Welcome to Gaia! ::

I wrote this a long while ago when I was feeling upset.

I feel pain
it hurts
but its good to feel
it means I know what I'm doing...

When one day I do my best and never get noticed
it hurts
and its bad to feel
it means no one cares.

If another day I make a stupid mistake,
that I know is wrong
but no one sees
it hurts
because I feel stupid...

If the next day
its noticed
but they never see me change it
its even harder
to think I'm good anymore.

When one day
I'm completely ignored
and others are loved
despite their mistakes
despite their lack of pain
despite the fact they have no sweat, no fear of failure...

It kills me inside.

And I wonder why I ever move at all.

It's supposed to be for me
because I love to feel my body sway
and smile through the sharp pain
when my muscles say enough
and I ignore it

But it's meant to be looked at
meant to be 'perfect'
it's supposed to be worthless if it's not done just right.
So why bother if no one wants to see it?

You have some great imagery and metaphors in there, and I love the atmosphere, gnr1988rock. 3nodding

As for yours, kyranna, it's a wonderful poem. It is something most people can identify with, even if they don't show it. You have a bittersweet taste to the poem that pleases the mind.

They're both very good poems. heart

That's a very good haiku. It is pretty rich in imagery. I like the contrast between the connotation of "litter" and "beauty". heart

Trapped!
The walls are closing in!
No hope to escape, no grasp of power!
Oh, that I was free!
The balance upsets the fragile mind!
Oh, that I could escape!
Oh, the mind's pleasure just to reach out!
On the spot, this poem was written,
A quiet ode to the random terror, feeling!
The walls are closing in on me!
No one here to hear me scream!
Power draining out of me!
And then silence.
Oh, sweet silence, wait,
Please hear a word from me!
The reaper's scythe is drawing near!
Oh, to be anywhere but here!
In loud and busy, crowded streets!
Just not here!
And as death draws near.
I'm no longer screaming.
The World is Quiet Here.
And that's all that matters...For now...

I agree. It's good, the language you use is nice, but so many exclamation points actually seem to detract from the overall feeling of panic and urgency. 3nodding
A good poem, I must say. 3nodding

*writes a few lines, scratches them out, then stares helplessly into space*

These are two poems related to my story. The first is a fallen plot concept and a sonnet. The second is a description of the villian.

The Theft of the Rainspact

Arid storms on the desert's rise.
False treatisies, nation's lies.
Flew the bird, southward sea,
To the harbor town.
In the crowds, past man and Boy,
Past the shops, straight down.
Stood a ship, so tall and grand.
A merry Vessel, poised to land.
On the docks, we're just to start,
A tale, near to change the heart,
Wisdom, landing, ready Crew?
We've saved a place for you.
Bustling sea men all about.
We're ready to steal, and take them out,
Although now's not the best of times,
We must go as soon as the church bell chimes
And now we're off! To better times!

The Rebel

The mahogany pure, formed right and straight,
And head of rubber, a bit too late,
The magic came, and death thereafter,
To put an end to Phantom's laughter,

Be careful what you make, son,
In his heart stirs rebellion,
And what you thought could cause no harm,
Is now a cause for great alarm,

Against the demon, against the Maker,
He brought about dimension's breaker,
And now the rebel, small and tough,
I said to him, "That is enough!"

I sealed him in the toughest stone,
In a deep, deep, forest, not alone,
But with the guards, not strong to test,
The Rebel at his very best,

And now they've broken out the seal,
And I can only think to feel,
That that one flush will bring regret,
But, hey, you ain't seen nothing yet...
(!)