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What are your thoughts on critiquing?
YES!!!
48%
 48%  [ 47 ]
Eh...
49%
 49%  [ 48 ]
NO!!!
2%
 2%  [ 2 ]
Total Votes : 97


Onamisaki

PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 9:44 pm


[[Great! Just make sure to take note of how authors make their paragraph's flow together, when your reading.]]
PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 9:52 pm


Onamisaki
[[I wouldn't so much say it's a POV problem, then it is a description/flow problem. However, that's easily fixed if one reads and develops a writing style from reading books or other posts. Of course it could've all been changed by the time I came home. sweatdrop OKOKOK, going to write a long meaningful post....]]


((*waits for really meaningful post* rofl ))

Kind Stranger

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Onamisaki

PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 9:59 pm


[[Crap! I forgot I can't hear them either, when Amati's awake! O.O ^_^]]

Sakeri, though astonished by Kin's ability to change, had watched as Kin's attitude changed quickly. He was reacting to something... a voice unheard by herself or Amati. Suddenly it dawned on her that the voices never sounded while Amati was awake. Could he possibly be a mental block from them? Amati had always protected her from the time they met. Could it be that these gods were bad? No... she thought to herself shaking off the idea of it. They had humans measured up to a tee. Even this guy admits to us being created to destroy- Wait.... Created?

"What do you mean "made"? I was born into mankind's world," she retorted, rejecting the idea she was made by the gods. It didn't make sense... She had the pictures to prove it. A voice quickly scattered her thoughts.

"Sake," Amati's cool voice rose as his fur began to lay flat again, from growling at the creature. "You forget that we're different from mankind as well as nature. We, ourselves, defy all logic and sense." His soft, resounding words shoved Sakeri into a world of thought. Many of the natural disasters had obliterated much of mankind. The tidal wave, the heat wave, the earthquakes... All of it had been concetrated in areas populated by the human race. Then it hit her.

WE must be the next step, she thought in utter shock, before pure joy began to fill her to the brim. The gods have been trying to do something about the human infestation for a long time. And, they bestowed the power to destroy makind on me. A bright and innocent smile almost immeadiently popped up onto her face to hide the victorious grin hidden beneath.

"I'm Sakeri Ito," she smilled innocently, holding out a hand. "Nice to meet you, Kin Raws."

He'll be a useful way to get info, directly from the gods, she thought darkly to herself, though her facade never changed.

"So, Kin," she chirped. "Hear anything from the gods lately?"


[[AH!!! whee I hope it was meaningful!]]
PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 10:21 pm


((Of course it is! Everything you made so far ARE meaningful. 3nodding ))

Kin stared blankly at the girl, sensing some disturbing thoughts before happily taking out his hand to shake with hers, his purely innocent face half reflecting hers ((half being that hers isn't really that innocent, haha)). His hand's girp was light, as she could infer, despite his already dark aura, though that would just be made fine when considering how lightly and happy his attitude was all the time. "Nice to meet you, Sakeri!" Kin then turned to the canine, then added, "And Little Puppy Pet!"

Hearing Sakeri's inquiring from the gods, Kin pouted with rage, heat going off even though he wasn't engulfed in flame, "the gods! I can't believe them! I, soly manifested by the god of fear am actually being used as a decoy for the 'elite' to destroy some superpower's capital!" He raised his hands as to make a quoting symbol in mid-air, sarcastically informing her. He sat on the ground, grumpy, though obviously light-hearted.

Kind Stranger

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Sauronbane

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PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 10:35 pm


Ryn had spent several hours wandering around Chicago, his clawed feet scuffing the concrete world he had walked into. Despite having spent several years near humans, he had never quite gotten used to places with so little plant life. It bothered him, and was a distraction when he was trying to find someone. He still hadn't managed to lock onto where the elf was, other than the fact that he was within this city. Nonetheless, Ryn was fairly sure that he was closing in on the Elf, as the scent was getting stronger, and almost followable. He sighed, watching several people sprinting across the street, out of his path, and scratched the back of his neck, his wings rustling in agitation. He hated the way that humans ran when they saw him, because if he was actually a danger he would not be walking down the middle of a crowded street. Sighing again, he continued on his walk, searching for the Elf.

((Ok this post is pretty much filler, but I think its still important because it reveals a bit more about my characters personality, and I'm tired, so I'm hitting the sac till tommorow razz ))
PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 10:50 pm


((-_-; It's 1:10 AM. I'm tired. But I have to frickin' post or I never will. So here goes.))

