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 Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 1:15 pm
First Rant:
"UGGHHH FOR ******** SAKES PEOPLE! CHEER THE HELL UP! HONESTLY! I can't STAND all this negativity! It seems like all you people do s be depressed or date ******** douchebag guys! I mena, its partkly my fault for not being blunt enough but for ******** SAKES PEOPLE! STOP! SERIOUSLY. Because all this negativity is making ME negative! i'm already in a negative enough state already due to my boyfriend being in city jail I don't need any more negativity!"
Second Rant:
"WTF DAMASCUS?! And you too brandon! Christ, what is it with douchebags hurting/changing my friends this summer?! Am I the ONLY ONE who has a good relationship right now?! First off, Damascus. I.HATE.YOU. You wnat to be all high and mighty and take over anotehr persons life Do it to someone else who isn't my best friend! And brandon, STOP BEIGN ASUCH A /B/ TARD! AND STOIP WITH TEH BLACK JOKES! I'm about to start CHOKING YOU. And your changing my friend into an annoying idiot like yourself. You do nothing but terroprize people without a second thought. Sure, I don't care muhc fro denis right now, but that gives you NO RIGHT to keep making up Aim names and picking on him like he's the butt of every joke. Sure, denis DOES deserve it sometimes but not like this. In short, you both make me sick. I hope both my best friends sere your true colors and dump both of you so you cna terrorize someone else."
Third Rant:
"Uggghhh I'm such a loser. I want to cry but I can't. I've cried myself out,. I shouldn't be upset that my boyfriends been gone for over 4-5 weeks. He'll eb FINE. he's a big guy and is tough and knows his street smarts. he can take care of himself. So why am I so worried about him? Is it because I love him so much or what?-laughs- My parents aren't helping. Period. They just douse((sp?)) my hopes like always ((My father did reassure me a couple weeks ago but eh)) I never knew how empty my life was until he went to jail. No more all day phone calls. No more telling secrets and aksing certain questions. No more little silly debates about silly things. No more staying up all night just talking and watching the sun rise up. No more....anything. Sure, I ahve my friends around and have been going to parties 4 straight weeks in a row so its distracted me but.....I still miss you. I miss you my husband, lover and kitten. Please be safe until your fine is paid and your free. ANd just know that when I call teh jail tommorrow, I will probably cry in tears of joy if I get to hear your voice. So be strong for me my love. We will survive this cruel reality of ours, one step at a time, hand in hand heart I love you Angel William Arron Doty. And nothing will change that. <3"
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Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2008 4:03 pm
Gah. I absolutely hate university.
Whys the resit HAVE to be in Aug. Cant it wiat til Sept?!?! Or Just get it over with in July.
Goodness sake!! You tell us the resit deadline is on 16th July. But then you dont even give up our results yet. WTH?!?
Now I cant even tell whether we can go to france!
Just because the stupid resit week end on the 22nd!?!
What if I need to resit?!?! What if out of all the bloody dates it HAS to be on the 22nd?!?!
I want to go to France! I've been wanting to go OUT of the country at least ONCE in my whole life.
EVERYTIME, my parents say we're going, we end up not going. This time all of us are free on that weekend. And what. It HAD to be then.
Evenso...AT LEAST GIVE ME MY DAMN RESULTS ALREADY!!!!
Even worst thing that annoys me is that WHY THE HELL AM I BEING SO ANNOYED BY SOMETHING LIKE THAT!?!?!?!?!
Why can some people be so carefree about stuff I worry about?! Why do I worry about thing other people never have problems with.
WHY THE HELL DO I ALWAYS THINK TOO MUCH?!?!
ARG! Im so annoyed I just want to cry yet I cant.
why am i alway so unlucky. I swear I never had things my way. I may eventually get things but not when I wanted it the most. I just hate life sometimes. When you want thing, it never goes the way you want.
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Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 12:19 am
 Someone get me to the doctor//someone call the nurse
Someone buy me roses//someone burned the church I have to rant, but I'm not pissed.
I've felt like an emotional wretch all day. I've cried or been close to tears more times today that I've been in years.
It started this morning when I woke up from a crazyass dream at 4 and couldn't fall asleep for another two hours due to stomach craps and those ******** headaches that I keep getting from whatever the ******** I've got. I kept crying, half the time from pain and the other from frustration for not being able to sleep even though I'm so tired. I got out of bed to take some painkillers, and my mom woke up because of it, and she let me sleep with her for the remainder of the night.
