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 Posted: Sat Jun 03, 2006 10:32 pm
Sounds awesome. The how he got the island seems little shakey, however. Feral Labs would be very picky who they took to work on, say, construction jobs. BUt its willwork if nothing comes up differently. God knows Aubrey is on the lookout for men like Gaius for Colche!
However, one of Feral Labs more "sneakier" ways to get people to the island are to steal them at hospitals and say they died during surgery. It doesn't beg a lot of questions from people, and its an easy way to "dissapear" people with family and friends.
The idea that's come to my mind is what if he and some co-workers were involved in a construction accident? He might not have been hurt very much, at least nothing more serious than a concussion, but again, being the hosputal would give Feral Labs a reason to 'flag' him and get him away easier.
But thats just a suggestion of course.
Over all, love it. We need more general 'nice guys' on the island.
Thank you for the crits! While I don't think an accident is the way to go, I did change how he got to the island so it should be more believable and sever his connections to the mainland thoroughly while still keeping him hopeful of a job on the island that isn't really there. Hopefully that should fix any problems!
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Posted: Wed Jun 07, 2006 11:34 pm
It was probably deleted because -- as the subject line says -- critique requests are temporarily closed and I am guessing you posted while they were closed. sweatdrop
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Posted: Thu Jun 08, 2006 2:08 am
Kaveri Porter It was probably deleted because -- as the subject line says -- critique requests are temporarily closed and I am guessing you posted while they were closed. sweatdrop I've noticed that, but it seemed sort of open when I posted... sweatdrop
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Posted: Mon Jul 03, 2006 1:24 am
Brandy Melson I was wondering when this place was going to open again! surprised Official Critique Request Gaia Username: Elda-Chan Character Name: Brandy Melson Serum Animal(s): Indian Peafowl, Pavo cristatus Quest Thread: http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?t=2496611Note: I haven't figured out quite how to get her to the island yet, so if you have ay suggestions, they would be much loved! <3
And it also makes for a convenient way to have the character be cut off from her family for "disappearing" ways.
Great job with the character - and I have no problems with her. Obviously, she'll need a way on - but honestly it can vary with some ways onto the island.
As far as suggestions if you get an open-ticket on, her lack of solid connections is a boon to make her easy to disappear, it would just be a question of how she'd get into their records and why they'd pick her.
It could be as simple as winning a tropical vacation, or perhaps having heard of the holiday raffle they did to an exclusive beach and - with her money - wanting the chance to take a trip to such an exclusive island - money would be no cost! And try to "bribe" her way on. Moreau could research her to find that she woudln't be missed - and be intrigued by her history of gender reassignment and taken her up on it?
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Posted: Mon Jul 03, 2006 1:37 am
Anatoli is a well-rounded and interesting character - I like the tie into Moreau's family history and his own curiousity bringing him to the island. I think it's great to have a tie to the horrors that the ancestral Moreau wrought and a connection to the current Moreau.
And it's actually a rather change to have a character with a strict diet that isn't becoming something that would contrats with that - the bear actually adding to his docile manner and the 'spectacled' markings interesting to go with his own glasses.
You've also got some ver interesting quirks and personality traits worked in - I like the BPAL thing - something that is an interesting subculture in and of itself as well as a cool character note. And of course, some great development with the Moreau line.
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Posted: Mon Jul 03, 2006 1:49 am
I see that you've revamped the reason that Marshall winds up on the island - the only real problem that existed in the older versions of the concept.
While I still think that the most likely way and most congruent with his character background would be if Marshall raised problems with the staff with the rights of his character, the current method does work.
Congrats, Marshall ^_~
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Posted: Mon Jul 03, 2006 2:04 am
Sebastion Gordon Island of Moreau Ieeko Takeru Official Critique Request Gaia Username: Ieeko Takeru Character Name: Sebastion Gordon Serum Animal(s): Black-Tailed Prairie Dog. Quest Thread: Here we go! Well rounded, believable character. I can't see anything that really needs changing.
However, I do have a question to ask! I was thinking of arrival methods, and I do believe I would need to check to make sure such things are workable and probable. I couldn't think of anywhere better than here to get it check, so I apologize if I'm posting this in the wrong area. To my understanding Feral Labs donates to charitable organizations, correct? -grins- Lewis, one of the people Bastion lives with, works full throttle for a charitable organization, thus I came up with a bit more of a backstory as to how Bastion found out about the island trip in the first place.
Is it plausible to have had Lewis plant the information and have set Bastion up due to having motives of his own, such as, say, Alexis herself? It occured to me that Bastion could have been attracted to Alexis, and Lewis as well, which would have given a motive for Lewis to have ever thought of getting rid of Bastion. I could almost see him doing it and telling Alexis a week later that he got word of Bastion's boat sinking, thus cutting all of Bastion's real ties and leaving him virtually unremembered in the world outside of the island. I could also play with this in other ways, but I wanted to check this backstory and know: Is it probable for Lewis to have set Bastion up? I could work things around for this too, such as changing it from a random pamphlet thing in the mail to something through the F.L.F. itself, such as a vacations offer raffle/contest? xD;
Thank you for the time!
However, the charity organizations would also be given pamphelts from Feral Labs about some of their special offers to some certain individuals that could be applied for or contacted for further information - a trip/ special housing offer on a lovely island. Bastion could have been prodded by Lewis to try it out - to get him out of his life, maybe saying (falsely) that they tried as well but weren't accepted in order to get Bastion out of the picture - or never "delivered" Alexis's information so that only Bastion would be eligible?
Just an option.
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Posted: Mon Jul 03, 2006 2:41 am
Bobbovski Since I haven't gotten an answer why my post was deleted and since Fallen's request hasn't been deleted I'll try again Official Critique Request Gaia Username: Bobbovski Character Name: Ulf Bj?son Serum Animal(s): Dog, moose/elk, ram and buffalo Quest Thread: Quest thread
Anyway, you're in this time.
I like the fact you have a choice of a few different animals - it's always better safe when it comes to that - you have several backups if one gets taken, and "Dog" is a lot of options all in its own.
I like the fact that Ulf comes from a different nation, that he has a military background without being a b*****d or crazy.
Interesting having him be coming on as a 'guard'. What is most likely is that moreau would tell him he was acting as a guard, but view him as a subject - testing the man's loyalty. HE draws pretty firm lines between the staff and the subjects - although if a staff screws up they can wind up on the "other side of the fence."
So it would be your choice between being a "guard" that really tests his loyalty, hearing the villagers tell him he's one of them, Moreau lying and saying he's working there, and the serum one that representes loyalty (or one of the others)
OR, have him be a guard who develops a moral issue, and winds up on the other side of the fence.
I don't think you need to worry about there being other domesticated dogs. Honestly,the breeds of dogs are so varied, that each species can make for a drastically different character and appearance AND personality. And Duck tollers are adorable :3
On the other hand, like with the moose/elk, especially if you go for the guard who develops a heart, you don't really need any specifically ironic or appropriate animal. Most of the time, the staff pick a serum on a whim when making a subject smile
So! Ulf sounds fine!
Do keep in mind, though, that you can't specify how the serums affect a character in the in-between stages ( I noticed like a lot of questers that you have the stages broken down).
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