Welcome to Gaia! ::

((Hahahah this is so pathetic... I AM SORRY YOU GUYS... I sat here for like, forever, and tried to post something, but nothing was coming out... IT MADE ME SO SAD. So when I get home, something... SOMETHING I will write. But if ya need to, feel free to post before me. I've got nothin' right now, haha no inspiration/writing abilities at the moment. XP FORGIVE ME! *falls to knees and begs*

*then runs off to find FUD HOMG*))

((Well, AKA WILL WRITE. OH yesh... Hahaha, maybe that'll give Ala some ideas so she can post too... hooya. And this change in post actually gave me an idea to write... so heads up! Here we go! WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL CHEROKEE YOU BIG DOPE?! *writes*))

They had left, just like they said they would. Ran away without one look back, with no regrets, and with no thoughts of what they had done in the past. It was done now, over for good. They could breathe freely, sleep at night without one eye open. The guns they used to keep beside them as religiously as a bible were soon cast away as old habits. The city air that used to be so stifling, so full of crime, had vanished like some nightmare they had been living for years and they stumbled into the light dumbfounded like a pair of dreamers in a world of what really was.

He never changed though. He knew it. His bed was so comfortable he couldn't sleep at night, and the quiet set him more on edge than gun shots ever had. Breathing the fresh air made him feel too light headed, like too much clean air was not something his lungs could have handled. It was too peaceful, and too nice, a life he hadn't really thought ever exsisted and now that it did he didn't feel at home. He knew it wasn't that though, he knew it wasn't his bed, the quiet, or the air... but because of her.

Cherokee was lost. Enzo knew it, even as long as they had left the life behind, but Beatrix knew it long before Enzo ever had. Emily knew it in a way, knew even though she begged her father to drop his smoking habit he always smelled like cigerettes in the morning. He didn't sleep anymore, finding that when he did he'd wake up in a cold sweat and alone in his own empty bed. His cheeks were hallowed and his eyes dark, but he'd smile in the daylight, like in the daylight he could have faced anything, but at night he'd wittle away his hours outside on his porch with a pot of coffee or a six pack, a glowing ember throbbing in the dark from his lighted cigerette.

There weren't too many times a day he didn't think of her, but he'd never mention it. He'd just get quiet then, and draw back to fix his light blue stare into the distance.

There wasn't a second he didn't regret not taking her with him. Countless times he would work up the courage to buy a bus ticket; he began to use them to line Emily's hamster cage.

"Why don't you call her, chief?" Emily would say. "You know? That lady. I think you really liked her. I liked her too. She had pretty eyes."

He didn't have an answer, he had excuses. He never understood why. He hated himself for it. Sometimes he swore he missed her so much it hurt, so much he was driven to visit a doctor and was given antacids. But it wasn't heart burn that was ailing him.

"Just call her, Big guy!" Beatrix said, hand on his shoulder. "Go get her! DO something...! Sometimes I don't even really feel like you're here at all... I feel like we left you back in Chicago. That's not fair to Emily... not what after we went through with her mother to keep her here."

Cherokee stared off.

"Are you listening to me, Cherokee? CHEROKEE?" She searched his handsome face with her dark eyes and drew back.

"Enzo got you to talk to me, didn't he?" He asked in a rough voice. It was a tired voice, and a far away voice.

"I'm worried about you too."

Cherokee didn't look at her, his eyes were fixed onto the sunset.

"Cherokee?" Beatrix said more quietly. "You love her, don't you?"

"The weather. It's nice here."

"You do."

Cherokee was quiet again, and finally turned his eyes onto her and she saw all she already knew. There was hurt in his face and standing there Beatrix had never seen a man look so lonely... and she knew lonely men, she had seen them and had given them love for a little pay in return, but never had she seen such lonliness as the man before her now.

"Cherokee." She said more quietly.

The tall man looked away again.

"BIg guy."

