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 Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2011 7:31 am
-Neurotic-Soul- humble_gypsy_traveller -Neurotic-Soul- humble_gypsy_traveller WHEN WILL THEY RELEASE THE NEW MC'S!!!!!!!!!! Do I seem impatient and intolerant...well...I AM DAMMIT!!!! *smacks her fist on the table* xd I am curious as well... normally I like the October MC's... we will see this year! smile Yeah I tend to get the October MC every year...they have yet to disappoint me. xp Ouch and no use for the MC's this time around for me... - Shakes Fist at gaia and screams D*mn You! - twisted Really? What about Rogue Bravo? I would think it would kinda suit you. I mean no offense...just a suggestion.
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2011 7:35 am
Exxos Camwen They have taken away your hope and any happiness and I rarely actually hate people but I do hate your parents for this. I've said this before but they are not fit to be parents or even considered human for the abuse they have done to you. I constantly wish for you to find a way to get away from them. I cannot even blame them for it, I think. It's not like they were raised in a loving way themselves and they could know better. My family tree is full of a lot of bad people. My family makes mostly monsters or victims. But I am probably just making excuses so I don't get more upset. humble_gypsy_traveller Exxos...first off...your "whining" is not that. I've been going through depression for about four years...and it's pretty much what you described. You have to remember that you do have gifts... My truest gifts I rarely manifest. And they get harder to do so. The joy is gone and the years of their perversion and bending to other's wills has soured them. I can actually say, as someone who has gone through it, that when I try to do certain things, not only do I relive all of the abuse slung at me over it, the guilt of doing things for myself, that they feel something like being raped. Because some of my favorite skills and activities were used by others, perverted and usurped... it feels like a very intimate part of me was violated. It's not as bad as the actual act, but it can have a similar kind of feeling and trauma. I reach for a tool and I get flashes of doubt, panic, anxiety, dirtiness, trauma, terror, and pain. I should not even make the comparison, I always feel bad making it as it is not something to be put out there lightly, but the more I come to terms with it, the more the feeling is disgustingly similar. As for today... My mother got on my case to clean out the dryer vent, my father took it as the perfect time to unleash a torrent of hate, vitriol, and abuse on me... I did not fair well to say the least. Aww I'm sorry hun...*hugs* Well then how long would it be till you could maybe find a place of your own, away from your parents so that you could somewhat find peace? It's a disgrace that parents could be that way.
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2011 8:16 am
gaia_nitemareleft I just got a 10k from the daily chance. emotion_jawdrop gaia_angelright
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2011 8:22 am
Lilygwen gaia_nitemareleft I just got a 10k from the daily chance. emotion_jawdrop gaia_angelright
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2011 8:52 am
Just an Excuse Lilygwen gaia_nitemareleft I just got a 10k from the daily chance. emotion_jawdrop gaia_angelright ooh nice! I was inspired to run over to the daily chance and click on it! Woohoo! an old smelly boot! confused rofl
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2011 9:19 am
Camwen Just an Excuse Lilygwen gaia_nitemareleft I just got a 10k from the daily chance. emotion_jawdrop gaia_angelright ooh nice! I was inspired to run over to the daily chance and click on it! Woohoo! an old smelly boot! confused rofl
I mostly get tokens and bugs. So it was quite a shock.
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2011 9:37 am
humble_gypsy_traveller -Neurotic-Soul- humble_gypsy_traveller -Neurotic-Soul- humble_gypsy_traveller WHEN WILL THEY RELEASE THE NEW MC'S!!!!!!!!!! Do I seem impatient and intolerant...well...I AM DAMMIT!!!! *smacks her fist on the table* xd I am curious as well... normally I like the October MC's... we will see this year! smile Yeah I tend to get the October MC every year...they have yet to disappoint me. xp Ouch and no use for the MC's this time around for me... - Shakes Fist at gaia and screams D*mn You! - twisted Really? What about Rogue Bravo? I would think it would kinda suit you. I mean no offense...just a suggestion. nay not my style. Its neat... but just not for me smile
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2011 3:00 pm
humble_gypsy_traveller Aww I'm sorry hun...*hugs* Well then how long would it be till you could maybe find a place of your own, away from your parents so that you could somewhat find peace? It's a disgrace that parents could be that way. I ended up calling for help last night and going to a counseling center this morning. Long story, short, I got more or less the usual "You're not needy enough, get out and fix it yourself" routine. But I can come back for more counseling and check in for possible openings for assistance. The whole record is being sent over to my VA case worker as well. So altogether it is better than nothing. As for how long, I have no idea. I need health, mobility, and finances first. The problem is that that ends up being a kind of pick one on a triangle chart thing. Though unlikely, I might be able to get medication assistance and my meds go generic in November, so perhaps that might make things easier. But it is still a ways off. I can't see or even envision a good future, it is that far off and I do not have enough good behind me to imagine it, so all I can do is keep going and try to make it come as soon as I get the chance.
