Welcome to Gaia! ::

Oh and I will post first if you want. :3 Dunno if you are still here.

Imma write some frey/josh tonight.

Yepyep.

I was sitting in the computer lab downloading the pdf files to study the images for my test tomorrow, all the while lamenting the death of my phone and thinking about how maybe you had posted and were waiting and I couldn't reply because I had no internets.

And then I remembered that I was on a computer! HAHAHAHA. Oh man.

And Godfrey doesn't hate Reg, he is just jealous that Reg has taken up so much of Josh's attention, and that he is giving Josh things Frey cant give him.

Like Reg is this awesome adult dude who is cool and stuff and badass and he gets it and he thinks Reg is super awesome too and shares the same opinions about his badassedness but he doesn't want to hear about how cool and badass he is 24/7.

JOSH IS NOW A GERALD. OH GOD. DANNY AND FREY CAN NOW BOND.

Frey doesn't hate anyone in the band, he is just kind of uncomfortable still because he hasn't been around them all that much. I bet Harry and Gilderoy don't really like him being over there, despite Godfrey trying to get away with anything he can get away with.

Frey wants to make friends but at the same time he is jealous that his stray foster doggie Josh has gone to a new home and seems to like it better. XD Thats the best way I know how to describe it.

I was being hostile when I wrote that. I was trying to put myself in both characters shoes and trying to figure it out but I WAS trying to control it because NNy usually gives in.

And I knkw that just because I have a monopoly on Gilderoys family, it doesnt mean I get ten votes and you only get one. I need to stop saying things just because it would upset Frey. If I honestly dont knkw if something would work I definitely have to give more meaningful examples.

I was talking about the breakup timing to kitty because I thought her haracters were going to be involved too and wanted to figure things out.

And you know subtlety doesnt work well with me, you cant dance around stuff because I dont know what I am doing wrong and cant learn from it unless you tell me. You shouldnt have to be my moms, I know, but if I am too block headed to realize it myself, than please say something.

I often write and say stupid s**t and ten minutes later go back and I cant even understand what I meant and was writing about. I tend to write more than sit or think. Thats why I blather on to kitty, she listens and if I have a sudden idea, I will just blab it out to her because we were talking and I need to write it down somewhere.

I can write my thousands of insane thoughts down in here instead if you want. But if I am talking to kitty about your characters, I just want you both to know im not telling her to be you and tell me what you would do, I am just sneakily sharing ideas with her because I am not sure what I really want to to go to you with. If nny was on more I would give more blatherings to Nny. I get excited by little ideas amd like to be conspiratorial. I like to share secret ideas and speculations and dont want to give evrything away or make myself look too stupid.

Most of what I say is completely useless conjecture and never even comes into play. I just have no brain filter and it all shits out of my fingers before I can even stop it.

Please tell me what I am controlling with Frey right now in the guild. I very much so know that I am all over the board and get upset at something one moment, talk about it for hours, and then pull back and calm down about it.

And I am going to apologize because you are right about me being controlling. I will not deny it and I know NNy gives in to me too much. I have always been controlling everyone since... since the dawn of frey, or trying to. I realized that ages ago during the forum days but was tying to get far away from it. I am doing it again, I will not deny it anymore because I have realized it at times lately and felt like s**t about it, and I really want to work to stop it because I don't want this to be 'freys world lol everything is bunnies and buttsex'

So just tell me what things you have big problems about and we can talk about it and fix it, okay?

I think its kind of testament to rp problems and growth that I am not mad or sad or anything right now. I just feel bad about causing so muc trouble again and want to fix it. I will try to watch what I type from now on so I dont act so demanding and I seriously apologize to you about Reg, kitty. Reg and Frey are a weird topic because they used to be buds sort of bit now they arent really anything and I dont want force stufd.

I know I was a huge a** in the past, getting upset about josh's dying and being super uptight about stuff because I couldnt seperate the sadness from the roleplaying. I know I upset you with golden haired gilderoy/harry boy too and I am sorry. Mostly I am sorry about never saying this stuff before because it is very, very long overdue.

There are a lot of things that I have done and I have been a shitty friend for it, and I sincerely apologize.

I dont know how I can spend most of my time worrying about being annoying and upsetting you guys and then end up doingit anyways behind my own back. You and Kitty and NNy are the most important people in my life and I want to do better for you guys, I want to be a better friend.

You knkw, I hada lot more stuff written before I got down to these end paragraohs. I went back and looked at them and realized they were not right at all. You are 100% right naz, I am being an a** about things and have constantly been an a** about them.

I shouldnt be doing anything but apologizing and trying to wkrk things out. I am really sorry about treating Danny like a thing to just be played with for a bit and tossed out. I know I am stubborn in my Voldy/frey love but I am seriously a ******** a*****e to throw away your attempt at frey love and rp times with me just because I am a d**k. I was hurting your feelings and I am really sorry for that too. If I met a Danny IRL who actually liked me i would ******** crawl on my hands and knees over glass and rusty nails for him.

Why do I ha e to do this s**t? How can I care so much about you guys but never show it the right way and disregard you thrkugh your characters?

v_v

Why do I need a frey intervention every year or so? Geeze. Im too lonely and spend most of my time wishing he existed.
I wish I could stop ... not realizing things.

I'm really really really really sorry.

I'm sorry for not like, being pushier about it, Cass. I just.. Usually, I can just take little s**t here and there and be like, "Okay, whatever" but it does kinda bring me down when we get into roleplay discussions and it just.. It's such an awkward ******** thing to fight over. Because I know how easy it is to just wrap up into a character, make them your bestie and shove them into every fictional orifice you can find. I need to be braver about being up front about stuff and also take a step back because I'm getting too emotionally invested into characters too, specifically My bestie. XD

I got genuinely upset about all the afformentioned things and it was like I was finally gonna get some more Reg/Josh stuff, actual roleplaying it and getting to build the relationship and it felt like Godfrey had to be all up in it and I just wanted to write them talking to each other again. I should have worded myself better before and got it all out instead of being vague because I was afraid of getting into a fight with you, even though we kind of did anyway in that half assed sort of day. It bugged me the entire time I was gone and just...

I love you and I worry about you all the time because I just wish you were up here so we could just hang out all the time and talk, talk about things and even roleplay things face to face and really know how the other is feeling and poke each other until one of us smiles, ya know?

I'm really sorry, Cass. We shouldn't let fictional s**t get to us so badly because the people writing/controlling it are the ones who make it happen, not the other way around.

My disregarding your characters is unacceptable though, bwcause hy doing that I am disregarding YOU.

I have felt lately that we have kind of been tense and am glad it came out.

A couple of years ago I would have.been arguing and half apologizing instesd of just admitting I was wrong. You have nothing to apologize for kitty. I was in the wrong completely and I need to fix that.

Like I said, I shouldnt make it so you have to look out for me all.the time. But now I should finally remember the lesson and keep it in my brain.

<3 thanks guys for loving me enough to ream me out. It means the world to me.

....*Snatches Frey up in his cloak and runs off*

I haven't forgotten where we left off in that other universe. Goodbye sex, indeed.

The Dame/Reg/Godfrey snogfest in the Dron thread closet lol xd

ALSO DANNY WANTS TO KNOW WHEN HE GETS A PROPER FIRST KISS. scream