a'Ariella sped over the treetop sea of the forest, laughing in the clear night air. Her brother winds had really outdone themselves. The air they had whipped into motion with their combined strength would carry them for hundreds of miles or more. Definitely enough to get the Stelleri where she was going, wherever that was.
a'Ariella looked back at the Stelleri she was holding on part of her body. The light-shifting being looked slightly uncomfortable - as far as she could tell, considering that a'Ariella could not read light signs. The astra was putting out a slight glow as they flew over the treetops. She couldn't help it; to ask a being of light dim itself would be like asking an ethieri'i to stay still. It was contrary to their very nature. As a result, the two resembled a low-flying shooting star.
Suddenly the Stelleri shifted. There, she said mutely, communicating with air pressure what she meant. That town. Set me down at the edge of that town.
a'Ariella agreed cheerfully. When they reached the town, she carefully set the Stelleri on the ground with so much precision that she did not disturb a single pattern of light. a'Ariella had had a few 'accidents' concerning humans and their penchant for standing up on two legs before. She did not want this to be another accident. Not with so much on the line.
The Stelleri looked at herself and said to a'Ariella, I suppose it's time to 'clothe' myself, isn't it?
Turning, the Stelleri looked into the distance for a while. Then she closed her eyes.
A light wind - not part of a'Ariella - sprang up, carrying particles towards the two. They alighted upon the form of the Stelleri, who was subtly shrinking until she reached a reasonable adult human height. Flesh sprang into being first, followed closely by hair and clothes. She did not need human bones. Her bones were made of light.
When the Stelleri was finished, she turned and looked up at a'Ariella for a minute. An expression of surprise crossed her face. Then she laughed in embarrassment. "Sorry," she said. "I forgot. I was trying communicate using gravity fluctuations."
a'Ariella laughed and swirled in the air. Don't worry. I'm sure I would do the same.
The Stelleri nodded. "I have business to complete here. Would you stay beside to pick me up?"
Yes, said the ethieri'i. She dipped low to brush a breeze across the astra's face. Of course I will.
The Stelleri nodded again. "Good." She set off striding into town. Suddenly she stopped. "Oh, and a'Ariella-" She smiled. "You may call me Tamwyn while I'm in this form."
Tamwyn, a'Ariella said, rolling it around in her breeze. Her winds grew warmer with pleasure. It's a pretty name.
Tamwyn gave a mock bow and proceeded into the town.

((I'm going to beee~eeed. -_- wink )

kittengrl39

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Onamisaki

PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 10:58 pm


[[lol 4laugh YAY!!]]

Amati's eye twitched at the teen's words, but tried his best not to let him be bothered by his words. However, something else he'd said perked her interest.

"Superpower's capital?" she asked in amazement. She began to peice together the information. If they were used as decoys to distract the defenders, then the more elite would have no problem destroying the White House. Thus, with no other explanation, the governement would have to suspect terrorist attack and begin questioning and destroying other countries and other governments. It was perfect. The gods had set up mankind against each other. Pride began to swell in her chest and she leapt up off her feet.

"Think of it like this. We got the more entertaining job or playing with the traitors of our race rather than with puny little humans..." she said thoughtfully. "Even though we really didn't do anything... or killed anyone. We can still be useful, though and take down the mining system and kill all the humans in charge of operation and repair." The wolf jumped at the thought.

"You can't!" he shouted, chasing after her. "Those people haven't done any-" Sakeri threw a dark look at the canine, silencing him almost immeadiently.

"You don't know anything about the world, Amati. My dad abandoned my mother, my stepmother killed my father and stole his money. The world has grown corrupt in the face of mankind. What you've seen is nothing but a lie," she hissed.

Amati lowered his head gravely, never having heard of his partner's past. His world had only consisted of the wolf pack, and the small family he was brought up with. The canine never knew of despair or sadness, but onstead only saw a world of joy. Neither of them had ever killed a human before; they had only traveled like lost lambs across the continent, surviving easily off the land. He'd been oblivious to her suffering until now.

"I don't know anything about the suffering, you speak of," he said softly, his ears drooping. "But, I'll tell you now." His golden eyes stared into her own emerald as his next words sounded defiently. "I will not kill, unless it's out of neccesity." Sakeri returned his gaze, understanding his situation, she nodded her reply.

"That's fine, Amati," she stated, turning away from him. The air around her suddenly changed as she flashed a big smile and began to skip down the road.

"Come on, you two!!!"
PostPosted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 12:04 am


[[By the way. Don't feel pressured to post. Go at your own pace. According to the rules. If you want an explaination of what has happened so far ask those that are speedposting. One of them should help. If they don't, please tell me and all parties involved will be dealt with accordingly. You may ask me as well. Oh, Speedposters, I'd suggest keeping your summaries on Notepad so you don't have to constantly retype it all. Just copy and paste. ^_^_^_^_^_^ It'll make your job easier.]]

