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 Posted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 7:50 pm
Ah, the dreaded question. He hadn't really illustrated what he had done since she had 'died.' Damian was afraid she would be ashamed, or angry... but honesty was going to be just one thing he would give her from now on. There was just no reason to keep secrets.
"Well, to be honest, everything was very... very personal." A slow beginning to be sure, but he could ease everything out slowly.
As he gently took a wine glass from her hand, Damian looked her in the eye.
"Don't be alarmed, but I was severely depressed while you were gone. I didn't pull myself out of it until quite recently."
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Posted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 8:02 pm
Raquel looked him head in the eye though they did not change. This would have usually been considered odd if she hadn't been gone so long.
"...D-...did you-...?" She wasn't sure what she was asking really, and in all honesty she was quite scared to find out....
Perhaps she was just worried he had almsot given up on everything not just on her coming back...
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 8:15 pm
"They told me you had died. That they had found you..." Damian set the glass down. True, they'd been over some details, but things were still foggy. He needed to clarify everything that had happened, and hoped she would let him say everything without interruption.
"Remember when I told you that I wanted to found a shelter for women who had such difficult lives, like you did? You always asked me why you were different than all of them... but all those women who had no help have help, because I did found that shelter. It's Haven House, but I'll tell you of that later..."
Damian took up her hands. Maybe he feared she would run from him, or disappear. He just needed her there by touch.
"Not a day went by that I didn't think of how many times I could have told you that I loved you, or where I didn't see something and thought of you. I started drinking, but stopped when I realized that Richard and Lorey hadn't abandoned me, or Nat and Teagan. Especially when Lorey found out she was pregnant." Damian's eyes began misting up as his throat tensed.
"I started doting on Trinity like she was my child and stayed a recluse for the most part. I began wearing suits every day, as I used to. Reverted to luxury living to the extreme and became indifferent to those who were not close to me. I moved here when the old house became more of a living tomb for me. Too many memories... But I never imagined you would come back. Never. I had resigned myself to a life that depended on money and giving it to others, just for that spark of life knowing I had saved someone else's."
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Posted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 8:56 pm
There was a lump in Raquel's throat as her own eyes began tearing up, her lips slightly parted but no noise coming from them as she simply looked at her love, processing it all.
"..." She let her gaze fall moment, knowing it took a lot for him to just pour that out to her. She felt slightly guilty then that she hadn't gone into what happened to her, but now she was more worried it would upset him too greatly. "Damian..." She breathed still just...overwhelmed at what he had been through.
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 9:04 pm
He silenced any more words with a kiss. It was a lot to throw at her, he knew, and regretted not holding more of it back.
"It is over now. You're here, and that is what is most important to me. Tell me anything. It is unfair for me to do all the talking..."
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Posted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 9:46 pm
Raquel's face was solemn, even with the kiss. She furrowed her brow, looking away a moment, as if trying to figure out where to begin. "Well...." She took a deep breath. "...When I was in school..The amaranthines had approached me multiple times, though it was never threatening like the night they hurt you... Really it was only amethyst for awhile...she was kind to me...and apologized on behalf of Andrew.... She told me they thought I Was special..." She pulled away from Damian's grasp just for a moment, though felt the strange coldness that took over when she wasnt touching him.
"When we hit that rough patch? When I almost left?" She breathed softly, not wanting to think of such bad memories. "They had sensed my extreme anger and confusion..... I hadn't told you...but my headaches and dreams...they were becoming quite worse.... I think that was one reason i was so cross with you... other than you being an a** of course..." She smiled softly and apologetically as she chuckled lightly, reaching out to touch his face as she set down the glasses again.
"They...helped me.... I dont really know how...but it was some sort of therapy that was supposed to help me gain control over my emotions." She racked her brain for memories.
"But...They didnt just want to help me...they wanted soemthing from me...." She sighed rubbing her temples. "They wanted me to come away with them like they did before when they came to our old home..." She continued. "And I almost went..." She swallowed, and looked back up at him. "But thats when we started to mend our relationship...things were looking good, and I seemed to have a handle on myself some more...so the Amaranthine told me they're offer stood and they'd leave me to make my decision.
By the time I graduated, We were so ...happy.... I felt...as if things were settling down...and maybe we could even finally get married and feel confident we were ready..." She smiled, her eyes closing for a moment. "But I wanted to make sure they wouldn't come after me anymore...I wanted to tell them i appreciated what they had done but i didn't want to join them..... Thats where I went that day... I-...I didn't know I wouldn't be coming back..."
She swallowed hard her eyes watering.
"I Was tricked....and overwhelmed....there was a p***k and I couldn't make out words or voices, everything got dark and heavy and i felt drugged...all I could think about was you." She looked up at him. "I was...I Was so scared Damian.... I've never...felt that vulnerable and helpless....It was as if ...something in me had been manually turned off and i was scared. I kept thinking I'd find a way to get word o you but when i awoke after being blacked out--" She stopped, not noticing the tears running down her face as memories of filthy medical instruments and harsh words were whispered, all flashing through her head incoherently. Her tears were slightly blue, though not as dark as before as she suddenly let out a gasp and cry. She crumbled to her knees, apologizing under her breath, muttering profanities as her back just suddenly started hurting terribly. "Ah-God-" She inhaled sharply, wanting to have finished her story but seemed to have gotten to worked up over it all...