"Don't call me that." He replied tonlessly.

Beatrix furrowed her eyebrows and touched him briefly on his shoulder. "Enzo should talk to you himself... he's known you longer." She said and silently wrapped her arm around him in a half hug.

His gaze never flickered from the herizon.

Beatrix drew away and slowly strode down Cherokee's porch steps. She glanced over her shoulder once. He was still staring off, his eyes unfocused. He must have been thinking of her again. The young woman shut her eyes and wondered where Amma might have been and wondered if she ever kept her promise of leaving.

Turning, she headed back to Enzo's place, a place she shared with him on her own insistance that she wouldn't sleep anywhere else. And who was he to turn down a request of a beatiful woman? Using her own set of keys, though in this place where they lived no one locked their doors, she let herself in.

"Honey!" She called into the home. "I'm home! And I want you down here now!" She paused and looked briefly thoughtful. "And when I mean now... I mean NOOOW." She said using her darkest voice that litled like a song throughout the empty halls.

((llalala.Cherokee is a grumpy gus XD; ))

((Hahaha you'll see, you'll see.))

The two of them walked in scilence after Joker's statement. Amma had turned her once placid face into a full on scowl and her usually bright eyes darkened and looked to the side. She didn't even want to think of killing her brother figure. If they pulled the plug he wouldn't just be SLEEPING anymore, but he'd be gone full force. If they pulled the plug how was she supposed to explain to Justin that his Uncle Darius was never going to see him and give him piggy back rides or keep his promise to show the kid how to play basketball and football. It pained her so much that she couldn't even bare to look at Joker or other children.

"Forget I said anything." Joker sighed, his voice lingered with frustration and annoyance. "What were you going to do today?"

She still glared at the sidewalk they were walking on. What was she going to do today? Maybe she could go off and kill herself, that sounded like fun. "I dunno," she whispered and reached into her coat pocket and pulled out a box of cigarettes.

"I thought you quit."

"Well OBVIOUSLY I didn't." She snapped and walked ahead of the young man, tugging at one of the slims.

"You promised you'd stop. They'll kill you ya know."

"Shut up. And you promised you'd stop your own god damned addiction." Amma's voice was laced with ice and she turned the corner, trudging faster, wanted to run off into some other world or realm, anywhere but here. She wanted to run to a place that didn't smell of him whenever she smoked, that didn't feel like him, that didn't sound like his obviously unused voice. And she wanted to get away from her hopeless attempts to happiness.

Her fingers began to shake, as they always did everyday she had a breakdown. It was when the stick reached her trembling lips that Joker snatched her and pulled her into a large hug. She felt her heart stop for a second when she looked up and saw HIS face, but it was gone in an instant and she pulled away frantically.

"Amma...please...don't do it." The pain and confusion in his dashing green eyes caused her to want to do it even more. Because of her own daze and dreamish thoughts she was causing those closest to her pain. "I hate it when you do. The next time you do it, you may never recover..." He looked down to her wrists which she covered up quickly with her jacket and frowned.

"I don't know what I'm doing anymore...one second I love you, the next second I love..." She stopped when Joker glared at her and shook his head. "I can't stop it..."

"I know...but at least let me try to make you smile? I have something special for you at the park..."

"...fine..." Although her fingers were still trembling, she let the cigarette fall to the ground and followed Joker. "My philosophy professor...at college...doesn't believe there's such a thing as love." She blurted out suddenly as they neared the park. "The first time he said that I argued with him...cause you do that in philosophy...now I think I'm not so sure."

Joker said nothing but simply jumped the closed gates to the park which had a sign that said "No Trespassing." Amma did the same without thinking twice. When they got to the small lake it was frozen over solid. Winter seemed to have stayed longer in Chicago than it did ever before. And everything looked pristine.

He then reached down and picked up a pair of iceskates, handing them to Amma. "Happy Birthday." He said with a bitter-sweet smile that made her want to kiss him, but she smiled instead and took them.

