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Bleh, I've been gone for quite a bit haven't I? Before I salvage my characters from the abyss, I figure I'll explain why I've been gone for so long.

Long story short: Family reasons. Currently my brother is having various medical problems that I'd rather not go into right now and this is causing us to maneuver every which way on various medical trips to various doctors all summer long. This obviously has not been all that fun for me, and on top of that, I had to get my computer replaced as well. So yeah, busy, busy me.

I'd like to apologize to anyone who I left hanging as far as the RP's go, and I'll try to get some stuff through this weekend. Next time though, I'll try to give at least one of the mods a bit of forewarning.

Might as well start here. First of all, before I start spewing about myself, I have a question for you, Gentleman. How does your brother's medical condition and the ramifications thereof, affect you? Not just your lifestyle, but emotionally and whatnot as well. Sorry, don't mean to pry, I'm just curious. And now I'll leave ya alone for a little while. XD

Also, Ayumu, I would suggest trying to find another alternative. Like, another possible roommate or something. And just try to stick it out until you can find something. I don't personally know your mother, but I know that when I came back to weezy with my tail between my legs two years ago, almost everyone made it hell for me and rubbed s**t in my face and everything...especially my parents. I had been lucky enough to have my brother and sister to fall back on, and they let me live with them, so after a while I didn't have to put up with so much of the s**t anymore, but damn...it was...ugh...Not fun. Although it might be HEALTHIER at the moment for you to go back to your mom's, so she can take care of you and whatnot, think of how much MORE HEALTHY it will be for you in the long run if you can prove to everyone that you CAN stand on your own, and you're living life unhindered by people who doubt you and whatnot. I mean, there are ALWAYS gonna be struggles and complications in life. That's a given. To use the words of a certain wise mandrill, "The struggle NEVER ends. That is the great Circle Of Life!" XD
BUT, things can get better. I believe there's always something good that comes from everything bad. Maybe sometimes it takes a little while to even out, but it does. There's balance in Nature. ^_^
But...the best advice I can give to you, and to anyone, is to follow your heart. Do what you feel you should do. Live your life the way you want to live it. And don't let ANYONE get in your way or mess you up.....including me. XP


So yeah. I'm not gonna ramble about all the s**t I'm gonna talk about. Just cause....anyone who knows me by now, knows I have a tendency to ramble on and on and on and it can get rather annoying to some people. Not to mention I wanna cover a lot of ground and not waste too much space. And now I'm rambling again so yeah I'll shut up and get down to it.

Here's a list of events in my life since around fall of last year:


- Got sick a lot....all the time...and practically did nothing. This was mainly due to the fact that I was not taking my medication (which I have been taking since I was about....three years old, and which I HAVE to take in order to live. Body systems, ladeda, long story, not gonna get into that) properly. As in....I skipped about a month's worth of pills. Yeah. So, I was sick frequently. Then I died. Dunno for how long, guess it was a few seconds, but I somehow came back. Wasn't even aware of it. I had some really weird, trippy dreams while I was incapacitated, then I woke up and doctors are all around me and givin' me a spinal tap and all kinds of s**t. Go back to sleep. Wake up. My relatives are standing around me. Ugh. Thinking what the ******** did I do now? They explain it to me. My stepfather said I was um....how did he put it? "Dead as a doornail". And the doctors were all STILL confused as all hell as to HOW THE HELL I'm still alive. Yippee for me. I am once again proven to be a freak of nature.

- Lots of s**t goes down with my relatives. It becomes pretty clear to me that my parents are starting more s**t and are going to take me back to live in bigwoods (the hellhole I was raised in). Yeah. ******** that. But no....I'm not self-reliant at this point, still weak and can't do s**t, and Louis and Kathy (my brother and sister-in-law, whom I was living with before then, over in Sulphur) didn't stick around to defend me and bail me out this time. They always had been before. But this time they let my parents' bullshit get to them and all this s**t and rawr. So my aunt has to bail me out. So yippee, I'm going to live with her and my uncle and my cousins. It's better than living with my parents, but IT'S STILL THE SAME GENERAL AREA, WHICH I HATE. Oh well, what could I do?

