Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 12:27 am
I'm still alive. I am getting very impatient waiting for my new schedule from my new job. I've been "hired" for a month now and I finished training last week but they have yet to get me a schedule. Just need to chillax for now.
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