"I forgot..."

"How can you forget your own birthday?" He laughed out loud and bonked her on the head before taking his shoes off and putting his own skates on, then helping her.

"How can I not with all this s**t happening..."

"Well how about we take the day off from s**t, and just do whatever makes you happiest..." He trailed off when she looked at him, a sudden gust of thoughts starring him in the face from her multicolored eyes. "I know...but I'm not calling anyone...you're the one that should. I told her the first few weeks it happened, but you told me, 'No no, he'd call if I meant anything to him.' than you'd run off and come back a day later look as sick as heck."

He had finished tieing her skate and helped her to her feet, taking her out onto the lake, sliding over the smooth surface.

"Lets not talk about that..." Her eyes darkened again as she followed him out to the lake, almost slipping and falling face first. This produced another laugh out of Joker and her to get up and chase after him. She grabbed him and pulled him down with her and they both laid there for a while. The cool air made her smooth red locks of hair flip about her face, showing off her new eyebrow peircing while her tongue flicked over her lip peircings, matching them to Joker's own. She looked over to him and he smiled at her, slipping his hands through her hair calmly.

"Well...let's just skate. I haven't seen you skate in forever, you ice angel." He laughed at how corny it was and then moved himself around her while she twirled and fell on her butt multiple times.

Amma fell against the bench. She had a good time with Joker, but she never smiled or laughed. And within half way through an hour she had to stop. Her eyes kept darting over to where her car had been parked that day, and where the two of them had sat, her sobbing and him holding her. It was too much. And even though she knew she should have walked out of that park, and away from her memories, she stayed, staring out at the creamy orange sky.

She knew Joker was just trying his hardest to make her happy and make her forget what ailed her hopeless. He was only trying to bring a smile about her emotionless or angry face. The first few weeks they had been at the hospital with Darius he had continuously told her to call him, but she wouldn't. After a while he had figured she never would.

Amma had always been the one to make people to do stuff first, even though she was a leader, she was selfish. If someone didn't call her to talk to her, it was their fault, not her's. Not to mention she was so out of tune with romance that whenever he had done something for her, like take her out to eat or come to her new apartment randomly with a boquet of flowers or take her out of class to simply walk and talk, she never really looked excited or happy. Sure she'd smile at him, but it didn't touch her eyes, and her kisses never felt as warm as they used to before she had met the other guy. Even after proposing to her, and with her accpetance, she still never was truly herself. She was always distant, always looking through him, always trailing off and leaving to her apartment earlier than her usual late night she had had.

He knew she had only said yes with Justin in mind. If he had known she would never ever be happy, he would have taken the ring back and told her to leave, find him. But he had hopes...maybe one day she'd eventually grow out of her dizzy love, out of the Romeo and Juliet styled dream. Amma knew what he was thinking all the time, he had told her everything he felt, the jealousy, the anger, the frustration, and she'd simply shake her head and tell him it wasn't anything. Even though he told her things, she never told him her own things.

"It's your birthday." He finally spoke up, Amma lifted her head off his shoulder and looked at him curiously. "Why don't you go off and do whatever it is you want to do, and I'll meet you at the bar later this afternoon and we can do something special okay?" He smiled and helped Amma to her feet. She nodded to him and he leaned over, giving her a soft kiss on her cheek. "Be safe okay?" Walking off he waved to her and left her alone in the park.

Making sure he was gone, she ripped out a cigarette and lit it, sucking long and hard on it. The sudden wave of nicotine felt good in her veins and she sighed loudly, the puff of smoke rising mysteriously into the air. The picture of her sitting down in the lonely park was candid, if one hadn't seen her in a while she looked nothing as she did before. She seemed to take better care of herself and dressed more fitting for a lady. The outside was perfect while the inside was riddled with darkness and sadness.

