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 Posted: Wed Jul 07, 2010 10:13 pm
kouri-chan_xx monajm500 im just going to use an old character from the last rp guild i was in razz As Mon flew though the air making the hand signs for his finishing justu with his golems attacking Rie's shield with no prevail when mon hit something it was his floating island that he had summoned at the begining of the battle and he fell to the ground and the three tails took over his body slowly growing his smaller shell, his skin starting to change in to a reptiles and growing his first tail as it smashed the ground around him
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Posted: Wed Jul 07, 2010 11:20 pm
Here goes, I hope I'm doing this correctly. My characters name is Tasanimaru Zetzugi.
RP Sample:
Tasanimaru's shimmering blue eyes fully expressed how he felt towards his opponent. The way his brow forcefully lowered over his eye sockets and how he tightly squinted, giving him a clear picture of his target.
"You ready?" he grunts lifting the weapon above his head in a cocked position.
Before giving his opponent any time to respond, Tasanimaru chucks the weapon at the man, almost instantaneously making contact, making a loud *GLSSSH* sound as the water balloon explodes all over his fathers face.
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kouri-chan_xx Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Jul 08, 2010 8:17 am
monajm500 kouri-chan_xx monajm500 im just going to use an old character from the last rp guild i was in razz As Mon flew though the air making the hand signs for his finishing justu with his golems attacking Rie's shield with no prevail when mon hit something it was his floating island that he had summoned at the begining of the battle and he fell to the ground and the three tails took over his body slowly growing his smaller shell, his skin starting to change in to a reptiles and growing his first tail as it smashed the ground around him
I'm pretty sure your sample can be cut up into 2-3 sentences. That sentence is actually a bit too long...
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Posted: Thu Jul 08, 2010 8:24 am
Lymrik Here goes, I hope I'm doing this correctly. My characters name is Tasanimaru Zetzugi. RP Sample: Tasanimaru's shimmering blue eyes fully expressed how he felt towards his opponent. The way his brow forcefully lowered over his eye sockets and how he tightly squinted, giving him a clear picture of his target. "You ready?" he grunts lifting the weapon above his head in a cocked position. Before giving his opponent any time to respond, Tasanimaru chucks the weapon at the man, almost instantaneously making contact, making a loud *GLSSSH* sound as the water balloon explodes all over his fathers face.
Pass wink
Note that we use past tense instead of present tense though.
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kouri-chan_xx Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Jul 08, 2010 11:00 am
kouri-chan_xx monajm500 kouri-chan_xx monajm500 im just going to use an old character from the last rp guild i was in razz As Mon flew though the air making the hand signs for his finishing justu with his golems attacking Rie's shield with no prevail. when mon hit something, it was his floating island that he had summoned at the begining of the battle. then as he fell to the ground the three tails took over his body slowly growing his smaller shell, his skin starting to change in to a reptiles and growing his first tail as it smashed the ground around him.
I'm pretty sure your sample can be cut up into 2-3 sentences. That sentence is actually a bit too long...lol sorry i thought u ment just longer i didnt really see the differance razz
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Posted: Sat Jul 10, 2010 11:13 am
monajm500 kouri-chan_xx monajm500 kouri-chan_xx monajm500 im just going to use an old character from the last rp guild i was in razz As Mon flew though the air making the hand signs for his finishing justu with his golems attacking Rie's shield with no prevail. when mon hit something, it was his floating island that he had summoned at the begining of the battle. then as he fell to the ground the three tails took over his body slowly growing his smaller shell, his skin starting to change in to a reptiles and growing his first tail as it smashed the ground around him.
I'm pretty sure your sample can be cut up into 2-3 sentences. That sentence is actually a bit too long...lol sorry i thought u ment just longer i didnt really see the differance razz
It's a lot more readable now. It's still a bit too short though. Could you just make it a teeny bit longer? wink Also, I'm really sorry for the wait.
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kouri-chan_xx Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Jul 10, 2010 3:40 pm
AS mon was being punched in the face from what it seemed like no were he thought why did i accept this demon it has only given me hate for power should i just die for my friends. (Ries part) Rie picks up Mons wife and yells you shouldn't have resisted Rie smashed her head) Mon got angry as tears came to his eyes and decided this killed her but she wont die in vain. As Mon flew though the air making the hand signs for his finishing justu with his golems attacking Rie's shield with no prevail. when mon hit something, it was his floating island that he had summoned at the begining of the battle. then as he fell to the ground the three tails took over his body slowly growing his smaller shell, his skin starting to change in to a reptiles and growing his first tail as it smashed the ground around him.
better?
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Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2010 8:44 am
monajm500 AS mon was being punched in the face from what it seemed like no were he thought why did i accept this demon it has only given me hate for power should i just die for my friends. (Ries part) Rie picks up Mons wife and yells you shouldn't have resisted Rie smashed her head) Mon got angry as tears came to his eyes and decided this killed her but she wont die in vain. As Mon flew though the air making the hand signs for his finishing justu with his golems attacking Rie's shield with no prevail. when mon hit something, it was his floating island that he had summoned at the begining of the battle. then as he fell to the ground the three tails took over his body slowly growing his smaller shell, his skin starting to change in to a reptiles and growing his first tail as it smashed the ground around him. better?