- I go live out there. Basically do NOTHING for the rest of 2008. Except practice and learn songs on my guitar. And do random art stuff. My body had fully recovered within DAYS, another bizarre thing seeing as how I'm usually so messed up when I'm sick it's ********. But yeah. I just wasted time and did nothing.

- Around the end of January this year, I went and got a job again. My OLD job. The one I had before I had left to move to Texas with that whore ex-fiance of mine, way back then. Yippee.

- On Imbolc (February 2, it's a holiday I celebrate, in case you don't know), one of my best friends tells me some news. The aforementioned whore is now married and has a kid. Yowsa. I'm pissed that she once again tried to ******** with me through him, seeing as how 1.) she'd been doing it quite a lot since she did what she did and 2.) she and her family have no damn right to even TALK to him after the hell they put him through. But anyway....I think about it for the rest of the week. Come to the realization that I really just don't give a damn. Amazing. After all the denial and the emotional baggage and all that bullshit, I'm done. About damn time. That friday, I took a lot of s**t from my past and went outside and burned it. Big bonfire. Played my guitar. Woo! It was kind of symbolic...like...the last remnants of my old self, the pathetic, whiny, worthless thing everyone knew as Luke, dying. Good riddance.

- In March, I for some reason told my aunt and uncle (the ones I live with) about my faith. Wow. Yeah. They had asked. So yeah. I ain't gonna lie. They didn't wig out like I thought they would. But yeah. They have, over the course of time since then, made stupid jokes and s**t and said quite a few things that have proven to me that they are not as fully comfortable with it as they claimed to be. Well, it's not just that, it's just that....they're bigots. I don't mean to insult them by saying that, it is simply a fact. If you think that your way is the only right way, and that everyone else is wrong, and that it doesn't matter if someone else DOESN'T believe what you believe, it's still right and they're not doing whatever right, you are a bigot. That is the definition of bigotry. Look it up. Oh no wait, you don't have to, I'll do it for you:

big⋅ot⋅ry
  /ˈbɪgətri/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [big-uh-tree]
–noun, plural -ries.
1. stubborn and complete intolerance of any creed, belief, or opinion that differs from one's own.
2. the actions, beliefs, prejudices, etc., of a bigot.

There ya go. If you don't believe me, look it up yourself.
Also, they broke my trust by telling another one of my relatives about it without my permission. This particular relative is very old and even more of a bigot than the both of them combined. AND, they have assumed s**t about me without ASKING me. And if someone is that ******** to just ASSUME something about me, instead of ASKING me, I'll just let 'em keep on assuming it. But see, that got me ******** over, because due to s**t they assume about me, they have decided that I cannot do any of my rituals or celebrations or anything, ANYWHERE near their home. I can't even so much as look at my tarot cards. What. The. ********. Ever. So I have to walk out across the pasture, into the woods, way back out by the swamp. I'd rather not do that because 1.) that's a long way to carry so much stuff and 2.) at this time of the year, snakes are really bad out here. And the last thing I need is to get bitten and then have to deal with them being all "oh well I told you this and this and rawr". Yeah. Whatever. I just come over here to my bro's house to do rituals. Which is fine, I love the place, and I love seeing my nephew and niece. It just pisses me off that I have no choice at this point in time than to deal with s**t like that. These people need to get the ********' message. I am a Witch. I love myself and for once am finally honest with myself. I am proud of who I am. And it is NOT going to change!

- I have hardly got to see my niece and nephew at all since I moved out there. I'm getting to see them right now for a change cause I'm spending the weekend over here at Louis' house. But I miss being able to see them ALL THE TIME.