Without much thought she reached in her pocket and dialed his number, her heart racing while she smoked some more. He didn't answer and she was forced to get a voice mail. When the sound produced indicated for her to reply she was silent, only the tortured breathing could be heard. What if he didn't recognize her voice, which was much more smooth and linguid from her college classes...what if he didn't even listen to it?

"Hey Big Guy..." She finally said and blew out another puff of smoke. "I really don't know what I'm doing. I guess I just wanted to hear you on my birthday...hear you sing Happy Birthday to me." She laughed sadly and looked down at the ground. "But I guess not. You didn't keep your promise, calling me. I've tried to leave...I have...but I can't...I'm in college now, studying to be a pediatritian. Maybe then I can keep my promise and move to California or something and make it big, get rich." A pause while she breathed in more nicotine. "I hope you're living the life you dreamed of, with your daughter and best friend, as long as I believe your happy, I guess I can be at ease a bit more. I pray for you each night, pray for you to find someone you love and to get married and give your daughter a mommy. I've been told by someone special that mommys are the best thing a kid could have." She was cut off by the end of the voice mail and felt her eyes fill up in tears. She wanted to say more, to tell him to stay there and never come back, he'd only find heart-ache.

She closed the phone and stared at it before opening it again and moving to call and finish her message.

((WAIT! Sorry I can't wait. D: I'm a hopeless romantic I tell you! HOPELESSSSSS! *wiggles around and falls over* Blah! ))

Amma flipped open her phone and opened up her address book, fingers heated up and cheeks hot with both nerves and passion. Something indescribable was controlling her, and she wanted it to stop. She shouldn't have called him in the first place. It was only making her kill herself even more and bury herself deeper into the hole of lost love even more.

Romeo and Juliet.

Damn Joker for having her read it again and tell him that was how it was. Just at that moment she heard the dark melody of her new ring tone burst out and she saw two words on the screen that had interrupted her train of thoughts. She shoved the answer button and held it to her ears and she was instantly greeted with scilence, not unusual for him.

Her own breathing shuddered noisily and she looked around and leaned over, taking the cigarette from her mouth. After a couple seconds of steadying herself which was obvious from the soft gibberish trying to coax her. "You..." Her throat clenched tightly and she cleared it, tears dripping down her cheeks silently.

"Called. Why the hell didn't you pick up?! I made myself sound like an a**!" She yelped before calming herself down and standing up, clenching her fists not in anger but in anxiety. "God god god...oh god...I dunno what I'm doing." She said to herself, holding the phone away from her. After pulling it back she walked in circles. "What am I supposed to say...you're listening and it's not making it any easier...oh god he's listening right now." She stammered and pulled it away from her ear again. She waved her arms around as though trying to keep herself from freaking out...even if it made it more obvious she was.

"So...hummmmm...long time no...no no no no...forget that...I mi...no no no...that makes me sound pathetic, hang on a minute." She pulled it away ONCE again and took a few deep breaths of smoke and rubbed at her damp cheeks.

"Hey." She was satisfied with that and let out a deep sigh of relief. "That was nice. Yeah...hey...that's good...make yourself sound like a DAMN DORK!" Realizing she was still talking into the phone she cursed and started out of the park, tugging her books along. "How's it going? Where are you living? Apartment, house, condo...mansion? Yacht...yachts are nice, ya know on the water, water is nice, I like the ocean with seagulls and crabs. I never been to the ocean before. I moved you know, to another apartment closer to downtown...where my college is. I'm going to college. You have a job? I always thought you'd be a nice a street preformer...mime or something or living statue, that'd be nice, let people make funny faces at you." She almost ran into someone and dropped her books. "Ah s**t! Look what I did, oh you stupid little girl...this on your birthday is BAD LUCK!"

