|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:24 pm
Owwin I don't even know how I feel about love. I still haven't seen my shoe wire sign or any of the stuff I think about and try to get to happen. Med had a long God talk with me the other day, and I tried to go back to church after years of not going, and I didn't feel anything. I wasn't even happy when everybody was singing together. Something is keeping Love, God, Happiness, and other big concepts like that from me right now. I don't know if it is me or something else, but they just aren't reaching. They haven't for a bit. It is making me tired though. I've tried to get back into church several times before. I just couldn't get back into religion after leaving it. It now just feels empty. I look around the church hall and see people singing and I always keep thinking that these people are deluding themselves. I don't hate people who believe in God, but something in the back of my head keeps telling me that they're lost. Like they need this to keep going or else they go crazy. They may be right. No one knows if there really is a divine being watching over us, but maybe it' the thought of that which makes people think everything's going to be alright, no matter how bad things seem. Sadly, I can no longer do that. It just seems like escapism to me. I can't just sit down and pray for something to get better, because the world just doesn't work that way.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:26 pm
Come on, there's gotta be SOMETHING you love. A movie, a game, a food, a song, a conversation topic, an activity, anything that can pull you away from all your worries and into just it, if even for a moment. I know there is something that makes you happy, because if there weren't you wouldn't not want to be negative or hateful because you wouldn't know there was anything else to be.
...does that make sense? It makes sense to me, but these days I have to ask.. xd
I know you'll find it. And when you do, you don't even have to share it with anyone if you don't want to; just knowing that it's there should be enough.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:28 pm
I still liked to go for the people though. I loved watching people sing together. Even if religion can be a lousy thing, it also brings a lot of people who would never meet. There was beauty in that, but I can't appreciate it anymore. I think something inside me is broken. Maybe I have a chemical imbalance. Exercise and positive thinking just aren't working to pull me out of ruts anymore.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:29 pm
Cabron LaSwan Come on, there's gotta be SOMETHING you love. A movie, a game, a food, a song, a conversation topic, an activity, anything that can pull you away from all your worries and into just it, if even for a moment. I know there is something that makes you happy, because if there weren't you wouldn't not want to be negative or hateful because you wouldn't know there was anything else to be.
...does that make sense? It makes sense to me, but these days I have to ask.. xd
I know you'll find it. And when you do, you don't even have to share it with anyone if you don't want to; just knowing that it's there should be enough. I feel like I have lost more things that I used to love than what is fair for one person. I know that is selfish of me, but I want those things back.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:32 pm
Owwin Cabron LaSwan Come on, there's gotta be SOMETHING you love. A movie, a game, a food, a song, a conversation topic, an activity, anything that can pull you away from all your worries and into just it, if even for a moment. I know there is something that makes you happy, because if there weren't you wouldn't not want to be negative or hateful because you wouldn't know there was anything else to be.
...does that make sense? It makes sense to me, but these days I have to ask.. xd
I know you'll find it. And when you do, you don't even have to share it with anyone if you don't want to; just knowing that it's there should be enough. I feel like I have lost more things that I used to love than what is fair for one person. I know that is selfish of me, but I want those things back. Name some specifics. What did you lose that you used to love?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:35 pm
LightsideDarksider Name some specifics. What did you lose that you used to love? Art, music, family, quite a few friends, passion for learning, sleep, working out. I still listen to music and go to school. I hang out with friends and all that. I just don't feel like I love any of those things anymore. EDIT: Also helping people. The other day a guy drove up asking for 11 dollars to help his wife or something. I had the money, but I said no anyway. I am changing and I don't like it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:40 pm
Owwin LightsideDarksider Name some specifics. What did you lose that you used to love? Art, music, family, quite a few friends, passion for learning, sleep, working out. I still listen to music and go to school. I hang out with friends and all that. I just don't feel like I love any of those things anymore. I feel for you, man. I've been struggling through a lot as well. I used to love the idea of SCUBA diving, but I'm still not sure I want to do it because of the dangers involved and also how uber-serious most divers are. Of course, the reason diver's are uber-serious is because the ocean is a dangerous place even in the most benign-looking of places. How about we start with art? What reasons can you think of that you're not all that super-jazzed about it anymore?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:42 pm