Then I had to do my online Astronomy homework, and when I turned in an assignment that I got 100% on it was converted into 10%. I freaked out because when I discovered the problem, it turned out that my teacher decided to change the due dates last minute from 11:59 tonight (actually, that would be about 5 minutes ago. >.>) to 9:00 yesterday. I called up my teacher in almost tears, because this was my only day to really work on my homework due to work and my fatigue, and also I haven't had time to really work on my astronomy stuff because I got started late due to registration and that made me behind in class. Luckily he let me have a couple of days extra time, but I'm still so stressed about the class.
NOT TO MENTION that BOTH of my doctors called today. The first, the cardiac doctor, called to say that I don't have mono and my cholesterol levels are fine (see other thread). This would be wonderful, except that if I don't have mono, which would have gone away eventually and painlessly, then I might have something worse.
Then my other doctor called, my family doctor, and wanted to know how I was feeling. I told him about my slight fever a couple days ago, and that I've been very tired and dizzy these past couple of days, except the headaches aren't as bad. He said that he wanted to set up an appointment after my stress test to discuss further testings.
And then he mentioned brain cancer. Apparently sometime this morning my mom had called the doctor's office to find out the possibility that I might have brain cancer. Normally it would be way to unusual for a 16 year old girl to have any form of cancer, let alone brain cancer, but my uncle (related by blood) has a tumor in his brain and while the doctors got rid of the tumor he is not expected to live in the next 5 years.
It's just....I had been always thinking in the back of my mind, back when I first got the headaches, that I might have cancer, and I just thought that it was my mind just thinking the worst of the worst. But now that each possibility, the normal, less harmful ones like being anemic or just having ******** mono are during out negative after negative....I'm getting scared that maybe when I was imagining having brain cancer it wasn't just thinking the worst but my body trying to tell me something....
And the fact that even my mother is thinking that it's brain cancer.....
I'm just so scared, because when I got off the phone with my doctor I looked up the symptoms of brain cancer and they match up in some places and I just want it to be my imagination trying to scare me but even now the back of my head hurts as if my body trying to say 'The tumor is right here, growing bigger under your skull, slowly killing you while your doctors give you drugs to dull the headaches and to waken you up...'
I'm just so scared... 
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Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 7:27 pm
Blarg... let me sleep. Everybody. @_@
I try to catch a wink and then it's someone calling, then it's D&D, then it's hey I'm home, then it's hey what are you doing today, then it's hey when are you going to karate.... etc.
I wanna play WoW without being interrupted, and sleep for 16 hours afterwards.
Granted, life interferes, but it's nice for a guy to dream.
... and I wanna read somebody a story. heart
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Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 3:57 am
I... I am getting so sick of this. I'm going to go in order of least stressful to most stressful.
First, people will not stop bugging me about how I've started working on my cosplay prop for Anime Banzai, which is in October. No matter how many times I try to explain that I want to get it done with now so I don't have to worry about it later.
Second, I need to get a job for added support because my moms paychecks barely get enough groceries to last the week and my dad only seems to get paid when his bosses feel like it. I still don't know how to drive, and with gas prices the way they are I'm in no big hurry. All of the bikes have flat tires, and I don't have a helmet and bike lock anyway. There's a Family Dollar store within walking distance I could apply for, but the road leading to there is still being worked on so it's too dangerous.
Third, my room's ceiling, which has been crumbling for a while, finally started to actually link so I had to start sleeping in the spare bedroom. This I don't mind, even though it means I'm pretty much on the floor since there's not enough room to move my bed, it's the fact that now my mom has an excuse to go gung ho and start redecorating it like she's been wanting to. And she's been trying constantly to get me enthusiastic about it, talking about new furniture and stuff, when honestly all I want to do is have the stupid ceiling fixed so I can go back to my familar space.
