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 Posted: Sat Oct 30, 2010 6:16 pm
LabTech Kestin I love how nobody bothered to follow me and see if I was okay or anything...cookies. what kind?
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Posted: Sat Oct 30, 2010 10:41 pm
 ...well this is really personal...
My parents divorced about 2-3 years ago, b/c my dad was abusive. He would call me names and sometimes, in really bad situations, actually throw things. There were several instances where he threw pots and pans at my mom, and I recall one time where he picked me up when I was 9-10 and, if it weren't for my mom warning him that that was child abuse, would've thrown me to the ground. He always ranted about the smallest things and forced me to run track/play soccer, when those were things that I didn't have an interest in. Anyway, it wasn't really until this one night where my dad hit my mom for whatever reason that my mom decided to call the police and was then arrested. After that, I can't really remember much except going through the divorce and whatnot. So just today, I found a huge stack of papers in my desk drawer. I thought, what's all this?... didn't remember having any of that in my desk. It was about 60 pages or so, and being curious, I picked it up. To be honest, all of the verbal abuse that my dad had used on a lot of my family was 'in the past', and I didn't really think about it very much. When I *did* think about it, I often took it really lightly and didn't really 'care', I guess I could say... well it turns out the huge stash of papers was actually a detailed recount of the three years that we (minus my dad, obviously) suffered... verbally, physically, etc. As I read, the weight of his abuse really struck me then, because I could clearly remember each moment that my mom had written down about the arguments between him and my mom and I. I don't ever remember caring about the abusive situation that we were in as much as I did that moment, and, for the first time, it actually made me sad. Makes me look back on my childhood outside of school, and it makes me wish that I could've been happier then. It's just that school kind of neutralized everything at home for me back then, so I never realized how bad things were at home. Just reading that entire stack of papers my mom had typed out daily -- for three years-- changed me. It's weird, I know... It also makes me feel a little bit thankful that I was --am-- in such a great school, where I could actually experience the love and happiness that a child needs and has in a real family. Anyway, I just had to type this whole thing out, because looking through narrative impacted me a lot more than I would've ever thought. And, thanks for wasting 15 minutes of your time reading this, whoever you are. >3>
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Posted: Sun Oct 31, 2010 8:45 am
Single most depressing thing I've seen this year:  No, that isn't my life's ambition, but it is the type of thing I really, really, really hate feeling like I'm getting too old for. There's already 12-year-old actors to make me want to give up on life, and these things just make me feel so much worse, despite being generally unrelated. I'm 19. I already feel like I've lived way too ******** long and will never get anywhere in life the way I want to. People becoming famous for things I wish I had, i.e., looks and/or talent, when younger than me, honestly make me feel like stabbing myself on the spot. No lectures, please. I've heard it all by now and it wasn't helpful the first time. (Not that I do or don't expect anyone to start talking logistics at me; I'm just fending off the possibility.)
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Posted: Sun Oct 31, 2010 10:58 am
Ok bad enough that I don't know what's going on with Jimmy but now his ex knows we've been hanging out. Pretty soon my whole high school is gonna know. I don't really care what they think but god can they be annoying. Bad enough my family is trying to figure out what's going on with me and this mysterious poofy haired boy.
Well his ex told one of my friends that she misses me and wants to hang out. I stopped hanging out with her for a reason. I act like Superman trying to save everyone but she I actually gave up on trying to save! She was depressed all to hell and may thinks she hides it well but she doesn't. I tried to save her from herself. Jimmy tried to save her and she thanked him by breaking up with him but still acting like they were still together until she found someone new. Then acts like it's his own damn fault for thinking they were still together! You led him on for 6 months then act like it's his fault because you "didn't do it on purpose." Even if I wasn't friends with Jimmy I would've slapped her for being so goddamn heartless.
You're not worth saving. I tried to save you and you called me a liar. Jimmy tried to save you and you tore his heart apart. He's not perfect, I know he isn't. But he still loved you.
I have people telling me that I shouldn't get involved with Jimmy. That I know about his relationship with you so I should know what a "shitty boyfriend" he is. No one ever mentions what a shitty girlfriend or what a shitty friend you were. You're the perfect little broken angel who needs everyone to protect you. I fell for that once. But you're only worth protecting if you tried to become a stronger person. You're content to spend the rest of your life hiding behind someone else.