- I've been working a LOT more on my music. I came to the decision that, hey, it was always my dream to be a singer in a Rock N' Roll band, and I'm tired of pushing it aside because of my own doubts, or because I let other people dictate my life, so I'm not doing it anymore. ******** whoever has a problem with it. I'm finally following my dreams. I haven't been able to get very far with it YET, but I'm not giving up. Oh yeah, and I finally put up a band page on myspace to put some of my recorded songs up. Yay!!! ^_^ Takin' it one step at a time.

- Finally told this girl I've been crazy about for a LONG TIME, how I feel. And to my infinite surprise, she felt the same about me. Like...wow. XD
We've been together for almost three months now (it'll be three months on the fourth) and I'm so happy...Things could be better, and they will be soon, but yeah. XD

- I'm moving soon. To Missouri, to be with the one I love, and to have better career opportunities. Not job opportunities, career opportunities. As in, music. Cha. AND to have more freedom and be healthier and whatnot. I dunno when, all I know is, it'll most likely be this month or next month. I know it's gonna be before the end of the year, regardless of how things go down, but I'd like it to happen before the end of next month. Ready to get the hell out of bigwoods. I'm so ********' suffocated, it's unreal. I hate staying in the same place for too long regardless, but seeing as how I'm stuck in the place I hate the most, and have been trying to get out of since I was a little kid, and actually succeeded for a while but only to be pulled back in, yeah....It's not healthy for me, emotionally or spiritually. And that affects how physically healthy it is for me as well, seeing as how my emotions can often cause me to become physically ill. Yeah. But anyway....

- I haven't been able to hold on to money very well. Too many doctor bills and s**t. Not to mention I have to pay hundreds of dollars for my medication, seeing as how I don't have ANY sort of health or medical insurance. Yeah. They dropped me last year. Really sucks. Just. Ugh. Trying to save up a lot of money before I leave, so I have something to fall back on. UUUGH I WANNA GET OUT OF HERE!!!

I'm gonna miss Zach and Myah...and my brothers and sisters down here....and a few other people....but aside from that, everyone else can kiss my a**. I can't stick around just to be with a few people I love, if so many other people are dragging me down and keeping me in a disruptive cycle. Especially when I don't even get to SEE those few people I love as much as I want to, anyway.

Okay....So...I did end up rambling. That was way longer than I planned. I apologize. Guess I really did need to vent...Meh....

Yeah. I'm gonna shut up now. Sorry for the blahness. I'm goin' to play Mario with my niece and nephew, so yeah. I'll cut this short before I start any more rambling. So....you know the drill, right? Stick a fork in me, I'm done. XP

Hey, all. First time posting here, but it's a pretty important issue that I want to get off of my chest. Maybe, three weeks ago, my girlfriend broke up with me. October 25 would have been our two years together. I might have posted about this sooner, but I'm still in the process of dealing with it. I'll backtrack to the beginning and explain everything.

About a month ago, I came to Mount Union College. She went to Heidelberg University. Between the two of them was a drive of around two hours, two and a half, something along those lines. She moved in a week before me and I helped her move all of her stuff in. Throughout the entire time, until she broke up with me, we called and texted every day. Now, the part that I find ironic is that I was writing a paper on The Last Song by the All American Rejects when she called me. Told me that we needed to talk, and then she told me that she couldn't deal with it anymore. I was just stunned, and she went on to explain that "it wasn't me, it was her", "you're a great guy but you aren't for me", and "she just fell out of love with me". Then she hung up.

That just ripped me apart. She was one of four people that I would gladly and willingly die for. I truly and honestly loved her. I could imagine living my entire life with her, having children, watching them grow, then dying before her, because I wouldn't be able to bear the pain of being without her.

I called some friends after she hung up and just talked for a bit. Then I texted her one last time, asking if it was because she had found someone else. I also asked her to be honest, because my feelings didn't really matter at this point. She told me no. A friend of mine told me a week later that her Facebook status said that she had a new boyfriend. I know that he meant well, but that was like killing me all over again.

