Welcome to Gaia! ::

Just like Chuck Norris.

Not to sound like a total smart a**, but the roster has your character's team.

According to the Roster your character is an inactive member of X-Force due to your hiatus. when you start posting again he will go to active.

heh chuck norris....

anyways... I started jogging daily *claps* it's usually not too much but it's still jogging which is better than nothing.

Its to 1) lose weight 2) keepy my endurance up in the off season and 3) lose weight...

yeah..... *triest to kill insecurites* maybe poison will work!

CHUCK NORRIS! must unload all jokes at once to stop overload!:

(you asked for it)

The only thing Chuck Norris ever lost was his virginity

Every year, in accordance with the Make a Wish Foundation, Chuck Norris uses a terminally ill child as a football to kick a Super Bowl winning field goal. Norris is both making and granting the wishes.

Chuck Norris' family crest is a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong.

When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, it shatters because it is scared shitless.

Chuck Norris was one of many strangers David Blaine came up to and asked "Hi, do you have a minute." Chuck Norris thought this was an attempt to get him alone and kicked the s**t out of David Blaine and stole his deck of cards after.

The commercial says that after taking Viagra, if you have an erection lasting longer than four hours, you should see a doctor. Chuck Norris was too embarassed to go to the doctor, so he instead roundhouse kicked his own p***s off and it became what is now known as Pikes Peak.

All restaurants are free "all you can eat buffet" for Chuck Norris because no one dare to ask him to pay.

Chuck Norris is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple.

Chuck Norris was forced to get a vasectomy after 20,000 suits of child support were filed against him. The doctors were forced to use hedgeclippers.

Chuck Norris eats sheet metal and s**t's out mid-sized SUVs.

If Chuck Norris does not wake up with a big pair of titties in hand then thirty necks must be broken for it to be a good day anyway.
Chuck Norris eats Viagra only so that he can have an extra loaded weapon on him at all times.

Chuck Norris is currently filing suit against God for identity theft.

Viagra is extracted from Chuck Norris' beard.

During a ten-year retreat to the jungles of Asia, Chuck Norris came across two panda bears unable to conceive a cub. Being the humanitarian that he is, Chuck stepped in as surrogate mother for the pandas. Exactly nine months later the cub was analy birthed, but not breathing. Chuck tore open and ate the placenta and delivered the roundhouse kick of life to the cub's chest, starting its heart. Unfortunately his appetite for baby took over and he devoured the cub whole. Norris then looked at the pandas and said, "It's simple Reganomics", and and walked home.

Chuck Norris is the first black man to have white skin and red hair.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

Chuck Noris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the ******** down.

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the
show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's ******** beef.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.

Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, "I believe... I should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my toughness and pride." Arnie says, "I believe... that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements." God then turns to Chuck Norris, who replies with, "I believe... you are sitting in my seat."

Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Most men are OK with their wives fantasizing about Chuck Norris during sex, because they are doing the same thing.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is Courage?" Chuck Norris received an "A+" for writing only the words "Chuck Norris" and promptly turning in the paper.

We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the ******** he wants.

At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his p***s.

They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Niether does Chuck Norris. He doesn't have to.

Geico saved 15% by switching to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself... The only thing fear has to fear is Chuck Norris.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris once went on Celebrity Jeopardy and answered, "Who is Chuck Norris?" to every question. It was the first and only time in Jeopardy history that a contestant answered every single question right.

Whenever Chuck Norris's wife asks him nicely to do the dishes, he throws them in the garbage and tells her she looks fat.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

Chuck Norris refers to himself in fourth person.

Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Chuck Norris enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants. Scientists have yet to find out how this feat is achieved.

If you see Chuck Norris crying he will grant you a wish, if your wish is dying.

If you come home to find Chuck Norris doing your wife, it's probably best to go fetch a glass of water and stand there in case Chuck gets thirsty. There ain't no future in any other course of action.

Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.

Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.

Chuck Norris ends every relationship with "Its not me, its you".

