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 Posted: Mon Jan 25, 2010 2:38 pm
_Manpish_ Cobra_X Manpish:
Not so bad here, but there are a few things I think we can do to make it better...
1. To form the shuriken, you need to perform hand seals... you can't jsut USE your chakra and have the technique occur, the hand seals form the technique and direct the chakra as you use it.
2. Trying incorporating more then just one technique when making the RP sample... and try to be realistic too, because i think 20 paper shurikens might kill someone...(unless they simply weren't formed with sharpened chakra to increase their effect.
2) added another jutsu into the sample
3) if ya want more jutsu into it i can come up with something
You are approved Tenshi!
APPROVED!
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Posted: Mon Jan 25, 2010 2:40 pm
You don't have to completely redo it... just edit it a bit.
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Posted: Mon Jan 25, 2010 6:12 pm
Kawaii:
I think that the power granted by this "bloodline" requires a much more substantial RP then was provided.
1. It's boring to read something where everything the character does is simply flippant, as if he was being attacks by 3 year old children. Try to make it more compelling.
2. The tendrils skull crushing thing... I think could stand to be a bit more well, not so easy to accomplish, and could perhaps use a better description of how it is accomplished.
3. Two windmill shuriken disabled your arms? How?... in what fashion?
4. when you take a mask off your back, it doesnt enable you to use Fire jutsu... it creates a secondary figure which can then use Fire based attacks. (If the mask had stayed on his back, he could use the element all his own)
5. What is a CQC weapon? ... literate Rps do not employ abbreviations.
6. Normally the heart is not ripped out of their chest by your hand, but by the chakra tendrils.
7. what in your character would allow the other ninja to live? Kill that loser and harvest his organs.
Please re-write the RP Sample with all of the above in mind. thanks!
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Posted: Mon Jan 25, 2010 10:52 pm
Name: havikthecold
RPC's name: Edge Kura
Bloodline Applying for: Banpaia
Why do you want it: It will fit my RPC pretty well I think
What will you do with it: I will use it to try and become Anbu
What you know about it: I know I have to taste RPC blood from a gaia user not some random person who is not real, also I understand the mood hanges when I do not have blood.
RP Sample:
Edge walked to the training ground and meet his sensai."Hey sensai what do you have for me today?" As he said this he wasn't sure why but he was annoyed but he tryed to ignore it and train."Well Edge you will be sparing a Chuunin from the leaf." Edge looked at the Ninja next to his sensai and said "Well thats new, I will be honored to spar with you." When Edge was done talking the Ninja threw a kunai at him. Edge moved to the left but was caught off guard and the kunai cut his arm Edge was annoyed and charged the ninja drawing his sword cutting the ninjas arm then hoped bak to his origanal place take a stance of combat. As Edge saw the blood on his sword he wanted to lick it but didn't know why. He tryed to dismiss the thought but couldn't so he brought the sword to his face and licked the blade letting the taste of blood fill his senses. Edges eyes opened wide as he craved more of the ninjas blood he was sent into a frenzy and he attacked the leaf ninja and cut him several time with the violent swings of his sword. When his sensai noticed Edge lost control he tried to stop him but Edge kicked at his sensai knocking him bak after he did this he lunger at the leaf ninja sinking his teeth into his neck letting the blood fill his mouth. One his sensai regaind his balance he struck Edge on the back of the neck knocking him out and said."What are you Edge." as he looked at the Chuunin he noticed he was dead and sighed sad to see a young ninja die in suck a way.
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Posted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 7:28 am
Havik:
I know this is somewhat irregular, but I'm going to have to ask you not to use Banpaia. There is only one person using it, and I want to keep it that way. the Bloodline is not very Naruto as it is currently and I haven't had the time to look into it and change it around to be more Naruto-ized.
The problem is that it's just basically vampirism. There's nothing ninja about it, nor is it even related to Naruto, so I don't particularly prove of it's existence, but it was approved before I came on board as the Bloodline Approval guy.