Someone turned to look at her while she struggled to lift her heavy books. "These books are like bricks Big Guy, darn BRICKS! They think you're super man or something. Jeeeeeesus." She threw her cigarette to the ground and laughed an empty laugh. "See, I'm better now you know. Much better...I think after college I'll move to California or Georgia, make a practice there...I love kids. You must love em too, having a daughter and all. How is she anyways? How are you? How's Enzo...and that lady? Do you have neighbors, did you meet any nice people down there like on those after school shows, you know like 7th Heaven? Oh man do you go to CHURCH now? Don't tell me your a priest...cause then you wont be able to have sex or get married, no wait you can't be a priest because you already had sex. Too bad, I heard silent priests are the best cause they don't scold you after confession." Another hollow laugh as she fell against the stairs of her college in a huff of exhaustion.

"You'd think that being in a...well ya know...would make you strong, it does, but these books are for maniacs! No wonder doctors are always so strong. Goooodness. Goodness, do your neighbors say Goly or Goodness like on Leave it to Beaver? Oh man do you have little kids running around outside in sprinklers and picking flowers? I heard they do that a lot, Justin does, he likes sports and all, but flowers man...thank god you don't have him around, he'd pick your garden clean."

Suddenly she stopped and rubbed at her cheeks again. Her stammering was out of the built up bundle of nerves and inability to keep rational thought. She didn't want to make it sound how it really was for her, hell in a hand basket. This made her run on and on about unimportant things without thinking of what she saying. And until she finally stopped she was mindless speaking.

"God...what am I saying? I hate this. There's only seconds here and there that I'm truly happy. Big Guy...it's so hard...visiting him, balancing my gang with Joker and college. Getting into fights, trying to quit smoking but never getting farther than half a day. I've lost weight from not eating as much as I should. I feel sick everytime I try sleeping, and never get much sleep. Whenever I see a couple I want to kill somebody, when I see a cat I feel like kicking it's skull in. I've tried leaving in both ways Cherokee...both...and they never work. I either make things worse or make myself more sick. And everytime I answer the phone and hear someone else besides you I want to throw it at someone." She stopped and put her face in her free hand, holding back another break down. "And yet...and yet...I know it's never going to get better. I'll alawys be held down here, and I'll never be able to leave, and I'll never find love how it's supposed to feel, good and passionate. I know it's possible but I'm too damned stupid to know how to get it! I'm engaged you know...engaged to Joker...I wasn't thinking. I can't break his heart again...I know I have to, I could never be happy. I did it for Justin for him to have stable parents. But how can you call me stable? I'm the opposite, I'm crazy, I'm insane...I want to run away but can't, I want to let go but I can't. I can't do anything without you here. I need you...I need you so badly. But you shouldn't come back, I always made trouble, I'd hurt you again."

Stopping, she leaned over and was silent, wanting to hear him say something after her rambling nonsense of either insanity or depression. "Please...sing Happy Birthday to me...or tell me you love me. No one's ever said it to me and meant it...no ones sang to me ever...ever..."

((GOSH Amma's such a FREAK! XD Annnddd ahhhh at the end my eyes watered up. XD I'M A FREAK TOO! It's CONTAGIOUS!

*is done editing now*

I lied.))

((I'M A GUNNA POST... POST LIKE A... like a... something.))

When Amma had answered her phone, he had not been sure what to expect. He wasn't even sure if she was going to answer at all, but nearly fell out of his chair when she did. He knew she knew it was him, and being him he gave her no hello, merely sat quietly awaiting for a response from her as was his patient nature. He didn't know if he expected her to be angry, sad, or happy, but instead seemed so flustered he felt the corners of his mouth twitch, just in the same way he used to smile when she made him laugh.

"Hey." Came his response to her own hey.

None of the questions he had time to respond to, not that he could remember much of what was asked as she rambled on trying to fill his silence. So, instead he just listened wondering if there was a hidden note of sadness in her voice, or maybe something of which she spoke indicated she was so glad that he finally called. Though, he knew better, he knew by how her voice rose and fell and her uneven breathing. He could feel the heat glowing in her face even if he couldn't see it.