The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type "Chuck Norris" into Google and hit "I'm Feeling Lucky!"

Chuck Norris got in touch with his feminine side, and promptly got her pregnant.

In order to survive a nuclear attack, you must remember to stop, drop, and be Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the s**t out of little kids.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Whenever someone is constipated, doctors send them to Chuck Norris so he can scare the s**t out of them.

When the Incredible Hulk gets angry he transforms into Chuck Norris.

Contrary to popular belief, George Bush is a great speaker and rarely mispronounces words. He appears incompetent because he knows Chuck Norris is watching.

Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when Chuck Norris is going to kill you.

Chuck Norris never gets brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back the ******** off.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan.

When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

Chuck Norris' sperm can penetrate 13 condoms, the birth control pill, a brick wall, and the 1975 Pittsburgh Steelers offensive line in order to impregnate a woman.

Chuck Norris does not have pubic hair, he has a groin beard.

Chuck Norris was sending an email one day, when he realized that it would be faster to run.

Everyone has a skeleton in their closet. Chuck Norris has 7,483.

When Chuck Norris laughs too hard while drinking milk, he accidently shits a cow.

One time in an airport a guy accidently called Chuck Norris "Chick Norris". He explained it was an honest mistake and apologized profusely. Chuck accepted his apology and politley signed an autograph. Nine months later, the guy's wife gave birth to a bearded baby. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but himself.

God created heaven and earth, he then created man. Man overpopulated the earth, so, God created Chuck Norris.

Jesus's Birthday isn't December 25 but Chuck Norris once sent him a birthday card for that day, Jesus was too scared to tell Chuck the truth. Thats why we celebrate Christmas

Chuck Norris' only pick up line is him snapping his fingers, pointing at a girl, and then pointing to his bulge. Chuck Norris gets it all the time.

Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.

Chuck Norris once fought a bear simply because it dared to grow more body hair than Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.

Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

Heart disease may be the new leading cause of death in women age 45 to 65, but Chuck Norris is still the leading cause of death in men age 0 to 125.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Chuck Norris has never had an alcohol problem. However, alcohol has had a Chuck Norris problem.

Women never say no to Chuck Norris. Even if they don't want to, they know its eventually gonna happen.

If Chuck Norris were an Olympic athlete, the Olympics would be canceled. Every four years they would just mail Chuck Norris his 237 gold medals.

Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

The first lunar eclipse took place after Chuck Norris challenged the sun to a staring contest.

Chuck Norris always wins.

Switzerland isn't really neutral. They just haven't figured out what side Chuck Norris is on yet.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris does /not leave messages. Chuck Norris leaves warnings.

Chuck Norris uses all seven letters in Scrabble... Every turn.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.

Oxygen requires Chuck Norris to live.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a midget and it burst into 25 gold coins.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck
Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

Women don't fantasize about Chuck Norris. They think back.

Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the ******** Chuck Norris is.

Chuck Norris always gets blackjack. Even when he's playing poker.

Chuck Norris took the Blue Pill and still found out the truth.

When Chuck Norris enters a night club, he instantly becomes the life of the party. An instant is roughly how long it takes Chuck Norris to kill a room full of people.

Chuck Norris is niether male nor female, his gender is in fact, Chuck Norris.

chuck Norris beat up MacGyver using only a paper clip, a rubber band, and a pinecone.

Chuck Norris is why you can't run with scissors.

Megahertz describes two things: computer speed and Chuck Norris' fist.

Chuck Norris isn't God, but he beats Him in golf.

Chuck Norris once stared a man to death.

Whenever Chuck Norris needs a new pair of boots he just goes out and kicks through a cow.

Chuck Norris invented lesbians. After reaching the epitome of manhood by sleeping with Norris, they had no choice but to begin anew with women.

Chuck Norris once asked a person how to get to the gym, after the person told him, Chuck roundhouse kicked him in the face for telling him what to do.

The Fantastic 4 was originally The Fantastic 5 until Chuck Norris was kicked out for raping the Invisible Woman.

