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 Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 8:09 am
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Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 9:53 am
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Exxos humble_gypsy_traveller Aww...Exxos...you just have to look at your life a little harder...everyone contributes to situations in their lives in their own way. You just have to step back and look at the great things you`ve done, then give yourself a little credit. Remember...life isn`t all about give or take...it`s a bit of both. Right now I`m kinda feeling how you`re feeling (I think) in regards to giving back to my girlfriend for all she`s done for me. My life is on the rocks. I feel lost and hopeless because it seems that life is passing me by and all I am left with is a bleak expanse without a discernible future. A lot of the strength I have had in the past, that I always tended to discount when people told me I had it, has started failing me and I am really feeling it. I used to be able to deal with a lot at once, now a single thing happens and I start breaking down – i.e.; I start losing it within 15 minutes of waking up instead of hours. Then I try to escape into something, anything. I come here and I do not feel comfortable or that I have anything to contribute. I talk with my friends and I do not feel comfortable or that I have anything to contribute. I try to talk about what I am going through but do not want to be "emo" or "depressing" and don't get the support I need when I do break down and just let it out. I try to write or draw or paint and it all comes out garbage and frustrating, awful failures. Plus my parents have seized upon a facet that has been in me for years, comparing me to my friends. How much better they are than me, how much more successful, healthy, accomplished... How they aren't failures... How they can have things I never will. I've always had that jealousy of my friends, that envy... But I always, secretly in my heart, tried to tell myself that, for whatever reason, they wanted me in their lives, no matter how huge a failure I was, so I poured even more into friendships, lost myself even more, and became the wretched thing I am today. I realize that I am a huge failure because I have completely failed myself. As for falling off the wagon, my doctor won't even let me have access to pain killers in more than 10 pills per year, with stipulation that I can get more if I use them for a kidney stone, because I am an addiction and suicide by overdose risk. The chances of me finding my drug of choice is far, far less. But as I deal with the abuse and the depression, I know that no matter how long I stay clean, I'll always be an addict. My body is literally starving for it, demanding it, even though it has been years now. Sorry for blathering on, I should not have said anything or, at the least, put it over in the whining sub-forum.
Exxos...first off...your "whining" is not that. I've been going through depression for about four years...and it's pretty much what you described. You have to remember that you do have gifts...all you have to do is step back and think for a moment about how much good you've brought to people. In a way...it's hard for me too to let my friends in on what I'm going through; because they see me as a happy-go-lucky kind of guy, and also because I'm on gov't assist because my memory is so shitty and my depression is so heavy that I would not be able to hold down a job maybe for more then a week.
Continue to let us know how you're doing...cuz although there's not much physically we can do for you...we can give you advice. For me, this place is actually one of the real places I feel comfortable letting it all out...and it seems that for you and others, it's the same...so please keep letting us know how you're doing and how we can help. *hugs" |
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Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 9:56 am
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Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 9:59 am
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Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 10:59 am
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Exxos humble_gypsy_traveller Aww...Exxos...you just have to look at your life a little harder...everyone contributes to situations in their lives in their own way. You just have to step back and look at the great things you`ve done, then give yourself a little credit. Remember...life isn`t all about give or take...it`s a bit of both. Right now I`m kinda feeling how you`re feeling (I think) in regards to giving back to my girlfriend for all she`s done for me. My life is on the rocks. I feel lost and hopeless because it seems that life is passing me by and all I am left with is a bleak expanse without a discernible future. A lot of the strength I have had in the past, that I always tended to discount when people told me I had it, has started failing me and I am really feeling it. I used to be able to deal with a lot at once, now a single thing happens and I start breaking down – i.e.; I start losing it within 15 minutes of waking up instead of hours. Then I try to escape into something, anything. I come here and I do not feel comfortable or that I have anything to contribute. I talk with my friends and I do not feel comfortable or that I have anything to contribute. I try to talk about what I am going through but do not want to be "emo" or "depressing" and don't get the support I need when I do break down and just let it out. I try to write or draw or paint and it all comes out garbage and frustrating, awful failures. Plus my parents have seized upon a facet that has been in me for years, comparing me to my friends. How much better they are than me, how much more successful, healthy, accomplished... How they aren't failures... How they can have things I never will. I've always had that jealousy of my friends, that envy... But I always, secretly in my heart, tried to tell myself that, for whatever reason, they wanted me in their lives, no matter how huge a failure I was, so I poured even more into friendships, lost myself even more, and became the wretched thing I am today. I realize that I am a huge failure because I have completely failed myself. As for falling off the wagon, my doctor won't even let me have access to pain killers in more than 10 pills per year, with stipulation that I can get more if I use them for a kidney stone, because I am an addiction and suicide by overdose risk. The chances of me finding my drug of choice is far, far less. But as I deal with the abuse and the depression, I know that no matter how long I stay clean, I'll always be an addict. My body is literally starving for it, demanding it, even though it has been years now. Sorry for blathering on, I should not have said anything or, at the least, put it over in the whining sub-forum.
Exxos - In equal parts it breaks my heart and infuriates me what those awful people did to, and continue to do to you. At the very core of who you are is a bright, sensitive, generous person - Extremely creative and with a wicked sense of humor. Someone who is definitely worth knowing and befriending. I can't speak for everyone but I am glad to know you. You have added something to my life even if it's just words over the internet. All this crap you deal with has been done to you. They have taken away your hope and any happiness and I rarely actually hate people but I do hate your parents for this. I've said this before but they are not fit to be parents or even considered human for the abuse they have done to you. I constantly wish for you to find a way to get away from them. |
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Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 11:20 am
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Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 11:21 am
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Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 11:32 am
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Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 2:26 pm
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Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 3:37 pm
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Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 8:28 pm
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Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 10:45 pm
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humble_gypsy_traveller Exxos Allegro Nurse's outfits are not optimal for nut reorganization. Yes, the mini-skirts tend to allow one's nuts to get perpetually re-jumbled as they do not provide proper support and nut discipline. OMG! Exxos! Your look just gave me a GREAT idea for a new look (well a future look) for me!!! You`re soo good!
oh dear. |
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Posted: Sat Oct 15, 2011 3:05 am
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Posted: Sat Oct 15, 2011 3:42 am
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humble_gypsy_traveller Sindeira *looks up with a surprised expression* But- but I wanted to make some s'mores and this fiery inferno's feelin' awfully toasty right about now. Although we simply must spare the berry patch, for its bounty is sweet and irreplaceable, just as every one of us is. This is a place of safety, comfort.. *lifts a gooey marshmallow to her mouth* 'n yummy- 'ummy shmorsh. Sho whatever's on your mind, feel free to pour your heart out while knowing that here you'll be repaid with caring and as much emotional support as we're able to give. *passes out s'mores to everyone with a frowny- face* Won't you smile for us.. ahh, won't you please? Because you're wonderful from the inside out and I don't want any of you to ever forget that. *shoves s'more in her mouth* Ouch hot hot hot!!! xd Sindeira is right...we're all friends here and your problems are our problems. I wish I could do more for those here we hold dearly...but sadly I cannot...though all I can do is offer advice (though I'm still a pup compared to others here mrgreen ). We've all had experiences that we can all relate from...so don't feel that you are alone.
i am going to make and eat SO MANY s'mores when i get back to canada. |
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