Could you ummm... possibly choose a different bloodline? sweatdrop
[All this said, it's also highly irregular to create a character have it be approved, and THEN apply for a bloodline. I'm not saying you can't do it, but I'm making a special case for you.]
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Posted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 8:10 am
ARG! understand i shall look around and the only reason I did not pre request was because I thought I couldn't once I leaned I could I wanted to. With that said I am on my way to find a new CLAN!
(I used I alot in there lol)
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Posted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 9:21 am
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Posted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 9:29 am
Name: havik the cold
RPC's name: Edge Kura
Bloodline Applying for: Ato Sakura No Ki No (Art of the Cherry Tree)
Why do you want it: To become a strong weapon master
What will you do with it: Kill every one you threatens me
What you know about it: I under stand all three stages and that I can only learn the next change when I rank up. Also I understand that I CANNOT block everything with the clan ability's. Lastly I get that the first stage will not allow me to pierce armor only cloths and skin.
RP Sample: (I am going to make Hayate's sword the sword I get from birth and that the clan marker was concealed a scroll will reveal it to me.]
Edge was searching threw his Fathers thing and came apon a chest whith a few scrolls in it and a picture of Hayate's sword it showed a button on the hilts bottom that must be activated by pushing chakra into it. Edge pushed the button and a small piece of wood fell out of the bottom revealing a clan mark, Edge was confused and he opened the scroll reading everything about his clan the Ato Sakura No Ki No (Art of the Cherry Tree) after reading everything Edge help up his sword and willed it to become the cherry petals that the scroll described. All of a sudden the sword slowly melted into the petals and swirled around Edge. Once he reformed his sword he ran off to the Kage's office to display what he just leaned he could do.
As he ran into the Kage's office and told the Kage everything that happen he asked what he should do. The Kage thought for a moment and said "I would like to know more about what you can do will you spar with me and show me the powers you are talking about." Surprised he said "Sure." and they headed to the training grounds.
As Edge and his Kage entered the training ground his Kage said "Ok Edge show me this power you described." Nodding Edge took out Hayate and focused on it and made it turn into slow swirling petals. Seeing this the Kage tossed a Kunai at Edge, Seeing this he panicked and remember the shielding power his petals had and made them spin around him knocking the Kunai to the side. Once he was safe Edge sent the petals
at the Kage and then ran behind them slowly melting his own body into the petals once he was apon the Kage their was a large tornado of Cherry blossoms Circling the Kage. Not wanting to cut the Kage Edge made the petals disperse and re form his body a few yard infont of his Kage, then he made the petals that were left to form his sword on his hip. Astounded by this the only thing the Kage could say was "Wow."
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Posted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 9:30 am
ment to hit preview not post I need to add a spar I am editing now.
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Posted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 9:56 am
DAMN YOU HAVIK! Why must you continually choose Problem Bloodlines?!!?!
...I've been meaning to edit the details of this Kekkai Genkai and you have forced my hand to now do so more immediately. IMO the clan is too strong too fast, and needs to be Naruto-ized.
HOWEVER, you can still go for it... just incorporate hand seals into the use of the bloodline and don't go into the Kageyoshi level yet. I'll let you know when I've properly and fully adapted it so you can take a look (however, fret not, it shall be the same concept as shown.)
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Posted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 9:57 am
lol I am Sorry! It just seemed a good fit for a weapon master XD love you!
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Posted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 10:04 am
CQC= Close Quaters Combat. you know from Metal gear solid 3.
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Posted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 11:13 am
Narkosa2512 CQC= Close Quaters Combat. you know from Metal gear solid 3.
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Posted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 11:34 am
Cobra_X Narkosa2512 CQC= Close Quaters Combat. you know from Metal gear solid 3. OKay cool I didn't know .... Ummm can I please have my head back now?
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Posted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 11:37 am
Narkosa2512 Cobra_X Narkosa2512 CQC= Close Quaters Combat. you know from Metal gear solid 3. OKay cool I didn't know .... Ummm can I please have my head back now?
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