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 Posted: Mon May 01, 2006 11:50 am
All I can tell you at this point is if you can't go anywhere, try your best to deal with it and don't let him get to you. He is knit picking at this point. Kill him with kindness, it will drive him crazy....LOL
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Posted: Tue May 02, 2006 3:11 pm
Last night was horrible. I was supposed to be arranging a trip. Instead, I'm trying to figure out whether or not I should stay with my boyfriend.
I'm apparently the worst woman to walk the face of the earth right now. I don't listen to him. I don't understand him. I'm cold and distant. I don't put any effort into the relationship.
Nevermind that I'm thousands of miles away and I'm just trying to keep my sanity doing things to bide my time. Never mind that I'm no good at long distance relationships...
Tomorrow, I'm sure I'll be the most fabulous woman ever...even if we break up. Even if we seperate for a few months to reassess our situation. But I'll still have a problem. I'll still need to seek medical help because I'm never happy. I'll still be the one to blame because I can't commit the way he wants me to.
I don't think he loves me for who I am. I think he loves an idea of who he wants me to be.
Am I really this broken? I just don't know anymore.
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Posted: Tue May 02, 2006 3:24 pm
No. Your right about him being in love with who he wants you to be, not who you are, staying in a relationship because its comfortable, or just there isn't healthy and reassessing your feelings about this person may be a good idea, take your trip, see where that takes you emotionally, while on your trip if you still see the relationship is not where you want to be, then cut your ties and let both of you move on to a better one that both of you can be happy with.
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Posted: Tue May 02, 2006 3:27 pm
Long distance relationships arent the easiest things in the world to handle. The simple fact is most people cant deal with them because its always easier to see whats in front of you than whats around the corner. This is why 'Long distance relationships never work.' You can only put so much time and effort into someone you never see, and even then theres always the looming thought that they are simply a 'voice on the phone,' which drags you down after any given amount of time.
Theres also the fear that when you finally get to be together again they arent what you imagined them to be.
If you wish to keep the relationship strong than you need to find things to talk about. Being you cant spend time together you must find other ways to express how you feel about them.
now granted, Im not the best at this myself. I rarely call her, I never talk about whats happening, and I sometimes pass up a chance to talk to her for another five minutes of sleep. But I have my reasons to do these things and Im sure shes aware of them and accepts these facts.
My only advise to you I guess is that if you want to keep the relationship sit down and talk to him about what you have right now, who/how you are, and what you want from him/the relationship. And be prepared for what he says in return about his side of it. If things are meant to be than you'll work it out, and if you dont work it out than your not meant to be with him anyway. Theres always the buddhist part of me that tells me that the universe tends to unfold as it should. 3nodding
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Posted: Tue May 02, 2006 3:34 pm
Listen to KC, he knows his stuff on the subject probably better than most.
I've been through a few long distance relationships, and they aren't the easiest thing in the world. I have learned, however, that they give the greatest payoff in the end (or at least have for me). Most of the relationships I've had that I consider significant were long distance.
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Posted: Tue May 02, 2006 3:39 pm
I agree with KC. Long distance relationships are extremely hard and do take a lot of effort that most people can't/won't deal with.
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Posted: Tue May 02, 2006 3:48 pm
We're trying that. I just don't know how this can work. We're both stubborn. He subsists on this sort of relationship...I'm new to it. We're going to talk about it some more tonight. I don't know how much I can take tonight though. I didn't eat last night, and nearly blacked out in the shower. I get too agitated over these things.
I agree that it will unfold how it's meant to unfold, but things are just bad all over lately. However, it's heartening to know I'm not alone.
It's not just the relationship that's causing problems, either. I feel like the force has been seriously disturbed lately...
My brother still doesn't help with the bills. He's been out of school and wracking up his own debts and can't help me out. I've been taking care of him for almost two years now. That's taking a lot out of me. I want to bring it up, but I know it's going to end up being a fight...because he's too proud to admit that he's screwed up. *sighs* I don't want to embarrass him but I just feel like he's thinking I can somehow cushion his situation. I can't afford it, though.
Having been there myself, I understand. I get worried about him just thinking about it. I also remember the lessons I learned from it. But I can't stop him.
Work is bad. I'm worn out and beat down. Everyone is upset and it's rolling down hill. I used to feel like I belonged there. Now I feel like an outsider.
I've had a few incidents with people pretending to be friendly with me who were just outright using me for their own ends a few times in the last month. I don't recall being so naive, but for some reason...I am now. Lucky me I'm feeling a bit jaded again...so I'll likely be less suceptible now.
I'm depressed. I have been for a while, but I've been fighting it because I don't want to be there again. I can't afford it right now, not emotionally and financially. I feel like the walls are closing in on me...and every word he says to me just underscores all the things that are wrong with my life. A few of my other friends have been pushing at me, too...I know they mean well, but it's hard to say I'm back where I was a few years ago. When I quit, I thought I was done. I'm not though. I'm afraid to get back on the medical hamsterwheel.
I'm 32. I haven't done a thing with myself. I feel like a failure.
I guess all I can do is go get some help soon. *sighs* I know he's right about that.
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Posted: Tue May 02, 2006 3:52 pm
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ananda082001 Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue May 02, 2006 3:57 pm
Oh, sweetie, I have absolutely no advice for you. But I do have a big hug and lots of love. 3nodding
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Posted: Tue May 02, 2006 4:04 pm
You know, you guys just being here is good enough. I'm doing what I have to do...and I'll try my best to listen to the good advice here.
*hugs*
Thanks so much.
And Ananda, you're the bestest in the westest. 3nodding heart
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Posted: Tue May 02, 2006 4:08 pm
*hugs Jiggy* Feel free to IM/PM/whatever me anytime if you need an ear that's not so out in the open. I can't promise much advice, but I'll gladly take some weight off your shoulders if you're the kind that just needs to get it out.
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Posted: Tue May 02, 2006 4:08 pm
aw shucks, it was all just the same advice I had gotten once, when I was down and out.
You just gotta take life one problem at a time. Try not to think about it all at once or you will get depressed. Once you solve one of you problems the others wont seem as tough. When in doubt, take a step back, breath in deep, tell yourself there are no big problems in life, just solutions waiting to be found, then step forward again.
Just remember: "Inch by inch, lifes a sinch. Yard by yard; its pretty hard."
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Posted: Tue May 02, 2006 4:11 pm
Koalachan aw shucks, it was all just the same advice I had gotten once, when I was down and out. You just gotta take life one problem at a time. Try not to think about it all at once or you will get depressed. Once you solve one of you problems the others wont seem as tough. When in doubt, take a step back, breath in deep, tell yourself there are no big problems in life, just solutions waiting to be found, then step forward again. Just remember: "Inch by inch, lifes a sinch. Yard by yard; its pretty hard." I like that saying! Very clever. You sure you aren't a counselor or something? It sounds like you always know just what to say.
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Posted: Tue May 02, 2006 4:14 pm
meh, i just learn from others. I saw that saying on a bathroom wall. It had a cute picture of an inch worm.
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Posted: Tue May 02, 2006 4:17 pm
I think the first inch is actually going to be talking to the bf and figuring out what we're doing.
The second inch will be to go talk to my therapist and get her evaluation of my situation. She's a good person...and she's not like anyone I've ever had to talk with before. The rest...well...it can wait.
*hugs again*
rofl Sage bathroom advice. Potty advice!
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