Fourth, my brother is a spoiled rotten, selfish, inconsiderate a**. He BEGGED to get a dog, would not shut up about it for two whole months until he got it, and now I'm the one who has to take care of it, despite the fact that I constantly tell everyone how much I've come to hate dogs. Nobody seems to understand that the sound of dog barking/whining has given me an involuntary twitch and makes me desperatly want to stab something. My mom is always telling me not to worry about it and tell him to take care of it, but all this does is piss him off. Then he yells at me about how nobody ever takes care of her and when I try telling him that I'm the only one who does anything, he accused me of bitching at him and says that's why he's never home. As far as I'm concerned that's the same thing as saying 'I hate you'. And then because I'm a ******** cry baby I get upset and start to cry, and then mom yells at me to stop like I'm doing it on purpose. I'M NOT! I hate crying over small things, it's embarrasing and it physically hurts. Sometimes I wish I could risk just crawling into a dark corner and just cry myself out but I'm scared to death that I'd be caught, and then I'd have to try explaining why I'm crying, and all that ever seems to do is make them mad. I'm trying so ******** hard, but I have not ONCE gotten a thank you for taking care of that ******** hound, and no matter what I do I get yelled either by my mom for taking what's supposed to be my brothers responsiblity or by my brother for neglecting his dog while he's gone. And now I've resorted to an old habit which I thought I'd finally kicked for good.(Not drugs or anything sexual.)
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Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 9:04 am
What the ******** know, you're upset that the dog has been killing chickens. I am too. NOBODY is happy about it. But that does NOT mean that chasing her around the yard with a ******** rake is going to help!! If anything, it's going to make her run away and not come back!!! I can't even fid her right now. If she ever comes back in the house, we'll be lucky.
I don't want to lose two animals this month, goddammit.
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Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2008 4:47 pm
LEAVE ME ALONE.
I know I've gained weight. But I don't really care. I'm FINE with how my body is.
In the interest of being healthy, I'll work out. I'll eat better.
But I will NOT tolerate you ******** PICKING on me.
I AM YOUR GODDAMN DAUGHTER. So stop telling me how my stomach sticks out or how my footfalls are heavy, okay?
You two are both being BULLIES.
And I am not okay with it.
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Posted: Sun Aug 03, 2008 1:18 pm
@@@@@@@$!#$!#$!#$!!!!!!!
MOTHER@#)$)#!)$)!#!!@
!@)#$)!#)
UGH!
I can't get two minutes to myself with you little shits running around! I want the eighth to roll around so you stupid little turds will be GONE. MY GOD. Can't you occupy yourself for five minutes without me coming in there to tell you to shut up and play the damn game I put on for you?! You spoiled little shits!
I don't mind my sister here as long as I get my bed to herself. She's a little wuss about bugs (but whatever, I can understand that I mean... I am seriously afraid of bugs that have the ability to fly).
I hate it here. I can't write! I don't write during the day, I can't think during the day with the constant interruptions and the fact that you don't knock when you come into my room! D8< You don't even like me keeping the door locked all that long when I'm getting dressed. I can't even pick out a decent outfit without you knocking on my door bothering me! I know you lack a social life but can't you occupy YOURSELF for ten minutes?! Do you have to tell me everything multiple times so I don't forget to do them? Its true I only get 4 hours of sleep, but that's my choice. You can't force me to go to bed when you want me to. I refuse to sleep when I'm not tired. I rather be doing something productive. You loose too much time sleeping anyways. Its like that James Bond movie, "Why dream when you can be living it" quote? Even though I'm not living my dreams let me spare a few hours of not sleeping and write! I haven't written all that much in a year, and I'm starting to become appalled by this! I want to be a writer for Christs sake! You can't be a writer when you can't write! Well... ok you can but not a very good one. STILL. You guys are pissing me off and no one seems to care. I tell my Dad and like always he makes a joke out of it, you gotta appreciate his sense of humor with everything, good thing I inherited that quality from him, otherwise I'd be in a room wearing a straitjacket because oh look at that I snapped. D8< ******** I just want to write. I don't wake you up in the middle of the night with my constant quiet typing. Even though its your house I don't think you have the write to walk in on me at two in the morning and glare at me for being awake. You wake up because you have to pee, I stay awake so I can write and then you yell at me for doing something productive? I wake up when you guys tell me to! I don't care if I put my so called health on the line to write. My health isn't all that good anyways and I don't remember much anyways. Its because I'm a bit chubby at the moment. Ugh. Now I'm mad and self-conscious. I feel like slugging something in the face. Give me twenty minutes and my brother will bang on my door again. I'm so tempted to open the door and kick the older one's a**. He annoys the ******** out of me.
*whine* I wish I had a normal life. I wish I had a job and I lived with people who didn't give a rats a** about what I did but put up with me and kept me here, but let me do whatever I wanted. They wouldn't have to be nice people, I could put up with that. I don't need hugs and smiles, I don't want a family that hoovers all over the place. I'm tired of my helicopter family. Take your little helicopter elsewhere and see if this victim can swim or drown.
*headdesk* Now I have to get back to scrubbing the house top to bottom because queen bitc-excuse me, my Aunt is coming home today from her wonderful trip up in San Francisco. I hope her plan ride home has coughing people on it, it serves her right. She deserved to go up there because she hasn't gone anywhere in 20 years, but I swear if she didn't enjoy her stay I'm going to slap a b***h. I mean, I've never gone anywhere in my meaningless existence. I've never been out of this stupid state. I haven't even been out of the southern part of this state! I've gone to school and listened to kids talk about Hawaii and whatnot, and I've just let it slide. I know we can't afford it. I wanted to be in a band and have an instrument but my parents had another baby and they were tired and couldn't afford it, so I let that little dream go and instead I wrote. WROTE WROTE WROTE. I wrote until I fell asleep writing. Not that any of my stories were that good. It was just a means of letting my feelings out and letting go of all that stress.
However, they let me write. You guys don't. They only interrupted me twice a day at the most, to do laundry and then clean the kitchen for dinner. You interrupt me every twenty minutes when you come up with something for me to do. ********.
If I didn't argue so much with my parents and despise my little brothers so much I'd move back. I would. But I like having my own room and computer. I like living here because unlike that other house I get out more. I like living here but you guys are driving me insane. Let me have my own time. I don't bother you! I don't want to fight with you guys. I'm tired of fighting, but I refuse to give up doing what I love to sleep when I'm not tired. THat's idiotic.
Now I have to get back to doing chores because you're knockin' on my door again. I'm just grateful I'm such a fast typer.
Edit: She's home for one hour and all ready I want to strangle her. I was helping my grandmother make a cake and we were having technical difficulties and she rather swallow a PILL then ******** lift her finger to help us. If it were me and they needed my help, I'd choke on the ******** pill then stand there and drink my water and watch us try to save a cake. That ******** b***h. I shot her a dirty look and then twenty minutes later she has the nerve to corner me and tell me off for glaring at her? I was so tempted to pop her right there in the hallway, but I didn't because if I did I would be out on my a** in the street before I could even blink (courtesy of my grams).
Dammit all to hell I hate her so much! I want to smack her! Whenever she talks to me I just can't help but imagine bad things and stuff because she talks to me like I'm a piece of s**t. Her heart is as pure as a kids but she's got a tongue as sharp as a razor. I can't help but feel like s**t when she talks to me, even if she's just saying something light in a conversation, the way she speaks to me... it makes me revert back to what I used to be, and I really don't want to go down that path again. I woke myself up four years ago before I did something horrible to myself and I can feel that cloud looming over my shoulder again. I'd love to ask my family for help but they can't afford it and even if they could I doubt they'd listen. They take everything too lightly. I've brought up I needed help before and they changed the conversation ignoring me completely. I don't think I'm going insane... but I don't know. It ridiculous. My grams went insane when she was my age (sorta) but I don't blame her, she had five kids and her husband divorced her leaving her all alone with nothing! And she didn't even have a high school graduation. THAT would drive anyone to the brink of sanity... but... Maybe I'm being a drama queen. I don't know. This is all I know, I don't know what its like to travel, or maintain a job. All I know is what a cooped up housewife knows..... but its worse then a housewife. I mean... I'm not physically beaten and I don't think there is anything medically wrong with me. I guess I don't have a lot to complain about... but apparently its just enough to drive me off the walls. Sometimes I wish she'd just hit me. I understand that from taking it back in highschool (******** bullies). I can't fight back with my fists in this stupid battle that we have waging between us. All I can do is keep my head down and my tail between my legs. Its like I'm her personal rant doll that she can throw around to fix things and then yell at. She doesn't even talk to me like a normal person. It makes me sick to be around her. Ugh. I don't know. Whatever. She's a b***h. Moving on.
No advice thanks. I just needed to vent.
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Second_Crimson Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Aug 03, 2008 2:05 pm
I don't have money for school, and I don't know how I'm gonna get it.
Every guy I like is out of my league, and every guy that likes me is batshit insane.
I can't trust anyone anymore.
I always disappoint my family and now I don't want to call them. I know they won't b***h at me or anything, but I'm sick of hearing my mom all sad.
I need some medication, because my borderline and manic-depressive disorders are getting the best of me.