And thank you Jon for messaging me once again with all the "I want to stay friends" crap. I know you do. I wish we could stay friends but listen when I say I CAN'T ******** HANDLE IT RIGHT NOW. The only ******** times I've cried in the past month is because of something he did and I'm sick of it. I jsut had to message his stepdad(who is completely amazing by the way) asking him to tell Jon to just ******** off and leave me alone already.
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Posted: Sun Oct 31, 2010 11:24 am
I.....
I'm.......
That was......
Wow, I'm teary because of such an action. My heart's at ease.
So.... Unusual.....
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Posted: Sun Oct 31, 2010 12:06 pm
Does anyone here have livejournals? I need to update my friendslist with people who are actually active. xp I miss being part of a crowd of people from some other site, who had accounts and just kinda posted and commented each other a lot. Ah, soap box...
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Posted: Sun Oct 31, 2010 12:24 pm
Please be warned, sweary rant follows
All I've learnt today is a reaffirmation of the fact that many kids are little arseholes who deserve to be shot, less they reproduce and create more of their disgusting little shitheaded children.
I hope the police do go out to move you on. I hope you do your stupid dickshit thing and try and piss the police officer off. And I hope you get your a** dragged to the police station, crying all the way cause you aren't all hard without your mates eh? And then they don't let you out, you get the fun of juvie. Cause if not, you're probably headed to jail anyway... dipshits
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Posted: Sun Oct 31, 2010 3:42 pm
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Posted: Sun Oct 31, 2010 5:30 pm
You know its halloween when its a full moon and you find yourself lost in the middle of nowhere in a dense fog
also never run(hop) after your dog on a dark foggy night you end up in weird places
coffee and cookies<3
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Posted: Sun Oct 31, 2010 6:22 pm
I can't sleep because I feel like someone's watching me; it's really unnerving. I don't know what's up. Usually, I don't get worried by things like this at all, but right now I'm finding it hard to not look around the room constantly, I have all the lights on, all the curtains closed, and all the doors and windows locked. I'm not sure if I want to turn on the tv so I have some background noise to make me feel better, or if that will just make it worse.
gonk
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Posted: Sun Oct 31, 2010 6:23 pm
Silly RiRi I can't sleep because I feel like someone's watching me; it's really unnerving. I don't know what's up. Usually, I don't get worried by things like this at all, but right now I'm finding it hard to not look around the room constantly, I have all the lights on, all the curtains closed, and all the doors and windows locked. I'm not sure if I want to turn on the tv so I have some background noise to make me feel better, or if that will just make it worse.
gonk Maybe put on the radio? Helps me.
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Posted: Sun Oct 31, 2010 9:08 pm
I can't stop laughing. Either this is my way of dealing with how awkward this is, it really is this funny, or both. I'm leaning towards the awkward explanation.
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Posted: Sun Oct 31, 2010 9:41 pm
I wish to know why.
There's a reason behind everything. She's among the more reasonable people I've heard of. There has to be a reason behind such an event, and I wish to know if it's significant or not.
But knowledge of the sort wouldn't be easy to come by. Any attempt to attain such information could be obscenely delicate. Because the undoing would be obscenely infuriating.
If I was more of the brainless oaf that is the male stereotype, I'd barge in headfirst with guns blazing. Such a tactic doesn't have 100% failure chance either, and a success would destroy the need for any other work.
But that tactic has an equal chance o' gettin' me killed. Any such risk is not worth it at all, and contemplating it would be bad.
A window has opened. Yet my inner tactician says it's an unconsciously engineered trap. Oh, woe is me. My life is a mystery.
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Posted: Sun Oct 31, 2010 10:55 pm
I'm enjoying work right now. Why? Because I'm in the only state in which I could possibly enjoy being in this hellhole - I'm halfway to drunk. xD
I've worked with this security guy for three years now, and we're friends, so when he says that it sucks we missed Halloween parties because we're working and he brings alcohol to make up for it, you bet I'm partaking. Besides - he's pacing me drink for drink and we're the only ones here. If I fall, he'll fall too... so I trust him. It's so sad that being inebriated is the only way that I can enjoy being here. D:
Edit: Oh my god, security just said 'al-key-hall' instead of 'alcohol,' and I giggled. If I have a better tolerance at 22 and 120 pounds than a 40ish year old, 200+ lb man... I'm going to laugh my a** off. xDDDD
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Posted: Sun Oct 31, 2010 11:43 pm
Strange (good?) things have been hapening lately. Makes me all confused n stuff. >.<
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