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 Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 1:17 am
Scotty Evil theyre good. ive never heard them before
a kid was walking along the footpath and a car pulled up next to him and the driver leaned over and said "ill give you a bag of lollies if you get in the car."
the boy shakes his head says no and keeps walking.
the car pulls up again and the driver leans over and says "ill give you a bag of lollies and $20 if you get in the car."
the boy shakes his head, says no and keeps walking.
the car pulls up next to him again and the driver leans over to him, about to speak.
the boy, fed up now, turns to the car and says "listen dad, its not my fault you bought a volvo." amusing but i dont get it xd
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Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 1:18 am
voxule An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman go into a pub. Each orders a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and land-- one, two, three-- in each of the pints.
The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another... the Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.
The Irishman reaches in to the glass, grabs the fly between his fingers and shakes him as hard as he can, shouting 'Spit it out, ya bloody b*****d! Spit it out!'
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Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 1:18 am
Scotty Evil theyre good. ive never heard them before
a kid was walking along the footpath and a car pulled up next to him and the driver leaned over and said "ill give you a bag of lollies if you get in the car."
the boy shakes his head says no and keeps walking.
the car pulls up again and the driver leans over and says "ill give you a bag of lollies and $20 if you get in the car."
the boy shakes his head, says no and keeps walking.
the car pulls up next to him again and the driver leans over to him, about to speak.
the boy, fed up now, turns to the car and says "listen dad, its not my fault you bought a volvo."
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Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 1:19 am
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Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 1:19 am
There are three guys drinking in a pub, when another man comes in and
starts drinking at the bar. After a while, he approaches the group of
lads and pointing at the one in the middle shouts, "I've shagged your
mum!"
The three guys look bewildered as the man resumes his drinking at the
bar. Ten minutes later he comes back. "Your mum's sucked my c**k!"
The same thing happens - he then continues to drink, alone at the bar.
Ten minutes later he's back again and announces, "Oi! I've had your
mum up the arse!"
By now the young guys have had enough and the one in the middle can't
take it any more. He stands up and shouts, "Look dad, you're drunk,
now piss off home!"
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Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 1:19 am
XxDARTH RIVLENxX Scotty Evil theyre good. ive never heard them before
a kid was walking along the footpath and a car pulled up next to him and the driver leaned over and said "ill give you a bag of lollies if you get in the car."
the boy shakes his head says no and keeps walking.
the car pulls up again and the driver leans over and says "ill give you a bag of lollies and $20 if you get in the car."
the boy shakes his head, says no and keeps walking.
the car pulls up next to him again and the driver leans over to him, about to speak.
the boy, fed up now, turns to the car and says "listen dad, its not my fault you bought a volvo." amusing but i dont get it xd
i think its only an aussie joke.
volvo is a brand of car, that no one likes.
where do women have short, black, curly hair?
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Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 1:21 am
Scotty Evil
i think its only an aussie joke.
volvo is a brand of car, that no one likes.
where do women have short, black, curly hair?
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Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 1:22 am
Black Beard the infamous pirate and his crew came to port. They went
on shore leave in a bar near the docks.
While he was serving drinks, the barman got talking to the pirate.
"Where'd you get that peg leg from?"
"Well, Oi was thrown from me ship during gale force winds, and before
me mate could throw me a line, this big ol' shark came along and bit
me leg clean orf. Har."
Later the barman asked, "And where'd you get that hook, then?"
"Ah, me crew and I were fighting our way through to the treasury and
me arm got cut through the bone in a sword fight with the Captain of
the Guard."
Then the barman asked, "And where'd you get the eye patch from?"
"Har," the pirate said, "I was out on deck one day and a gull flew
over and crapped in me eye."
The barman was puzzled. "How would a gull crapping in your eye make
you wear an eye patch?"
"First day with the hook, har har."
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Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 1:23 am
voxule There are three guys drinking in a pub, when another man comes in and
starts drinking at the bar. After a while, he approaches the group of
lads and pointing at the one in the middle shouts, "I've shagged your
mum!"
The three guys look bewildered as the man resumes his drinking at the
bar. Ten minutes later he comes back. "Your mum's sucked my c**k!"
The same thing happens - he then continues to drink, alone at the bar.
Ten minutes later he's back again and announces, "Oi! I've had your
mum up the arse!"
By now the young guys have had enough and the one in the middle can't
take it any more. He stands up and shouts, "Look dad, you're drunk,
now piss off home!"
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Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 1:24 am
voxule Black Beard the infamous pirate and his crew came to port. They went
on shore leave in a bar near the docks.