Eventually I talked to some friends about it, and we ended up staying up all night. They gave me great advice, "put the past behind me", "look back every so often but live in the present", stuff like that. I accepted that and put on a good face for them. I decided that if I put on a lying face, it would eventually convince me that I don't miss her. But it doesn't work. And the first friend I called told me that. He told me that he had tried the same thing and it didn't work for him.

So I'm feeling rather poor about things. It only really comes on late at night, like now, when I don't have anything to distract me from the pain. And that was the one thing that I wasn't expecting. It feels like someone is literally pounding away at my heart, or trying to tear it loose. And that in turn is sapping my creative energy. It really sucks.

On a side note, at least HA is helping in some small way. It's forcing me to tear away from her. And that's actually helping.

Thanks for reading and letting me get this off of my chest.

Bard: I'm glad you realize your friend's advice is right. I've gone through similar stuff (Though never with a two year relationship, my longest was a year and a half), and I've learned...the best thing you can do is not to lie to yourself and say you don't miss her, cause that catches up with you, but it IS to distract yourself from her. Play games, RP, talk with friends about other things. ANYTHING that will keep your mind off of her.

When I got like that...if I so much as thought about her, I couldn't bring myself to be happy. The only thing I could do was think "How can I be happy without her." But after spending enough time distracting myself, I would realize...however much I loved her, the truth was, I couldn't let that fact that she didn't love me anymore control my life. Eventually, you've got to move on.

This last part is especially pertinent to you as well, Banshee, due to what you've said over skype.

DO NOT count on them returning to you. You can hope that it may one day happen. But in the end, the likelihood of 1) It happening, and 2) it working out that time....are very slim. I don't say this to make things worse, I say this in hopes that you will realize that it's better to move on, for both of you. It's better to learn to be happy without them, than to constantly hope and wait for their return.

Finally, if EITHER of you ever want some distraction, in any form, that I can help with, feel 100% free to contact me over Skype, YahooIM, AIM, GaiaPM, anything. At worst, I tell you I'm busy at the moment, and will contact you in an hour or so. Please don't hesitate to allow me to help you distract yourselves.

I honestly don't know what to tell you. The only time that I've had that problem was when an ex decided that to follow me around to all of my classes. I'll give you the same advice that I heard from a friend. Just sit down and talk with him. Ask him why he's being that way. If he keeps punching you and forcing you into walls, you may want to let somebody know.

And congrats to you for having friends who will stick by you even when everybody else leaves you. Those are true friends.

That's all I've got, but I'm not all that knowledgeable in these sorts of things. Somebody else post and help Dani out?

I totally agree with Rae. If I were around, I'd jump in the guy's face and be like "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, a*****e? WHY YOU MESSIN' WITH MY HOMIE? IF YOU DON'T STOP, I'MA HAVE TO SHOVE MY FOOT WHERE THE MOON DON'T SHINE, YOU GOT ME????"

....Cause I'm all protective like that. And just...UGH.....

I can't stand it when a guy hits a lady. It pisses me off more than almost anything. I have a weird code of honor thing that I follow completely, and NOT HITTING LADIES is one of the top things on that code. That's one good thing I actually DID learn from my ignorant, emotionally abusive parents. My mamma knocked at least SOME sense into my head. Hitting girls is a big no-no, as far as I'm concerned. And I DARE somebody to do it in front of me. One guy, when I was younger, learned that straight-up, cause I socked him in the jaw for severely abusing a girl...THAT I DIDNT EVEN KNOW!

Now I'm not saying get violent on his a**. Not trying to be a bad influence. Just tryin' to stress how NOT COOL that is. What you need to do, is like Rae said, tell him to back the hell up off o' ya. But do it more kindly than that, I guess........But if it was me, I'd say "GET OFF ME, YOU SCUMBAG!"

Haha....FF IX....Beloved memories of my younger days...

But anyway...Listen to Rae. She's smart. And what she said IS the right thing to do. I'm officially seconding her statement. Don't let the assholes in the world get to ya, California! =]]

*smothers and cradles Rio* I hope things turn better Rio D: