Welcome to Gaia! ::

thankies smile

You have new rps in our sub forum? Cool smile Feel free to post the links to them here if you want. 3nodding

Congrats to Antique Entity and Carminepixie who won items in the Revelry thread!!

(Antique won a Red Sea Scalawag and Carmine won an Ethelos)

All guild members can roll once a day! Go try your luck! smile

I'm getting discouraged by my weight and attempts to get healthy. I have plateaued out regardless of pushing myself further and am basically just a mass of bleeding sores for the effort. That on top of a lot of personal problems, has me fairly upset.

It's why I have been so quiet and my contributions to the guild have seemed so forced as of late.

I've been browsing Sherlock BBC and Benedict Cumberbatch ( emotion_bigheart ) much of the evening; having come across this picture I suddenly find myself wanting a cigarette SO BADLY. There are no late night convenience stores in the woods, and besides my family (whom I currently am staying with) have no idea I smoke and I really want to keep it that way. I haven't had a cigarette in six months. It's not just my parents not knowing-- I don't want my thirteen-year-old sister who looks up to me to think smoking is cool or a good idea. Only some of my friends know, and my husband does (he's a secret smoker too! Shh!) as well.

*phew*

I just needed to get that off my chest majorly and didn't have anyone else to tell... Maybe I'll buy myself an emergency pack next time I'm in town on my own. I just live in such a small town that I'm worried even if I park myself on a bench somewhere in the city that someone my mother knows will walk or drive by and then say to her, "Oh I didn't know your daughter smoked!" Awkward. Blergh. emotion_zombie

I mostly just want to be healthy and physically able for once in my life. I would like to be attractive too, for nobody but myself, but that's not going to happen, heh.

I was on hormone replacement therapy for awhile too, but between the expense and that the principal reaction to it was none of the good and insomnia with emotional collapse mixed with suicidal depression surges, we discontinued it. Seeing as how my last attempt at love crashed and burned, I guess I don't need the whole male function thing at all now, so that further takes some sting out of it.

But I have to also be realistic. I should have been dead a decade ago. I have outlived all but one of the estimates I have been given for how long I'd last. While i am sick and frustrated with my body, how it looks, what it can't do, and how poorly it works... It's come a lot further than it should have and I should be immensely thankful that it is doing as well as it is.

If you ever need to quit though, difficulty getting the addictive substance goes a long way towards that. I probably would have stayed an addict a lot longer if it did not become increasingly difficult for me to get at a supply.

I already drink chai, so it's effects are already in the equation. But if you know any way of upping those effects, it would be helpful.

I love chai but I must say I've never really heard it touted for its health benefits. Is that because of the spices and the black tea? Do you make yours from scratch?