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Dirge put it best. I want to say my husband got to call more when he was in the processing beginning stages and not really so often once it went underway. It was really rough at the time, but I tried to keep busy with my job to pass the time and write letters everyday. Like Dirge said, the Red Cross will only contact if there's an emergency in the family.

As for AIT, technically, no. They will NOT pay for moving there since generally it is only for a few weeks/months. Did I listen? Not really. I moved out to San Antonio where he was in AIT and stayed in a studio apartment. It was nice to see him but very rough. I would get to see him for maybe an hour a day (if they weren't on lockdown) and when they earn the priveledges, on the weekend. They do frown on that, and I THINK we were supposed to technically get seperation pay for that time, we didn't dispute it cause it was rather obvious, lol.

I know it's rough and it seems like they're being unfair, but I have to be blunt. Expect MORE of stuff like this. What are you going to do if he has to deploy? It sucks to be apart that long and it may seem like you can't, but be strong you CAN do it! Certain AIT schools make exceptions to move the family with the soldier, but it's rare and the AIT has to be very long. And I would find a way to verify whether you can or not from someone OTHER than the recruiter. I'm not saying recruiters lie, but sometimes they don't know the whole truth. They had told me his AIT was only going to be a month and it ended up being a few on top of a year of nursing school. So, thing can change in a blink.

I wanted to add the reason why I moved to be with him for AIT was because I was pregnant and I had Logan the DAY after he graduated AIT. I think that is the main reason why they weren't strict about me being there. It really depends on his MOS, the unit, his superiors on how strict they want to be.

It's hard, but you CAN do it!

I think both Dirge and Luna have said almost everything there is to be said on the subject...but I have no advice, just know that your not alone Eris. It is a tough road ahead, no one is saying it's easy. But you need to be strong for both your daughters sake as well as your own. Time will pass by quickly, This isn't as long as some deployments he will probably have in the future. But good luck, you got it in you to do it.

Oh and and sometimes you gotta think of the recruiter like this..
recruiter = car salesman
The car salesman knows somewhat of whats going on under the hood, a mere rough understanding...but really he will say a lot of things you wanna hear just so you buy the car.

Well, while he's military you're going to be presented with situations where you aren't going to like certain things. The thing I stress is if you have no where to move to start paying rent and all, I wouldn't bring it up till after he finishes his basica and AIT. I mean, I like to tell my husband what's going on, but it's stressful enough and I know it gets to him that he can't do a lot of things to help out.

Honestly, is it so bad you're going to risk getting him in trouble by moving whereever he is for AIT?

I am not sure its just awful being with my mother she tells me when and how to breath all of the time she thinks that she needs to control everything and everyone around her.

I could not even try to work things out with my husband because she wanted me to listen to her and pick her over my husband and my child she doesnt want me to be happy she thinks because she is bitter i have to bitter and alone too.

i can deal with my husband beign away for a purpose and to get everything in order but what i can not deal with not being able to be that supportive to my husband

Eris, even if you can't go to where he is, if you feel you need to move out couldn't you just move somewhere around where you are instead? I'm not sure of your situation. It's hard missing someone and not having any support yourself. Just try to remember that you are an adult,and a mom. No matter what your mom wants, if you want to be happy, set your goals, make a plan, stick to it, and there isn't much she can do to ruin that. Also have you tried being straight forward about your feelings with your mom? Sometimes you might be surprized. Then again sometimes people are just psyco beasts, and can't be reasoned with. gonk Either way I hope things get better for you. heart

I'm no longer a military wife, but I was one for 4 years AND I was a soldier myself for a time, so I thought I'd throw in my 2 cents.

Eris, I have a SUPER control freak mother like you do. She CONSTANTLY criticizes me, my parenting, my choices, my clothes, my hair, my sleeping habits, my husband, my cooking, my housekeeping, my phone activity, my internet activity, my hobbies, my friends, EVERYTHING. And I am in no way exaggerating in the slightest. I just had to stay with her temporarily while we got settled in here in Alabama as she was th eonly relative I have in this area. And I SERIOUSLY considered just leaving every single second of everyday that I was there. The woman is pretty much a nut. And even though I have moved out and am in my own home now, she calls at the a**-crack of dawn about 45 times and leaves really mean messages on my phone if I don't get up out of bed and have pointless conversations with her that consist of, "What are you doing?" "Trying to sleep. IT's 6:30AM." "HOW CAN YOU SLEEP THIS LATE? YOU'RE A BAD PERSON!" And then she hangs up on me to call back about 5 minutes later. She doesn't care that we were all still sleeping. She doesn't care if I was using the bathroom. So I know what you must be going through with your mother. And yes, it's damned hard to even be around people like that let alone have to live with them. But it CAN be done. I had to stay with her for about 2 months or so. And even though I felt like screaming all the time, I dealt with it. And now it's over and I never have to live with her ever again. *Praises every holy entity that there is.*

As for dealing with your hubby being gone and not having his support... well, I've been there too. When my husband joined the Air Force, my new born son was only 3 months old. He left for bootcamp, and I had to stay behind and deal with EVERYTHING alone. I was a first time mother with no hubby there for back up and support. I wanted to just cry everyday. But these are just the normal rigors of military-wifehood. I knwo it's your husband who signed a contract with the government, but in a sense you signed one as well. Because you're his wife, you have to deal with this just like he does. Believe me, he's not enjoying what he's going through either. I'm sure he wishes like mad everyday that he could come home at night to you, but he can't. In the military, EVERYONE must sacrifice. It's part of protecting our country. They don't just give you a free house, free health care, and all the other nice benefits for joining the military without expecting some sacrifice in return.

he WILL be done soon enough, and then things will go back to normal, pretty much. But if you plan on staying married to him, and he plans on staying in the military, then this is something you WILL HAVE TO GET USED TO. He will be deployed. He will have to work insane work schedules. He will miss out on birthday parties and other special things. Even if we weren't at war right now, these things would still happen, but because we ARE at war, it's gonna happen a lot more frequently especially depending on what job he has.

I have a cousin who is in Ammo, and he gets deployed about once every 3 or 4 months for weeks and months at a time across the globe. But this is just how things are. No one can stop it or change it. All we can do is adapt and accept and go on with our lives.

What you may wanna try, is maybe seeing if their are any other military spouses in your area and see if they have a support group you can join. Write tons of letters as often as possible. Occupy your time with a hobby. Do some volunteer work somewhere. Get your mind off of missing him as much as you can, because the more you think of it, the worse it will be.

As for your mother, you're just gonna have to ignore her and bite your tongue. That's what I have to do with mine. Keep reminding yourself that you're not gonna have to live with her forever. There will come a time when you get to leave and then you won't have to deal with her comments and actions as much anymore.

I know it's hard. I know how you feel, but there really isn't any realistic thing you can do besides waiting it out. We've all been there, and we made it. You can too.