LightsideDarksider I feel for you, man. I've been struggling through a lot as well. I used to love the idea of SCUBA diving, but I'm still not sure I want to do it because of the dangers involved and also how uber-serious most divers are. Of course, the reason diver's are uber-serious is because the ocean is a dangerous place even in the most benign-looking of places. How about we start with art? What reasons can you think of that you're not all that super-jazzed about it anymore? It's not something I feel like investing time into. The heartbreak and time it takes to improve even slightly just isn't worth the results.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:44 pm
Owwin LightsideDarksider I feel for you, man. I've been struggling through a lot as well. I used to love the idea of SCUBA diving, but I'm still not sure I want to do it because of the dangers involved and also how uber-serious most divers are. Of course, the reason diver's are uber-serious is because the ocean is a dangerous place even in the most benign-looking of places. How about we start with art? What reasons can you think of that you're not all that super-jazzed about it anymore? It's not something I feel like investing time into. The heartbreak and time it takes to improve even slightly just isn't worth the results. Heartbreak? I take it you mean criticism?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:47 pm
LightsideDarksider Heartbreak? I take it you mean criticism? No. Personal heartbreak. Nobody ever sees my art, and when they do they praise it, but it doesn't change how I feel about it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:58 pm
Owwin LightsideDarksider Heartbreak? I take it you mean criticism? No. Personal heartbreak. Nobody ever sees my art, and when they do they praise it, but it doesn't change how I feel about it. I feel the same way with my LP. Chapter 6 is actually done, but I don't feel like putting it up, because hardly anybody reads it. My advice: when you're feeling down or bored, fire up a word processor and write random, dumb bullshit. Then read what you just wrote and laugh your a** off. Here's a past sample that I wrote on a bad day: Quote: Okay, so I was inspecting my car the other day when suddenly this chick with a huge, glamorous rack came walking by. She was double-D-lightfully beautiful. Anyway, I was underneath the car when it happened and she turned me on so much, my pecker shot up almost instantly. It started rising faster and faster and faster. The acceleration was unbelievable. Naturally, when it collided with the bottom of my car, Newton’s Laws came into the picture with devastating results. The acceleration of my boner was so great it hit the car bottom with tremendous force. So much force that it launched my car clean into the air! Its peak height must’ve been several kilometers into the air. But wait, it gets better. After reaching peak height, it started falling back down towards Monterey Bay. Now, my car landed in the middle of south highway 1, right on top of an oil tanker. The explosion could be felt from miles away. So many cars got caught in the explosion that they too exploded. All the way down the highway were car explosions, until several nearby structures began to collapse. They too set off a series of explosions when the debris began landing on cars. Pretty soon all of the Monterey Bay area was engulfed in fire. Thousands of men, women, and children burning to death or choking from the smoke. Carnage, death, and mayhem everywhere, just like that 2012 movie, except this wasn’t a liberal movie that sucked total a**. It was real, pure, unadulterated destruction. It was the most beautiful ******** thing I ever saw…next to that chick that gave me the boner. Don't know if that helps for you, but that's one of my methods for coping with troubles in life.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Mar 30, 2011 12:03 am
I don't like to write. Writing falls under art.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Mar 30, 2011 12:10 am
How often did you used to do those things you don't like much anymore?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Mar 30, 2011 12:20 am
I kinda can understand what you're talking about. I had a similar thing happen to me, except less far reaching into my activities and life. I found that those things that i really used to care about were being replaced with other things. I'm not sure if I like where I am now, as opposed to where I was before, but I can't go back and there wasn't much point (in my case) to try to. I don't know if this will help you, especially since it seems like this is something you've really been thinking about. Either way, it can be good to sleep off some of it and look from a fresher perspective the next day, or week. Or however long. With that in mind i'm going to bed.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Mar 30, 2011 12:24 am
LightsideDarksider How often did you used to do those things you don't like much anymore? Like to be around my family? All the time. Chilling with David and talking to my mom were things I just expected to happen throughout the day. Hang with friends? Multiple times a week. Each time a different group. Now it is hard for me to even care about going out with one group of friends once a week. I haven't talked so some of my oldest friends for months. Used to work out daily, then let if fall by the wayside, now I am lucky if I get more than one session a week. Learning is something I still do often, but I haven't enjoyed it for a while. Music is something I try to put some time too, but really I just use it to drown out noise more than anything else.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
