Welcome to Gaia! ::

sweatdrop well. yea...but.....erm..have u checked teh perscription lately? it may need a checkup. sweatdrop sorry thats really the only thing i can think of.

ok, well tahts good to hear. and er.. happy soon b-day! ^^

geesh...bit of an obssession? eh? the guy needs to find a computer to play against- put it on the HIGHEST level...and the nhe can review the stupid game electronically....i mean, he'll never see teh lgiht of day again... btu at least ull be rid of him, right?
obssessivwe people are the worst, especaially those who dont realize what they are doing. its like.. GET A CLUE. ur annoying, what ur doing ISNT healthy! sweatdrop

*takes a deep breath*

I have so many reasons to hate people, just...EVERYONE!

At school, everywere I looked, people were hugging and kissing, the school was selling these huge heart balloons, and these lollypops "for your sweetheart!" selling all over the place. Girls were walking around with huge teddy bears, cute couples with matching shirts walked hand in hand, boxxes of "I love you" chocolates were being passed to almost every girl by the guys, and in class, the girls around me kept talking about their boyfriends or husbands or fiance's and what they were going to do after school, or how sweet and thoughtful they were, and how they loved today. Everyone I see wishes me a "happy valentine's day!" and the teachers are all like "I hope you girls have a good time with your sweethearts!" and everyone is so happy and loving and even here on the net, everyone's all like "Happy Love Day!"

The only thing I got at school today was a single chocolate from this one guy who I find not only anoying, but abrasive and bostful, and chocolate is litterally poison for me. I said thank you and ate it.

All day other girls were getting suprises and hugs and kisses, and I just tried to ignore it. You know why? Because the guy who said "Let me be close to you!" and "I'll wipe away your tears." and "this is my heart layed out bear before you" never even made a phone call. Not even a pm. Not even asking one of our mutal friends to say hi to me! He didn't answer his phone, he never returned any of my messages, he never pm'd me back, and I'm not just talking about today, I"m talking in the past month! "I'll call ya sometime." Ya right. You know what, he's a lier. All guys are liers. If your reading this, I challenge you to prove me wrong, because you're doing a dam fine job of proving to me I had the right to feer being burned!

Oh, and it's not just him. The man that I took as a mentor, who told wonderful stories, and claimed to be a man of God, who I thought I'd learned so much from, who I strived to make proud and strived to better myself at his urgings, turns out he's a lier to. He's not only a lier, but insain, cruel, a theif, and a pervert. I hope I never hear from him again.

The woman mentor I wanted to turn to isn't much of an improvment. The woman that mentored me since litterally infancey, who was my very first chior director, who instilled a love of music and singing into my heart, who was such a good friend of the family, who made me want to improve myself every day and to do good works and serve God with everything I have, who I thought so well of, she went and had an affair with the head pastor (who until I heard this thought was a pretty decent guy with a good head on his shoulders) of her church. Both of them married with kids. I'm so let down, I feel sick.

So, I wanted to go home. When my brother askes me if I want to go home, I say yes, and on our way out the school's door, I remember that a huge assinment that I had to work on at school was due the next day, and I hadn't started it. So, I grab a map of the school and decide to BS my way through it. All I want to do is crawl into bed, close my eyes, and either die, or not wake up for a good many years. That's all I want to do. I want to get home, crawl into bed, turn my radio up as loud as I can, and force myself to pass out in the most painful way I can think of. So, on the hour ride home, I burry myself in a gameboy and that lessens everything for a little while, and I get home, my mom is cooking a wonderful valentine's dinner, full of meat and potatoes, which I love, and she gives me some chocolate which I put in my pocket, and I'm starting to feel a little less like dieing. She asks me if I would shovel the porch before the slush freezes into ice, and I say yes, and go and do it.

Not a moment after I was done with the last bit of slush, does she open the door and hand me the phone. It's my co-worker, telling me I was suposed to be at work at 5:30 today, and it's almost 6:00. I tell her I'll be there right away, drop my stuff, grab my pack and run for the car. Now, it's a monday, and I never work on mondays, except my boss had talked to me a few days ago and asked me to work the 21st. I said yes, wrote it down, watched her change it on the schedual, and went back and double checked it on the schedual a few hours later, makeing sure it was the 21st. Then my boss went and told my co-worker that I'd be in on the 14th. So, I'm late, my co-worker probubly had some date or other with her boyfriend that I've ruined by being late, I don't get the deliciouse smelling dinner my mom had been makeing, and I have to come down to a stinking basment full of books that I'll never have time to read, with some bad smelling people who expect me to find a movie they want when they don't know the title, the genra, who's in it, nore the basic plot line. But I'm suposed to find it because I'm a freeking librarian. And then there's the anoying phone calls from idiot middleschoolers who want to know if so and so is down here, when they live 2 blocks away and can walk here and see, and I have to be oh so poliet to them when all I really want to do is hang up on them, or tell them to get a life.

This day wasn't worth the breath it took to enter it.

Why can't I ever be given something good having to do with love? Everything I try not only dosn't work, but burns me so badly I want to die. The love I felt for both my male and female mentores thrown back into my face and the trust I felt torn out from under me. The man who assured me it was safe for me to trust him, who I allowed myself to feel love for, not even around to be my friend or see me cry, much less do anything about it. The trust I had in my employer for telling me the right things, badly damaged. Oh, ya, and the day of love? The time when everyone's suposed to have at least a good day, if not be with the one they're madly in love with, has just about killed me. Nothing having to do with love has ever served me rightly. It's just a bunch of pain and torment. And just when I think something is going to get a little better, it always gets so much worse.

I don't think I even have the tears to cry.

vent - I'm going to turn 21 in a month and I hate it. I feel like sucha wimp sad

its not the age really, its the position I'm in

okay I'll explain: I'm still here living in my parents house and I need to get out I hate it here more and more every single day. My father is not worth it. Even though I say this, it doesn't hold water because I have no plan or job or finances to leave, I'm trapped and I don't know how to get out.