Onamisaki


lanceknightmare

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 1:50 am


Ohjiro walked along the sidewalk watching the people around him. These people all had a reason for being here. There wasn't much for him to do. He'd lived as he wanted to occasionally using his power for good. This infuriated his father yet there was nothing he could be to change his sons mind. Ohjiro didn't share his fathers hate for humanity. But he didn't seem to fit in with them either. While lost in thought he bumped into a man that was walking down the sidewalk. Watch where you are going freak, "the man threw his arms out pushing him down onto the sidewalk. Ohjiro fell to the ground landing hard on his right arm. The man continued to walk as if nothing had happened. He held up his arm as he sat there looking at a small wound the man had caused. A drop of blood rolled down his arm then dropped onto the sidewalk making a sound similar to a water droplet. He stood up then slammed his left hand onto the wound. When he moved his left hand away the wound was gone. But the man was still in sight of him and didn't seem to think anything of what he had just done. He clenched his teeth then turned away from the man as he turned a corner next to a brick building. Ohjiro started thinking as he stood there. If all people were like that man there then there would be no reason for an rivalries between the Angels. I've never actually seen one but my father assures me that they are out there and I am of an odd breed. I'm not as strong as a full blooded Angel so I should avoid them if I ever meet. But why is it there my power increases with emotion? Is that my Human side, he couldn't answer that question. Well, I'll find out all in due time.
PostPosted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 2:12 am


(( i wont be able to post until after noon and then later after 8:00 cause of work))

IoriYagami00


duckie_mamoru

PostPosted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 8:06 am


[[That's fine...I have a lot of cleaning I have to do, as well as paperwork and studying my Driver's Handbook. I'll just do it in the morning instead of the afternoon like I was planning on doing.]]
PostPosted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 9:56 am


((see, thats why I need to go to bed earlier all the time! you guys stayed on and keep roleplaying, and then I got back on this morning and I got to read two pages! 1. no, I'm not being sarcastic; and 2. I know I'm weird.))


Izzy just sat there, and hugged her knees to her chest. It was almost too much to take in. She saw her family in the entrace hall again, and a shiver went down her back. The air may not have been cold, but Izzy kept feeling this constant chill, almost like a breeze. She noticed a thick blanket that had been set on the back of the couch, and pulled it around herself. She rest her head on her knees, and ttied to think of something else, to get away from the occurances of yesterday.

ToasterKii


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 10:08 am


((Lol... Thats amusing.... But yah, I tend to go to bed at 11 and thats when everyone else is getting off on here, so its perfect for me razz ))

Ryn was moving slowly through the large city, finally having gotten a rough idea of where the Elf was, or at least seemed to normally be. He yawned, his sharp teeth glinting in the light. He was really tired, and his wings hung limply from over use.

Yawning again, he slowly stopped in front of a rather ordinary building, his eyes half closed. He was quite sure that this was the one, as it seemed to be at the very center of the spread out and muddled scent. Slowly he perched himself on the steps across the street, his wings folded around himself, thinking of taking a short nap.
PostPosted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 10:17 am


((Don't worry to much. There are people who aren't role playing with us, so I usually skip their posts for the most part and read the essentials. Only Me, You and Sauron are role playing together I think. I stopped role playing when you left, all I did was make a post for you to have when you got on.))



He was lost in his thoughts as he ran along the pavement, sticking close t the sidewalk to avoid running into anyone that might otherwise cross his path. The sun beat down with little to no mercy. His back was set ablaze as he ran, the means of light from the large star licked t his flesh with a womanly like caress, enabling him to sweat profusely.

Nendirs body was lean and fit. Muscles that now rippled for anyone to see were usually hidden by his Elven armor that he wore. Sure, it looked like a simple attire of robes, but in truth they were as light as a feather, but as protective as what the Mortals called Kevlar, a material that was introduced to them decades before by the High Majesties Council of Arms.

As he ran, the past days events cycled through his head like an open book, but the one page he focused on the most was of Her Majesty. He regretted being so cold to her, but in all truth their separation had torn his heart, and left him less attached than he had been the day he left the palace. Part of his soul clung to her, but that part of him dimmed each day, and even the desire to return to his home was vanishing.

He had been lost in his thoughts when it happened. "Damnit." He cursed aloud and spun on his heels, running back toward his home. The Defender from the village was here, how, why, and was Izzy in any danger? "Izzy!" He called, knowing that she more than likely wouldn't hear his cries. Although Nendir was unarmed physically, didn't mean he couldn't hold his own but he didn't know what to expect from the Defender, ,and that made him the most uneasy.

He had just rounded the corner when he came upon the condo, and to his horror the Defender was standing right outside it's door. "What the hell do you want?" He asked, standing a few feet from him. "Why were you looking for me?" He didn't say us because he didn't want the Defender to know Izzy was inside, considering the fact that he still did not know what the DXefender wanted.

((Left room open for Sauron to come in so he can stop posting filler XD ))

RayneTree

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duckie_mamoru rolled 1 10-sided dice: 6 Total: 6 (1-10)

duckie_mamoru

PostPosted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 10:35 am


Masaru watched him shift and heard a small change in the air. She frowned harder. She hated it when humans tried to decieve her...but what she hated more was that she wasn't completely sure what he had done. She willed her knife to fly to her hand and took up a fighting stance, her official declaration of hostilities. She simultaneously willed her nails into hard, sharp points, ready to attack. She narrowed her eyes at the hand her opponent had hidden behind himself, and concentrated a large amount of her will on sending her knife towards said hand.

[[OOC: Crud, did I just start the first actual fight? I think the front page says I'm supposed to use the 'dice' thing, so I'm going to...roll the 10 sided dice.]]
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06 General Archives (non-RP inactive threads)

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