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"A mongoose is not a goose but more like a meercat, which is not a cat but more like a prairie dog, which is not a dog but more like a ground squirrel."

What the hell surprised

gonk
What? That's so confusing.

Amusing thing of the day:

I did something today that nobody will be able to do ever again so long as the earth rotates.
I work at a hardware store. The truck had just come in, and we're unloading the junk from it. It's a lot of work. I was called over to help, so I drank all of my supersweet, very hot coffee in like two gulps.
About an hour later, after we're all done, I began to feel really sick from all the coffee, like I was going to throw up at any time. I just sort of stick it out though, because I don't want to look weak to the other hardware guys. They've got me outmuscled by like twenty pounds apiece.
mmhm
I'm cleaning in the aisles, and some old woman walks up to me with her eight year old girl, asking me where the lightbulbs are.
The little girl is screaming for something on the little toy display while I'm trying to tell this old woman (Who did not seem to understand that we don't sell lightbulbs.)
lol old people
and this girl is making a ruckus, running everywhere. I'm on my third explanation for our lack of lightbulbs, trying to keep the coffee in, when this girl slams the hell into me while she's running around.
I couldn't hold it in any longer, and I pretty much covered this screaming child in piping hot coffee and a sludgy mass of granola while her grandmother went off in the direction of our stockrooms to look for lightbulbs.
It was definitely worth the twenty something job applications I now have to write up all over again.

Did you hear about the man who spent his life collecting memorabilia of Wonder Woman, Joan of Arc and Florence Nightingale? Apparently, he was a herione addict.

*Has been laughing like an idiot for ten minutes at that*

rofl

Metal Gear Solid 3 makes me giggle like a little girl.

Sigint: "Uh, Snake...what are you doing?"
Snake: "I'm in a box."
Sigint: "A cardboard box? Why are you...?"
Snake: "I dunno. I was just looking at it, and suddenly I got this irresistable urge to get inside. No, not an urge - more than that. It was my destiny to be here; in the box."
Sigint: "Destiny...?"
Snake: "Yeah. And then when I put it on, I suddenly got this feeling of inner peace. I can't put it into words. I feel...safe. Like this is where I was meant to be. Like I'd found the key to true happiness. ... Does that make any sense?"
Sigint: "Not even a little."
Snake: "You should come inside the box... Then you'll know what I mean."
Sigint: "Man, I don't wanna know what you mean! Between you and Para-Medic, is everyone but me that is hooked up with the Major strange!?"
Snake: "..."
Sigint: "Yeah, well, anyway, I suppose even that dumbass box might make a decent disguise if you wear it inside a building."

Also. VAMPIRES!!11

God yes. I love Snake's ramblings about cardboard boxes. xD

Purple..... PURPLE!

Hell yea. cool