| Roll Call |
| *raises hand* "here" |
|
100% |
[ 52 ] |
|
| Total Votes : 52 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 2:31 pm
Deputy Travis Junior: Getting two tickets to an execution is like getting two tickets to NASCAR, except you *know* Jeff Gordon's gonna die.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 2:32 pm
[the cops are in a doctor's office in their underwear]
Doctor: Uh, none of the tests required you to disrobe. I'm not sure why you're all sitting here in your underwear.
Deputy S. Jones: Dangle was in his underwear when we all got here.
Deputy Travis Junior: Yeah, what's the deal, Dangle?
Lt. Jim Dangle: I don't feel the need to explain myself.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 2:33 pm
Lt. Jim Dangle: We have two passes to be witnesses at an execution. I know we all want these, so we're gonna do this the way we generally handle these things and we're gonna have a scavenger hunt.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 2:34 pm
[Jones reads a note in the bag of tacos he and Garcia ordered from a fast food taco joint]
Deputy S. Jones: Officers, there are two armed men inside.
Deputy James Garcia: I hope there are two-armed men in there. One-armed men wouldn't be able to serve tacos.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 2:35 pm
Lt. Jim Dangle: I can't imagine any woman having sex with Garcia. I think it would be really angry, the sex.
Deputy S. Jones: You think so?
Lt. Jim Dangle: Have you ever heard him in the john? It's like Normandy.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 2:36 pm
[after dropping off Jackie, a ditzy hooker, in somebody's front yard, telling her it was a halfway house]
Deputy James Garcia: That's no halfway house. It's halfway between the restaurant I took her to and where I live. That human piece of garbage would make Satan weep. God vomited and there was Jackie.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 2:38 pm
Deputy Trudy Wiegel: If I'm addicted to anything, it's sparklers.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 2:39 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 2:39 pm
[Officer Garcia has been shot]
Deputy James Garcia: Oh, God, call for help.
Deputy Trudy Wiegel: Help. Help.
Deputy James Garcia: Use your goddamn radio.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 2:40 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 2:41 pm
Lt. Jim Dangle: Okay, the FBI agents want one of us to introduce them at the press conference. Who remembers their names?
Deputy James Garcia: Ooh, ooh. Deputy James Garcia.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 2:43 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 2:44 pm
Terry: I heard a rumor.
Deputy Trudy Wiegel: What's that, Ter?
Terry: Mexican werewolves are coming up from Mexico and selling crack.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 2:45 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 2:49 pm
Lt. Jim Dangle: [Die hard Kenny Rogers fans Garcia and Wiegel are assigned to protect Rogers] If I gave a s**t about Kenny Rogers, I would take those two off this assignment.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
