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exactly. i can fix everything as long as I'm near it... I'm too far sad

that would be nice, then there's other people i could how foolish they are too.... :ponders:

let me know how that works out smile

Okay, here I am again. Bitching again.

Alright, so I am making a band, with my buddy Jacob. It's been kind of a rocky start, because the people in my hick town suck, and I only found a good Guitarist, a decent drummer, and a possible bassist, as well as myself for vocals and Jacob for a sort of LP Rapper dude.

So this aquaintance of mine, Alexis, has a band made, and she and I used to be friends at the beginning of the year, and Jacob and her have been friends for a few years. So he decides to totally ******** me over and actually CONSIDER ditching me, when he's the one who pushed me in to starting the band, and he thinks it would be so SUPER COOL to go be in Alexis's band, because he 'knows everyone there, and only me in our band'.
Well ******** that, a lot of bands start out like that. It just happens sometimes. He should trust me and support me, since we started this thing together.

Well he finaly decided to stick with me, because I told him to ******** off and not talk to me until he made his decision. So it was a pity stay, I guess, which pisses me off even more, and just 0 minutes ago, when we were having a decent and civilized conversation, he says "So would you still be pissed if I decided to join Alexis's band?" ******** YES I WOULD! Why the hell is he doing this AGAIN!?

Am I really that insignificant to my 'friends' in this hick town? I mean honestly! So I told him that if he wanted to join her band so much than to do it and get it over with, and blocked him on MSN, like I did last time he pulled this s**t. My God, that must have been what's he's been talknig to her about EVERY DAY in Science, when he ditches me every day, leaving me by myself several days of the week, cause Nichole keeps getting sick, and he's the only other person at my table. Yeah. Don't I have such great friends?

Alexis is such a backstabber, too. She's a poser. Yes, I hate that word, but she is. And she decided when I told her I was bisexual and I sort of liked her, that she was now straight, and she had never been really bi in the first place, and when I start making a band, suddenly she has one all made up and they've practised already, and she wants Jacob in it for her rapper/back up vocals. So I'm left by myself at a cold table, to work alone, and almost cry everyday because Jacob goes to talk to her everyday.

Yeah. That's my rant.

-hugs really tight- Meanokins...you are better than they are. They are not worthy of your presence...of having you as their friend. I know it is hard that he left you for her...and it is a pain...but that only means that he is not one of your real friends. They would not do such a thing. -hugs again- Prove them wrong...show them that your band is much better than theirs!

I don't know how to be tactful about these things so please don't take my words too personally.

First: Ny may have gotten paragraphs upon paragraphs of reply... they were all from the same person though. One person responded and then they had a conversation. It's not like all of PYP flocked to her leaving you to suffer alone.

Second: The b***h thread is for bitching, complaining and drama primarily. Most people don't even look in here on a regular basis.

Third: if you're placing it in your head as a contest between you and other people and you're just gonna sit around trying to look pathetic so people will give you attention you will be dissapointed. I know this because I used the same technique many many moons ago. Actually when I was your age to be exact (god I hate saying that) All it ever did was make me more depressed. People would pay me attention but it was never the people who I wanted to pay me attention. It doesn't fix anything.

Four: Posting a IM convo with a person who doesn't seem to know how to respond with a full word while you're painting us to be neglecting you doesn't exactly help make people want to pay you any extra attention. Especially when people like me have listened to your problems and offered advice and then you post something like this making me beleive that my attempt to be there for you went into the void.

*Takes a deep breath*
Shadow: I realize that most of what I said/typed last night was probably not the best idea, and yeah, I pretty much shot myself in the foot. What' you've done for me isn't unnoticed, believe me. Last night I was really emotional, and pretty much just fell apart. I wasn't thinknig straight. None of that is really a good reason to act like an idiot, I'm sure, but it's my rationalization, if you will.

Blue: Thanks hun, and I realise now, it is pretty dead around here on weekends and I just didn't think things all the way through, but that has to do with how bad I felt last night. Right about now things are pretty bad from my perspective. I realise that what I'm going through is NOTHING compared to most of the people I know... but it hurts really bad. My mom emotionally hurts me on a daily basis, she calls me names, accuses me, and critisises me constantly. She had a habit of pinching me a few months ago, and would leave bruises on my upper arms. Now its just me and her, cause my dad went on a buisness trip for 3 weeks. My house feels empty. I can't ever get more than 6 hours of sleep in a 24 hour span, which isn't nearly enough for me, and mom is barely being civil to me. I have an ex boyfriend at school who won't stop sexually harrassing me, even after I've told him off and hit him more than a few times, so I have to go to the office now, to get him to stop. These girls on my bus make fun of me every sigle day, in the morning and the afternoon, never missing a chance to throw a candy wrapper or crumpled up peice of paper at me. My science teacher is out to get me, literally, she just doesnt like me. I should have gotten a C on my last report card, but she gave me a D. The whole thing with Jacob has just got him sucking up to me now, and Alexis trying harder to snatch him away at every chance she gets, and to top it all off, my COUNSILOR says I may be narsasistic. So yeah. It may not be as bad as I think it is, but its really bad from my end.
*Finally lets out breath in a sigh*

I can kinda relate shadow. Things are about to change for me but I know why and where. I just don't know what to do when they do change. On top of that, I was given information that may affect me not only emotionally but may also cause me to take my ex to court if she decides to go through with it.

Meano-kins, I'm sorry I haven't been around to help much hun. I've been trying to deal with everything on my own plate lately and I haven't even really felt like being online, let alone talking to people sweatdrop I hope your mom cools it a bit though. Its really not cool to be fighting with parents.