He looked to his hand between his knees, listening to the sounds of the T.V. in the next room over of some morning cartoon show. He could see Emily laughing on the couch with her bowl of cereal in her lap. Standing he moved out onto to porch as she instead made confessions of what he must have known all along, and wondering why the hell it had taken him so long to realize that it wasn't just him that had wanted, but her too. Though, a pang went through him as she announced she was engaged now. That had been his fault alone, a man too stupid and figuring it had been for her own good, but it didn't make the hurt any less. He should have known better, she was a beautiful woman, and he had seen the way Joker had worried for her the night Darius had been shot... and now it seemed they were in fact far more alike than he ever could have thought: she had a kid too, but unlike him Joker had actually loved her when his own lover had not.

He continued to be silent, even after her request of a song or a confession of what she must have really known all along. Anyone could have known the symptoms and signs for a man in love, but then again Cherokee had been just as blind in return. He leaned on his porch railing, his eyes searching the morning like he had searched so many evenings.

"I don't sing." Was the first thing he said in his joking flat tone. He paused a long time. "Happy birthday." He said softly and more softly: "I... I've loved you." He rubbed at his forehead. "A long time." He added on.

Cherokee was silent once more, listening to the sounds of the world on the outisde. He listened to his own breathing and the gentle thrum of his heart that every so often would erratically beat with emotion, and wondered if she would wait for him to say more, wondered if he should say what he really wanted to say.

I'll come get you. I don't care if I get hurt again because nothing could hurt more than this. But it wasn't in his nature to say such things, to admit that he had been so hurt so deeply. He fixed his light eyes distantly.

"But I shouldn't love you anymore."

Who was he to break up this relationship she had with Joker? Who was he to do that to her son? They didn't know him. He was a man on the outside a man who could destroy that... and should be hated for that. He wouldn't do it and he couldn't do it.

"I shouldn't... but I do. Forget me though." He exhaled heavily, a sudden preassure gripping his chest. "It's not worth it. What's love anyway?" He wanted to know. "It just makes me think of you, makes me wish you were here, and makes me regret I ever left you." He took a deep breath. "Makes me miss you... makes me want to jump the next bus down there just to see you... but that's all it makes me." Cherokee's voice grew bitter. "Someone desperate."

The lean man was breathing raggedly now, an anguished look on his face. He had finally called, but had come to find he had waited too long.

"Happy birthday." He breathed into the phone. "I... I'm glad I'm not there, otherwise you're fiance would get pissed at me for kissing you." He didn't find that funny.

And he should have hung up... left it just like that, but like the fool he was, like some man that loved to recieve rejection and deep spells of hurt over and over, he waited for her response.

((hahaha, omgpoorcherokee, wtf. *Laughs* J. Amma. Is. Cruel.))


Beatrix had to smile at Enzo's pathetic excuse for a hug to comfort her, and then his cape and silly words of rescuing her. Her brow furrowed, but she smiled that same smile he always managed to surface on her face, the one she saved just for him. Laughing in a voice full of delight she danced after him and hugged him fiercly as they ambled, if not a little drunkendly, into the kitchen.

Together they made a simple breakfast, with Beatrix throwing many remarks Enzo's way whether they be about her rear end that she enjoyed wiggling in his face, or the fact that he was burning the eggs and it would be a good idea to turn the burner off just then. Then, at her own insistance (as things often went) she galloped up the stairs and flopped into their bed, demanding her breakfast much like Emily would in a queen like voice. She got her way (as things also often went) and was delighted for once to have a man give her breakfast in bed, even though she had made most of it and the only part said man really had in it was burning it.

Once she had eaten her breakfast she pulled Enzo down next to her and pushed food along in his plate with her finger, pushing him to eat as much as he could.