While he was serving drinks, the barman got talking to the pirate.
"Where'd you get that peg leg from?"
"Well, Oi was thrown from me ship during gale force winds, and before
me mate could throw me a line, this big ol' shark came along and bit
me leg clean orf. Har."
Later the barman asked, "And where'd you get that hook, then?"
"Ah, me crew and I were fighting our way through to the treasury and
me arm got cut through the bone in a sword fight with the Captain of
the Guard."
Then the barman asked, "And where'd you get the eye patch from?"
"Har," the pirate said, "I was out on deck one day and a gull flew
over and crapped in me eye."
The barman was puzzled. "How would a gull crapping in your eye make
you wear an eye patch?"
"First day with the hook, har har."
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Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 1:24 am
This bloke decides to throw a party and invites lots of people,
telling them to bring their friends too. On the invitation he puts:
"Fancy dress party - come as a human emotion."
On the night of the party the first guest arrives and he opens the
door to see a bloke covered in green paint with the words N and V
painted on his chest.
"Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?" the hosts asks.
"I'm green with envy," the guy answers.
"Brilliant, come on in and have a drink," replies the host.
A few minutes later the next guest arrives and the host opens the door
to see a woman covered in a pink bodystocking with a feather boa
wrapped round her most intimate parts.
"Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?" he asks.
"I'm tickled pink."
"I love it, come on in and join the party."
A couple of minutes later the doorbell goes for the third time and the
host opens the door to see two Jamaican guys, stark-bollock
naked, one with his p***s stuck in a bowl of custard and other with
his p***s stuck in a pear.
The host is really shocked and says, "******** me, you could get arrested
out on the street like that. What the hell are you supposed to be?"
The first guy replies (in a strong West Indian accent), "Well, ******** disgusted and my friend here has come in despair.''
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Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 1:28 am
*didnt get voxes last joke* emo
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Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 1:28 am
voxule Scotty Evil
i think its only an aussie joke.
volvo is a brand of car, that no one likes.
where do women have short, black, curly hair?
fiji.
HAHAHAHA FIRST DAY WITH THE HOOK! THAT IS EXCELLENT
a chinese man, an american and an australian are on a plane.
suddenly they hit HECTIC turbulence and the pilot reveals that the plane is about to crash.
so the chinese man and the american and australian somehow survive and are stranded on a desert island.
the aussie, being the intelligent one (lol) organised the three of them "right me and the yank will go get wood for the fire, and you chinese man, can be in charge of the supplies."
so they set off.
the american and the aussie are back quite quickly with wood and then set up the fire. its dark by now, and they are worried about the chinese man, so they go to look for him.
the push into the jungle and push back a branch. the chinese man jumps out and yells "SUPPLIES!"
(it works better if you say it out loud, but its still a goodie)
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Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 1:30 am
Scotty Evil voxule Scotty Evil
i think its only an aussie joke.
volvo is a brand of car, that no one likes.
where do women have short, black, curly hair?
fiji.
HAHAHAHA FIRST DAY WITH THE HOOK! THAT IS EXCELLENT
a chinese man, an american and an australian are on a plane.
suddenly they hit HECTIC turbulence and the pilot reveals that the plane is about to crash.
so the chinese man and the american and australian somehow survive and are stranded on a desert island.
the aussie, being the intelligent one (lol) organised the three of them "right me and the yank will go get wood for the fire, and you chinese man, can be in charge of the supplies."
so they set off.
the american and the aussie are back quite quickly with wood and then set up the fire. its dark by now, and they are worried about the chinese man, so they go to look for him.
the push into the jungle and push back a branch. the chinese man jumps out and yells "SUPPLIES!"
(it works better if you say it out loud, but its still a goodie)
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Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 1:30 am
Scotty Evil no silly.
fiji.
HAHAHAHA FIRST DAY WITH THE HOOK! THAT IS EXCELLENT
a chinese man, an american and an australian are on a plane.
suddenly they hit HECTIC turbulence and the pilot reveals that the plane is about to crash.
so the chinese man and the american and australian somehow survive and are stranded on a desert island.
the aussie, being the intelligent one (lol) organised the three of them "right me and the yank will go get wood for the fire, and you chinese man, can be in charge of the supplies."
so they set off.
the american and the aussie are back quite quickly with wood and then set up the fire. its dark by now, and they are worried about the chinese man, so they go to look for him.
the push into the jungle and push back a branch. the chinese man jumps out and yells "SUPPLIES!"
(it works better if you say it out loud, but its still a goodie)
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