Summer is here, and well underway, and I feel my mind drawn in a hundred different directions, but I want to try and get this down because Airyn sometimes seems to be growing so frighteningly fast. She grows like... like a dandelion. I think like a tree, sometimes, at least I do when I wear this body. Trees think slow. And the Earthkeeper thinks even more slowly.
That frightens me, that she's so fast.
She's so grown-up, in ways, and in other ways so young. This second baby, this baby boy, this Guardian of Serenity... I hope she can be a good sister. I know she
can be a good sister. I just hope she wants to be. She's a good girl. I think she will. I know that human children sometimes fight with their siblings, though. Maybe it comes of living so fast, and like dandelions they have to demand their own space, and that's the only way to do it? But then, Sunny is much older than any human, and I've never seen anyone fight like she and Ray do. So maybe I'm wrong, and I'm worrying for nothing.
I want to see what this baby will be like, though. I like the idea of being a mother again. Not again, but being a mother
more. I like the idea that I don't have to be pregnant this time. It still seems to me like flowers and pollen and seeds are a bit simpler.
I worry sometimes about Airyn and her pact and the promised price. I feel like a bad mother for having not been here, and not having been able to do anything about it. I guess it was long enough ago that I should stop worrying about it, but I can't. I should have been here.
Sometimes she's just so... so human. I wear humanity like a skin, but it's not what I am inside, and I don't know what to make of people. They confuse me. And Airyn is human, and she confuses me too, and I'm her mother. Sunny said that Bronnie confuses her all the time, too, but I don't think it's the same thing.
But I love her. I love her with every leaf of this house that shelters her and flower she picks and blade of grass she steps on of my entire being.
I think I'm okay with being confused.
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