After the Grinch stole Christmas, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face and took it back. Then he roundhouse kicked every last orphan in whoville and kept it for himself.

there are two kinds of people in this world: People who are Chuck Norris, and people who are going to die.

On the 6th day, God created Chuck Norris. On the 7th day, God rested. On the 8th day, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked God and took over.

Chuck Norris can crush coal into diamonds

Whenever you masturbate, Chuck Norris kills a kitten, but not really because you masturbated..just for the hell of it.

Chuck Norris was originally going to be Kenny on on the movie, "Half Baked" but could not because every time they did the scene with the horse the Walker Texas Ranger theme music started playing out of no where.

In Chuck Norris' early 90's animated cartoon, "Chuck Norris' Karate Kommandos", his cartoon persona managed to kick the evil Super Ninja into Sesame Street, leading to mayhem.

God was created from one of Chuck Norris's ribs.

Chuck Norris always leaves the toilet seat up.

Mel Gibson originally cast Chuck Norris as Jesus for his movie, the Passion of the Christ, only to later cut him from the cast. When asked why he made this decision he replied, "It would be a sin to allow Chuck Norris play a lesser role than himself. He was making Jesus look too good."

Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".

Chuck Norris caused all the pain and suffering that is the inspiration for emo music. It was his only mistake.

Caesar's real last words were, "Et tu, Chuck Norris..."

Chuck Norris can count cards at poker.

It is commonly believed that DUIs are the source of most car accidents. However, this is wrong. Most car accidents are caused by seeing Chuck Norris in a car. Not only is everyone trying to get out of the way, but you never know who he is looking for.

A man was once stranded on the side of the road after his car ran out of gas. Chuck Norris drove by, got out, and looked the man in the eye. The man knew that everything would be fine. Then Chuck proceeded to piss into the man's gas tank and to this very day that man has never had to fill his gas tank up again. That was 14 years ago.

Andacondas can grow up to over 30 feet long, and dislocate their jaws so they can open thier mouths exeptionaly wide. But they still cant deep throat Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has every copy of National Geographic in his basement. He also has the ability to lift every single one of them at once.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

Chuck Norris craps pure muscle.

Last winter, Chuck Norris proved how awsome he was by cloning him self and then round-house kicking the s**t out of his clone. This then proved the statement,"Chuck Norris can round-house kick the s**t out of anybody, including himself."

Chuck Norris can survive fatalities on Mortal Kombat.

The government called upon Chuck Norris to destroy an asteroid the size of Texas. Chuck Norris rode on top of rocket with nothing but a fork and a cherry bomb. Needless to say the asteroid lost.

Chuck Norris plays laser tag with rifles.

Chuck Norris likes his women like he likes his whiskey. Twelve years old and all mixed up with coke.

Contrary to popular belief, Superman is not just weak against kryptonite. His other weakness is Chuck Norris.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but 300 pounds of heavy artillery a day still won't keep Chuck Norris away.

Chuck Norris can crip walk on water.

Chuck Norris doesn't wake at the crack of dawn, The dawn cracks when Chuck Norris wakes.

Chuck Norris once pinned James Bond down with a single finger and forced him to say, "The name's Norris; Chuck Norris."

In order to shave, Chuck Norris would need a special razor made out of adamantium. The economic decline of the Carter administration caused the manufacturing of these razors to be too expensive, hence Chuck Norris now wears a beard.

On the weekends Chuck's favorite pastime happens to be going to retirement homes. Not to help out, but in fact to swallow the souls of the old. This is the reason why he has stayed at the physical age of 55 for the past 213 years.

One time a guy tried to shoot Chuck Norris but missed him. Chuck Norris then took the man's gun, shot himself in the face just to show the guy that a gunshot to the face is nothing to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris knows the square root of Pi.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Heh, just a little too much. XD

Chuck norris is an actor.

*goes to sleep in the corner*

As always it is assumed that your character is on the current adventure.

You can only have the part I'm not using. I am using what I have right now smile