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Shorty615

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Posted: Fri Sep 23, 2005 3:43 pm

Gaia Name: Shorty615
Character Name:Akira
Gender: female
Age: 17
Race: Human
Character Description:avi
Home Planet: Naboo
Starting Planet:Naboo
Relations:Father and Mother
Character History:Akira grew up in a wealthy family and lived on Naboo all her life.She learned how to pilot when she was very young.She was tought by a jedi but she is still training to become a jedi master.
Alignment:Republic
Occupation: Jedi
Skills razz iloting,Healing,Dueling
Weapons:Lightsaber(purple),blaster pistol
Ship:Naboo Star Skiff User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.

User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.

Personal Belongings:An astromech droid, and a large sum of money
Roleplay Sample:Akira walks through one of Naboo's cities trying to find a droid to buy for her journey,she stops infront of a human vendor.Hello sir would u happen to have an astromech droid for sale?Akira asks kindly to the vendor.Yes, madam here is our best one.The street vendor says showing her a droid resembling R2-D2
exept red in color.Akira pays the man and walks back to her star skiff with her new droid

Can you extend the RP sample a bit? It's not that bad to make short posts like this in RP, sometimes there's not much more to see, but in the sample, and in RP when you do know enough to say, it's good to make posts of a fair lenght. The rest looks good, so just fix that..
And just a reminder, don't use the sabers/force before visiting the jedi/dark jedi temple
~MrM

Posted: Fri Sep 23, 2005 5:48 pm

Gaia Name: Shining Tidus
Character Name: Hazar Star
Gender: Male
Age: 17
Race: human
Character Description: he has black hair with red highlights, his eyes are brown, he resembles a pretty boy, his build is okay but he is a little skiny.
Home Planet: Dantooine
Starting Planet: Korriban
Relations: His foster dad, aka.(jedi master outcast).
Character History: As a child he lived peacefully in Dantooine with his father and mother. His father was a jedi knight, as in this case when hazar was born hazar had great potiental to become a powerful jedi. But whenever he turned 4 his father had been sent on a mission to spy on the sith and come back with any leads on the sith. His father never came back and was never able to train Hazar.
His mother died of a desease and had one to live with. Hazar was gonna be sold to the huts on Nar Shadaa but a Mysterious Jedi came and bought him from the slave traders. He then was adopted by that jedi, he new Hazar had great potiental to become a worthy jedi.
As years went by hazar became a powerful jedi. Even his foster father was amazed to see such growth in him with the force. His foster dad was a great mentor but was strict. Hazar become arrogrant and careless as he turned 16, he thought he could take on a bounty hunter with mandalorean blood in him. Hazar bout lost his arm that day but the bounty hunter pityed him so he let Hazar go. another year went by and turned 17. He now is on Korriban the sith planet looking for his father that disapeared 13 years ago. Now Hazar is on korriban looking for his father.

Alignment: Republic, light side
Occupation: Jedi
Skills:weapns building, healing, and lightsaber mastery skill

Weapons: Two lightsabers, and a blaster pistol.
Ship: looks like the ebon kawk
Personal Belongings: 3 battle droids, 1 astromech droid, and 3p0 unit.

Roleplay Sample: *Hazar walks on the surface of Dantooine looking out to see if their is any trouble.* hmph...seems like today there isn't any trouble.
* Then two minutes later he heard blaster rifle sounds across the meadow, he then runs to see what the commotion is.*
*hazar creeps up to see who is over there.* What in the world are bounty hunters doing here? Wait, no there is an old guy over there.

Now old man where is that jedi that is here, said one of the bounty hunters.
I'll never tell you where he is, said the old man.
Then get ready to die old man, said one of the bounty hunters.
No you will not hurt him.
*Then Hazar uses force jump to get over were the bounty hunters were.* you leave him alone you scum.
oh yeah who's gonna make us, said the bounty hunters.
Me *then Hazar ignites his lightsaber and attacks them* * Hazar then eliminated all the bounty hunters were from that area* You can go home now
Thank you kind sir, said the old man *the old man than runs home.*

You're improving for sure, but it's still in the rp... you should write it in a different style, without the *'s... This is how I would have written your story (And I'm certainly not the best around here)

example

Hazar made it to Dantooine, finally. It was a long time since he was home but he recognized the planet, it was quiet, as usually, no trouble around. Hazar felt a shock in his body when he heard a blaster rifle being fired, he did not expect that to happen. He ran in the direction the sound came from to investigate, across the meadow. He saw bounty hunters...on dantooine? And there was an old man with them, it seemed they were asking him something...