"i'm sorry...I dont know- AH-" She grimaced as she glanced over her shoulder to see if her bandage was bleeding through for is sure as hell felt like it.
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 4:05 pm
He had heard some of it before, but still listened to everything she had to say. Something had to be done... wherever the awful couple was, they had to be stopped or brought to justice, even if it meant Damian putting a well-deserved bullet to Andrew. He couldn't promise that he wouldn't.
But when she began crying, and when she fell, Damian was there to catch her. He cradled her to the couch and cursed under his breath. This never seemed to end...
"Darling... darling, tell me what hurts. Tell me what I can do to make this better."
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Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 5:24 pm
"N-no...No I'm...fine..." She breathed, still hunched over a little as she seemed to just stare intensely at the couch. "Damian..." She sighed, trying to calm herself back down, which seemed to help the pain. It seemed to be triggered by her getting to emotional, which scared her.
"...What they did...." She began though had to pause to take a few dep breaths to keep herself calm. "....I still have nightmares over, Damian..." She looked up at him again. "There were...these- ...tests. painful injections which did who knows what to me...half the time I blacked out... others I wanted to but was given no such mercy on my self...." She took a deep breath and tilted her head down, pulling her hair to one side to reveal numerous tiny scars and slight discoloration behind her ear.
She swallowed hard, sitting back up straight to look at him. "I was positive I was going to die but...Amethyst told me it was all for my benefit... I Dont know how or what they did to me Damian...All I know was that I was in Hell for those months and prayed that when I went under at times...that I wouldn't wake up...." Her eyes held a strong hurt and pain and deep fear, but they stayed the same lovely green.
"Amethyst like I said, got me out of there...and I still dont know why or what the point of it all was... Damian... Dammit...." She tried to keep from crying again,her hands on his squeezing tightly as the pain started back up.
"I feel .... the same... except as if something big is missing. Its like I'm me...but I'm not... Theres just this empty...nothing inside me and ... I'm scared.." She locked eyes with him to add depth to the word, finding she was even trembling slightly from everything.
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 5:39 pm
Oh, yes. If he saw them again, there would be bloodshed and this time it would not be his own.
Damian took her face in his hands and made her look at him.
"We will fill that space up. I wish I could undo all of this... but we cannot, and now we must heal what has been done. We will fill that space up with happy memories and help you be that vivacious woman I knew before all this happened..."
He kissed every fingertip he could find intertwined in his own. Her pain was his, and he would do all he could to end it.
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Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:47 pm
Raquel sighed, eyes closed as she pressed her forehead against his. "...Why Damian? Why are we always the ones ripped down and apart? Why cant we be happy for ...for 2 minutes....without some disaster unfolding?" She questioned, eyes still shut tightly. "I'm...just so tired..."
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:54 pm
"I know, I know..." Damian's hand reached out around the back of her head so he could stroke her hair lightly. Life had not been kind to either of them. While he could think of this as penance for how he had spent his years before Raquel, she had done nothing to deserve any of this. It made him hate life and yet love it for all he had been given.
"I am tired, too. So tired, but this place is our haven... It has been mine for these past few months, and now it is yours forever. We are safe. We are all safe, and our friends and family will help us stay that way."
Druis had a wonderful effect on Lorey and Richard, and Nat especially. Now it was time for the clean air to wash away their damage as well.
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Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 7:26 pm
Raquel took a deep breath and adjusted herself so she could lean into him a bit more securely. "Yeah...yeah...this is...this is home..." She sighed again, trying on the word for size. Though really when she thought about home, she didnt think about any specific house, nor luxury nor furnishings... when she thought of home, Raquel saw Damian. She felt his touch, heard his voice and she knew... she knew she was home....
"...Right here...." She hugged him. "..This....is home..." She changed the emphasis to make her point, closing her eyes a bit more relaxed now.
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 7:34 pm
"Then we have both come home today..." He did his best to not to hurt her as he put his arms about her waist and shoulders. They could sleep soon, and move only if Raquel wanted to make the walk upstairs once more. For now, he would make her feel secure and loved by doing simple things. They'd been missing the basics for so long...
"We can hold off on seeing everyone if you like. Now is our time. You make your decisions now, darling, and everything will follow..."
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Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 7:38 pm
"I cant just hide away darling..." She whispered, finally calming down more. Though i'd like to... she told herself, kissing his chest lightly. "I need to attempt to get back to normality as quickly as I can while still taking it easy..." She sighed, letting one kiss linger as she thought.
"...God...I'm sorry...this is just surreal for me... to be here touching you...feeling your skin..smelling you and hearing your voice...its just..." She didnt have to finish her thought. She knew Damian felt the same.
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 7:45 pm
Indeed, he understood quite well. It was like he had been living in a dark cell, and suddenly the light broke through a window in brilliant beams. It was so painfully sudden, cherished, yet he wished he could take it all in slow doses just to get used to it once more.
"I had no idea that you would come home to me, that we would even see let alone make love to one another again. I think we may have rushed things along."
He smiled just a little and kissed her. They had always rushed things for fear of losing one another. They had already done that, though, and in more ways than one. What was there to fear now?
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