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kouri-chan_xx Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2010 5:44 pm
It was never a strange occurrence to see a group of students lined up just outside of Otogakure's school, listening to a teacher rattle on about discipline and responsibility. The lessons were perfectly valid and extremely useful to the childrens' futures, but neither were particularly of interest to a collection of kids barely old enough to fend for themselves for a few hours. If one were to pass by this scene on this particular day, however, they would be compelled to think the sight rather peculiar.
Among the ranks of boys and girls being lectured, stood a a dark haired little thing, smaller than the majority of her classmates and counterparts, which made it all the more easier to do what she was doing without provoking the attention of the instructor. At the back of the rows of kids, the strangest of sights, a girl, dancing to a fictional beat while her teacher ranted, and her friends paid the utmost attention for fear of scolding or reprimanding. She gently padded away, almost strutting were it not for the fact that she never budged from her spot.
Her rhythmic stomp was abnormally quiet as she even spun a full 360, her arms pulled in tight across her chest to keep them from swinging and giving her away. At the other end of the crowd, words like "pay attention" and "your future" were being beamed at the students, but Katsuki had no intention of listening to a lecture the whole class has heard a handful of times. This went on throughout the entire lecture until finally, the front of the line started moving inside, class would start for real, and Katsuki would have to wait for the rest of the day to be her own person again . . . it was time to learn.
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Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2010 6:38 pm
-Ductape_Bandit- It was never a strange occurrence to see a group of students lined up just outside of Otogakure's school, listening to a teacher rattle on about discipline and responsibility. The lessons were perfectly valid and extremely useful to the childrens' futures, but neither were particularly of interest to a collection of kids barely old enough to fend for themselves for a few hours. If one were to pass by this scene on this particular day, however, they would be compelled to think the sight rather peculiar.
Among the ranks of boys and girls being lectured, stood a a dark haired little thing, smaller than the majority of her classmates and counterparts, which made it all the more easier to do what she was doing without provoking the attention of the instructor. At the back of the rows of kids, the strangest of sights, a girl, dancing to a fictional beat while her teacher ranted, and her friends paid the utmost attention for fear of scolding or reprimanding. She gently padded away, almost strutting were it not for the fact that she never budged from her spot.
Her rhythmic stomp was abnormally quiet as she even spun a full 360, her arms pulled in tight across her chest to keep them from swinging and giving her away. At the other end of the crowd, words like "pay attention" and "your future" were being beamed at the students, but Katsuki had no intention of listening to a lecture the whole class has heard a handful of times. This went on throughout the entire lecture until finally, the front of the line started moving inside, class would start for real, and Katsuki would have to wait for the rest of the day to be her own person again . . . it was time to learn. Pass
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Posted: Wed Jul 14, 2010 12:06 pm
Yin was now leaning against a wall growing tired of all the talking going on around him. Their was the voices then the endless debate it all was so annoying to him. He missed the good old days having a disagreement meant combat and as both sides fought each side could show their belief and conviction in their idea's by showing the power of ones abilities and intelligence in ones skill. Yin felt it was to easy to be dishonest a persons true intentions are always shown by how they fought and Yin was a strong believer in this method of argument resolution. Instead he had put himself against this wall and put up with this annoying conversation and argument over what to have for dinner yes the good old days were so much better.
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Posted: Wed Jul 14, 2010 6:09 pm
Yin voidblade Yin was now leaning against a wall growing tired of all the talking going on around him. Their was the voices then the endless debate it all was so annoying to him. He missed the good old days having a disagreement meant combat and as both sides fought each side could show their belief and conviction in their idea's by showing the power of ones abilities and intelligence in ones skill. Yin felt it was to easy to be dishonest a persons true intentions are always shown by how they fought and Yin was a strong believer in this method of argument resolution. Instead he had put himself against this wall and put up with this annoying conversation and argument over what to have for dinner yes the good old days were so much better. Your grammar and writing style are fine. The length is great too, this would be a pass, however, I need some action in an Rp sample. XP
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Posted: Wed Jul 14, 2010 6:25 pm
((not a problem some action then anything else just comment.))
Yin sighed at the moment still somewhat annoyed and pushed off from the wall sliding forward towards a window he flipped forward latching onto the opening with his left hand and flipped himself through the opening with out much concern enjoying the moment he lunched a pencil as he went out towards the window however messing the opening causing it to bounce off the edge and smack him in the face as he landed. He quickly decided to quickly escape the view of everyone before anyone noticed his mistake at high speed.
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Posted: Wed Jul 14, 2010 9:53 pm
Yin voidblade ((not a problem some action then anything else just comment.)) Yin sighed at the moment still somewhat annoyed and pushed off from the wall sliding forward towards a window he flipped forward latching onto the opening with his left hand and flipped himself through the opening with out much concern enjoying the moment he lunched a pencil as he went out towards the window however messing the opening causing it to bounce off the edge and smack him in the face as he landed. He quickly decided to quickly escape the view of everyone before anyone noticed his mistake at high speed. Punctuation definitely needs work, without it I was utterly confused about what happened in the post. There were also a few misspellings that were misleading such as lunched vs. launched, and messing vs. missing.
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Posted: Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:04 pm
((It was a quickly put together post since you wanted some action. Did not give it the attention I normally try to do. My fault for quickly posting something and then leaving with out a double check.
If you want something more then by all means tell me since that part was a bit vague in your response. As for me I will be getting some sleep now. Whatever happens next will have to wait for me tell some time tomorrow. Cheers ))
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