Now old man where is that jedi that is here, said one of the bounty hunters.
I'll never tell you where he is
Then get ready to die old man

Hazar immidiatly knew what to do, and drew his blaster. The first bounty hunter had a hole in his helmet before he even noticed Hazar. The second turned his rifle from the man and fired in Hazar's direction, but he managed to evande the blast. 3 rounds back at the bounty hunter incapacitaded him, by hitting the bounty hunter in his shoulder. Another round at the wounded, stumbling person to take away his suffering

"You're safe old man, go home.... please. I do not desire any reward, just go"
"Thank you sir...you're too kind.. may the foce be with you

The old man did as Hazar asked... Hazar himself continued his walk to wherever he had to go

see what I mean? just plain text and quoted speech, no *'s. Anyway, it doesn't have to be exactly that style or lenght, but try to get it in this direction a bit, k? Also remember not to use sabers before visitint the (dark) jedi temple please
~MrM

shining_tidus

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~`ero_sennin`~

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Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 7:12 pm

gaia name: naruto126
character name:Jolee Kortan
gender: male
age: 22
race: human
description:bald 5"11 ,blue eyes, average build, has a feeling when something importaint is going to happen.

homeplanet:tatooine
starting planet:tatooine
relations: wife son and daughter
character history:when a young child was a slave was freed when his master died.He then spent time drifting to planet to planet.He found a wife and settled down and had children. He insulted a bounty hunter and in turn his family was slughtered, he then sought to join the jedi to rid the galaxy of evil.
alignment:republic
occupation: jedi
skills: saber skill piloting charm

weapons: lightsaber green bladed and thermal detonaters,and blaster pistol
ship: dragonslayer
personal belongings:R-6D-3 astromech droid
roleplay sample: I just got a lead on where the imperial raids are being planed if i don't stop them countless innocent people will die. so he goes to where his source told him. Hold it right there! I don't want any trouble. Follow me. takes jolee to imperial base. execute him we don't want any witnesses to know where we are. You don't want to kill me you want to stop raiding citys. Fine we will stop raiding towns. You are lucky that I like you we will not execute you you are free to go. Jolee goes back to his ship and flys to ancorhead to have a drink.

UM. No. Go through this application and write it in complete sentences. Keep your tenses the same and for the love of god don't switch from first person to third person point of view in the middle of a sentence. Separate out dialogue, actions and thought. Next, you see that button under the Caps lock button on the left hand side of your keyboard? Do you see the same one under the Enter button on the other side of the keyboard? It's called a SHIFT key. It capitalizes letters. Try learning to use it.
Do it again but do it better.~~~Krome_Devil Ok I fixed it

If this is the fixed version, how bad was it before?...~MrMheck with this I quit

Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2005 8:36 pm

dragonking217
aloki
male
unknown
clone
5 feet,green/brown eyes (they change),a jedi robe,and a stealth field generator

dantooine
nar shadaa
none
once a clone of a bounty hunter he chose the path of a jedi he does not know his rank in jedi yet however.

republic
jedi in training
lightsaber skills,piloting,learning fast (does it count as a skill or should i use sneaking around?)

lightsaber (yes,no,maybe so?),a mining laser,and strength implant (weapon?)
X-Wing User Image

none

*aloki jumped off the building landing on the ground unharmed as he charged for the dark jedi*die sith b*****d!*aloki screamed as he slashed the sith to pieces then he sat down a moment catching his breathe then he got up and waked down the hallway as he fought more and more dark jedis*

1. Where are the questions? you have to put those in your app too....
2. Rp sample? Can be longer, with colors, with spaces between pieces... try looking at some RP in the MRP topics to get an idea of it.
3. Please, a longer, better history

And yes, being a quick student can be a skill, the ability to understand things quickly...clear minded? Anyway, improve this. ~MrM

Wikipedia

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Darth_Ravage

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Posted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 5:40 pm

Modified
Posted later on

Posted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 8:58 pm

dragonking217
regret
gender:male
unknown
sith/cyborg
6 feet,red eyes,and a sith robe

korriban
dantooine
none
a dark jedi regret he is very strong taking many surgeries he has become a cyborg or cybernetic being.

imperial
dark jedi
lightsaber skills,leading squads,hand to hand combat (a.k.a martial arts)

red lightsaber,vibrosword,and a dual laser guns implanted in the palm of his hands.
ship:executioner class command/area control ship
Length - 12,800
Complement - 242,176
Heavy Turbolaser Batteries - 426
Turbolasers Batteries - 946
Laser Cannons Batteries - 2,604
Ion Cannons - 472
Missile Tubes - 1,136
Fighters - 20 Wings
Troops - Up to 1 Legion

lightsaber crystals in his left foot,implants in his right foot which he can transfer to any part of his body,his lightsaber is built into his chest (he also collects lightsabers like general grievous except he only has two arms),and infarared/night vision/X-ray eyes that can change by blinking.

*as regret walked down from the stairs he used his x ray vision to see through the walls as he sall some jedis waiting to attack him so he prepared his lightsaber he then called down a troop to bring in his ship then he opened the door attacking the jedis using his hand to hand combat he placed his lightsaber away jumped in the air wrapping his legs around the jedi's neck and hit the other jedis,took a lightsaber from one of them and sliced all of their heads off*

Try getting on Rp sample accepted before posting the next, please. You can't have a capital ship as your ship, just light cargo ships, fighters and bombers. Capital ships are restricted to higher ranks in certain factionsm you have to earn them~ MrM

Wikipedia

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