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Posted: Fri Aug 08, 2008 3:13 am
Its after three am here, and I'm still wide awake. Its not cause of plain being unable to fall asleep. Oh no. If it was that easy, I'd drug myself to sleep.
My sister's ******** boyfriend broke her heart, last night on the 7th. Today, the 8th is her birthday. She had gone out with her friends last night, and even after saying he wasn't going to come, ******** showed up. He was even there before her. Some s**t went down over him accusing her of wanting to be with someone else, idk, and left her crying.
So of course, she comes home drunk and in tears, and is only now calming down a little bit. I'm still awake, and probably will be for a while.
Can I get some advice on how to deal with her today?
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Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 4:58 pm
i feel totally and completely repulsive.
why don't boys like me? what do other girls have that i don't?
why can't i have even a crush on someone and not have it end in my being humiliated?
what the ******** is wrong with me?
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Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 9:17 pm
Please, shoot me now for being such an oversensitive b***h. No advice, just gunshots.
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Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 10:02 pm
*hugs Bry*
I hate those damn questions or essays you have to write about something special about yourself. I mean. Today I was supposed to write about something for my teacher during class about me (standard first day kind of writing) and I just wrote, "Nothing Special." Which about sums up my damn life. Nothing. Special.
Wow.... pity party for one thanks. LOL.
I just... I'm bummed, alone and need a boyfriend to cuddle with. Or a really REALLY hot guy friend to cuddle with. LOL.
*sobs* No advice or comments plz kthnx
*shoots Bry with gun of love that has kissy bullets* heart
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Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 2:56 pm
"Why is it that every time my self esteem goes up, it just CRASHES down?! Why don't I get comments on any of my art work?! Sure, give everyone else a ******** comment! or a "great job!" But me? NO. Why? Because my art isn't realistic like everyone elses. Its anime which is considered TABOO IN THE REAL WORLD AND ******** AI! I just want a comment or somethign without having to ASK people for one! I don't mena to sound selfish but its not very fair that everyone gets to use their art style to their full extent but me because of my certain style that I used."
"Also, ATTENTION TO CONSCIENSE. STOP BEING A DAMN TOOL! This woman you've loved for four years? SHE'S RUINING YOUR DAMN LIFE! AND ME AND ANGELS! She's left you, cheated on you 3-countless times, can't keep any promises, wants to kill herself if your even AWAY for less than 5 minutes, can't be mature about anything, tried to get Angel in trouble, AND SHE BALAMES YOU FOR HER OWN DAMN PROBLESM! I'm sorry, but if she really ******** loved you. she wouldn't be playign this ******** merry-go-round all the time. The onyl reason Angel and I aren't intervining and brekaing this relationship in half is because your our friend and its not our place to tell you who to love. I am highly against you guys meeting in real life. If ou can't even stop fighting NOW, just wait til you guys meet in November....."
Small note to dark:
"I HATE you. I detest your very existence. You make me sick to my stomach just HEARING your name. Just go die in a well or get hit by a bus. Life would be better off without you here. I wouldn't have nightmares and worry so much if YOU weren't here. My self esteem wouldn't be so low if you were dead. And I wouldn't be up at night, beating myself up over you. Your garbage. And don't get me wrong I'm not JEALOUS of you. Faaaaaar from it my dear. I just hate your living guts, HELL! YOUR WHOLE DAMN EXISTENCE! You just make everyone miserable. So go commit that suicide you so DESPERATELY want to commit already! The world would be a much more better place without you....."
P.S. Don't put yourself down so much Summer Korigashine. Angel loves you deeply, and thats all that matters heart "
[/end rant[
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Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 12:04 pm
Before you send me friend requests on face book
you need to do one thing... and one thing only
APOLOGIZE YOU ******** a*****e!!
YOU RUINED MY PROM!
YOU CHEATED ON ME!!
AND YOU SWORE WHEN WE DATED
THAT I TRIED TO "CHANGE YOU"!!
SO ******** YOU WARREN!!
Don't send me ghetto speak msgs asking to "not be a stranger"!
THE ONLY GOOD THING THAT CAME OUT OF OUR RELATIONSHIP
WAS THE FACT THAT I MET THE LOVE OF MY LIFE! A GUY WITH
MORE RESPECT FOR ME THAN YOU COULDN'T IMAGINE!!
LEAVE ME THE ******** ALONE!!
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Reply
