|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sat Apr 30, 2005 2:28 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Apr 30, 2005 6:13 pm
I am about to say you have great imagination, and words. I like the phrase after the 'Chapter One' sign. Yet I did have to question that should it not be "We are mere children playing with our fathers creation." ? Because you wrote 'are' and it does not sound quite right.
Your story is abit fast-paced. There is not much dialogue. Almost like too plain as battle set in immediately. Not that it is a bad thing. Since this is only the first chapter, so it is okay. But if the whole story is like this, I probably bored myself to death.
Slow down the paced. Do not keep feeding non-stop short action to the reader. Or the reader may soon became too bored and start skipping columns knowing that not much is happening there. Let there me more discriptive actions. More interesting events. wink
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sephiroth_2000 Vice Captain
|
Posted: Sat Apr 30, 2005 6:40 pm
Guess who didn't read it ^^
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Apr 30, 2005 6:54 pm
Sephiroth_2000 Guess who didn't read it ^^ Lolx. Seph, you really make my day. xd
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sephiroth_2000 Vice Captain
|
Posted: Sat Apr 30, 2005 6:56 pm
xd
Glad I have that effect on you ^^
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Apr 30, 2005 7:16 pm
You always do in all your funny little jokes. whee
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sephiroth_2000 Vice Captain
|
Posted: Sat Apr 30, 2005 7:17 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Apr 30, 2005 8:23 pm
Yea, can't draw (well, actually, I can. I just can't do it form my imagination) ANd I definatly can't color. But, I can wright with the best of them (if I'm using word XD )
I'm currently planing a Morrowind fic based around the recent romance I had the Khajit female, Ahnissi.
I love romance, alot of people call me gay for it, but I just love it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun May 01, 2005 3:50 am
Yeah, the next chapter was Entiteled "The Circle Is Broken." or "Whats happens to one, happens to all."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun May 01, 2005 3:53 am
J@sonWind I am about to say you have great imagination, and words. I like the phrase after the 'Chapter One' sign. Yet I did have to question that should it not be "We are mere children playing with our fathers creation." ? Because you wrote 'are' and it does not sound quite right. Your story is abit fast-paced. There is not much dialogue. Almost like too plain as battle set in immediately. Not that it is a bad thing. Since this is only the first chapter, so it is okay. But if the whole story is like this, I probably bored myself to death. Slow down the paced. Do not keep feeding non-stop short action to the reader. Or the reader may soon became too bored and start skipping columns knowing that not much is happening there. Let there me more discriptive actions. More interesting events. wink Right, so slow down, add more dialog and be more interesting. gonk Me! Interesting! xd
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun May 01, 2005 4:08 am
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun May 01, 2005 5:19 am
Demonic Expert Yeah, the next chapter was Entiteled "The Circle Is Broken." or "Whats happens to one, happens to all." I was hoping for interesting ones like the first. This two titles do not have the 'WoW' feelings.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun May 01, 2005 6:23 am
Mhhh, a wow feeling? "Your a**, my size 24 shoe!" Maybe? I do know this is off Halo 2!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun May 01, 2005 7:52 am
and there we had it...
FIRE! surprised
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun May 01, 2005 8:20 am
FIRE! The guild is burning down! stressed
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