"I mean, I love emaciated men just as much at the next whore, but really, if you got some real meat on your bones I don't think I'd be able to control myself AT ALL." She remarked in her dark voice, patting his cheek affectionately. "That and I always said I'd never date a man thinner than me. It makes me uncomfortable that you can fit in my pants... you understand, right?" Beatrix joked, running a finger over his goatee. "Makes me feel fat."

After all was said and done however, Beatrix flopped back on the bed and turned to look out the window. "When you're done we should head back over to Cherokee's... not only just to talk to him though... we should do something today, yeah?" She asked of him, laughing as she used Enzo's own way of speaking. "I think it's adorable when you say yeah, by the way. Say it too much and you might make hot." Beatrix joked again, smiling softly as she watched the day bloom bright and beautiful as it always seemed to each morning.

((LALALALA GO!))

((Haha okay J, I'm posting... I'm posting *points*))

"It's still a tight fit," Enzo remarked, prodding at his eggs with his fork. He wasn't really that hungry. Never was. "So you're not THAT fat... And I thought girls LIKED that emo look." He pushed his hair across one eye and pouted.

Forcing food into his mouth, he followed Beatrix's gaze and nodded, "Yeah, I can try... I don't know what good it'll do..." He stretched and removed the blanket from around his shoulders. "I don't feel like doing much, but if you want to, we can."

He laughed at her comment on his way of speaking, "Yeah? Yeah yeah yeah? I always thought it was sorta irritating. Cherokee never mentioned it, but he's not much of a talker." He shrugged, smiling quietly at her own warm smile. It was such a nice smile...

"So,' he said, laying down and resting his head in his hand, "What were you thinking of? Just us two for the day? We could go riding again. We both know how much you love riding things." he gave a snort and pushed himself upright, running his hands through his hair probably more times than was necessary. He'd been good for the past few days, but even now, he was starting to itch for a fix.

"But first things first, yeah?" He turned and got out of the bed to rummage through his dresser to find some clothes. "Maybe we can get Cherokee out of that house... Have Emily ask if he wants to do something. I swear that child gets through to him far better than either of us." Pulling his head through the collar of a t-shirt and pulling on some jeans, he flashed a grin at Beatrix and gave her a peck on the cheek before undertaking a quest for socks. It was funny to him that he felt color drift to his cheeks. They never had color to them, and yet, that little kiss did it. He was such a kid.

((Haha THAR WE GO))

Amma's eyes scanned the desktop of the small computer. She had shoved her jump drive into the computer and was now opening her already 12 page long paper on Microsoft Word. Her brain racked for more things to put onto it, yet nothing came up, her mind was blank. She had basically told him to just never call her or never bother thinking about her. It was better off that way right? He'd be happy...right? He'd find someone else and get married and live till he was old and dieing with whoever he would find, without her ever being in his mind, again.

She was all cried out now, instead a stinging her cheeks tensed up from the feeling of crying, but no tears. It was pointless trying to concentrate now, the paper wasn't due until a week from now anyways. Maybe she'd take her car and drive as far as she could. As long as she got somewhere no one knew her, no one knew her name, that'd be what she wanted, start over new, with no regrets or doubts. That wasn't possible, it was a far away dream now.

Closing the laptop quietly she got up and took the jumpdrive out of the usb port before walking limply outside into the cold air once more. Her long leather jacket whipped about her slender, lithe form and her wavy red hair blew out infront of her. The people around her moved their way around her like she was nothing important. No one cared, the only one that she thought cared, she wanted to be happy...and that meant not seeing her ever again and never being touched by him again.

She couldn't do it. How was she supposed to live while inside she was lifeless. She was as good as Darius was, nothing inside simply sleeping and body cold. Dark brown fingers tugged at a new cigarette and lit it up.

Cold eyes darted around before starting towards her car. She wanted to see him and maybe talk to him...he listened...he had no choice.

((Haha it sucks, but I'm not sure what to do at this point until we get them movin'. XDD ))