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2011 4:09 pm
Exxos humble_gypsy_traveller Aww I'm sorry hun...*hugs* Well then how long would it be till you could maybe find a place of your own, away from your parents so that you could somewhat find peace? It's a disgrace that parents could be that way. I ended up calling for help last night and going to a counseling center this morning. Long story, short, I got more or less the usual "You're not needy enough, get out and fix it yourself" routine. But I can come back for more counseling and check in for possible openings for assistance. The whole record is being sent over to my VA case worker as well. So altogether it is better than nothing. As for how long, I have no idea. I need health, mobility, and finances first. The problem is that that ends up being a kind of pick one on a triangle chart thing. Though unlikely, I might be able to get medication assistance and my meds go generic in November, so perhaps that might make things easier. But it is still a ways off. I can't see or even envision a good future, it is that far off and I do not have enough good behind me to imagine it, so all I can do is keep going and try to make it come as soon as I get the chance. I could be wrong but parts of that sound more optimistic then before. Definitely keep going back to check for openings in assistance. And that's good news on the medication. I hope that does make a difference for you.
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2011 4:31 pm
Exxos humble_gypsy_traveller Aww I'm sorry hun...*hugs* Well then how long would it be till you could maybe find a place of your own, away from your parents so that you could somewhat find peace? It's a disgrace that parents could be that way. I ended up calling for help last night and going to a counseling center this morning. Long story, short, I got more or less the usual "You're not needy enough, get out and fix it yourself" routine. But I can come back for more counseling and check in for possible openings for assistance. The whole record is being sent over to my VA case worker as well. So altogether it is better than nothing. As for how long, I have no idea. I need health, mobility, and finances first. The problem is that that ends up being a kind of pick one on a triangle chart thing. Though unlikely, I might be able to get medication assistance and my meds go generic in November, so perhaps that might make things easier. But it is still a ways off. I can't see or even envision a good future, it is that far off and I do not have enough good behind me to imagine it, so all I can do is keep going and try to make it come as soon as I get the chance. Well at least you have a will to strive on. I use to be in a really bad situation, with no place to live (unless I chose to live with my condecending sister and her partner, which I didn't), with a job (yet I was living in a shelter) and too proud to tell anyone where I was living...that was my situation for three years. Then I finally confided in my social worker and she was able to hook me up with housing through an agency that assists people with disabilities looking for housing. What am I getting to? It may take a while to fight the urge to give up; things right now look bleak...but eventually you will get a break. Just keep pressing on. *hugs*
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2011 4:47 pm
Exxos I cannot even blame them for it, I think. It's not like they were raised in a loving way themselves and they could know better. My family tree is full of a lot of bad people. My family makes mostly monsters or victims. But I am probably just making excuses so I don't get more upset. Their background might help explain why they are like they are but it certainly doesn't excuse it. You were not raised in a loving way either and you didn't turn into a monster. I suppose it's pretty useless to point fingers as it doesn't fix anything - but my point is you shouldn't put blame on yourself.
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2011 5:23 pm
Camwen I could be wrong but parts of that sound more optimistic then before. Heh. sweatdrop I don't do optimism well, so yeah, it comes out tinted with a downer streak. But yeah, I do have a touch of optimism, I think, either that or just the drop in pressure after the events of last night and this morning has my spirit a tiny bit less frazzled. Also through this, I realized how far I have come. My world might be falling apart, but I am healthier, stronger, and more stable than I was. I had to have it put in my face though, someone had to ask all these things and turn around and basically say, "You know you're about 90% better than 6 years ago, right?" And now to make a bad joke. I have caught too many breaks, but they've all been bones, I hope my next big break is in life for the positive... or at least a piece of a kitkat bar. Seeing as it is Hallowe'en season, the kitkat bar is actually the more likely. razz
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2011 6:00 pm
well i have an announcment. =-D.
I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2011 6:25 pm
Lilygwen gaia_nitemareleft I just got a 10k from the daily chance. emotion_jawdrop gaia_angelright Woah! I got 777g once...
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2011 6:26 pm
Teeshann well i have an announcment. =-D. I'M PREGNANT!!!!!! Wow, congratulations!! 3nodding 3nodding heart
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